@Lovelight -
Cuddling with someone while you are in a relationship with someone else... There are many reasons why people would do this, and I can think of several, just from the type of work I'm in. For example, in the past I've seen a husband and wife where one was completely paralyzed in a wheelchair and was unable to move on their own, and their spouse was not able to get any kind of physical comfort from their loved one. The spouse gave every indication that they loved their SO (Significant Other) with everything they had.
Not knowing the mechanics of their relationship, I can only wonder what any of us would do if we were that Spouse and it was our SO who was fully paralyzed. Placed in a situation where we loved our SO with all our mind, body, and soul - and never being able to physically receive anything in return, no matter how badly we craved it. I think many would turn to a place like CuddleComfort and find it from one of the many professionals that they have on here, and then take those positive energies home to their SO.
Personally, I am not bothered by whether or not my Cuddle partner (whether Professional or Enthusiast) has a SO or not. I agreed to the terms of the site, and they should have as well. I refuse to feel shame about finding a therapy provider if it will improve me in some way, shape, or form. Examples: A massage therapist improves the body, relieving it of physical pain. A counselor improves the mind, by addressing the mental and/or emotional pain that can be found there. Professional Cuddlers (and even some that are not professional) are a bit of a mixture of those two, with aspects of both physical aid as well as mental/emotional aid; this is based on the Cuddler in question.
I believe that there is a difference between utilizing a therapist for the skills that they offer (in order to improve oneself), and deceiving your partner by not telling them that you are seeking out such therapy. I actually can't see how it is possible to deceive your SO by not telling them you seek therapy. My reasoning for this is based largely on the premise that therapy is typically sought out for a legitimate, legal purpose which is aimed to improve one's well-being. This improvement is being sought so that it can then improve upon other things as well.
But if you aim to get something from the therapy that is not legal, or would not be socially acceptable or even approved of by your SO if you were to tell them that you were seeking it, then THAT is where the words "Cheating" and/or "Deception" can arise...
When trying to talk about the subject of cuddling others with your SO, whether you are dating or married... well, the nature and style of your communication will always be important. I can't help but feel that in this type of situation you should really think about what you say (and how you plan to say it) before you actually do. Also, if you are going to talk to your SO about this then I think it should be before you actually go have your cuddling session.
I found a couple of really nice quotes from Wikipedia, of all places. ((https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Infidelity))
"Infidelity... is a violation of a couple's assumed or stated contract regarding emotional and/or sexual exclusivity. ..." "What constitutes an act of infidelity depends upon the exclusivity expectations within the relationship. ..."
There is more to these lines than what I have just quoted; however, the majority of the article (and this includes the part which I quoted above) refers to sexual infidelity, and therefore doesn't pertain to Cuddle Comfort because of this focus that the article has. These two lines pretty much sum it up for me when it comes to whether or not something could be considered "cheating".
If someone is in a relationship, and at least one of them wants to seek cuddling with someone else then that person should probably be asking themselves a few questions:
1: What is it about my relationship that is causing me to consider cuddling a person who is not my SO? 2: What do I hope to gain from this? 3: Will this benefit my relationship with my SO? Will it still benefit us if I tell them that this is what I am doing? 4: Will this harm my relationship with my SO? Could this harm our relationship if I never say anything?
The answers to these questions would probably help guide the individual in the actions they take.
These are just my initial thoughts... I'm pretty sure I would hit the character limit if I were to really go all out in one of these responses
I wouldn't wanna cuddle someone who's so sneaky about it, especially if I later discovered she's in a relationship. In final quarter of 2015 I had a female friend offer me "platonic cuddles" that she later turned into full cheating on her man. I met her 100% OFFline. Turns out we weren't romantically compatible so she went back to him...until he moved all the way across the U.S. from where we are because he is executor of estate for his deceased parents. Now she's after me again.
The next woman in a relationship with someone else who goes to offer me "platonic cuddles" must have nothing to hide from me or her man (if she has one). Nobody likes being swindled into sleeping with a cheater, especially those who just wanna keep it platonic!
Thank you all for your informative input!
It does become ever more clear why even someone in a relationship would be seeking another for such purpose.
@LonelyMedicProf thanks for all and for these provoking questions, I am sure these can be of help to others. I agree one must go into something both understanding what they're going into and why. That way one can make better sound decisions as well as become more considerate of all parties involved. I see just about the same @apvalerius.
If one's not doing something wrong then there shouldn't be much of a reason for them not to be open about it with all parties involved.
These three scenarios I see could happen in such a case where one talks with their partner about their contemplation/decision to seek someone else to have closeness with.
If one's partner says: "I understand I could/can not provide you with such a connection and I am okay with you getting that with someone else." Well that's all good! Everyone deserves honesty and to say yes or no knowingly to what they're responding to.
