I agree with @galowglass ....
I am young, but brought up of an older stock. I prefer to have the physical contact of being in each other's arms platonically than sexually. It is a feeling and a connection that's lasts much longer and is more important. Are there times where I might get aroused? Rarely, but it's how you handle the situation if and when it happens that really matters. How you behave and act around your cuddle buddy is what shows them how you care and why you are really there. I have had bad relationships that I felt could have been avoided if we had cuddled more. But they were always shut off from the idea because they believe it was a lead in to sex. Think for yourself and your who you are with. Think why you are there. Excuse your self, if you need to. But be respectful. Respect will always go along way with cuddles. With or without boundaries in place.
@89BigHearted ?
As an energy healer and reflexologist, I've definitely had to be pretty close to some women, but in a session I never had a problem with arousal. I had to be professional. Just goes with the territory. I'm male, and straight, if that isn't clear. I just respect women is all.
I think once you hit a certain level of maturity, physical contact doesn't always have to be about sex with the opposite gender. This came for me over time and some relationships where it was all sex, sex, sex but little substance. I've since had friendships where cuddling or certain other types of physical contact were ok but we didn't have sex. I spent the night at a female friend's house a couple months ago, during a rough patch for both of us. Very pretty young woman. We held each other all night, I rubbed her shoulders and feet. That's it. It was a lovely couple days we spent together. No sex necessary, and we bonded.
In a cuddle session, it depends on the person obviously and their comfort level. If we specify healthy boundaries and respect them, there's no need for awkwardness.
Don't get me wrong, I love women and i do get aroused by them but, I can control myself enough to know the right time and place. I will say there have been a couple times while cuddling or touching that my body reacted before my brain could process. Medically/biologically speaking this is natural. The choice of whether to "do anything about it" or not is a matter of choice tho. In my case I just took a second to get myself in check. Made a joke. We laughed. They said it was alright. No big deal. Life moved on, and we settled back in for our cuddle.
At the risk of writing too much, I'll also share this. I've also had certain poly relationships where sex with other than my primary was not ok, but other specified actions were ok. Cuddling was included in this. Bearing that in mind, my secondary and I were merely providing something our partners at times could not. Cuddling and closeness and emotional support. I remember in another thread, someone saying that could be seen as adultery for whatever reason. I don't know. I suppose for me, it's all about respecting healthy boundaries and a positive flow of energy with the other party.
@coyotepaws Bump
Yes. And no to a point. Depends......
As a man, I definitely can cuddle without being turned on, and of course sometimes being turned on happens too. It's very situational I think. For myself it depends a lot on my mood, the person I'm with, what's on my mind, etc. Either way, it can be controlled and handled with respect. It doesn't have to get weird just because arousal happens.
An erection can sometimes be cause the situation to be misread as well. I feel it's important to remember that a man will usually get an erection when relaxed, get an erection when there's contact down there, get an erection when aroused (obviously), and sometimes get an erection for seemingly no reason at all! An erection can easily come off as a sign of arousal and maybe it is, but it can also mean many other things too.
In all cases, communication is the key to success.
So...if arousal occurs, is the consensus that you mention it to your cuddle partner (matter-of-factly or with a laugh), not mention it & just continue to act naturally, or try to avoid detection (!), excusing yourself until things calm down? If it happened when I was with a woman, I’d feel comfortable joking about it, but I wouldn’t want her to be scared that she was in danger. If it were a guy, I’d feel uncomfortable (particularly if he was straight)...and don’t really know how I’d deal with it.
DO YOU THINK IT WOULD BE WORTH discussing matter-of-factly during communications before the cuddle session?
Personally, yes, I think its be worth it, but I've always been one to call out the elephant in the room as well. Defuse the situation before it becomes one type thing.
"Can a man cuddle with a woman with out being turned on."
Which man? Which woman?
Absolutely. I am a straight male, and I recently cuddled with a very attractive woman. We laid out clear boundaries at the beginning of the session. I was not physically aroused at any point, because physical and emotional platonic intimacy isn't about sex. So, yes, it is absolutely possible.
Can a man override any biological urges? The biological need for food or sex can be suppressed or hidden.I can look at some delicious food and have no attraction to it mentally but deep inside there might be something else going on.
Another perspective from the woman's viewpoint. If we are very comfortable with each other i consider it a compliment that I'm cuddling well if he's relaxed and comfortable enough to experience it. We both may mention it but that's the extent then stay still until it resolves itself or change position for the duration. It's not a big deal for me as long as he doesn't try acting on it.
One other thought on this..if he is that comfortable and relaxed and I choose to make big deal out of it or tense up ~ he's no longer relaxed, losing that whole time before spent relaxing! Defeats the purpose of the cuddle, acceptance and pure bliss. Not good for either of us.
There's a button on our left butt cheek that turns boners on and off, give it a smack. Just helping you ladies out.
Yes, I am able to contain arousal based on relationship expectations. As long as I remain in a companionship with someone (Where the activity is more important than the person) I can set sex aside. In the case of a cuddling companion, sustenance is the primary activity. Over time, if we both started to care about each other romantically, I would have to go out with them (not counting cuddles) for at least 10 dates or so before I would enter into a sexual relationship. Same if we were sharing sports, arts, or any other companion oriented activity or interests. But to answer your question, not until a friendship (Where the person becomes more important than the activity) develops would I ever consider romance, and ultimately sex. That takes time. And yes, I can refrain from arousal until that time arrives and both parties are on the same page.
I imagine 10 of us may have 10 different answers to this and I suspect the important things isn't whether or not I am turned on, but rather the amount of respect and integrity I demonstrate. I have found a good rule of thumb in most situations in life, is to ask myself if my thoughts include what's best for those I'm with. If the answer is yes, the experience is far richer than if the answer is no.
Yes ... Not everyone will have the same effect .
it is possible to cuddle a girl without being turned on many due to the fact you are friends, if you are having trouble "keeping it down" and not to be trolly but really think about a naked grandma dancing on a stripper pole. i share a house with another couple and when i try to sleep with them having sex all i think about is naked grandma dancing and it works quite nicely
We all do ! Females get aroused too theres just no out right proof I honestly feel like it doesnt matter cuddling isnt necessarily sexual unless you make it like someone said it what you do with the erection if your a good guy you'll do the appropriate thing