Hey all, have you ever had sessions where a cuddler was using their phone during the session? If so did it bother you?
If the cuddler was using their phone during the session how would you deal with it?
Thank you!
😊
While best practices generally are for everyone to stay off technology, for some sharing tech time isn't a problem or is even a feature. People can't read each other's minds, so communication is important.
If both people remaining present without using technology is important to you, I'd communicate that. "Hey, I'd really like if we could stay present with each other and off of our phones for this session. Do we need to reschedule?"
For some people it might just be out of habit - they may be used to parallel play, etc., when hanging out with a friend. And if they're a pro, they may just not have experience in a position where they need to devote all their attention to one person. Or it could be they lack self-awareness or just have different social expectations than you do 🤷🏻♀️
If you discuss staying off of phones, they agree to, and then they continue to use theirs? Then I'd say that's clearly being inconsiderate and they're incompatible with what you are seeking.
I’m assuming that you are talking about a pro and not an enthusiast. I’ve had pros be on their phone while we’re cuddling. It’s never been what I felt was excessive though to the point where I felt like I needed to do anything.
@alvin152
Can you add some additional details?
I've also had pros check their phones. They are usually polite about it and ask if I mind. It doesn't bother me. A lot of it is family stuff. I get it.
@alvin152 Do your cuddlers do periodic checks or are they glued to their device?
@Goonie4life Glued to their device
Honestly I think that’s pretty awful. I put my phone away during sessions. I don’t set an alarm either and I know that most do. I have a wall clock that I can glance at.
I find it to be rude if they are glued especially if they don’t explain why!!
Glued to the device = partial/half payment
Reason why I posted this is because whenever I booked a session longer than 1 hour, this pro cuddler would go on her phone for a while. At first, I didn’t take offence to it because she was still engaging in the conversation.
But during our last session, I finally brought it up and said, “I’m paying for your time and attention.” She ignored me and just continued using her phone.
I’m not sure if I handled it the right way, because from getting to know her through the sessions, she doesn’t seem to take criticism very well.
Part of me still feels bad calling her out like that because she’s a good person.
Overall I just think it’s bad manners if you are using your phone during a paid session.
Definitely bad manners. I usually enjoy cuddling for more than 1-2 hours... because the time is too short
The real deal breaker is when they come over, stare at their phone, then ask if you have a charger. You hand them a charger and they then ask if you can unplug your phone to charge theirs.
Never occurred, but I can see someone doing that. If they are cuddling their phone with their hand I ask that they both get a room other than the one they are visiting.
Personally, I find it bad manners to use your phone while cuddling as a pro. I have no qualms with the other person using their phone, but for myself, I want the person who booked with me to know that I am focused on them and their needs.
The only time I would answer my phone is for emergencies or during bathroom breaks. But maybe there are other scenarios that are acceptable?
I don’t mind if someone needs to check their phone occasionally or answer a message quickly. We’ve all got lives and jobs and things that need us. But staring at a phone? No and no thank you.
If my nail tech gave me bad customer service, I simply wouldn’t go back. People's behavior's are a reflection of their character, not mine. I wouldn't waste my time, money and energy but somehow you did. Ask yourself why you kept tolerating that treatment, and more importantly, why you felt so eager to get the attention of someone who was clearly indifferent instead of letting their behavior turn you off. It sounds like there’s an internal wound there that you may need to work on.
To clarify, it’s not a problem to check your phone briefly if you have responsibilities that might need attention. But the OP is talking about someone being glued to their phone for the entire session. The first time was her being unprofessional, but if you keep hiring her after that, the responsibility shifts to you.
I’ve seen many pros over the years, some are better than others. I’d cut your losses with this one, not book her again and move on. It happens 🤷🏻♂️
How long was the session? If I have a session that is over 4 hours or longer especially an overnight session ... I am going to have to periodically check in with my safety person, take a mental break from cuddling maybe 5 minutes or so and possibly share some funny videos with you I found on YouTube. I might check and quick answer a text or two. If it's less than 4 hours I'm only on it for like 1 check in w safety friend and to play music for us on.
@MeltMyWay 2 hours.
There is a world of difference between a “quick check-in” like @MeltMyWay described vs someone constantly being on their phone.
I have no problem at all with someone doing the an occasional quick check-in, whether it is telling their safety person they are OK or making sure their kids got home safely, etc. Thankfully, that is the only phone usage I have experienced with pros from this site.
If I ever encountered someone constantly on their phone I would politely ask if something was going on that they needed to cut the cuddle short so they could give their full attention to it. Stuff happens and if a 2 hour planned cuddle needs to turn into a 30 minute cuddle because of a family situation (with an accompanying refund to reflect a 30 minute cuddle) I don’t have a problem with that.
But depending on the circumstances and their response (wanting to continue an obviously distracted cuddle) that may be the last time I book with them.
@alvin152 that's incredibly rude of them, in my opinion, especially if you're saying this has happened on more than one occasion. I personally would not have booked with them a 2nd time and definitely would not do so again ... if I were you. Sorry that happened.
Yeah that's wild to me. I have children and occasionally check the phone in case they've reached out, and I mention that before quickly checking. That and a bathroom break would be the only times I would have my phone open during a cuddle session. I can't even imagine scrolling through my phone while claiming I'm cuddling someone. That's incredibly rude.
If a client gets up to go to the bathroom or I have to get up, I’ll check my phone briefly, but other than that the only way I would have it out is if I was showing the client something on my phone or looking up some fact based on a conversation we were having, but I would never just ignore the client and be on my phone the whole time that would be super rude
@xandriarain Just to clarify. She would still talk to me whist on her phone. Whilst it didn’t bother me in the first two session I had with her where it was more than a 1 hour session. It bothered me in our last session and had to call her out on it. At the end of the day I’m paying for her to give me her time and attention.
She’s a lovely person and had enjoyed sessions with her. I guess she is just naive and didn’t know any better as she probably hasn’t been called out on it before.
That’s not proper.
@alvin152 Glued to the phone… multitasking while still talking to you ok… if that’s the case, minus well go to a massage parlor instead. At least you get to relaxed. That’s jus my thought…
Nothing says "I'm here for you" and "your time and money are valuable" like killing it on candy crush to get to that next level.
Yes I have, not very pleasant. I leave mine in another room and would never answer it during a cuddle. Most all the Pro’s use them as the timer but they should not answer them. I think that should be a rule for Pro’s.
No, that's just rude.
Thankfully I haven't had that happen with anyone I've cuddled with (Pro or enthusiast). I myself put my phone on silent and face down during the session. I only check it if one of us has to use the washroom and I'll just quickly clear notifications usually and put it back down unless there's some urgent text. I usually just wait until I'm back in my car before replying to things though. I definitely wouldn't like paying for a session with someone glued to their phone though.
If they are on the phone for an exessive amount of time id probably a ask for an explanation as to what is going on. Probably end it early depending on what the issue is. I've had some say they are conversing with other cuddlers I'd presume to schedule but even that I find rude. As im paying for that time.
I would fire her. Time to look for a different pro. Being glued to her phone is not acceptable at all.
If they were glued to it the whole time or any significant portion of it yes that would be considered rude and inappropriate. If they are simply checking something quickly and let me know that wouldn't be so bad.