Self Defense

The other topic about women wearing revealing outfits and the (incorrect) assertion that the outfits in some way are to blame for sexual assault got me thinking. Folks once again referenced the man or the bear conversation.

When the man/bear topic was first raised, I remember thinking that I would choose the man, of course. But then when I saw so many women choose the bear out of fear of the man, my heart broke.

What if a woman trained herself to be able to fight back? What if instead of living in fear, she took her power back? My children trained in the martial arts, and it truly is amazing what some of the tiniest women were able to accomplish in terms of winning rounds, and in some cases doing serious damage.

In no way am I sayingthat women should have to fight to defend themselves from badly behaved attackers. I just wonder what y’all’s thoughts are regarding living in confidence rather than fear.

ReltvlyCanshes

I'd choose the bear too! Over a woman. Damage can be done in many ways other than physical and knowing what i think i know about bears and what i think i know about women there is no question that people are more dangerous than any animal around.

But, self defense can give you confidence i hope it doesn't give you false confidence because if the unknown. You can never know what a stranger is equipped or prepared to do given the opportunity. The best defense happens long before meeting. Luckily the forums point out attitudes you should avoid, so reading the small percentage of people who comment in here can give you an indication of the commenting individual and those who use the same language when speaking to others.

I know women who have studied self-defense and it is empowering. But they are also no less cautious than women who have not.

Vocalist100

Not being a woman I can't even begin to conceive of what it must be like to prefer the bear, to have such fear that something like that would happen that you end up having to look at just about every strange man with suspicion. Even the likelihood of such happening is small for any given man (I'd like to think most men are pretty decent when it comes to how they treat others), over a woman's lifetime I am aware that many women are assaulted (and worse). And unfortunately, there's not a lot a man can do to assuage those fears, since the ones who would try to assuage aren't the one's who would do the assaulting (and the ones who are prone to assault aren't likely to listen to guys trying to get them to stop). It's a way too complex subject that (to me) has no real solution.

Although I try to live my life free of any kind of fear (or regret or worry - that's the Buddhist in me), I can't even say for sure that I wouldn't feel differently if I was a woman.

Katelyn_B

I have advanced training in both Judo and MMA and still practice the latter regularly in addition to going to the gym. When I was a pro wrestler, I also did a lot of recreational catch wrestling with some of the other students. (Mostly large, strong men who were kind to me since it about learning and fun rather than competition.)

I got started in MMA back in the 90s when there was still a lot of resistance to women training in that modality, just as I started lifting weights in the 70s (at home with my dad) when many gyms, including the fitness center at my college , would not allow women to train. (That was before my time but they put up a plaque honored the people who hot that sumb rule changed.) So as a 60 yo woman, I feel like I am fairly qualified to chime in on this.

I think every woman should at minimum learn some basic self defense and drill a few basic techniques that would allow her to get away from and at least momentarily disable a stronger, larger possibly trained attacker. She should do these few techniques just like brushing her teeth so they become well-oiled reflexes she will do if she is startled, surprised, or someone tries to make her freeze by screaming at her.

That said, I have never thought training was a panacea or would always keep me safe. Anyone can walk up to you and pepper spray you or have some nefarious plan, so the first step in self defense is common sense about who you decide to be alone with or allow into your life. But if you do need to defend yourself, why not have some training?

CharlieBear

I think knowing how to defend yourself is always better than not knowing. It’s something that would hopefully not ever have to be put into use, but I feel like not knowing gives this feeling like we think we could still defend ourselves, when things could actually go so horribly wrong for us, especially when the attacker knows how to defend themselves (and really, they may have experience being aggressive like that and may even avoid people they don’t see as easy targets…oof). So yeah, it’s something I want to learn. I at least have my size going for me, though I know that’s not much I should be relying on.

TenderEmbraces

I was reading comments from some women cuddlers I think at least one was a Pro that mentioned leaving a session in bruises from being held so tight. That STILL resonates with me as I cannot imagine being bruised coming out of a cuddle situation. I am very concerned for any woman who is having to deal with this trying to make a couple of dollars here.

supadupa

Fingers in the eye, punch them in the throat fight back do anything. Just found out a cuddler I know was assaulted!! And she has normal photos, wears big tee shirts and sweat pants when cuddling, always platonic and still attacked! So damn sad! Evil bastards! Girls, protect yourself with sprays and tasers. Even if no pepper spray put bleach in a small spray bottle. Who cares if it causes permanent damage, they deserve it. Spray it in their mouth. They deserve nothing less permanent damage! Damn them to h*ll

justjennn

I think of this so often. Both my girls and myself have been SA'ed, more than once. Self defense and situational awareness are huge things that we need up our skills in. Man/bear convos are hard when your SA abusers were the same gender as you. I also see male clients who were SA'ed by women. Self defense in general needs to be more accessible to all people. I truly believe it should be taught in school. Accessing the self defense classes in our area is so far out of my budget for a family of three, on a single mom income, that it feels completely unattainable. Thank goodness for some simple YouTube tutorials.