If a cuddle partner does not accept one even though one was honest with all, then one must keep going until one finds those who will accept them for who they're.
If the partner says: "No way, you will not seek another...!"
Then that's a discussion the two would have and see whatever conclusion and understanding they come to. Again, the way one brings up and talks about things is also a key as we know.
So if one is to do things right one must be considerate of all involved and know that they deserve honesty and to agree to things knowingly and one must look at things not just for the very moment.
If the two in the relationship talk about things, it could give them a chance to actually work through and improve their relationship, so they can better provide one another what they seek.
If a partner feels they can not open up with who they're in a relationship with then there are deeper issues one needs to work through and also work on building their open and honest communication. It will take patience, consideration for others and could be hard at the beginning though done right, it can be well worth it. Honesty is the best policy.
I agree honesty is always the best policy, I am married with permission and I find the greatest challenge is not the person with whom I wish to cuddle or have a relationship with, but the judgment of my wife's, family .
My neighbors are aware of the situation and having someone over other than my wife seems to be accepted. When they see me with someone, I simply introduce them as my friend, and everything seems to be good.
The same goes for eating out or bicycling in the town that I live in.
So I am curious as to how many people who have posted here or others are in a similar situation and the amount acceptance from others in your life.
I don’t discuss it with family there is so much judgment .
This is something that is hard for some people to understand or deal with. I have become very good friends with a pro who didn’t want to see me at first because I was married. She said it was against her system of values. We are now very close friends and spend quite a bit of time with each other. We now have a friendship that we both value which could have not happened if she had t opened herself up to it.
I would be okay with cuddling anyone, despite what kind of relationship they are in, or that I am in. The most important thing is communication and trust. If their partner didn't know that they were cuddling, I would be insecure about offering my services due to possible conflicts in their own lives. Though that is why I always ask "why did you seek my services today", that way I can discern if they are honest and true. I have cuddled with men that are married, but their partner knew about their cuddling habits. In the end, if someone needs a cuddle I won't refuse them if they are honest and true.
I have a don't ask don't tell policy. I don't want to know about their relationships and I don't want them to pry into mine. Unless the service is free then it shouldn't be something that's up for discussion.
Agree 100% with @Alternis.
It's not dating, it's platonic cuddling.
Couldn't care less what someone's relationship status is.
In terms of pro cuddlers, I don’t feel that marital status should matter and the majority of pros don’t seem to care about it.
Personally I am no one to judge. Especially since recently I've been seeing relationships where the guy is not giving her any attention took and she needs that physical closeness. I was at a party the other day and this woman was jumping on every guy while her husband was just watching her. If you ignore your partner that much they will find a physical something to fill that hole.
These are very good insights. I was trying to start cuddling and at first it seemed like the only way was to say, I'll cuddle you how you want. And then I realized I had better say, I'll cuddle but this is for health and for both of us to feel better. I realized I might be running across someone like @apvaelarius, and it's better to avoid some people with problems in life. So I hope to go slow and find a good partner or two like some of you did here. I'm just wanting to feel better and recover physically and it seems like some gentle cuddling might help both people.
As long as it's kept platonic, who cares? We're not 17 yr olds, right? My guy REALLY let himself go after we moved in together and I physically CAN'T cuddle with him b/c I already have lower back and shoulder issues from excessive breast tissue. He doesn't want to lose weight, so he said he was cool with me getting a cuddle buddy. We don't talk about it b/c there's nothing to say! That's the problem with the concept of this site. Cuddling DOES NOT have to be "intimate". Mature adults can handle their hormones. For me, it's a 'mental break', not any sort of bonding experience. It's all about your intentions. If you have a possessive significant other, just don't host. Problem solved!
Really most times there are not many problems. But you have to be aware that there are some people who lie and as long as you are able to steer the ones like Glen Close in Fatal Attraction then you can do alright. I had to work with a co-worker like that at one time. However, most people are not that way so the good thing is that this site is designed to discourage that and encourage the good behaviors. So it is nice like one guy was quoted on the site here, that he had a wife and while he was 500 miles away he found a good partner who also needed comfort and they were all doing real good. He was stressed, but he was ready for his wife, when he got back to her from the temporary assignment. It was like a much needed stress break. To me it's like being with friends when I was in college. We'd be studying and if Janie or Sylvia was aching and they said can you rub my neck and back I would say, "Yeah, just let me finish this part and I'll do that for you." We all let go of the aches and we all felt better when we got home. It kept us all healthy. And like great-pillow08 said if your partner needs some extra attention then you take care of your partner and you don't hurt them, and like she said, problem solved.
Not everyone has a great relationship they can communicate with their partner doesn’t mean they don’t need comfort . How they get it really is up to them it’s not my place to judge .