Transgender Day of Remembrance

IronicMaiden

Today, November 20, is the Transgender Day of Remembrance.

Transgender Day of Remembrance was created in 1999 by transgender advocate Gwendolyn Ann Smith as a vigil to honor the memory of Rita Hester, a Black trans woman who was killed through an act of anti-trans violence in 1998. Gwendolyn described Transgender Day of Remembrance as a day that, “…seeks to highlight the losses we face due to anti-transgender bigotry and violence. I am no stranger to the need to fight for our rights, and the right to simply exist is first and foremost. With so many seeking to erase transgender people -- sometimes in the most brutal ways possible -- it is vitally important that those we lose are remembered, and that we continue to fight for justice.”

The Human Rights Campaign has compiled this list of 28 trans- and non-binary people killed in 2024.

Also notably in the news was the death of Nex Benedict (he/they) after being attacked and beaten in the girls' bathroom in school. Despite their pronouns, they were legally required to use the girls' bathroom, because their birth certificate said F. The death was ruled a suicide, but the constant bullying as well as the beating were undoubtedly factors.

41% of LGBTQ+ youth seriously considered attempting suicide in the past year and one in five – 20% -- did attempt suicide. While this does not explicitly separate out transgender youth, I don't think that would significantly change the percentages. And since the only real preventative is acceptance from family and community, it's only going to get worse.

Removed last link. Being seen as political and I think that's a reasonable perspective. [/Mark]

Mr_Cuddle_Bear

@IronLemon "While this does not explicitly separate out transgender youth, I don't think that would significantly change the percentages."

I disagree. I think the percentages would be quite a bit higher if you only look at transgender youth.

IronicMaiden

@Mr_Cuddle_Bear It wouldn't surprise me if you're right.

SuperManCuddles

@IronLemon Happy Transgender 🏳️‍⚧️ Day of Remembrance!!! My empathy goes out to those that have/are still currently suffering from the impact of discrimination.

Happy Transgender Day of Remembrance to all of those who have chosen to be who they really are. I wish you strength, peace and happiness.🫡

JazzyPants

IronicMaiden

@SuperManCuddles @gem7 Not exact a happy day, but the thought is appreciated.

4cuddles

@IronLemon thanks 4 this post.

cuudledragon

Thank you for posting this!

ReltvlyCanshes

I understand and remember

IronicMaiden

I just finished watching Disclosure (on Netflix), a film about trans representation in media, both good and (mostly) bad. It's worth watching. It also reinforces that most murders of trans people are of black trans women.

supadupa

Yeah it’s crazy black trans women are mostly killed by their domestic partners whom are black men

https://translash.org/articles/confronting-black-mens-roles-in-the-murders-of-black-transgender-women-may-be-the-only-way-to-save-our-lives/

CuddleBreeze4

Hate in all forms is wrong.

I have a hard time reconciling all the self-harm that happens in the trans community. If we compare the murder rate to the suicide rate, I imagine the 28 individuals is low compared to the suicide number.

I really don't know, and I am going to ask a question that will create a lot of judgment. This is not my intent, but it is something I want to ask for in order to gain udersganding. Is the suicide rate more tied to the lack of societal acceptance or self-acceptance?

For instance, with Covid, discrimination against Asians skyrocketed. It amplified the lack of acceptance for many in this community. But, I can't think of a correlating tension towards oneself. I wonder how self-acceptance plays into this. And how it can be improved.

Should any sexual desires should be encouraged before and during puberty? For instance, saying to a boy, “You look good in a dress” and “What do you think your wife will look like?” influences the child differently from who they really are. Nothing said is better than something said; I don't know.

Or is my premise wrong and trans people like themselves more than I am giving them credit for?

I'm not looking for hate here, but I'm looking to understand something I don't know much about.

IronicMaiden

@CuddleBreeze4 It's the dysphoria and the lack of acceptance.

People keep calling you by a name that isn't yours, and you have to answer. You have to wear clothing that isn't yours, that doesn't fit you. Every time you look in a mirror, there's a stranger looking back at you. You're always being misgendered. You know your entire life is a lie. And if you try to fix it, if you try to be who you really are, you can suffer discrimination, harassment, and assault. You can lose friends. Children often end up kicked out of the house and disowned by their parents. Resources are denied to you, just because you're transgender. In a lot of places, you don't know anyone you can go to, you don't know anywhere that will take you in. Life is completely hopeless.

It's worse than playing a role in a play. You have to pretend all day every day. That takes a lot of energy, and no one supports you.

Should any sexual desires should be encouraged before and during puberty? For instance, saying to a boy, “You look good in a dress” and “What do you think your wife will look like?” influences the child differently from who they really are.

Being transgender has nothing to do with sexuality. It's gender expression. And yes, we live in a cisheteronormative society. Just openly being willing to accept people who are LGBT makes a huge difference. A lot of LGBT people grow up with parents and friends being virulently anti-LGBT, and they know they have to hide themselves.

Or is my premise wrong and trans people like themselves more than I am giving them credit for?

Trans people love themselves when we can be who we are.

Gender-affirming care can improve mental health outcomes in transgender youth

The study followed 104 transgender and nonbinary youth, ages 13 to 20, over the span of twelve months as they received care at the Seattle Children’s Gender Clinic. Those who received gender-affirming hormones or puberty blockers had 60% lower odds of depression and 73% lower odds of self-harm or suicidal thoughts.

