Recommended Cuddle Comfort Core Value Statement

dennis22554

I recently discovered an excerpt in a public profile that I think should serve as the foundation for a Cuddle Comfort core value statement as noted below:

“Cuddling is a wonderful respite from the chaos, meanness and hypocrisy of the outside world. There is nothing better than an embrace from a warm human being to be reassured that sometimes you can find a space devoid of agendas and ego and just be…nothing more. “

This brilliant statement captures the essence of what CC represents to many, a diverse sanctuary free of the hostility in the everyday world where people can connect through touch and conversation in a discrimination free environment. To me–it is a sanctuary I truly love! I have diverse conversations with a wide range of individuals establishing real connections on more than one occasion as well as a very special relationship with one member! It’s a place I can visit and actually breathe.

But, despite my mostly positive experiences, the forums can be a little challenging at times. One of my most common questions when meeting someone the first time online is, “Do you ever post or read the CC forums? An answer I receive far too frequently is “No–they are too hostile!--too much drama.” I am no expert, but I believe part of the problem is due to a misunderstanding of what diversity encompasses. It's more than the many excellent forum postings addressing sexual orientation and culture–sometimes I think forum members forget. Diversity also includes backgroundIt as well as other elements

CC members join the CC community for a multitude of reasons, each one with their own unique background. What’s the subset of long time core members who jump to attack anytime a topic differs from their belief of what a proper post should be (I assume everyone knows hatred or sexually offensive posts should never be tolerated). People post for different reasons and there many CC related and non-cc related topics that are equally entertaining.

I post because it exercises my brain after suffering a stroke and more than a few brain seizures (no sympathy–cancer survivors are the real heroes), plus it makes me and some others happy. The members that attack due grammatical errors, because they feel superior and fault free (I find those individuals are insecure and typically hiding something) as well as other reasons. It's easy to make fun of someone if you are part of a pack. What is really shameful is when an attack includes a profile name when it is thought the attacked member is not present in the form.

In closing, I would just like to suggest when offense is taken to a given post—why not first reach out to the member to express your objection respectfully. I’ve seen many times where replies are sent before fully reading the post thereby causing friction. I value the forums as a place to share thoughts discrimination free. If we took the time to self reflect before the rush to troll, ban, insult others the CC maybe forum section can truly become a sanctuary welcoming of all diverse backgrounds and live up to the core value statement if adopted!!

TxTom

I'm just here for the cuddles.

BrianOcean

@dennis22554

I think this was an extremely thoughtful post on your part and you obviously put care and time into communicating your message.

We could always all do better and try to be nicer but I think much of this is a matter of perspective in my opinion.

I don't see this forum as "Hostile" in any way and don't see disagreeable responses toward me as "attacks"

Others may have a life experience that causes them to be more sensitive to what they see hear and I would not try to tell them how to feel or think about what they see.

I would say- just try to take these forums for what they are. A place where people give their opinons-

I see many diverse opinons- on almost every post.

That might help those who feel they are not being welcomed.

Jubal

I'm just here for the cuddles.

This would be a perfect "core statement" for the site. Simple and direct like Microsoft's original "vision statement" ("A computer on every desk and in every home").

TheFunCartel

@dennis22554 I am glad you communicated your physical difficulties to the community. I think you will find most of the community can understand someone suffering the aftermath of a stroke and the challenges it presents especially with language and communication. I am so happy you decided to do that after we discussed it. People will understand, at least those worth knowing. Now it’s up to this community to follow up on the compassion.

