The reasons newbies are getting so many messages is because their picture is posted on the front page of the site to attract members/show the site is active and growing. I think a logical solution for someone with this problem might be not to post a picture for a few days, until their profile is pushed off the front page (or for the site to just not do that). I'm not positive that would help, as I posted a picture immediately. I just checked and it is possible to go back and delete your only photo. So that might help?
I got a reasonable number of quick responses. I think I had maybe 15 tops? I was on for a few hours when I first joined, so maybe I was just good at keeping up until my profile got pushed off the front page. I was going to say I didn't get any creepy messages, but there was one guy who admitted he was too far from me, but encouraged me to post more pictures, which made me very uncomfortable. I didn't report him but I called him out.
I have disagreed with some people and called them out- putting "sexy" or "love" in a first/early message, telling me their preference for "natural beauty"/women who don't wear makeup like I asked for their opinion when I didn't, etc. I'm tempted to make a thread about it/Feminism and this site in general but seeing how fast the one on just being polite and respectful to women got closed, I don't think I should. I just wish I got more messages where it was clear they read my (brief!) profile, or at least not strictly about my looks. It feels obnoxious saying that and when I was younger I probably would have loved it, but honestly I'm so over it right now. Good luck to everyone.
@Snugglebug35 thank you for your input! i feel the same way about those who comment on looks at first. it shouldn't be a major thing when it comes to cuddling but it happens a lot.
I'm kind of skeptical of this site because of the fact that people probably get flooded with messages.. do people actually meet up on this site?
@elliothyc Yes. for platonic cuddles and friendships. (I'm one that's met another cuddler and am better-off, for it.) There's other kinds of meeting, going-on, but that's their business. Peace
Please redesign the new users banner to display the city and state/country. Probably on a line below username since there is limited space. That would help...
@Sweetmama The reason people contact new cuddlers more is probably because they appear on the front page. The other reason is they appear at the top of searches first. This means new users are more heavily marketed, and thus get swamped, particularly women due to the gender imbalance. I noticed someone in the UK join Monday and she was deleted by Tuesday. Maybe the swamping puts them off. Maybe abusive users put them off. Who knows. A lot of new people never come back.
I think possibly putting new users on the front page could be a mistake. It seems a logical thing to do, but in reality marketing new users heavily could be the wrong thing to do, as it encourages a lot of people to send initial messages, before the user has even decided if the site is for them.
On a site designed to connect people, isn't complaining about getting too many messages like going to the bakery department of your local supermarket and complaining there are too many cakes to choose from? No-one is forcing you to read or reply to the messages and if you don't want to be contacted, why did you join? Most of the complaints I have seen have been more about the kind of messages received rather than the quantity. The quantity of messages has little bearing on the quality. Even if you get only one message, it could be an unsuitable one. Why not have a 'Who do you want to be contacted by' section on the profile page where you can specify criteria for who is allowed to contact you. This would be visible to the member only.
Agreed If I get 300 messages from female cuddlers today I won't be overwhelmed; I'll be overjoyed. I joined the site to cuddle. Will I be able to read and reply to 300 messages today? No. But that's a good problem to have.
@alexb2 there is an added benefit to having new members show up on the home page: site compliance. Clicking on new members when they show up is the fastest and easiest way to notice and report underage members, scam profiles, inappropriate photos, untagged pros, stolen pics, and the like. If they only showed up during laborious searches, more would slip through the cracks. The current system lets them get found and dealt with much more quickly, protecting the integrity of the site. For this reason alone, I don't view it as a mistake to have new members display on the home page.
@quietman775 ++
@quietman775 Good point about the benefit of new profiles appearing on the front page. I've used it the same way.
@UKGuy I think you have it flip flopped a little . The new users are getting “ too many cakes choosing them” , Thanks , that these cakes don’t have the ability to slather their icing on the new user
@cuddlerforu24 The cakes choosing the new user are still behind glass. Just like with every other pastry on the shelf.
Ya can always block the inappropriate users.
I just joined last night, and I can see how some new users (especially young, female with pic) might feel overwhelmed. I live in Norway, and got a LOT of messages from men in the USA. Like we'll ever meet ? When I wrote "Looking for cuddles, not pen pals" on my profile it seems like it has made it calm down. I thought everyone was here for cuddle buddies, and not just an online chat.
I, too, have been a bit confused by messages from men I can't possibly meet. It's one thing to get a message from someone who lives out of town but travels and may want to make connections in other places. It's quite another to get a message from someone in another country who you'll probably never meet.
