I am new and nervous to even respond to all messages. How do I know folks reaching me are genuine cuddler and not some creeper? No disrespect to anyone, just too new to navigate and figure out.
There’s no way of knowing a person’s true intentions. Good luck!
Just be polite and when someone is creepy politely say you’re no longer interested, if they start freaking out block. Good luck, I get how you feel so if you need advice I’m happy to listen
Sigh. There got to be a better way! Sounds like I have to meet them outside or something
The longer you chat with someone the more likely you are likely to see red flags if something doesn’t feel right, it’s probably not, conversely someone who agrees with everything you say and likes everything you do, well that’s a unicorn, i I’ve not seen one they’er probably not real. Public cuddles can be awesome, meet up at a public park bring a blanket, some coffee play some music on your phone, if is not the right session, invite a friend around they don’t have to be in the same room, can be a great comfort to you and completely off putting for someone with Nefarious intent.
Correspond. If there's mutual and continued interested, setup a phone discussion (aside: Google voice is a great way to communicate, and it's a Google # instead of your personal phone, and in case of trolls and jerks - block is excellent). Meet for coffee/tea in a public place. There's a lot of IFs to get there, but if there is still mutual agreement, then setup a cuddle.
Best of luck to you!
It can help if someone has a "Good Karma" score. If they've been on the site for a long time and haven't been deactivated by admin is a great indicator, assuming they've actually gone on cuddles. You can have your first cuddle at a movie theater. Pick a theater that has big seats. In the end, though, you can never be 100 percent certain, but this is true about everything in life. Given the risk/return ratio of cuddling,, I'd say it's worth it. You get so much from cuddling and the risk is so tiny.
. . . also, I've been contacted by a lot of girls who'd like to cuddle. I know most girls are as apprehensive as you are. They end up chickening out. I wish I could figure out a way to convey to them how safe, and loving, and caring I am and how sweetly I would treat them. You feel love in your heart and you know you have this power to fulfill their need to be held but they're too afraid to actually do it. That's really sad. Girls who are too afraid are missing out and they're often the ones who need the healing benefits of cuddling the most. Bold girls get more out of life! Take risks!
@trazom56
"...how sweetly I would treat them. You feel love in your heart and you know you have this power to fulfill their need to be held..."
Huh. That's not strange at all.
"chickening out"
"Girls who are too afraid are missing out..."
"Bold girls get more out of life! Take risks!"
None of that seems dismissive. Or self-serving.
How eerie.
Hobgoblin,. Boy, are you cynical! I believe in my heart very word I wrote. Wanting shy or apprehensive girls to enjoy life is not self-serving. It's actually called love. You apparently don't understand that. I always wonder why people who see the world differently feel the need to imagine negative motivations for those they disagree with.
@hogboblin +1
@trazom56 How's that working for you? Seems a bit over the top and aggressive to me... it's not your job to "convince them they should trust you because you said they should..." it's their job to decide IF and WHEN to trust you because you are consistent, kind, friendly and become trustworthy in their eyes. Dude... really. WOW.
@cuddlygirlhugs - There have been several threads on checking people out. I suggest you do the work of going back and looking at previous posts where people discussed this subject at some length. Another good place to look is the Professional's forum, since they have to deal with this issue more than anyone else.
"Wanting shy or apprehensive girls to enjoy life is not self-serving. It's actually called love."
That...actually made my skin crawl. No, sir, I don't understand your concept of love. Nor do I want to understand it. Furthermore, I think it's extremely unfortunate that it made an appearance in this thread.
I'd equate it to a post about going for a ride in a windowless van, sniffing rags, and numerous hypothetical questions regarding what kind of lampshade one might be. That's how off-putting that above excerpt is.
Seriously, dude, reconsider your approach.
TouchisTLC, It has worked out great. I've had four cuddling relationships over the past four years from this site. The first one lasted 2 years. the second was a little over a year, the third was a visitor from out of town and we cuddled every day for hours. The last one was about three months. They were all beautiful. I've seen the amazing power we have to help each other. Evolution made us this way and we should embrace it. The last person I was with was extremely depressed and she said cuddling relieved her of that.
