Is redemption possible?

Emmerich

I don't think I'm a bad person, but up until my 30s I made a lot of bad decisions that continue to haunt me. Even just small things like one time that my sister wanted to take a picture, but I was in a rush and in a bad mood so I didn't take it.

Ultimately I feel both a) the weight of the consequences of what I've done (the things I ruined, the people I hurt, etc.) - and b) the shame of having these things as part of the story of who I am and what I've done.

Let it go .

Let go of past mistakes and move forward. Each day is a new beginning, a fresh start.

Listen to the song “Tell Your Heart to Beat Again” by Danny Gokey

Yes, contrary to current popular culture/cancel culture, redemption is possible. We're always able to grow beyond what we once were, including mistakes and bad decisions made in one's past.

Look at it this way - when you're 20, you make some stupid decisions that are harmful to others. You see the harm done as a result of your decisions and start making diffrent decisions that no longer harm others. From the lessons you learned, by age 30, you've moved into decisions that not only benefit you, but also help other people.

Of course, this is not universal behavior, and many people never wish to change themselves. This is part of why redemption stories are so meaningful.

You cant control how others view you or the role in their stories , but you can always invest the effort to become better for you

@Emmerich , I think there’s value in feeling bad when you’ve hurt someone. Regret can push you to apologize, make things right where you can, and handle a similar situation differently the next time. There also has to be some proportion between what happened and how much guilt you carry over it.

Take the picture with your sister. I can understand wishing you’d taken it, especially if you look back now and realize how little time it would have taken. But you were in a hurry and in a bad mood. From what you wrote, I don’t hear any intention to hurt her. Maybe she was disappointed, and that matters too. Still, I think “I wish I’d slowed down and taken that picture” is a fairer judgment than “What does this say about me as a person?”

For the things that did cause real harm, I’d ask yourself what you can still do about them. If there’s an apology you owe or something you can repair, that’s worth doing. If you’ve done what you can and changed how you treat people, what would another year of punishing yourself accomplish? I know letting go is easier said than done. But if those decisions are part of the story of who you are, the choices you’ve made since then deserve a place in that story too.

“Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.”
Maya Angelou

@Emmerich Everyone’s story includes their worst moments. What makes your story of interest is your actions or lack there of after your worst moments. If you never felt any moments of shame, regret or embarrassment then you would be missing the human elements of shame, regret and embarrassment. And that would make you boring.

Be a page turner.

Also keep in mind that each person's prefrontal cortex has a unique maturation point, so many people in their twenties are still not fully developmentally matured into their full potential. We're social creatures, so we're going to learn our most important lessons with the people closest to us, which unfortunately means causing hurt in a variety of (generally unintentional) ways. It's been documented that people in their twenties experience the most intense & rapid changes versus the rest of adulthood, & I think they deserve a lot of patience & grace.

The beautiful thing about making a lot of mistakes is that you'll be that much better equipped at having compassion and grace for others who make mistakes. You can become a person who helps to gently guide others through those awkward transition periods in life. And that's a virtuous cycle; when we can have grace for ourselves, it grows easier to have grace for others, and visa versa. That's the bittersweet beauty of being human.

@Emmerich Redemption is possible. And I want you to know you are not by any means alone. People come to hypnotherapy all the time to help them release/transform these mindsets. Take it from me- you have to forgive yourself. Energetic responses boil down to intention. You didn’t intentionally harm these people. This is a phase of self-improvement for you and not a time to beat yourself up. You’re starting to think about these things as a catalyst for growth.

The fact that you are reflective of your past mistakes is a good sign and shows you care.
You cannot undo what was done.. just move forward and make better choices. Let it go.
If your thoughts consume you listen to e- books , podcasts, or music . Getting your body moving even if just a walk keeps the mind from being stagnant and replaying your past.
Hugs 🤗

The Four Agreements is a book written by Don Miguel Ruiz . It’s a practical guide to Personal Freedom. “ Always do your Best” , “ We can’t control others thoughts” , etc.

Everyone is giving such wonderful suggestions and advice! 😃 I hope you can rest and free your mind . I wish you peace. Feel better soon. The fact that you acknowledge that you have hurt others in the past and that you want to be a better person tells us alot about who you are as a person. We all have regrets, we all make mistakes, none of us are perfect. You sound like a good person 😊 Don’t let your past mistakes define who you are. You are kind and caring and we can all see that today. 🤗

@Emmerich
The example that you bring up makes me wonder if you are a perfectionist. If you torture yourself over very minor things that everyone else has long forgotten.

There are things we may have done that cause harm, not simply minor disappointment. If you have harmed people, go to them and apologize and make changes to do better in the future.

But you shouldn't be punishing yourself for small choices, years after the fact. If this is the case, you might be dealing with anxiety or OCD, and may benefit from talking with a counselor about it. 🧸

~ Sunset Snuggles

Strive to be the best version of yourself, every single day

Everyday that you wake, draw breath and are able to stand on your own is a chance. A chance to grow, a chance to do and to be better. However, we all know that life is fickle and hardly ever linear. Any given day is also a chance to lose and to make mistakes. Some days you might not have it in you, some days you might take a step back. So long as you recognize your forward progress and treat your mishaps as lessons to be learned, you’ll be alright. These things don’t happen overnight and that’s ok. At your own pace and on your own time is perfectly fine. Give yourself grace, take your moments as needed and Journal to keep track of your thoughts and progress. You’ll be amazed at what you read from the past when you decide to take a look back