Cuddling those in relationships

How do you feel about cuddling with others who are in relationship?

Personally, I know I wouldn't be cuddling even 'platonically' with someone for any reason (besides holding their hand or giving them a long hug if it is really necessary like they're grieving or something) if I am in a relationship. I prefer someone single not because I want more though because I want to avoid any drama and misunderstanding that may arise with the other person's partner especially since some partners even those in 'open relationships' (... well mostly those not in an open relationship) don't open up about having cuddle partners and I wouldn't want to risk or have any issues. What are y'all opinion and how do you deal with such concerns if you've them?

  1. How comfortable are you with cuddling someone who has a partner(s)?87 votes
    1. Very comfortable in any case.
    2. Only those in open relationships.
    3. Only single person's like me.
    4. Not too comfortable though would consider.
    5. I am not sure.
    6. Other... additional information share. :)


  • [Deleted User]Sunflowerfield (deleted user)
    edited November 2017

    I've cuddled guys in polyamorous relationships, but I would not be interested in cuddling a guy in a monogamous relationship unless he is exclusively gay. I would be open to cuddling women in monogamous relationships though, as long as their partners were fine with it. Please note, I'm not a professional cuddler though - I think it might be hard to enforce this as a pro cuddler, because as others have said people lie.

  • Perhaps, as a pro, things are a bit different but I don't even ask a client's relationship status. First of all, It's none of my business, Second, privacy can be a real concern for clients so I don't ask anything that I don't need to know. Third, people lie, so the possibility that you would get a truthful answer to that question if they really wanted to cuddle with you is slim. It is not my place to judge why people need to be cuddled. We are all in different situations. In my humble opinion, it's far better for a marriage for the husband to come to be for very discreet platonic cuddling to fulfill his needs rather than go have an affair to fulfill that need. They leave me feeling happy and satisfied and they take that feeling home.

  • @Scarlette I am not a pro, but I feel the same way as you do. I am not anyone's judge, marriage counselor or conscience, and I have no intention of trying to break up any relationship. If the wife is not interested in cuddling, then I don't mind borrowing the husband for a couple of hours of platonic touch.

  • [Deleted User]SexyBrit (deleted user)

    Whereas I would be happier that my cuddle buddy was with me with the knowledge and approval of their partner (less potential drama that way methinks), I think its really none of my business what their status is. As long as it's kept platonic then why not?

  • Cuddling with some one in relationship is fine i my book long as the other person knows what going on and it is just good platonic friendship.

    Yet red flag would be through down for me dealing with some one being sneaky to meet up with me to cuddle and talk to me. Leading to some one being a green eye monster twisting and seeing thing happening that did not. Leading to drama and dangers one really does not want to deal with.

    I would in truth prefer to make friends with the couple. I would hate to hurt there relationship, rather be some one to make up for some thing missing in there relationship and help it to be stronger.

    Maybe even do a three way cuddle. I prefer to cuddle with females. Cuddle set up of spooning with couple guys and girl between them fine in my book.
    But do not mind hug or massage from a male.

    Yet coming into relationship where one person does not want to cuddle... happy to give support to the lady that needs some cuddle time. And close friendship. Long as the partner knows, understands it is platonic and I mean no harm.

    @Scarlette I think your very right on people lies. People telling you there single when there not. Big warning will be if they do not wish to be in public and not open to hosting as time goes by. And you never get to know there other friends... and they choose to avoid getting know your friends.

  • Doesn’t mean they are hiding things from a partner . Some of us don’t host for safety reasons like we have kids . I don’t bring strangers in my home , I don’t want clients knowing where I live in case one takes rejection badly . I won’t do public cuddle in my small town because most people don’t understand platonic cuddling and I don’t need the drama .

  • [Deleted User]chococuddles (deleted user)

    Couldn't care less about relationship status or status of a relationship.

    Not playing Dr. Phil or 20 questions when all I want to do is comfort someone and feel the same energy in return.

  • Maybe its because majority of my best friends have always been women, but I am pretty capable of cuddling without it meaning anything sexual. So for me if you are single or on your third marriage, I'm going to treat you the same and think with the big head.