I love this website and I wish more people would use it. The world would be a more beautiful place. I think about all the lonely and depressed people in the world and I feel love and compassion for them. I was actually considering asking admin if I could put up ads on message boards at colleges and assisted living facilities. I really believe in it that much.
I never said it was my job to convince someone of anything. Yes, of course, it is up to others to decide to trust me or anyone else. I never said, thought or implied otherwise. There are lots of people who would love to cuddle but are too apprehensive. People who contact you and set up a meeting date but never show up. (This happened to me once) Some people are angry when that happens. I feel compassion for them. I do wish there were away for people to know that others are good people through texting or a phone conversation. Unfortunately, that may not be. There's nothing wrong with wishing there were a way.
Esse quam videri
Hogboblin, My concept of love is to care for others. It seems that you are suggesting I'm a kidnapper. You equate my statement, "Wanting shy or apprehensive girls to enjoy life is not self-serving. It's actually called love," with kidnapping?
I'm going to stop responding to your posts.
I'm just saying that what you wrote is amazingly creepy.
If what you wrote was a person, they'd be a withered old man in a trench coat. Their pale skin would be glistening with sweat, they'd be leering, and saliva would drip from their lips into a nest of grey chest hair. They'd mumble while intertwining their fingers vigorously--like pallid spiders dancing to a mad beat, and they'd shuffle from one foot to the other. This person would also be wearing knee-high socks with sandals.
They might also derive pleasure from something so innocuous as a gentle breeze--they'd shudder and release an orgiastic sigh as the wind hit them, which would also have the effect of dispersing their scent. Kind of like a perverse spore that reeks of antiseptic and decay.
@cuddlygirlhugs well maybe all are quite intrigued about how you look, since you don't have any photos of you here.
I don't know how you plan to meet someone here, do you like blind dates?
Anyway to find a nice cuddle buddy it will takes effort to do, you need to interact with people.
But if you interact behind a mask, well you have even more work to do, and plenty of disappointments to pass through.
OK, hogboblin, one last response. I can't help how you see things. I worked in a government service job (I'm not saying what kind, because I'm concerned about you) I was told by every supervisor that I had that I'm extremely good with people. The reason I am is because I truly care and that's what I view as love. I often spend hours at a time with people helping them. I was even asked to give a class at a conference on helping people. I've gone to their houses to fix their computers on my own time for free. I do volunteer desert rescue when it is hot out. I carry 5 gallons of water everyday it is over 85 F in Las Vegas a mile out over rocky terrain to a hydration station I built. It has an electrolyte dispenser that I built that has three tubes filled with packets. One for sugar, one for sodium chloride, and one for potassium chloride with instructions on how to make an electrolyte drink. I hike the trail and assess every person I walk by. If they are doing something dangerous, I talk to them about if. If I see someone having issues, I help them. Often this involves cooling and hydration techniques. I cool them using a large wet towel. It is called evaporative cooling and it is highly effective. I also bring water, Gatorade and Cliff bars to get their electrolyte levels back up. I've carried over 1100 gallons of water out to that station. I have walked so many people out of the trails, I can't even count them. Last may, I carried a small person out. Those trails get over 120 F often and people have no idea how fast they can get severely dehydrated. Why do I do this? Because back in 2014, I walked by a girl who later died of a heat stroke. I was devastated by that.
I spend a great deal of time thinking about making the world a better place and I feel love for everyone. That thinking has given me a different perspective on the world than some have. It is a different way of thinking. I do not appreciate being smeared by you as a "kidnapper." This will be the last time I respond to you.
I didn't say you were a kidnapper. I just said that what you wrote was creepy.
If someone used necromancy to bring Edward Gein back to life, explained to him the internet, and asked him to compose a post here on CC, the Butcher of Plainfield would undoubtedly come up with something as creepy as parts of your post.
In my opinion.
@trazom56 whether its creepy, self serving , whatever, you are already engaged with others in that debate so i will stay out of that. I will say however that what i am interpreting comes across as feeling you think you know what is best for the person. I am more a meet them where they are at and allow them to determine what they are comfy with. It seems to disregard and negate the situation for the other person.
pmvines, not at all. I don't know what is best for everyone. Everyone is different and I couldn't possibly know that. It seems this goes without saying. I'm merely giving my best advice based on a lot of experience I've had and thinking I've done. This is all I can do. Of course, anyone is free to agree or disagree with anyone else.
