Do Virtual Cuddles Work?

HappinessHenry

Dear Fellow (and Female!) Cuddlers. I see a fellow Australian (Pro) Cuddler kindly offering V (for vitual or video?) "remote" (ie via Skype presumably) cuddles at their regular, not at all insubstatial, price.

Has anyone received, or given, such a long distance cuddle please? And, if so, what are your kind thoughts on their validity and efficacy, please?

And, if they are valid, what about purely audio phone cuddles? Or even the possible energetic power of imagining/visualising cuddling, OR BEING CUDDLED BY, the other person?

Catloaf

@HappinessHenry Personally, I would liken it to being more efficient as maybe a coaching experience. A lot of life coaches offer their counselling sessions over the phone or on Skype, but what exactly is it if a professional cuddler does it? Would a massage therapist be able to offer their services over the phone? No, because their service is physical and to receive it you need to be touched. I don't really consider "phone cuddles" a thing - you're really just fantasizing and talking to someone. Energy exchange though...I wonder if that might be more achievable.

hogboblin

Cuddling and physical touch are inextricably bound together.

In an attempt to discern what “virtual cuddling” might be like, I consulted Cleverbot.

It did not go well.

HappinessHenry

Thanks @Catloaf and @hobgoblin

@hobgolin I'm afraid I didn't know what Cleverbot was so I put into Cleverbot "Cleverbot is" and I got

Cleverbot is

Nichts.

As far as I remember my German, Nichts means "nothing".

hogboblin

@HappinessHenry

That sounds about right.

Rexagon

The effectiveness really depends on the parties involved. I've had successful (sure, as defined by me) virtual cuddles with people I share a spiritual or emotional connection. I have not had any professional cuddle sessions.

hogboblin

@Rexagon

Cuddling involves touching another human. What does virtual cuddling entail? I’m seriously curious.

@hogboblin: Beats me. Emotional support and validation? Not really a cuddle, just kind words and facial expressions?

The closest you could get to an actual cuddle would probably be something like a meditation tape: "We are sitting on a couch. The room is a pleasant temperature, and smells faintly of cinnamon. I wrap my arm around your shoulders and you snuggle into me. I rest my cheek on the top of your head."

hogboblin

@DarrenWalker

Maybe we should do a video chat soon. I’ll stare directly into the camera and say things like, “I think you’re pretty neat,” and “I am curling up next to you—within kicking range.” I could even emit a horrified scream!

@hogboblin: [snicker] You looking directly into a camera should be fun. Especially with me looking right back.

I'd want to turn my volume down before the screaming, I think.

Isn’t this basically what guided meditations, ASMR videos, or the “chat lines” from the 1990’s-2000’s are all about?

Is there someone getting paid for this that can explain the difference to me?

Rexagon

@hogboblin A poke in the ribs, or manual strangulation, also involves touching another human. Consider how cuddling differs from other forms of touch - not merely the physical contact differences, but also the physical, emotional and spiritual outcomes. A virtual cuddle strives for these outcomes. It may do so through the use of narration and sounds - or other ways the cuddler devises.

pmvines

Seems there would have to be an awful lot of talking involved. Not good for folks who prefer to sit in silence.

Virtual or video could work but both parties must really know and understand each other.

pmvines

I don't really see anything as it relates to cuddling to be honest. Interaction is interaction no matter the context or device used, but cuddling is tactile. Otherwise you are just talking to someone on the phone or online. Not the same definition criteria as cuddling.

@pmvines: Agreed. Now, you might be able to use a different method to get the same results that you would from a cuddle—but it would be (at the risk of repeating myself) a different method. Not cuddling.

pmvines

@DarrenWalker true true. Considering that I am not much a phone talker nor skyper, and when I do cuddle I tend to like to just relax and be quiet, I don't see how it could work for me. Too many variables that just don't fit right and too many accommodations to be made.

Virtual or video cuddling would only work in dire need circumstances and again both parties must really know and understand and in tune with one another.

PaulaDahla

I have done a few virtual cuddles with the same person. The first time it was a lot of talking yes. But as we continued we actually just started staring at each other and enjoying the "presence" of each other. We both felt a physical benefit; a calming, and quieting of my mind and body. For me there was almost a warmth spreading through me like a physical touch, and the way he was smiling sometimes I think he feels it also. We put the camera's in different positions to simulate different POV. In fact at one point I even closed my eyes and we were both quiet just knowing the other was there.
It is indeed much gazing and verbal affirmation, but it's also at least for the two of us. a desire to connect. Because we were both of the same mindset we enjoyed gazing, being quiet, giving occasional affirmations. He is in to ASMR but I'm not. It wasn't a physical cuddle since three states separated us, but we would also plan them. Right attire, right location, and right mindset.
They were so nice we started planning them. Our next step when we pick up again will be how to fall asleep together while on video. Basically how can we make it so that we will eventually both hang up and be able to sleep through the night without fear of continued recording showing oneself drooling or recording the loud snores coming from the other side.
There are multiple ways to cuddle, physical is only one. Even though he's currently taking a break from the site we can actually keep on keeping on because we both agreed to be in the same headspace. We are also in the same time zone though which does help.

It's not something that I would do with everyone though. There needs to be a certain connection before participating in video cuddles. You also need to be okay with being recorded up close and personal; extremely close since we would often put the camera on a chest or breast and angle it so the other person felt like his/her head was on the chest and gazing up to the face. One of my favorites was when he put the camera on his arm around the bicep/elbow area. He has even devised a stand so he can prop his camera.