  • edited December 2017

    This topic could be the subject of a multi day intensive conference and still only begin to scratch the surface! Each individual, partner and relationship is as unique and complex as the lens through which they are being viewed. In my humble opinion, if the cuddlers communicate honestly and openly with each other and and are upfront with their intentions, it is likely that everyone lives better and loves more. What if the benefits of time spent cuddling facilitated deeper love in their respective committed relationships?

  • None of my business what someone's relationship status is, and none of theirs of what mine is (or isn't). If he/she wants to cuddle, he/she brushed their teeth, and he/she has recently showered, I'm good to go.

  • edited December 2017

    For me, I'm "very comfortable in any case." with the stipulation that the significant other knows exactly what is going on. I may even try to meet both of them to befriend so their significant other doesn't think anything is happening beyond a friendship to cuddle up with. I've had success with that so far and I'm sticking with it and adjusting it as needed.

    I will add though I'm not one to ask if they are seeing someone, it's not a need for me to know, but having to be hidden could easily be the start to a lot of drama.

  • @reurbo...that would eliminate half my clients. Not to mention the fact that I am a grown woman. If anyone, in any situation, refused me service unless they talked to my husband first, I would be offended.

  • edited December 2017

    I can see it from both sides. I was speaking with someone here in AL recently who was interested in possibly cuddling but she and her boyfriend both wanted to meet me because I would potentially be in their home, and her boyfriend as well as she wanted to be sure I was trustworthy and wouldn't try to do anything inappropriate. I could understand where they were coming from. However I would not personally make relationship status an issue. I obviously wouldn't want a jealous partner chasing me down, however I would hope that the other person would have their own house in order before engaging in extracurricular activities such as cuddling etc.

  • There are many jobs you do in people homes . I wouldn’t hire a masseur to my home and expect to make sure it was ok with their husband or for them to meet mine . And I literally would wear nothing but sheet over my privates . It really shouldn’t matter . Clear boundaries !!

  • I also would make the distinction that if you are hiring a paid cuddler for the most part you can be assured things are professional and there are clear boundaries and they are trustworthy so I would not think that relationship status etc would or should enter the picture, like @cuddlebugTM example of hiring a masseuse. However if it is a stranger who is not a paid cuddler that has certain guidelines and expectations of professionalism, I can see where the relationship part might enter the conversation and whether or not its cool with the partner because even cuddling in the platonic sense can be quite intimate and there is a lot of closeness and touching etc, and is often done in bed or some form of closed quarters, so I can see how it is possible to create jealousy for some.

  • I'd be really scared to cuddle a 'taken' person unless they were a professional - if they're a pro, than their SO probably knows about it and is okay with it.

    I'm just afraid of getting with a non-professional just to find out that they're doing this sort of thing behind their SO's back. I wouldn't want some angry husband/boyfriend hunting me down, nor would I want to be complicit in cheating.

  • [Deleted User]Sunflowerfield (deleted user)

    Yeah, I feel the same way as you @MichaelFjudd.

  • Complicit in cheating? correct me if I'm wrong but cheating would involve sex or at the very least an intimate relationship that goes above and beyond cuddling.
    If that is what people have in mind then sure, don't get yourself involved with anyone in a relationship ( I'm being sarcastic here) But if two members get in touch with each other for what should be a nice cuddling, platonic time then relationship has no bearing on the subject.

  • edited December 2017

    @mellow I can imagine that many people in a committed relationship who found out that their SO is speaking with and meeting at a persons home, them coming to their home, or meeting in a hotel to hug and massage and hold each other while wearing at times minimal clothing or sleepwear would consider it at minimum quite deceptive. Having that type of intimacy and emotional connection with another person while keeping it a secret can very well be considered cheating.

  • edited December 2017

    Yes, very much what @pmvines said.

    Just the act of going over to someone else's home or to a hotel and one not having that discussion with their partner (figuring out if this is cool with them or not) can be taken as cheating. Going behind a partner (s)' back and later they find out, "I was just with this person for cuddling" wouldn't fly so well. Since they haven't had that open discussion already. While it is worth it, I can also understand that having that level of open discussion can be hard for some for various reasons.

