Married Pro Cuddle

durantpianodurantpiano
in General

So, I had my very first cuddle session. She was nice and polite. While we’re midway into the cuddle session, she mentions her husband…. Immediately I felt weird. I’m cuddling another man’s wife. Even though she said he’s fine with her doing this. Awkward! Why doesn’t this app include the Pro cuddles marital status?

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Comments

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan Mod

    Because it's not awkward. Cuddling is platonic.

    It's common and entirely unremarkable for professionals to be married or in serious relationships. Clients and enthusiasts too. Whether or not a professional is married isn't a Thing.

    It feels awkward to many people because there is a very strange but very widespread unspoken belief that cuddling is not platonic. Yet it's acceptable to cuddle children, animals, dying relatives, sports buddies, etc.

    Anyway, congratulations on your first cuddle session!

  • durantpianodurantpiano

    Thanks, it was nice up until that part… If it were irrelevant why do they list it for non pro, but omit it from professional cuddles? I wouldn’t have booked a plutonic cuddle with a married person… This is a valid suggestion aye? 😅

  • xandriarainxandriarain

    @durantpiano, for many of us, this work is our career or at least a large source of income; it's not a little side gig we just quit when we get into a serious relationship. At the end of the day, you are hiring a professional to provide a service. Would it bother you if your doctor, talk therapist, or massage therapist were married? I think the bigger question is, why does the relationship status of the cuddle professional you hire matter to you?

  • Carrie_AnneCarrie_Anne
    edited March 10

    There are mixed feelings about married Cuddlers here, everyone has a different opinion and it’s important to be respectful of that.
    But since Pros cuddle “everyone”, relationship status isn’t usually relevant.
    Here’s a practical example though: if that status could affect the session in any way - as in cuddling at a residence that is shared with a SO - well most of us would want to know about that…

  • TD1964RGKTD1964RGK

    It seems to me that two understandable perspectives may be meeting here.

    From the professional side, if cuddling is understood as a strictly platonic, professional service, then a practitioner’s relationship status wouldn’t necessarily be relevant—much like with massage therapists or other touch-based professionals. Fair point.

    At the same time, some cuddles may still experience cuddling as physically or emotionally intimate, even while fully understanding that it is meant to be platonic. Those two ideas don’t necessarily conflict, since they describe different things: “platonic” refers to the absence of romance or sexuality, while “intimate” can simply refer to physical closeness or human connection.

    Because of that, it may not be surprising that people sometimes come to the experience with slightly different expectations or mental frames, especially the first time.

    Seen in that light, the original suggestion about disclosure may have been less a criticism of the profession and more a thought about how newcomers process the experience, while the responses here reflect the community’s effort to maintain the framing of cuddling as a professional, platonic service. Can we acknowledge that it is intimate (i.e., physically close, emotionally connective) as well? 🤔

    Both perspectives seem understandable, and discussions like this probably help clarify things for everyone.

  • durantpianodurantpiano

    @TD1964RGK You summed this up ever so eloquently!!! 🎯🎯🎯

  • CuddlingforlifeCuddlingforlife

    I think the problem isn't with the pro.. but with you. I think you need to self evaluate why this bothered YOU so much.

    Soooo many ppl ppl cuddle married, partnered and it's ok with their significant others.

    I'm married and my hubby 💯 supports me.

    Good luck..

    I hope you didn't give her a bad review for your own stress.

  • xandriarainxandriarain

    @TD1964RGK I 100% agree that Cuddle therapy is intimate. But we can also be intimate with friends, family, pets, etc., in a platonic way without it having any bearing on our relationship status. In my experience when a client expressed discomfort around the idea of me being in a relationship or dating etc they often were jealous or wanted to imagine that we were a couple while cuddling etc.

  • durantpianodurantpiano

    @Cuddlingforlife I gave a 5 star review… You’re “projecting”… that type of response and energy is what the world needs less of. Empathy should be the top of your list of “needs improvement”. Much love and keep it positive. ☀️

  • CuddlingforlifeCuddlingforlife

    @durantpiano truth isn't projection. Self evaluation is self awareness is self care. Try it.

    May you have the day you deserve.

