I've often wondered whether attraction plays an important role in deciding on the person you choose to cuddle... Just curious!!
For most people, I imagine the answer is going to be “yes”, despite things specifically being platonic. I suppose this is conducive to fantasies and illusions. Which is fine, I guess, so long as people decide to not be lesser animals about it.
...which is hit or miss, really. And “miss” can be extremely detrimental, which calls into question how valid, exactly, attraction is while cuddling.
Personally, I think that it’s not valid criteria for finding someone to cuddle on this site.
Attraction is definantly important for me however that begs a better definition. If I'm going to hang out with my buddies its because there is something that draws me to them, something attracts us to each other, for me its kayaking.
I find many different things attract me to people but with out some level of attraction we probably won't experience more than a passing greeting.
In a cuddle connection some of the things that attract me toward someone are, what I see in their eyes, light, pain, dullness, dark, life, etc and each has its own affect on me for example, my empythizing part is attracted to pain but my alive part is attracted to life. Some I would cuddle to comfort some I would cuddle to receive or exchange. At another level I'm a slim bodied person who likes a slim to medium softness feel in a cuddle. Or if they have a common interest say in emotional well being, that's an attraction as well. To sum it up I'm personally finding that I'm drawn toward something or someone for a purpose and I'm on an interesting life adventure disvovering what those purposes are.
The question isn't very well defined. What kind of attraction? Remember... there's more than one type.
https://www.theodysseyonline.com/terms-of-attraction
Attraction is only partially aesthetic. If I am going to want to spend my time getting to know someone, hang out, and share space, then something about them would need to be attractive to me in some sense or another. And I don't mean looks necessarily either for you can be physically appealing and still be extremely off putting. For me there needs to be some basic connection and appealing characteristics to someone that attracts me to wanting to do this sort of thing with them. Regardless of whether it is a platonic context or not.
Hi mrcuddleuk
I agree with @DarrenWalker in that the question is open to interpretation.
Of course you wouldn't arrange to meet up and cuddle with someone you find repellant for one reason or another... whatever that reason is.
You must therefore be attracted to something about your prospective cuddle buddy... and to @caringtouch's point, there can be lots of reasons for that cuddle connection
If we are talking sexual/physical/aesthetic etc attraction, it does play an important part - in that ideally (as a form of physical desire) it would be completely absent... that is, not even a consideration.
let me explain my thinking:
To quote vocabulary.com "This word platonic refers to the writings of Plato, an ancient Greek philosopher who wrote on the interesting subject of love. Platonic love and platonic friendships are marked by the absence of physical or sexual desire"
I truly believe - and have lived this belief for over 25 years - that it is possible to maintain healthy platonic friendships where physical affection is shared through hugging/cuddling without things becoming sexualised...
Things get tricky, and need to be reigned in (or stopped completely if you have a significant other!) when one, or indeed both, of the cuddle buddies starts to develop non platonic feelings for the other... It could be problematic indeed if you open with that physical attraction!
I have always thought of my cuddle buddies as brothers and sisters - I'm there for them when they need to talk, cuddle, cry, ask for advice - anything. We support each other. When they feel sad or alone, I offer them the mental and/or physical human contact (lets call it "companionship" or "fellowship") that is so sadly lacking in todays society.
I would no sooner get sexually intimate with them than I would with my own biological brother or sister, and that's normal, and understood - cos that would be really weird, right?
Bottom line, depends what you meant in the question but if it was along the lines of physical attractiveness, I'm with @hogboblin... probably not a valid criteria for selection in this community
Of course the answer is yes for most clients I'm pretty sure a lot of pros don't care what you look like as long as they are getting there money.
@mrcuddleuk can clarify if he wants to but I am pretty sure he is just talking about physical attraction and whether that plays a role when choosing a cuddle partner. This topic has been discussed before and I think the consensus is that it does play a role for most people including pro-cuddlers, and I know that the few pros that post on the board and are real pros in the sense that they are really here to help people while making a living at it will chime and say that it doesn't matter to them and it is true, but not for the casual pro that only does this occasionally. Same goes for the enthusiasts, most will give looks a high priority on their search, except again for the regular forum contributors (the few, the proud) that are here for the right reasons.
