How do y'all navigate boundary conversations in sessions or what is something you've appreciated in a provider in the way they held their boundaries?
According to my experience, I found out that boundaries are very important in every person's life including married people. Acknowledging what you want and what not at anytime of the day is so important because at the end of the day it's you, your body, your mental health and no body's else.
what we can include in those healthy boundaries is knowing when to say yes or no to any action in your life even touching by others, and at that time, you will feel secure, safe and peaceful.
Personally, healthy boundaries are a very important part of my life which I use in any kind of communications, connections and of course cuddling.
Personally, I've found defining and communicating boundaries to be must-haves, not nice-to-haves, with both cuddling and relationships. Practicing boundary and consent skills in platonic cuddling settings has helped me be a lot more confident doing so in other contexts: work, aquaintances, family, romantic/sexual relationships, etc. And having those boundaries in place as removed a lot of unnecessary stress and ambiguity from my life.
If nothing else, I recommend platonic cuddling to everyone for the social-emotional skill building.
Yeah, I agree with that. Thanks for sharing.
Great topic
As Brene Brown states, boundaried people are the most generous people.
This comes from a meditation book I use. “Some of us believe that in order to be emotionally close to another person, we need to drop our personal boundaries. The problem with this is that all humans are, by our nature, imperfect. No matter how hard people try to be respectful and loving, they are sometimes disrespectful and hurtful. If we drop our personal boundaries, we put ourselves in danger of being hurt. In so doing, we do not allow the other person their imperfection. In a sense we are saying, "You must contain yourself perfectly. I will not protect myself from your moments of disrespect. It is your job to make sure I am not hurt." This lack of boundaries makes us unsafe for other imperfect humans to be close to. When we hold appropriate boundaries and protect ourselves from others' imperfections or, in other words, we allow them to be human, we make ourselves safe to connect with and be emotionally close to.”
Needless to say … I work a lot in my personal and professional life on boundaries.
This is a great addition. Thanks for sharing.
I always make sure the boundaries are clear before the session in the initial consultation call. If a boundary is violated in the session, then we have a conversation about it.
@luna_maria I appreciate it when boundary conversations are held before a session in DMs. You can avoid some very awkward and potentially dangerous situations by being proactive and not waiting when you are alone in the room with someone.
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I like to have boundary conversations before a cuddle, and I appreciate when someone asks and when someone knows their own boundaries and has thought through them ahead of time.
However, once boundaries are established, an even better conversation for me starts with this powerful phrase -
“If you could have it all your way…” Or “If I could have it all my way…”
If boundaries represent the “lower edges” of bare minimums that we require, then All My Way requests point toward the “upper edge” of what we are willing to receive in that moment.
It gives each party a way to express what they are most hoping for, without obligating the other to provide it. It’s just an idea, a wish, a desire, and perhaps the other will be inspired to participate or perhaps not.
This has led to some really fun experiences for me, both within and outside of cuddling… hmmm… lemme think of one to share…
“Would you like a shoulder massage?” “Actually, if I could have it all my way, what I’d really like is a scalp and neck massage.” “Sure, I can do that!”
Or
“Are my dogs bothering you?” “No, they’re fine. I like dogs.” “Ok, but if you could really have it all your way, would you rather I put them away?” “If it’s all up to me, then yes, I’d like that.”
These are simple examples, but I’ve gotten so much clarity on planning vacations, business projects, and cuddle sessions with this question - had to share it!
And, it really does help to have the boundaries discussion first, so everyone knows the shared playground we’re playing in. Then the requests can stay in bounds.