  • durantpianodurantpiano

    @xandriarain it could be a semi-ethical boundary. The best example is I hug married women from the side, not two arms as I would feel more comfortable with a single woman. It is layered and requires a different scope and perspective…

  • tacpmurgtacpmurg
    edited March 10

    Shoulda asked the husband to join in! Cuddle sandwich

  • Brant76Brant76

    Before we make too many assumptions and say the poster has ulterior motives and that is why they want a single cuddler, we need to keep in mind it could be related to his faith. Some may interpret cuddling with someone else’s spouse as not being inline with their faith and how they personally interpret it.

    That’s not to say anything negative about the cuddler either, but maybe a lesson learned by the poster that he needs to ask about this before arranging a cuddle session.

  • LilyAnneNovaLilyAnneNova
    edited March 10

    I think the real issue here is men hoping it will be more than platonic. I recently had this guy, who’s already been banned, ask if he could kiss me during the session, and then go on and on about me being totally his type. Even after I clearly stated absolutely not my type, never gonna happen, and I’m seeing multiple men that are my type. Then of course he wants to go into, why are they your type…. Seriously dude.
    degrading portion removed - Stormy

    @durantpiano I wouldn’t want pros relationship status added because it’s irrelevant if everyone is behaving properly. If it really matters to you, you can ask next time and see what they say. If a guy asked me that question, I would ask why are you asking.

  • durantpianodurantpiano

    @LilyAnneNova nah, that’s not the vibe. See my response about side hugs vs front hugs… Married status plays a part and respect… I’d be interested is how these married guys allow for another man to cuddle next to their wives.😳 Maybe it’s just me and I’m the odd male in the group…

  • durantpianodurantpiano

    @Brant76 spot on! And thanks for exercising empathy to understand my perspective. 🎯😊

  • LilyAnneNovaLilyAnneNova

    @durantpiano I added to my previous post in response to something else you said earlier. Again if that is super important to you, just communicate that to whoever you want to meet with and see what they say.
    I already got that it’s not the vibe for you, but it is for many of the men here, not just the one I was mentioning.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    @durantpiano Was this session at her place or yours?

  • TichantoPTichantoP

    I agree that the relationship status is irrelevant and there’s certainly no need to have it posted on a Pro’s page.

    If you are scheduling with someone and have concerns you should ask questions. If it’s important to you and your comfort, then ask them.

    But I would be prepared for a Professional to raise an eyebrow at being asked that question, and possibly reconsider the appointment.

  • TD1964RGKTD1964RGK

    @xandriarain Yes — completely agree that intimacy comes in many different forms and degrees. People can look at the same situation and see it differently.

    For example, imagine the following…

    They met a few years ago through work and quickly discovered that conversations between them had a different quality than the ones they had with almost anyone else. When they talked, hours passed without either noticing. They spoke about things most people rarely say out loud—old fears, private doubts, childhood memories, moments of failure they were still trying to understand. Each seemed able to say things to the other that they had never managed to articulate even to their closest friends.

    When they met in person, they would hug briefly hello and goodbye, the way old friends do. Sometimes when they walked together through the city, their hands would find each other for a few moments without much thought, the gesture simply reflecting quiet companionship, nothing romantic. Mostly they sat across from one another at a café or on a park bench, talking softly for hours.

    They knew the rhythms of each other’s lives: the stresses at work, the private hopes they rarely shared with anyone else, the things that kept them awake at night. If something significant happened—good news, bad news, a difficult decision—each was often the first person the other wanted to tell. They trusted each other with the parts of themselves that were still unfinished or uncertain.

    Nothing about their relationship was sexual, and neither of them ever suggested it should be. Yet the connection between them was intense in a quieter way: a sense of being deeply seen and understood.

    For some people, if their spouse or partner were in that relationship, they might feel very uncomfortable. For others, it would not bother them at all. For some people, building that kind of relationship with someone who is married might feel wrong; for others, it would feel completely acceptable.

    Platonic intimacy can affect different people differently based on many complex factors. Personally, I find it more constructive to acknowledge and respect those differences rather than assume there must be bad motives behind them. 🙂

  • KrishaKrisha

    @durantpiano Completely agree with you !

  • AL3XGage_06AL3XGage_06

    Someone booking a pro and being concerned about the relationship status of the pro just raises all kinds of red flags.