TheFunCartel

@IronLemon Thank you for this thread and thank you to the haters who refrained from tearing down this thread. Anytime a member of a marginalized or minority group of people offers their experience, knowledge and perspective I see it as an opportunity to learn and understand. You do not have to agree with everything—that is not what tolerance is about—but you should see whoever it is as a person with their own unique ideas and perspectives instead of taking it as an opportunity to bait and ridicule.

JohnR1972

and thank you to the haters who refrained from tearing down this thread.

I really feel like “haters” should be paying you rent for living inside of your head. 😂

NOBODY was, or is, hating on this thread. Anyone who may disagree with something stated in this thread chose not to engage. “Live and let live”.

But here you go again baiting people who may disagree by calling them “haters” and starting crap that didn’t need to be started even if you did it under the guise of “thanking” the haters.

That is a backhanded compliment just like telling someone you haven’t seen in a while, “you aren’t as ugly as you used to be.” Gee, thanks for the “compliment” 🤦‍♂️

TheFunCartel

NOBODY was, or is, hating on this thread.

I never said anyone was. I was mentioning how peaceful the thread was as opposed to past results on other threads regarding this subject. But your need to pontificate on this shows who really needs to pay rent for living in your head. I didn’t say who was a hater but apparently that hit home for you.

pmvines

This is not a day I knew existed but thank you for sharing about it. My son in a rainbow child with a long term transgender partner. I'll be sure to let them know about it.

JohnR1972

instead of taking it as an opportunity to bait and ridicule.

This is exactly what you did. You could have said “thank you to everyone for not derailing this thread” but you instead chose to label some as “haters” and yes, I have been mentioned by name and accused of being a “hater” in previous threads. I would post a screenshot but I know how triggering screenshots are to some on this thread so I will voluntarily refrain.

pmvines

@JohnR1972
Hate to say it but you are turning into that guy who seems to feel a need to jump in on the trans threads every time to plead why you don't feel you're a hater while making defensive/offensive comments. Makes you seem kinda like a, well, hater.

Also seem a bit preoccupied with a certain trans site member...

You are the one derailing btw. This is a thread honoring people who have been harmed due to being transgender. What are you trying to prove here with your interjections? If it isn't something you relate to or are concerned with then cool, but there are obviously other people who have interest in this topic. We are all too old for this shit.

IronicMaiden

@TheFunOne @pmvines Thank you. I'm surprised and gratified that this thread has mostly been free of the hostility that has infected all the other threads about transgender people that I've seen.

zalea

Thank you for this thread @IronLemon!!

@CuddleBreeze4 everyone's story is different but I can share some of my experience if it helps! Transition felt like jumping off a cliff, leaving the safety and comfort of a societally acceptable role for something you have no idea what will look like on the other side. It felt really terrible that while none of my friend were "haters", almost all of them drifted away because it was too weird or awkward to deal with. Other things that stressed me out were thinking about how my family would react, as well as how difficult it might be to travel to places that aren't lgbtq friendly (being thrown into a culture war kind of sucks 😭). Not to mention the constant body horror and the existential distress of having missed out on life because those years I spent as something I didn't want to be, I'll never get back. I definitely had many low moments where I wanted to rage quit life rather than keep trying.

Given all this, you might wonder why transition at all if it seems so miserable. But it's not really a choice. The alternative is knowingly living life as a lie (the common metaphor here is the red pill vs blue pill from the matrix).

Okay to end on a less depressing note here's a song from a movie that helped inspire me to transition 😊

CuddleBreeze4

@IronLemon this is helpful. And appreciate you sharing so much. I'm not familiar with trans a whole lot. So you sharing helps me understand.

The dysphoriayou mention seems at odds with Trans people love themselves when we can be who we are.

When I was younger I wish I had a more cool name. There are times I have been overweight and don't like the person in the mirror as much. While I'm not big on make up I know for some women they feel naked with out it.

I just have a hard time reconciling these items. What am I missing?

Again appreciate all your help are sharing.

IronicMaiden

@CuddleBreeze4 You have it backwards. Dysphoria is from not being who you are. When you know you're a woman but every time you look in the mirror, all you see is a man. It's not an image you're unhappy with, it's an image that isn't you.

The Gender Dysphoria Bible has information on all types of dysphoria, including physical and social.

IronicMaiden

@zalea I'm glad you were able to transition and that you're happier now. And still alive.

In a way, I was lucky. Enough bad stuff happened when I was a child that I had to completely bury myself. I was never really aware of the dysphoria except that I hated looking in the mirror. I was in a good place when I realized. I had no anti-LGBT friends (very deliberately). The communities I was part of were pro-LGBT. My workplace was pro-LGBT. My parents are pro-LGBT. The place I lived was pro-LGBT or at least LGBT friendly. It would have been a lot different if I lived in one of the many LGBT-hostile states.

I am in total awe of those who were/are able to transition to their real self. The decision to do it itself had to be gut wrenching knowing the difficulties that lay ahead. Your strength is inspiring to me.
It saddens me that a Remembrance Day is needed to recognize the losses endured because of violence, bigotry and just plain cruelty by ignorant and weak people.

CuddleBreeze4

@IronLemon thank you! I need to understand Dysphoria more.

I'm an outsider. Specific to @TheFunCartel I believe this person stirred the pot a little. For @JohnR1972 to stir it up some more.

@pmvines appreciate you speaking here too. As a parent, what do you wish others understood more?

CuddleBreeze4

@zalea appreciate you sharing your experiences too. Thank you.

IronicMaiden

A recent article.

Anti-Transgender Laws Cause up to 72% Increase in Suicide Attempts Among Transgender and Nonbinary Youth, Study Shows