If you don't have many cuddlers around then it is the next best thing.

laylanie

@PaulaDahla. Back when I was dumb and young I was in a very long distance relationship which was something along those lines. I never really thought of it as virtual cuddling though till you brought it up.
One thing that we use to do is purposely build like a blanket fort to stream from so that there was a more closed in feel to the conversation.

I generally hate things along the lines of asmr, but I did enjoy the stillness of these calls. Even if it wasn't with a camera and it was simply the sense of being comfortable in silence.

I don't know how easy I would be able to do this now, as I do have a very strong tie to this as being really special because it was something I shared with a person I was dating, so it almost feels 'dirty' moving it to a platonic session even though all those times I did do it, it was never sexual, ya know? Bah. This is hard to explain for me cause I can't seem to find the right words to describe it.

All I know is the only thing that's changed from then and now though is that I am no longer young anymore! Lol

PaulaDahla

Agreed. Like @wesk stated virtual cuddles would work if both people went into it with some sort of already established relationship and being in the same mindset. For the man I did it with we had been chatting privately here for quite some time before, then went to email, then phones. He said it perfectly actually ~ we became in tune with each other.

I do understand because that's the way it is for us also. Intimate not sexual, it's actually crazy how being connected but silent really connects two people. We were both fully dressed in our pajamas or lounge wear and nothing sexual happened during the video's. It's the just knowing that even though we are ridiculously far away we are both intentionally making the time to be connected in our own spaces. It kind of intensifies that connection and no talking is required. Oops, we weren't actually on the same time zone, he's an hour ahead of me but has a hard time falling asleep so there was nothing like being tucked into bed, having a cuddle, then turning out the light and going to sleep! I swear to God, those endorphins were in full effect during those chats!

I don't think it's something I would offer to just anyone, I don't think I could establish a connection like that all the time. It does take advance preparation to have a good video cuddle. It also takes trust, since closing your eyes on a video call could potentially lead to opening them to a dick pick in real time! Or some other naughty thing I don't know is happening by feel. If hands are going places or clothing is being rearranged I'd feel it in person and be able to open my eyes and stop it before it got out of hand(or into it).

@laylanie And you wouldn't do it with anyone you didn't have a special bond with, now husband, since it began for you as a romantic relationship!

I could easily do a video cuddle with someone just talking and affirming. But that's different a totally different but necessary type of cuddle!

TouchIsTLC

I would assume a "virtual cuddle" is similar to having a nice conversation with a friend or family member to get the same effect of a real cuddle or as close to it as is reasonable. But with a person you are paying that doesn't know you... nah, not for me. Doesn't even compute to what they could offer.

UKGuy

If there's no physical touch, it isn't cuddling. It might be something else but it isn't cuddling. PS. That's the worst survey I've ever seen.

PaulaDahla

Agree with both @ukguy and @TouchIsTLC Henry, you need to phrase your questions better, and I wouldn't think a pro would offer a good virtual cuddle unless it was a different type of video cuddle that one would pay for. Maybe the Pro the OP found needs to be looked at to see what her "video cuddles" entail. Hmm....

BlueIris

"Virtual" cuddles are ridiculous. It's called "talking on the phone." Cuddles by definition involves touching another person.

Rexagon

@PaulaDahla - are you backtracking on what you said previously?

The adjective modifies the noun, distinguishing virtual cuddles from (physical) cuddles. I wonder how many "cuddles" obtained or sought are cuddles in the strictest use of the word.
Virtual cuddles are not for everyone, nor do I expect them to be the same from every Pro (or enthusiast) that offers them.

@HappinessHenry Only you can answer whether the person (Pro) offering the service can satisfy your needs by asking them how they work, what you can expect, for a sampler, and so on. As these are virtual, what does their location offer (Ausie accent, perhaps) that others can't? Shop around. Can it work? Why not? I'm also a proponent of self-cuddling, so take my suggests with a grain of your choice.

PaulaDahla

Nope. No backpedaling on my part. I don't believe a video cuddle from a pro would be worth anything unless it was a different type of "cuddle".

My comment about doing video cuddles earlier means that I could easily do the virtual or video cuddle with anyone if it just includes affirmations and talking.

A true video cuddle would be much harder since a like mind or a connection to take place first.

So the type I described first I am sticking to those being rare and few. Much like Laylanie described it's almost romantic because of the amount of connection needed to feel those endorphins. I wouldn't allow myself to get that close to most people, it's like finding someone you can just click with and the more you talk the more you realize you are meant to be great friends.

Talking and giving someone a shot of verbal feel-goods I could do anytime with anyone. By phone or video. A chat, not an actual cuddle.

As far as those who don't believe in the power of an actual video cuddle I would say if you haven't tried it or been willing to be vulnerable and close your eyes with someone for more than 30 seconds then you don't know what it's actually like, that's all.

HappinessHenry

@Rexagon It is a testament to the state of our cynicism as a society that you might even consider that I would need to take your mention of "self cuddling" with a grain of anything. Self cuddling is perfectly valid, has a long pedigree in modalities like Qi Gong and Yoga. And it works! And don't let ANYONE tell you otherwise.

HappinessHenry

Dear @PaulaDahla I really respect and like you. Please don't tell me via a Forum "you need to phrase your questions better". My original question was obviously acceptable by the rules of this site or it would have been closed long ago. And it has stimulted a large amount of very interesting responses, including yours. This is not an English exam! I express myself as best I can within the rules of this site and the limits of my abilities and personality. I find this one comment of yours hurtful and unfair. And likely to have alienated and further isolated a less robust person than myself.

hogboblin

Maybe the site should change its name to WhateverComfort.

“Cuddle” seems to carry very little weight/meaning as a word used to describe a physical action. Which is its purpose.

laylanie

If it turns into asmr comfort, I'm out...