Ironman294

Krav magra is the most practical self defense to learn. Most real life situational way to protect yourself that regardless of gender and weight will help the most. Also keys and nails anything use it to smash their head! All you need is a few seconds sometimes to get out of the situation

SheaBear36

I enjoy cooking and prefer using my cast-iron skillet, like Rapunzel in the movie Tangled. I've been told that I have a powerful right hook, which I developed as a way to defend myself due to childhood abuse. Unfortunately, this has often led people to find me intimidating, both men and women, possibly because of my personality.

Katota

I enjoy cooking and prefer using my cast-iron skillet

😁😁😁

It's good that you mentioned cast iron skillets, your comment pleasantly caused another flashback "Mama Moment" for me. Lol 😁

@SheaBear36 As a child going out "visiting" (that is a Mama term growing up, which is true we did it a lot back then 😁) with my Mother, we would mostly visit black people (my mother wasn't too open of forming friendships with those who weren't black, so yeah...🤷) mainly black women that she was acquainted with (many of them have passed on to glory now😇) and I noticed that MANY of these women had cast iron skillets sitting out on their stove tops. They weren't cooking or "in the middle" of cooking whenever we stopped by either, they were just sitting there on their stovetops...As a child I thought that was odd🤔, plus Mama kept all her pots and pans stored away in cabinets until she needed them, not out on her stovetop at home.😊

So as we were departing one these women's houses, being curious I just outright asked Mama,
"Why is there always a pan on her stove, she ain't cooking nothing?"

Mama replies, "Those pans are heavy and get tiresome of pulling it out all the time, just easier to leave it setting on the stove..."

My response was " Ohh, I see..."

But Mama had more to say in her answer...☝️😌

"And uhh...Cast iron skillets make for a good weapon when you need it too, so ya stove top is as good a storage place as any to keep it! Reach it, pull it and swing it at the first head you see!"

😜🍳

I asked this to Mama, "Who head is SHE swinging at?"

In her annoyance, Mama replied,
"Anybody that's got a head to swing at, Katota!"
"Shut up, with the questions now!"

😄😄😄

I am an expert in karate but recently got beat up by three thugs while I was taking off my shoes and socks.

SheaBear36

@Katota lol

Darkeyed_male

Be kind, be firm.

You're defending your character and your vessel. Martial arts give you confidence..that's everything. The monks know this.

Mental discipline, physical assurance. Practice both.

Be protected in your mind. Your goal is to disable an attackers flawed motivation. Act in those terms. This simple adjustment will give you the edge. Think. Do not allow yourself to be scared, afraid, or any of the lower vibrations that lead to hate.

starrynitecuds

I'm with @Ironman294 . Many people mistake self-defense for fighting. Self-defense isn't a karate or wrestling match, there's no rules, the other person doesn't use the same style.
My dad taught me dirty street fighting, fight to kill, not just stun. When the adrenaline rush hits, you're at your strongest. Don't stop and think about maneuvers, just keep fighting.

TeddyCuddle45

As someone who has been assaulted, yeah it happens to guys i just dont use it as a crutch. Anything you can do to avoid being a victim is a no brainer. So when people complain about oh why should I dress this that way, its not victim blaming. I still watch how i dress for certain things. You can't avoid all the creeps no matter what they will be there, but if you can do things to prevent drawing their attention, why wouldn't you? , I get it I'm a man and a fairly sizeable one at that, with a lot of time spent learning to defend myself, or other people. I've grown up in the worst areas, I learned how to carry myself so as not to be a victim, im hyper vigilant, always paying attention and using reflections to my advantage. I stand a chance on my own, and have done so many times, these days I'm a pacifist, i dont get physical unless needed and there is no route of escape, living in a country with no self defense rights, you better sure as hell know what to do when the situation arises. I'd rather take an assault charge for defending myself, then be dead. Your life comes first no matter what, someone attacks me I'm not playing games. Also most people won't get involved or help anymore, so you are on your own. People in the states don't realize how lucky they are to have some of the rights they do, granted every state is different but you can still have something for self defense. Sometimes to avoid a predator you have to learn how to think like one, use your environment to your advantage, I'm going for eyes. I'm ripping throats, ears, I'm biting off fingers, anything is a weapon, and I'm using it. Savage an brutal, yes, but that's how it goes sometimes.