A year of cuddles

respectful

I've been here for 12 months now, and it's been interesting! I've met 15 people in person (mostly professionals), including ...

-- someone who couldn't be better. I am so so grateful for her, to the point of tears a couple of times (just by myself, not in front of her). She makes me feel so cared for and well treated. Half of my cuddles have been with her. She is away right now though, and there are no guarantees she will always be around. I've decided to just be thankful for the time we've had together rather than be sad when she's not here.

-- a non-professional who crossed boundaries and wanted to make things sexual. That was difficult to deal with, but I learned from that experience to always talk about boundaries with people and never assume they are on the same page about the platonic nature of cuddling. (She has left the site).

-- a professional who wore gloves and long sleeves! The message being, "I don't really want to touch you." Pretty odd.

I've also made some friends who are (currently) too far away for cuddles. There are some lovely people on this site. I think cuddling draws in a very interesting group of people.

Another discovery is that not all cuddles / cuddlers are the same. There is a combination of things that really touch me and make a cuddle wonderful:

-- the other person enjoying the cuddle. It's lovely to be able to make them feel nice too, and I enjoy giving as well as receiving. Though when I've mentioned that to some professionals, they have gone into receiving mode and stopped giving, which wasn't exactly what I meant.

-- being genuinely caring, which touches a part of me very deeply. I think I've missed out on that a bit!

-- letting their guard down. There can be a moment when I feel like someone has "let me in" and allowed me to be close to them emotionally, which makes me feel incredibly honoured, since trust is a big deal to me.

-- a certain kind of touch. Sometimes it's nice to just hold someone and be held, but most of the time it's lovely for me to be touched continuously. My sensitive spots are my back, my arms, my neck and my sides. If someone touches me the right way then I get an oxytocin high which feels amazing and can last for days, but it's also possible to "rub me the wrong way" which doesn't feel so good. It's been tricky communicating this though; I can show people but it seems hard for them to imitate (only a few get it).

-- a subtle thing: not holding back. I think sometimes women may be worried about giving the wrong message if they cuddle someone too wholeheartedly. But in the context of platonic cuddling I'll never interpret an enthusiastic cuddle as sexual, just as someone being caring and loving, and I will treasure everything they give (more than I have words to say). And reciprocate with lots of affectionate cuddles too!

-- bonus things: a sense of humour and being playful sometimes; having cool life experiences; admirable things about them such as creativity, being intelligent, having integrity etc.

Finding all of those things in a single person is a lot to ask! Actually I don't expect them, I just take each person as they are. That's just a list of things that I've learned make a difference to cuddles for me.

ubergigglefritz

Love the post. I wish I could have a cuddle with you

Suede

Enjoyed your thoughtful post. I would definitely agree with all of your points on what makes a good cuddle. My favorite cuddles have definitely been where the client and I both allow ourselves to be vulnerable or what you described as letting your guard down. There's a difference between spooning in silence (while still nice) versus connecting on a soul and emotional level during a cuddle.

Also, an altered version of the theme song from Rent popped in my head. ?Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred cuddles! How do you measure a year??

Catloaf

Oh wow! We shared an anniversary of sorts! I celebrated my second year as a pro yesterday and this was so, so lovely to read. 1000% on not holding back. Reading that I was reminded of a session where my partner and I were like puzzle pieces, and had our bodies knitted and entwined together in a way which most people would think could only come from the closest of intimate relationships formed over years. But no, we were strangers, and this was only our second time meeting. I just simply loved that man's energy, and could feel him letting go of a lot of things just by the pressure of his hands round my back. Whatever he held onto literally flowed from his fingertips. We were both holding each other and shared a silent vulnerability. The reciprocation was just amazing, and not something I feel very often as I usually do need to focus on the needs of the other person and I have to be a provider...in this case, his touch actually truly provided to me in return. Our boundaries were explored, respected, and there was a confluence at the end of it. Eventually once you are familiar with where a person's needs lay, it all just becomes natural intuition where you need to go and you no longer need to ask. I was surprised to achieve that in this person's second session. And I usually take a very pragmatic approach to the oxytocin high as you might know, but with certain folks and in situations where there are truly no walls around either of us, I definitely do get that calming wave washing over my body, and radiating every fibre in me. That wave right there is the body's confirmation of safety and trust. There is truly nothing like it, and no other thing which can supply it.

respectful

@Catloaf "Our boundaries were explored, respected, and there was a confluence at the end of it"

I love being able to relax completely with someone because you both know where the boundaries are.

Boundaries are more freeing than limiting when you get them.

Great post sir.

calineur

Nice post, @respectful
This year I met several cuddling pros that I absolutely love and who reciprocated the same love through cuddles and every moment of interaction with them has been nothing but precious beyond words, really.
I also met two additional friends who are not cuddling pros but whose close friendship blossomed into cuddling. They are at two separate coasts of the USA and don't know each other but are both close and dearly loved.

Edit: Since you mentioned negative experiences, I had some less than stellar ones myself. One in particular from out of state. I was looking into her eyes and then I noticed how abnormally dilated her pupils were. Less noticeable suspicion of her being under the influence could be discerned in slightly excited and paranoic behavior and speech.