    A pro is a provider of services. It's a simple reasonable safeguard that they withold any information from a client which doesn't directly impact their ability to conduct the session. Whatever else is going on in the life of the Pro except the specific details they've elected to share is not the business of their clients to be asking.

    The only way I could see relationship impacting a session is if the client has intent beyond the agreed platonic limitations.

  • durantpianodurantpiano

    @AL3XGage_06 Empathy and Perspective require you to leave your bias or opinion aside and seek understand… Kindly, read through the thread for expanded context.☀️

  • durantpianodurantpiano
    edited March 11

    removed probably unfairly. -Stormy

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel
    edited March 10

    Yeah I do agree with @durantpiano @Krisha and a few others on here. Just because he felt awkward does not mean he is being non-platonic. If that were the case there are some pros who need to calibrate their profiles because they state they do not cuddle married individuals. A person’s status doesn’t matter to me but people have preferences and those need to be respected as well because a preference is a boundary. Don’t like the preference? Then don’t take that person as a client or for a client, find another pro. Pretty simple stuff and it’s what the community is built on—respect. We all have preferences and we all appreciate when someone respects those preferences and doesn’t criticize you for having them when you cuddle. I have preferences stated explicitly and implied on my profile. I had one pro block me and unfriend me because she didn’t like the preference and that’s ok.

    Also, some preferences are innate and defy explanation. For some it is a smell that repels them. Others are environmental such as being brought up in a household where the sanctity of marriage was a monolithic concept not subject to debate or examination or even an acceptance that relationships fall on a spectrum. The thought of cuddling someone in a relationship brings unexplained feelings of shame, guilt or a million other anxiety filled feelings to some such as @durantpiano . And those feelings can be religious or secular. But to dismiss their concerns and say it shouldn’t matter because this a platonic endeavor to a new cuddler is intolerance in practice and is missing the boat completely. He said he felt “awkward”. You cannot help how your feelings react when you encounter something for the first time that is not the norm in your world. There is nothing wrong with him. To me he encountered something that was unexpected and it made him feel awkward. My god, awkwardness happens to everyone at some point in their lives! He doesn’t have anything to apologize for and the problem isn’t him. He had a learning moment and discovered a preference he may not have known he had.

  • durantpianodurantpiano
    edited March 11

    same- Stormy

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    @durantpiano No, I did not use AI. I am just proficient at writing.

  • Sheena123Sheena123

    I can understand both sides. It can seem like a red flag when a client asks about the pro cuddlers relationship status because they could be hoping the cuddle turns into something more, be it a relationship or a situationship. A lot of men I’ve talked with have mentioned how bizarre it is for them to cuddle a married woman because they saw me more as “property” to my husband and that it’s cool that my husband “lets” me do this.

    But….. I think we can all agree that there are some pro cuddlers on here that are not professional at all and could be doing this behind their partners back so there’s always that scare that her man could find out and crash the cuddle party.

    That’s why I mention my husband a few times in my About Me. If my cuddlers don’t read it, that’s on them. But heck, I even have a pic of my hubby and I in my photos lol

    But if that’s an immediate no for someone choosing a pro cuddler, you should ask it during the beginning stages of messaging.

  • TxTomTxTom

    I completely agree with you, @durantpiano

    I'm the same way. Personal preferences are just that, and here, they are perfectly fine as long as they don't violate CC guidelines.

    Unfortunately, some people think one's personal preferences are a "you problem" that needs fixing. Or that you must have some sinister motive. Or they equate it to some other service. I can tell you, I've never cuddled or gotten into bed with my electrician or plumber, so no, it's not the same.

    Whatever the case, it's unfortunate that it seems to upset them.

    I have put verbiage in my profile that I am not comfortable cuddling someone who's in a relationship. That way Pros whom are uncomfortable with that preference of mine can Block me, or whatever they do. Ultimately, It's up to her if she wishes to honor my preference. Obviously, I have no real way of knowing if someone I cuddle is in a relationship or not.

    Anyway, stick with your values. You are not wrong. And good luck to you.

  • durantpianodurantpiano

    @Sheena123 I saw the Prayers in the Dark release in your bio pic… is it a Christian song? Congrats on getting it out here for the world to hear!!! 🎉

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