I got my first message within minutes of signing up and several more in the next 30 minutes. Now I understand better how that happens. I was a bit taken aback, especially since some of them seemed a bit forward, but it wasn't overwhelming. It made me feel optimistic.
Honestly, for me this sounds like a solution in search of a problem. We are all adults, and in this day and age it is expected of everyone to have at least basic communication skills, which include the ability to sort through texts, emails, bulletin boards, and engage or not engage. We don't need to treat new members like kids.
@Snugglebug35 I totally agree with you. Also echoing the sentiments of a few previous posters that many of the messages I get are from people who are too far away when we both don't have cars, asking to meet up before even introducing themselves or making comments that sound more romantic than platonic in nature. I also have to say that I despise pet names in first messages including the dreaded 'love'. And I get an awful lot of messages from very young guys or much older guys who ignore my age preference entirely or take it upon themselves to try and challenge it.
My advice for new members would be don't feel bad about just ignoring any messages you're not interested in. You don't owe anyone a reply, especially if you're getting so many messages a day that you can't keep up. And use that block button for the creeps.
I also admit I find it odd when men talk about how difficult it is to get a reply on here because they're 'unattractive'. Physical attractiveness really doesn't play into it for me as I'm not looking for a date. The quickest way someone can get a reply from me is to strike up an intelligent and respectful conversation about something of interest. If someone isn't interested in the ground work of getting to know the person they want to cuddle then they're very unlikely to be respectful when the actual cuddling takes place. Like I've said to a few people who ask to meet up right away, 'and how do I know you're not an organ harvester or a human trafficker?'
This site is surely viewed as a dating site by most users. When comparing any site to a dating site it’s quite easy to see why females get inundated with messages when their new. Males feel the need to be first or early before becoming lost amongst the 1,000’s.
On a dating self a middle aged woman and myself conducted and experiment. We ran similar ads of a female and male, same ages, same location, same interests with photos of a man and woman who could have nearly been twins. After 2 weeks we checked in there. The females ad had 220 replies, the mans ad had 2. The email box of the female had filled up within 10 days. The female received about 25 replies from women, proving there are more men pretending to be women than actual women actively seeking.
@urbancountry - can you explain the logic of your last sentence ("The female received about 25 replies from women, proving there are more men pretending to be women than actual women actively seeking."). How do you reach that conclusion?
Don't answer with a post that is full of labling people or the community. If you believe that's what it's here for, re-read the community guidelines.
Following measures are now live for new members receiving high interest:
*Mute function available for everyone in Settings > Privacy. Once enabled, it will automatically revert after one week.
The above measures are not necessarily final and could be tweaked based on how effective it is.
@Mark - The new cuddlers being randomized will result in profiles being viewed multiple times. We won't be able to remember which ones we've looked at if they move around. Can we have an indication when we have viewed a new cuddlers profile?
@Mark Great, I've added a reference to the Mute function in the FAQ under "Help! I'm getting too many messages!".
I'm already finding this shuffling of new cuddlers a real pain. I used to be able to look at the photos and recognise one I'd already looked at and then know that all the ones to the right I had also already looked at. So it was easy to isolate the new ones I had not yet seen. Now the new ones could be anywhere, so I have to either guess or click on every one again. I'm sure I've inadvertently looked at some profiles half-a-dozen times. If there was some way to indicate a profile had already been viewed, it would be very helpful.
@UKGuy The new ones should almost always be the first 3 on the list. The rest are randomised to give some relief to new joiners.
I have noted down your feedback but do bear in mind that main objective is the above because the impact is greater and affects more people even if it comes at a cost to those who like to click on every new member joining the site globally.
@respectful Thank you
Honestly, when I was new I hated it here. If I didn't read the forums I probably would have deleted my account due to not just a lot of messages but some really creepy situations. Not enough to really report for something specific, just not good vibes. Of course I did get my welcomes too, but I was counting the days till I fell off of the "look who's new" display so I could fall into obscurity and actually find out what this site is about.
So let me understand this - Profiles are ads, designed to attract new users and set up possible cuddling sessions. And some people are complaining because their ads are working too well? Seems hypocritical. If you don't want people contacting you .. then you can always delete your account.
@laylanie - what was to stop you just deleting the messages or blocking the bothersome people?
I think there's some underestimation of how overwhelming the situation was for people on the homepage. We are talking about pages of messages within a few hours. And now imagine each of those messages resulting in an email.
As a member tentatively exploring this seemingly unusual place, would you be comfortable?
I notice the same folks who throw stones at users for not promptly responding and givimg them the time of day also seem to feel folks have no business being overwhelmed and put off by too many messages and too much traffic. Perhaps if they werent so overwhelmed they might be more likely to respond to you....