Express your feelings

Amore

So, I've been lonely most of my life, which hasn't been a major issue because I'm blessed in so many other ways. However, it still sucks to be alone. And although I'm a big advocate of going for the things that one wants, I can't seem to approach the girls that I'm interested in. 
I've thought of the reasons why that is:  there are a lot of events, in my life, that I think are factors to why I am "afraid" to approach them.
1 of these factors (the only factor I can comfortably discuss) is the notion that I want her to be my first and only girl(and vice verca would be very satisfying). 
Now is that not normal? Because I feel very different from today's generation and what "scares" me is not finding the one and only one when the time comes.
I just had to let it out; Let me know what you all think.
Thanks for reading,

Crispin

Hi Amore,
It doesn'matter about normal, whatevr that is. I hear a lot about woman who are looking for the same thing in life.  That desire for monogamy will draw tons of women. It will send others away screaming. YouVe got a long time to look.  At some point in your relationship you'll need to mention what you want to avoid a lot of pain.

Amore

Thank you, it's comforting to read reassuring words.

These days you usually have to discard a lot of bad apples, unfortunately.  You might just be afraid of rejection.  If so, learn how to deal with rejection and you will no longer fear it.  Such as all fears in life.  We are not robots and so there is no algorithm to find the one on the first try.  Sure some people have done it but that's not the majority though.

Amore

I think that If I protect myself against rejection my putting myself out there over and over, the likelihood of sticking with someone decreases because it isn't that special anymore.

docgatorb

Good observation, the effort affects the response.

I wasn't saying to put yourself out there willy nilly even though that did work for me.  First get to know someone and then if you want to go forward, then do so.  But be prepared to accept either yes or no.  The special you feel that is the most important is the special that is inside of you.

docgatorb

All stripped down, that's all we really have is what we have inside ourselves, we only really interact with what we have inside ourselves. Ultimately, in a sense, we  are all selfish. I'm so existential...; thank god for enlightened self interest.

Crispin

What's built into the human race is desire for pleasure that has kept me coming back.  It keeps enough people coming back over and over to allow procreation.
Something very powerful has to make it worth putting up with the absolute heartache.  Only thing you can do is see that there is a Zen to the whole process. We love someone and then we feel pain and then we remember to love ourselves somewhat. 
Learn to love out of the whole process. Sometimes it seems like there are 2 kinds of people... those who care too much and those who don't give a damn.
OK, this is where cuddling comes in. We can hopefully get warmth and touch moutside of the turmoil.  It is a way to beat the rat race of dating and mating.
I'll never forget the line from the SEINFELD show when someone asked how people stood each oher long enough to actually mate. Seinfeld replied,  ALCOHOL.  So, maybe we found a better, healthier way to find relief.

Grace_Anna

It's not abnormal, it's just a little less common nowadays. It's a matter of finding someone who wants what you want. There are definitely plenty of women out there who want monogamy. If you're kind and loyal, many women will appreciate you. Sometimes, two people do end up being each others' one and only significant other. However, if the first relationship doesn't last for a lifetime, relationship(s) after that can still be special.

I will add that I caused myself a lot of pain by spending years with an ex who became verbally abusive and didn't share my values even though he appeared to at first. I had been insecure anyway and I thought it was my fault for never being good enough. Then I realized other people actually like and appreciate me for who I am.  If your first girlfriend is causing you a lot of pain by being verbally or physically abusive or unfaithful, it might be better to let her go. If a woman lets you go, there are still plenty of others who would think you are a keeper. There are kind, loyal women out there with whom a relationship will be special, whether it is your first girlfriend or your second or fifth...I hope you make sure the one you stick with for eons is a woman like that.

Amore

Thank you all, it means a lot that you took the time to read and write back.
And Grace-Anna, I'm sorry that happened to you and I appreciate you sharing that with us.

angela10

Thanks for sharing Grace_Anna. I am glad I am not alone. Being in an abusive relationship only harms your soul. You try everything to salvage the relationship but sometimes it's better to just let go.

Amore

angela10 stay strong

angela10

Thanks Amore. Life is full of surprises. You just can't predict what's going to happen next sometimes. Live every day to its fullest and with no regrets.