dennis22554

I want to thank everyone that sent me a private IM--hopefully CC adopts a core statement that members can support

dennis22554 God bless you, I agree 💯 diversity, diversity, diversity! Too much hate, too much criticizing, I am all for it but some are regardless going to be offended. I took care of my Dad who suffered 2 strokes and a brain aneurysm God rest his soul🙏I applaud you for doing things to engage your mind! Now I take care of my 85 year old mamma and Lord knows I feel the need for this community more than people know! I’m stressed 24/7 with my life situation so when I come to CC forums or have a session my stress level drops 110%. And with the haters it goes back up! So thank you for that wonderful post. I am hopeful again that there exist kindness here on CC🙏

dennis22554

I appreciate your reply and commend you for taking care of your parents.....people should reach out to a person directly if there is a concern before puplicakly attacking them..everyone has their own story

pmvines

One person's hostility is another person's peace. There are loads of people with varying degrees of personalities and what they are able to emotionally tolerate vary greatly..in fact, some might call this comment hostile and argumentative while others see it as just a simple thought or opinion being typed out and sent into the interwebs. So when I hear people say the forums are hostile I always take it with a spoonful of salt because you can't please everybody nor can you make accommodations for every variation of sensitivities. Much like you can't expect a mini mart to not carry nuts or honey buns because people have nut allergies and diabetes.

That being said I do try to reflect when I feel my tone is a certain way or when I feel I'm too critical. Sometimes bad days will make even the friendliest person act like an ass. And if I genuinely am in the wrong and cross a line with something I apologize and try to make amends and not repeat it.

Katota

I'm just here for the cuddles.

@TxTom 👍👍👍

Katota

One person's hostility is another person's peace. There are loads of people with varying degrees of personalities and what they are able to emotionally tolerate vary greatly..in fact, some might call this comment hostile and argumentative while others see it as just a simple thought or opinion being typed out and sent into the interwebs.

@pmvines 😁👍

frankparker9

I do see why some people find the forums a bit scary. There are some basic rules of interacting without creating needless conflicts, like assuming good intentions, and I’ve had a couple really bad interactions in the forum where one or two people attacked my character over little or nothing, and really doubled down. Each time, I took a break from the forums for a while (weeks or months), and I received supportive direct messages from other users who appreciated what I wrote and my efforts to keep things level-headed.

That said, as far as the mission statement, I think it’s different strokes for different folks! Not everyone wants to just “be,” or interact with someone who is acting as if they are devoid of ego, though I think some of that is nice. Some people want to talk, try different things, and explore their own and the other person’s personality. Ironically, claiming a certain statement of goals and values ought to be universal leaves less room for diversity (which is an ostensible goal, though not actually mentioned in the core value statement). Not everyone mentally labels the “outside world” as chaotic and mean, either, even though there is plenty of suffering and atrocity in the world and always has been.

Don’t get me wrong, cuddling changed my life at a time when I needed reassurance that people weren’t all inauthentic meanies. But there is a lot to the outside world. There is nature—is that a prime example or order, or chaos? Cooperation, or competition? What about people walking down the street, are they good or bad? Potential friends or likely hypocritical jerks? Most of what we see is projection. And if “the outside world” is code for “social media,” rearrange your environment. The Internet is a nice place to visit but a horrible place to live.

I just had to play devil’s advocate there.

pmvines

Personally I don't feel like it's fair to say that just because somebody interacts a certain way with someone means it's bad or negative. If someone saw my son and I have a conversation they might think we are arguing. However that's just the way we are with each other and it's not arguing at all. It's not fair to say this is correct and this is not. Public interwebs,and there is already a good deal of self policing on the forums. Can't accommodate everybody who gets bothered or upset over something. It's not a far stretch to say we could all be a little nicer. And the trash will eventually take itself out. But we can't accommodate for all levels of sensitivity to conflict.

Cadawin

@frankparker9 @pmvines, you said it well on both parts. People are people, and the only thing I can do is control my interaction with them. The other person has/knows their intent, but my perception/understanding etc all come based from my life experiences and when so and so from the cafe a month ago was rude to me does not mean everyone at a cafe is rude

Darkeyed_male

Cuddle Comfort,
There really is a path to peace.

dennis22554

At a minimum making a negative statement about another member calling them out by user name when they are not present is defamatory..rude and childish..

pmvines

We can all agree that being a good human is better than not