Hi @DarrenWalker @cuddleversed @Davy75 thank you for your input but I did leave the general question vague on purpose to what I meant in attraction, as we all know it takes all forms, if I had specified a particular trait of attraction I wouldn't be getting such a variety response on your views. This is why I kept it open.
At first it wasnt but now most definitely lol
I'm sure you'll find attractive people get far more messages. It's always been that way. I bet attractive cave women got more cave men interested. As for me, I haven't got any potential cuddlers to choose from so for me it's a hypothetical question.
I have cuddled before with people that many people did not view as attractive physically. I still had a good time. Our bonding was based on many similar interests.? I think for most cuddlers physical attraction is high on the list though but I am open if connection exists.
@DarrenWalker @TallMuscleGrad You guys nailed it for me. While I confess that I can find _something _ physically attractive about almost anybody I meet, I need to be attracted to a person’s personality/aura if I’m going to cuddle.
I joke about how aesthetics are quite based on a good punnett square.
AKA, in my dry humor, it's all science. genetics, my friends. it's a "skin bag" to hold who we are. ?
Now, who we are... That's kinda neat.
Maybe I'm alone in that. But still feels right to me.
Punnett square.. http://scienceprimer.com/punnett-square-calculator
Kudos MissAdventurous ?❤
Wow, what an Interesting thread and take on Attraction @mickcuddles I especially ditto the three guys comments you IDed !! But everyone's comments here are rich and poignant to the question. Hence some things already stated I will only add a little of my own experience, perspective and flavor! Many like myself and the world admire and are sometime drawn to the aesthetics of a pretty face or gr8 looking body more times than none ie; just look at how so many things are sold and advertised by putting a pretty woman in the Ad. Even and especially the faces and bodies in Women"s Magazines or Men's Motobike Magazines etc ! That being said I like @TallMuscleGrad and @others would, if given opportunities would enjoy and find pleasure in cuddling the not so attractive and even unattractive physically, due to having other areas of attraction ie: things in common. Common likes or desires, met or more likely unmet, perceived pain, emotional pain. aloneness,, skin or touch starvation, and much more. We all see and read it in the profiles day after day. But even as often as those conditions are stated time and times again How often is the offer to step into their lives via a CC warm, earnest and genuine introduction ignored or rejected outright !! It's amazing to me how often that is the case in my own experiences as I reach out our respond to profiles. How plank the page and return reresponse ! And I feel. like any new relationship you follow the steps in getting acquainted step by step and stage to stage which in our community is platonic coddling with options of Public, Guest or Host.! How many males or females never even let it progress to that point with all the great group of cuddlers at CC I mean this genuinely ? Enough said !
Smilealot @Smileralot the above being stated let me put my plug in Now ! I'm willing and open to meeting, greeting and communicating, with the purpose of potentially cuddling females of any age up to about 80 years old. I love and enjoy people, I appreciate the human race of which we all are a part! The foibles and brokenness and often sadness are mostly all caused by mankind and likewise the necessary improvements and needed changes to better life all around will and must be done by man (mankind) !! I'm a traveler therefore willing to travel outside my Philadelphia area, so you ladies who read my above text and feel left out, shy, a little fearful but hopeful that someone really nice, kind, caring, gentle, and mature and respectful would actually be a great first, second or more cuddler for you, I am He... hit me up !!
@mrcuddleuk: Ah. The vagueness was deliberate. I see. Well, then.
I would say that I don't need to be attracted to someone sexually, romantically, aesthetically, emotionally, or even sensually in order to cuddle with them.
In other words: I don't need to be drawn to have sex with them, have a romantic relationship with them, stare at them, be emotionally open with them, or touch them. No matter who it is, I'm going to be repulsed by the thought of having sex with them, so sexual attraction is out. No matter who it is, I'm going to be disgusted by the thought of having a romantic relationship with them, so romantic attraction is out.
If they look good enough that my eyes are drawn back to them over and over again, that's a nice bonus—but not necessary, so aesthetic attraction isn't important. I don't even care if they could win a gurning contest without so much as moving a single muscle in their face.