    Nonetheless, it's really good knowing how we all feel about the topic at hand. :)

  • @Michaelfjudd

    Yes, I feel about the same! I can understand.

    I also get what some of you say about that not all are actually honest about to begin with.

    I think if knowing the answer actually matters to your cuddle partner then they've a right to know the truth. After all the the truth comes sooner or later.

  • edited December 2017

    I don’t really feel it’s my place to judge someone else in this regard. How they handle their romantic relationships is entirely their own business and I am not there to date them, I am their to cuddle with them or otherwise spend time with them as a platonic companion, nothing more.

    The kind of cuddling you receive from someone on this site is supposed to be something they would do with someone who is just a friend, so even if I were to judge someone else, it would seem... awfully controlling to say they can’t have close friends or even just non-sexual close contact with another human being since they’re in a relationship.

    :| I think people try too hard to insist that your partner be everything to you all the time. Being the only emotional support for someone—especially if the relationship is long distance, or their partner is on the road, or got drafted, or is just unavailable for some reason—is exhausting and a lot of pressure. So... personally I feel that the bigger the support group everyone has, the better. I would never want to put restrictions on that.

    But again... their romance really isn’t my business. They are more than welcome to talk to me about it, if they want to.

  • @Lorelai I agree with you. My stance is that if I were in a relationship with somebody and they or I wanted to seek out a cuddle pal outside of our relationship, then there would be the expectation of communication re that. Its not really about permission, its about honesty and trust.

  • Yes. Again, I do very much understand the definition of Platonic. And that we're not meeting to date, or more.

    Simply saying that when couple(s) don't have that open discussion it can have a possible drama and misunderstanding later. As some of us said can be a concern.

    I also understand that some times partners have difficulties for various reasons and don't have that open communication with their partner(s). So just seeing from all angles as much as possible is good. Thanks for your inputs! ^_^

  • After all, honesty and open discussion is a key in pretty much any kind of a relationship.

  • I am really grateful to have found a community that thinks seriously about their answers to these difficult questions. It gives me hope that I might have some form of success here, because it can be a difficult situation for some.
    It makes you realize how many assumptions go with words like "relationship".
    My circumstances are pretty straightforward just now, and that is by design.
    If what I've read about Touch and those like myself, who find it healing, is true
    then we have an above average anxiety/depression/hypertension population
    both as a site and as a country... so it's great that folks are seeking to be so mindful. <3

  • edited December 2017


    There are various elements and reasoning that we seek such connections. Whether it's pure love/interest for cuddling, to give us some light through a hard time whatever may it be, ease some stress, to help another/each other, or for all of the above! :)

  • edited December 2017

    Here are two scenarios re the thought of whether platonic cuddling could be considered cheating, and why communication with your partner is important when seeking a cuddle partner outside of your relationship. This doesn't meant I am judging anybody, just stating how I would feel about it if I were in a relationship and my partner didn't tell me they were seeking out a cuddle pal.

    scenario #1-Hi honey you are home late, what did you do today?

    Well, Jim and I were talking about how much we enjoy cuddling and you haven't been able to really give me the cuddling I need so we went to his house, changed into shorts and tank tops, and snuggled in his bed, playing with each others hair, scratching each others backs, and holding hands while watching a movie.

    Scenario #2-Hi honey, I was checking the bank statement and there was a 200 dollar withdrawal at the ATM yesterday.

    Oh yes, well I haven't been getting as much attention from you as I need so I looked up a cuddler online, she is really sweet and kind and nurturing and really makes me feel safe to express myself. We talked for a long time, drank coffee, and spooned while wrapping our legs and arms around each other, squeezing super tight while face to face.

    Even in the platonic sense, with nothing sexual, it is easy to see how this could be seen as emotional cheating

    Again, I reiterate, I never judge what people do and who they do it with, nor do I believe you should not seek out a cuddle pal if that is what you need to do. I am just really huge on honesty, and just feel it is the right thing to talk about it . I do not fault a paid cuddler or non paid cuddler who is seeing people in relationships nor do I fault people in relationships who are seeking cuddle pals. However it is foolish to think that it is not deceptive to your partner to not talk to them about it.

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