"I am more a meet them where they are at and allow them to determine what they are comfy with. It seems to disregard and negate the situation for the other person." If I interpret what you are saying correctly, I don't see how what I wrote conflicts with your statement. That is something I agree with and have done. Of the four people I met in person, I have had long-term cuddling relationships with three of them and a four-day relationship with an out-of-town visitor. They were all wonderful, mutually beneficial relationships. One wanted to get married. In no way do I disregard or advocate disregarding any situation for another person. I believe I wrote about caring about others. This seems to be precisely the opposite of your interpretation. I just reread, again, what I wrote and I don't see anything that suggest that "I disregard and negate the situation for the other person." Perhaps you can quote the passage.
Venetian would like to thank Martians for all feedback and contribution. Surprisingly not a single Venetian bothered to chime-in. Umm!
Oh, you don't need venetians blinding you from the darkness of martians.
drag out the convo, get to know them. creeps reveal themselves after a bit
Message, message, message. Talk about boundaries early on. Look for red flags. Sign up for an anonymous second phone number, and text, text, text. Set up a public meet at a coffeehouse prior to your first cuddle session, and talk again about boundaries. Listen carefully and evaluate their responses to your questions. If you're comfortable enough to schedule a cuddle session, tell someone who you're meeting, where you're going, and when you'll be back.
If you're nervous, don't let your cuddle buddy pressure you into doing something you aren't comfortable doing. Contrary to what some cuddlers try to tell you, cuddles don't have to happen in private locations. Movie theaters are excellent cuddle spots, especially during the winter months and especially if you can do them during matinees or older movies when the theater won't be crowded. Make sure to find a theater in your area with moveable armrests though, because those can be really annoying. Sit in the back row, and get your cuddle on. If things go sideways, you can scream your head off and get help or easily get up and leave.
Ngl @trazom56 the more someone says "I'm a nice guy" the more suspect I am of that person being a nice guy. The reality is, I don't know enough about you to make that call, but I can say that your comment was pretty offensive to assume that because a person is cautious about their safety because "That's really sad. Girls who are too afraid are missing out and they're often the ones who need the healing benefits of cuddling the most. Bold girls get more out of life! Take risks!" Is some serious b.s. especially to tell a person who may be reading this so took that 'little risk' you call it and was hurt.
For that comment alone, I do not think of you as a good person.
@trazom56 It is the general tone of your message i am responding to, not just the words used. There are reasons why women might be afraid or shy or cautious that have to do with safety, security, and issues that men might simply not understand. It does come across as dismissive and in disregard to imply they would be happier if they were more bold and took more risks. Whether that is your intent or not, it is how it is coming across. You are acting oblivious.
Hi Laylanie, I’m unclear as to why you think that statement reflects a bad person.
I stand my statement. Bold girls(and guys) get more out of life. This seems self evident. Those who are afraid to engage with others, to fully engage in the positive aspects of our humanity, to go outside, to explore our amazing world, are missing out. When they do it out of a distorted sense of fear, that is very sad. I know from experience. I was extremely shy growing up and didn’t branch out until about 10 years ago. I missed out on so much life and that makes me sad when I think about it. That time and most of those opportunities and relationships I would have had, if not for my fear, will always be gone. I don’t want that for anyone. My advice here is well intended. I’m not sure why anyone would view it differently.
I’m not saying that person is a sad person. I just think it is sad situation that that person is missing out without good reason. (I just looked the word sad up in the dictionary because it occurred to me that you might be using a different definition of the word sad than I am. I’m using the definition, “regretful.” You might be hearing the definition, “pathetic,” which is a usage I’ve heard only rarely. It is not commonly used that way my culture. If you were using the latter definition, I would agree with you, that would be a mean and offensive thing to say. I meant that it’s regretful that someone misses out on life without a good reason. Different cultures often use the same words in different ways. I suspect that’s where your offense might be coming from.