If they seem like the sort of person I could have deep, thoughtful, emotionally intense conversations with, that's good—but emotional attraction, while nice, isn't necessary either. And if they seem like the kind of person I could never be open with? That's unfortunate (I like conversation), but fine. We don't have to talk, after all. Just cuddle.
And if they look extremely touchable, such that I feel about their curves and/or planes the way I feel about fleece? That is also a nice bonus—but also not necessary. Sensual attraction is wonderful and all, but I have blankets that aren't fleece and they work just fine. The important thing is that I don't get grossed out from the thought of touching whatever it is I'm touching, be it a cuddle partner or a blanket. Sensual repulsion is what people try for when they put together those bowls of ick for haunted houses. Anything less than that's fine for a cuddle buddy.
So I'd say attraction (of any kind) isn't terribly important for a platonic cuddle, no—what's important is finding someone I don't find emotionally or tactilely disgusting.
Which, frankly... isn't too tricky.
Damn some of you guys have TOO much time on your hands lol ya'll writing essays over this stuff hahaha Get a life
@,DarrenWalker thanks for the laughter and smiles !!
Ooh, look, a troll.
@Navyman1010: Essays are easy. They don't even take time. Mock me when I've written a light novel.
@mickcuddle I agree. Personality and other factors can be attractive to me as well even if physical attraction is limited. I have met attractive women before but been turned off by unpleasant personality. I have also met people that many would consider not berybohysicalky attractive before but cuddle due to commonalities in other areas. Personality and similar interests are most important for me in a cuddle buddy.
Judging by the preferred age answers I would say that for cuddlecomfort its very important.If everything was truly platonic I would think age was of little importance.
@DarrenWalker Ok, you win, not that there is a contest to win or lose. You mention that the only people you wouldn’t cuddle are those that you find emotionally or tactiley disgusting.
I like to pretend that I’m too kind to make such a harsh judgement. The truth is kindness has little or nothing to do with it; I’m just too much of a coward to be that blunt.
@mickcuddle: Not sure I'm brave or cruel—just blunt. Which hasn't won me many popularity contests, but hey. The few awards I have won are so worth it.
Anyway, yeah: I'll cuddle pretty much anybody. Or, to put it another way:
I don't think it's too terribly harsh to tell someone that your sensory system just so happens to be set up in such a way that it responds badly (or even very badly) to some quality they happen to possess. I mean, it's not like we get to pick how our senses work or what our bodies look like—I didn't design my skin, for example, to scream at me whenever it encounters certain textures. It just happens.
And if people's personalities don't mesh, it's unlikely that they'll be able to make long-term cuddle arrangements work out. And why would they try when there are other, less mutually repulsive options?
So... what harsh judgement?
For me, personality plays a big part in attractiveness. The most beautiful person in the world could have a horrible personality, and I wouldn't be attracted to them at all.
Some level of attraction (hobbies, personality, etc.) is important. Though most of all, respect and consideration for one another. Physical attraction, not so much.
If someone's body type is much bigger than me
(quite past small/skinny to average)
depending on how well we are connecting I might still try to cuddle with them. Though, generally I'd feel inadequate that I might not be able to comfort them as much and ideally I'd like my cuddles to be more or less mutually beneficial.
@DarrenWalker New Years Hug coming your way!
@mickcuddle: And a skinny little 5'3" New Year's hug right back at you! С новым годом, everybody.
I find this interesting. Do people see platonic cuddling as a kind of substitute for romance or sex that feeds their fantasies, if they can't get the real thing? Do people end up here because they really want platonic cuddles, or because they have tried regular dating and haven't had any lack - so this is like a last resort or Plan B? It gives me the impression that people end up here not because it's their first choice and what they truly want, but because they are desperate for whatever crumbs of intimacy and connection they can find.
Personally I prefer to be good friends with anyone I consider cuddling, so it helps to have a good rapport. I also expect people to be hygienic and clean. The most important thing is that I feel relaxed and at ease with someone. However, aesthetic, sexual or romantic attraction are not a factor for me in cuddling.
I have some fwb but most of my friemds are strictly platonic. I feel the fwb help to keep others platonic because i have that outlet. I think those who put all their eggs in one basket so to speak may have a more difficult time keeping context to their platonic relationships .