Ellabella

Amore- I believe you are on the right track, just realize that God is showing favor with how you are living you life and will bless you at the optium time so be patient and confident with yourself. Be more spontaneous and curious about that which intrigues you the most! Hugs Ella

Amore

Thanks for the kind encouraging words Ellabella. I've learned to be thankful to god for everything, whether I have or lack it. 
I'll be patient more patient and confident

Ellabella

That's so great to hear! Amore you Rock....keep on keepin on! Ella

Amore

I think I might have found the one. I know it's crazy, we've only known each other for a week or so but we both feel that we're made for each other.
Now, I made sure it wasn't the hormones talking
She's a brains and beauty lady. Passionate and a dorki, and I'm into her.
First time I can say that I'm into a girl that feels the same way and more!
We both feel the same way morally about relationships and we both lack the innocent touch from the right person.
And now I can say that I've had my first kiss with a wonderful woman who not only reciprocates the love but also gives me more.
We ended up in each other's arms for more than 4 hours the second time we met and that's when she went for the kiss. It was her first kiss too.
Just to clarify, I didn't want to do anything out of line, like go for the kiss, since I have sisters whom I want to be treated like the wonderful sisters they are. I've always tried to live by the saying: " Treat people like you want to be treated" .
It's a pure innocent feeling that rejuvenated me and I'm more than grateful for all life's events that gave me this opportunity.

Crispin

That is so nice. If she's as considerate as you it will be the basis for a wonderful relationship. 
You don't want your sisters to enjoy kissing a nice guy?

angela10

Amore, congratulations!! It's so wonderful to hear happy ending stories . I do think cuddling with someone who you are mutually attracted to and have a connection with is the best of all. Thanks for sharing your story.

4cuddles

Awww so lovely to hear. Thanks for sharing.

Amore

@Crispin Thanks, she really is and I hope it does.
I mean, they're MY sisters.No brother wants any dude to kiss them! I know it's selfish but I care for them.
What I meant was, I wouldn't want the guy to go for the first move, since guys in general think with their dicks xD

Amore

@angela10 @Annie85
Thank you

Amore

So all in all..it was a good experience not going to lie. The aftermath sucks but it's what life is about.
about a month into the relationship her moms figured out who I am/race and "figured out" that I'm one of "those guys".
She decided she didn't want to disappoint her mom so I said fine, do whatever you want.
Would it have been nice for her to stand still and want me? ofc! but I'm not going to force feelings to exist if they weren't already there.
So that's that..shitty but mind opening..

Crispin

Well, mind opening experiences are educational but her mother isn't about to open her mind and some day the daughter will realize what happened and see her mom differently.

Amore

@Crispin , thanks man, to be honest it feels even worse since I've already tasted the feeling of being with someone as opposed to when I didn't.
That's life for us, gives and takes from us

I'm so impressed at all these posts and the honest of them all.
I so have trust issues which hold me back.

Amore

@Thursday66 Maybe you're just cautious and most of the people around you aren't trust worthy, doesn't mean you have trust issues..I mean you could have trust issues but it's not always the case.
I learned to be smart when trusting people, by always having a "back up" plan so to speak. If it's someone new I'm getting to know, I won't put my full trust with them until I have a feel for the person.

bluestripes

@Amore, what a touching story. Heartwarming that it happened, soul-wrecking that it ended the way it did. Feelings are there to challenge us, and to stand up to one's family / community is one of the hardest challenges there is. I hope that this story made you stronger and deeper and more compassionate, and that you'll make many more discoveries on that journey.

Amore

@bluestripes Thanks for the kind words.
Yes, I did feel compassion for her situation which is why I  assured her I was ok with her decision, as I didn't want to be a bad influence.
Nevertheless, great life experience. 
At first I was worried that I might get hurt, when putting myself out there, but now I realize that it's inevitable for situations like this to happen and so I surrender to fate, and hopefully that makes me a better man.
Thanks again,

Can't believe that this kept me up all night & morning. Really felt like talking to someone face to face & being comforted. Then I remember things are short lived having to get on with it.
Appreciate the previous feefback@