Yes, there is risk in life. A tiny risk means that a tiny percentage who take that risk are going to get hurt. I can’t imagine why stating that would be hurtful or offensive to anyone who has been hurt. I think they would find it reassuring. What you’re saying to them is that they got unlucky. I’ve said this to many people who have been hurt by something that was very unlikely. What you’re telling them is that it’s not their fault and that they didn’t do anything stupid -- they just go unlucky.
Did I miss what you find offensive in my statement? If so, please clarify further. If not, good night!
Thanks!
Hi pmvines,
I'm very aware that there are reasons, often very good, to be worried about one's safety. Especially for women! Many women have talked to me about this. I'm also very aware that, mostly because of the media, we have a distorted sense of fear. The media makes it seem that things are getting worse. In fact, the world is much, much safer than it's ever been. Some examples include: The likelihood of stranger child abduction is extremely low, yet people are afraid to let their kids play outside. Kids miss out on important development because of that. Someone calculated that you would have to leave your kid alone in the car for 700,000 years before he or she would be abducted. Yet, we arrest parents for doing so, even if the windows are lowered and it's mild outside. Another example, the rates of rape have plummeted since the early 1990s, yet most people think they've gotten worse. Stranger rape happens, but it is extremely rare. Another, rates of all violence have plummeted, yet people are more fearful than they have been in decades. Another, people think that students killed by gunfire at schools is getting worse and worse. In reality, out of 55 million students only about 10 per year get killed at school. This has been consistent since the 90s (2018 did have a spike because of one large shooting and one copycat), yet we scare kids by putting them through active shooter drills. They have a much higher chance of dying during the ride to school Another, many people think police shootings have gotten worse, yet they are remarkably consistent year to year and low considering our population level. You should always be careful but aware of the actual risks you're taking. If you have a distorted view of the risks, you might be missing out in life, and that would be a shame. This is my point! Don't let a distorted sense of fear get in the way of your life! I've seen it happen to far too many people, including me.
Pmvines, I wasn't implying that all women should take more risks but was suggesting that people who are too afraid will miss out if they don't , so everyone should find the right balance. In one of my earlier posts, I borrowed a reasoning technique from finance: the risk/return ratio. Everyone has their own ratio that can be graphed as a line. On the Y, is return. On the X, is risk. A person whose fears were not distorted would be willing to take any risk that is on or above the line. If you are taking only risks below that line because of a distorted sense of fear, you are missing out on life. Most people want to maximize their return in life. To do so, we have to have a good understanding of risk, not a distorted one. In looking at statistics, reading books such as Pinker's "Enlightenment Now!," and talking to women who often think the world is getting more dangerous, I've come to the conclusion that too many people (women and men) have a very distorted sense of risk and are missing out in life. And that is truly a shame.
This rest of this post is directed not specifically at you, pmvines, but all those who responded to my posts. I'm sure you recognize that communicating through the internet often lead to misunderstandings. Face to face is usually better. There is a great new year's resolution from Johnathan Haidt that would make the internet a much nicer place to be:
"I will give less offense (i.e., be more polite) I will take less offense (i.e., give others the benefit of the doubt) I will pass on less offense (i.e., not be the sort of retweeter Russian trolls want me to be)" (I'm not suggesting anyone here is a Russian troll, but I hope everyone gets the message)
I had only good intentions in my posts but I feel I've been nitpicked to death, my posts have been unreasonably read, I've been accused of being a faker, a flasher, a bad person, a kidnapper with a van and chlorophyll, "Kind of like a perverse spore that reeks of antiseptic and decay." etc. All this on a website that supposed to be about caring for each other! These are "mostly" insane reactions to my posts. Every message board develops its own culture. This one has gone batty! I think I won't be using these message boards anymore. It's not worth the stress or the time. If anyone else wants to demonize, rest assured, I won't be responding. Have fun and good night!
Sorry, one last thought, In philosophy, there has been a movement towards steelmanning an argument. In steelmanning, you take the best possible interpretation of an argument and try to strengthen it even more. Then you argue against that position. It seems to be fashionable among some on this message board to take the worst possible (or most bizarre) interpretation of someone’s argument, assert it as if that’s his actual argument, and them demonize him for making it. Why would you want to live that way!
As I said before, I will not be visiting the CC message boards again. Good night!