I've been here for 12 months now, and it's been interesting! I've met 15 people in person (mostly professionals), including ...
-- someone who couldn't be better. I am so so grateful for her, to the point of tears a couple of times (just by myself, not in front of her). She makes me feel so cared for and well treated. Half of my cuddles have been with her. She is away right now though, and there are no guarantees she will always be around. I've decided to just be thankful for the time we've had together rather than be sad when she's not here.
-- a non-professional who crossed boundaries and wanted to make things sexual. That was difficult to deal with, but I learned from that experience to always talk about boundaries with people and never assume they are on the same page about the platonic nature of cuddling. (She has left the site).
-- a professional who wore gloves and long sleeves! The message being, "I don't really want to touch you." Pretty odd.
I've also made some friends who are (currently) too far away for cuddles. There are some lovely people on this site. I think cuddling draws in a very interesting group of people.
Another discovery is that not all cuddles / cuddlers are the same. There is a combination of things that really touch me and make a cuddle wonderful:
-- the other person enjoying the cuddle. It's lovely to be able to make them feel nice too, and I enjoy giving as well as receiving. Though when I've mentioned that to some professionals, they have gone into receiving mode and stopped giving, which wasn't exactly what I meant.
-- being genuinely caring, which touches a part of me very deeply. I think I've missed out on that a bit!
-- letting their guard down. There can be a moment when I feel like someone has "let me in" and allowed me to be close to them emotionally, which makes me feel incredibly honoured, since trust is a big deal to me.
-- a certain kind of touch. Sometimes it's nice to just hold someone and be held, but most of the time it's lovely for me to be touched continuously. My sensitive spots are my back, my arms, my neck and my sides. If someone touches me the right way then I get an oxytocin high which feels amazing and can last for days, but it's also possible to "rub me the wrong way" which doesn't feel so good. It's been tricky communicating this though; I can show people but it seems hard for them to imitate (only a few get it).
-- a subtle thing: not holding back. I think sometimes women may be worried about giving the wrong message if they cuddle someone too wholeheartedly. But in the context of platonic cuddling I'll never interpret an enthusiastic cuddle as sexual, just as someone being caring and loving, and I will treasure everything they give (more than I have words to say). And reciprocate with lots of affectionate cuddles too!
-- bonus things: a sense of humour and being playful sometimes; having cool life experiences; admirable things about them such as creativity, being intelligent, having integrity etc.
Finding all of those things in a single person is a lot to ask! Actually I don't expect them, I just take each person as they are. That's just a list of things that I've learned make a difference to cuddles for me.
Love the post. I wish I could have a cuddle with you
Enjoyed your thoughtful post. I would definitely agree with all of your points on what makes a good cuddle. My favorite cuddles have definitely been where the client and I both allow ourselves to be vulnerable or what you described as letting your guard down. There's a difference between spooning in silence (while still nice) versus connecting on a soul and emotional level during a cuddle.
Also, an altered version of the theme song from Rent popped in my head. ?Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred cuddles! How do you measure a year??
Oh wow! We shared an anniversary of sorts! I celebrated my second year as a pro yesterday and this was so, so lovely to read. 1000% on not holding back. Reading that I was reminded of a session where my partner and I were like puzzle pieces, and had our bodies knitted and entwined together in a way which most people would think could only come from the closest of intimate relationships formed over years. But no, we were strangers, and this was only our second time meeting. I just simply loved that man's energy, and could feel him letting go of a lot of things just by the pressure of his hands round my back. Whatever he held onto literally flowed from his fingertips. We were both holding each other and shared a silent vulnerability. The reciprocation was just amazing, and not something I feel very often as I usually do need to focus on the needs of the other person and I have to be a provider...in this case, his touch actually truly provided to me in return. Our boundaries were explored, respected, and there was a confluence at the end of it. Eventually once you are familiar with where a person's needs lay, it all just becomes natural intuition where you need to go and you no longer need to ask. I was surprised to achieve that in this person's second session. And I usually take a very pragmatic approach to the oxytocin high as you might know, but with certain folks and in situations where there are truly no walls around either of us, I definitely do get that calming wave washing over my body, and radiating every fibre in me. That wave right there is the body's confirmation of safety and trust. There is truly nothing like it, and no other thing which can supply it.
@Catloaf "Our boundaries were explored, respected, and there was a confluence at the end of it"
I love being able to relax completely with someone because you both know where the boundaries are.
Boundaries are more freeing than limiting when you get them.
Great post sir.
Nice post, @respectful
This year I met several cuddling pros that I absolutely love and who reciprocated the same love through cuddles and every moment of interaction with them has been nothing but precious beyond words, really.
I also met two additional friends who are not cuddling pros but whose close friendship blossomed into cuddling. They are at two separate coasts of the USA and don't know each other but are both close and dearly loved.
Edit: Since you mentioned negative experiences, I had some less than stellar ones myself. One in particular from out of state. I was looking into her eyes and then I noticed how abnormally dilated her pupils were. Less noticeable suspicion of her being under the influence could be discerned in slightly excited and paranoic behavior and speech.
Yay! A year of cuddles! ?? I always love how thoughtful you and your posts are!
This community has grown tremendously with the insights, education, statistics and logistics you've provided.
I'm so glad you received from it as well.
Waiting for a one of a kind statistical year lookback of oddities, changes, trends, aahha correlations...haha lol .
We are all worlds apart but are connected in a special way when there is cuddle comfort.
a truly @happybear
Thanks for sharing @respectful. This was an interesting read.
Thanks for sharing this is good stuff!