A friend new to cuddling just asked me what makes a good cuddler after I described a recent very excellent cuddling experience. I had a very lengthy reply, which I'm going to write up as a blog post, but thought it would be a very good topic for discussion.
What to you are the attributes of a good cuddle pal? What is it about cuddling with that person that you like and would make you want to cuddle with him or her again?
Seriously I think that the keys are communication, being responsive and reciprocation.
Communicate what you like and dislike.
Let your cuddler know if you like what they are doing (in an appropriate way lol), don't be a dead fish!
Return the touch and affection. Whereas it's nice to be pampered, I prefer that cuddling be a two way street.
@SexyBrit that's exactly it, in a nutshell.
LOLOLOLOL at @SexyBrit: "A pulse?"
I like when cuddlers hug and then they exert a slight bit of pressure then ease off. It's like a hug wrapped in a hug. They can do it more, please, and then more. And I like returning the favor.
Love your posts, @BlueIris.
Speaking of pulses, I frequently refer to cuddlers who are takers and don't respond as dead fish. I've also decided that cadavers is another good name for them.
I just had an incredible cuddle with a popular cuddle client with a TON of experience with professional cuddlers. He summed it up nicely when he said that what makes me a good cuddler is that I obviously love it as much as he does. I think it's that simple. It's not necessarily all the positions you know or how good of a massage you give. It's being tuned in with your partner and just loving being in the moment. I think what makes me a good cuddler is because it's my favorite thing to do. That's it.
@Scarlette Yes! Emotional presence. Even if it's a one-time cuddle, I want to be sharing the moment with my cuddle buddy.
As a frequent payee of professional cuddlers, I think that everyone here up to this point in this descussion has pretty much hit the nail on the head.
Something I've noticed that makes someone a really good cuddler is if they communicate about what they like. I have had great experiences with the three professionals that I've met up with from this site; however, it seems that when I ask them what cuddling positions they like, they always say something like, "uh, I'm cool with anything". I feel like I can't really do much with that.
I understand that because I'm paying them, they have an incentive to prioritize my personal comfort, but I would really like some sign that they, too, are fully enjoying the experience.
Additionally, as I am relatively new to cuddling, I would love to learn about new positions that my partner, pro or otherwise, is aware of that I am not. I want to learn about new positions that I may potentially really enjoy. I REPEAT - I've loved the experiences that I've had with the professionals here, but I would appreciate more communication from their end. Professionals who read this, please don't take this as a diss; it's just my two cents on the matter!
First off....being respectful, not trying to overstep the boundaries! Two way communication, pleasant body odor, sweet breath:-) Trimmed finger & toe nails! Open to try different positions, Laughter, long caresses, slow deep breaths....mmmmm
An incomplete list, based off personal experience:
Plenty of communication, or at least enough to ensure maximum mutual enjoyment.
Mutual interests. Cuddling by itself is always great, but doing so while doing something both parties enjoy is icing on the cake.
No bad smells. Cigs are probably the worst offended. Regardless of how well we mesh, if someone has a strong scent of that variety on them, I'm almost guaranteed to be uncomfortable.
Constant communication before and after cuddling. I deeply appreciate when the other person works with me to schedule future cuddle sessions.
For those wondering, here's the blog: https://www.cuddlecomfort.com/blog/what-makes-a-good-cuddler/
Good job, @Blueiris
@Mark Thanks so much!!
@Blueiris I loved the blog. Very well written and informative. I could feel myself relax just by reading it
Thank you for sharing.
@sanj Thanks so much!! It was my pleasure.
@Blueiris - What an amazingly detailed blog. It's exactly like something that I would expect to see in any worthy Health magazine. Very well written!
@LonelyMediProf That's very kind of you! I'd been chatting with a couple of friends on here, some of whom cuddle with pros a lot, and that's what prompted me to write it. It was astonishing to me that what should be common sense sometimes isn't, like not being on your phone when cuddling with someone, not to mention a paying client! That happened to them a few times with some very young and very immature pros.
I want to have a @BlueIris style cuddle! Everything you described in your blog post seemed absolutely perfect to me.
@I_am_Polylover Jim, how sweet of you!!
@BlueIris and @I_am_Polylover...... I want a BlueIris cuddle too!
@Scarlette Awwww, that's so sweet!!!
It is too bad we are not all close to each other, so we could arrange that,
Jim, You have to come one over to the east coast! BlueIris and I aren't too far apart. We cuddle give you a DOUBLE CUDDLE!
Does anyone have tips on how to approach this? I'm new to all of this. I like having physical connections with people but it seems to be taken as more than what it is, which is something I am not wanting or reciprocating. So, any wisdom to bestow??
Ooo... a DOUBLE CUDDLE sounds interesting. I'd like to try that. I sure wish I could afford to travel.
@Samoan97 First off, you should put more detail into your profile. Believe it or not, some guys have safety concerns regarding women, and want to know more about their potential cuddlers. Second, you should read the 2 most recent blog posts at https://www.cuddlecomfort.com/blog/, where @BlueIris did an excellent job of summing things up. As a guy, I'd say that if you send a short message to those near you to get a conversation started, it would be greatly appreciated.