Sashamcgee

Yay! A year of cuddles! ?? I always love how thoughtful you and your posts are!

happybear

@respectful
This community has grown tremendously with the insights, education, statistics and logistics you've provided.
I'm so glad you received from it as well.
Waiting for a one of a kind statistical year lookback of oddities, changes, trends, aahha correlations...haha lol .

We are all worlds apart but are connected in a special way when there is cuddle comfort.
a truly @happybear

Tallmann

Thanks for sharing @respectful. This was an interesting read.

WandC

Thanks for sharing this is good stuff!

SunsetSnuggles

I stumbled across this old gem and just wanted to say thank you, @respectful, for all your lovely contributions to the message board! Loved reading this one.

~ Sunset Snuggles

🦄 Enthusiast 🏞 Travel Fiend 🐘 Animal Lover

LadyVel

Sometimes old posts are really nice to read. 😊
@respectful I love how you had broke down your experiences. Beautifully written.

cuddlefaery

@SunsetSnuggles thank you for resurrecting this one!

@respectful thank you for sharing your experience and thoughts!

Bear

This was a pleasure to read.

HarleyGirlKate

@SunsetSnuggles I'm glad you revived this thread too; it isn't new, of course, but it is new to me. I found the OP's sentiments well-said and beautiful.

@respectful: "Boundaries are more freeing than limiting when you get them. "

Well said and I feel strongly this way too where I might quote this in my profile. Mutual respect of boundaries is very freeing.

Seems kind of odd to me that someone would try to make money as a professional cuddler and be adverse to touching people to the point of wearing what sound like opera gloves.

Still, "odd" doesn't mean negative judgement to me, (I mean if we are all the sovereign rulers of our own lives and equal besides, who am I to judge in this case with the information I have?) and if I met the woman in question and we got to talking about cuddling and I felt like it was appropriate to ask, then I might.

Maybe to her cuddling was a way to make a quick buck, or maybe she was trying to work through some issues or trauma, or maybe she likes cuddling but has physical ailments or risks that make her decision the best one for her. So many possible reasons, and I'm a curious person....

So much more I could say, but this is enough for now.

cuddlefaery

@HarleyGirlKate I was picturing white cotton gloves 😅 which I actually wear when my hand eczema flared up, so it's not entirely impossible I might cuddle someone with long sleeves and gloves on.

For me, cuddling goes beyond skin-on-skin anyway. It's presence, pressure, tactile sensations, proprioception, warmth, emotional intimacy, nervous system regulation, etc. I think the over-emphasis on skin contact really does a disservice for cuddle experiences in general. Sensorial touch can be experienced without ever actually physically touching at all, even, so a bit of fabric between bodies really isn't that big of a barrier.

---

Totally a tangent, but as a fun little experiment:

I use this activity to teach kids about some of the somatosensory senses (in this case thermoreception, mechanoreception, and proprioception - or how we sense temperature, movement, and our body parts' positions in space and relation to one another). I've also taught it to adults, like cuddle clients, who have difficulty with body awareness like balance issues, telling left from right, "two left feet", hand-eye coordination, etc. It's a great starting place for learning how to pay attention to more of your body's senses than "the big 5". It's also a great grounding technique if you suffer from anxiety!

• Rub your hands together really fast for a minute to create friction and heat. Next, hover the palm of one hand over the forearm of the opposite arm. Without letting your hand touch your arm, see how close you can get it and then focus on what you can feel - heat? The hairs on your arms moving? Changes in air flow? A sense of pressure/presence?
• Now rub your hands together again, creating heat, then hover them over your face. Again, take a few minutes just noticing what you can sense until the warmth disappates.
• Repeat those same steps, but hover your hands over/around your feet.
• Finally, close your eyes and take some deep belly/diaphragmatic breaths. Without touching or moving anything - can you feel/sense where your hands are right now? How about your forearms? Your face? Your feet? Take a moment with each body part and notice what you can sense - temperature changes, pressure, air movement, muscle movement under the skin, blood pulsing, tendons flexing.
  Without actually moving, your body knows exactly where each body part is and which directions it's able to move in, based off of these sensory neurons and our brain's ability to interpret their signals. It happens automatically, unconsciously, but with practice we can become skilled at noticing the signals just like we notice smells, sights, sounds. Dancers, gymnasts, elite athletes all often have highly trained somatosensory systems in order to always know exactly where their body is and have full control over its movement. While some ability is inborn trait, a lot of it is learned skill and this is part of it - and now you know some too!

respectful

Thanks @SunsetSnuggles and everyone else!

It's like reading a five and a half year old journal entry.

cuddlefaery

@respectful any reflections on changes over the past years to share with us?

Morpheus

I remember you for years now @respectful you’re cuddle comfort royalty 👑

pmvines

@respectful
Always super helpful and knowledgeable without a hint of ego or pretense. Good to see you old friend

respectful

@Morpheus @pmvines Aw, thanks!

@cuddlefaery "any reflections on changes over the past years to share with us?"

The first person I mentioned in the original post got a boyfriend and left the site, which was quite hard at the time. That made me reflect a lot on getting attached to the people you cuddle, and whether each person might be seeing the "cuddle relationship" differently. I wrote this post around that time: Being demanding or grateful.