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If I liked an enthusiast enough to cuddle with them for free, I wouldn’t mind if they became professionals. Such a move would be an altogether good thing for that person, in all likelihood.
I wouldn’t feel hurt or otherwise inconvenienced, because their choice to become a professional would have nothing at all to do with me. Wanting the person to cater to my wants/needs would be selfish, I feel.
I might cuddle them less, depending on how much they charged, but I wouldn’t be irked by this change.
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@melancholy
No. This is mainly because there aren’t any professional cuddlers within 50 miles of my location.
I do have a friend who I cuddle with, however. If she decided to make an account on this site, and become a professional, I’d pay her. I’d probably continue getting her the occasional pack of cigarettes before meeting up, too.
@hogboblin Maybe she should be paying you instead?
Some more of my thoughts on the subject:
“let me understand. You just cuddled with someone and neither of you paid any money for it....now they say you have to pay them money if you want to see them again...and that doesn't bother you? really?”
Yes, really. If they decided to become professionals, it means they’ve weighed the pros and cons of that particular business venture, and found it more beneficial than anything. It would be a good move for them.
It’s not as if they’d only be charging me for cuddles; they’d be charging everyone, or mostly everyone.
But, if they were to charge me exclusively (as a sort of Hogboblin-specific professional), I’d consider how much I enjoyed the person’s company, and whether or not I’d pay for it; it would simply be a new sort of agreement in our interactions. If the agreement wasn’t mutual, I’d simply find someone else to interact with.
“Maybe she should be paying you instead.”
There are often exchanges going on between people who interact. I don’t really distinguish a ton between subtle mutual agreements and more obvious ones (like the exchange of currency).
Perhaps that’s one reason why I don’t find your scenario displeasing.
I dont think you understand so im giving up. Good day
It's always annoying when prices are raised, especially when they're raised from $0 to, say, $80 an hour. But it's always lovely when you realize something you've been giving away is worth so much more than a simple thank you.
@hogboblin's right: social interaction does indeed involve a whole bunch of give-and-take. It's just that, for some reason, most people don't notice what they're taking (or giving) until money's involved. Weigh what you're getting against what you're giving in non-financial situations—like giving a "thank you" in exchange for the salt from the other end of the table—and the financial ones will seem more natural.
So someone wants, in return for what they're giving, more than they've been getting up until now? Okay. If what they have to offer is worth it, pay: tell them they're beautiful, or fix them a meal, or give them $80 an hour—whatever it is they want.
If it's not worth it, don't pay. At its core, social interaction is just that simple.
It's a job like anything else isn't it? I mean they pay taxes and everything. It's like when someone was working as a free Intern and then once they had enough experience and skill they started working for a salary. Or like when a Handy-Man fixes stuff for free for friends and family but when they get good enough that people from around the neighborhood start asking for their help they decide to start a business.
Just cause someone did it for free once doesn't mean there isn't value in it, or in that person. So yah if someone wanted to start charging who previously wasn't, there's nothing wrong with that. Obviously it's a service that people value, this whole site's business model is based around that very concept after all.
Just as some people can decide not to see someone anymore, because they don't want to pay that fee. Someone else can decide they don't want to see people for free anymore.
No one is owed free work.
So. In the past 3 weeks in the Los Angeles area I've seen quite a few number of non-pro appear, but almoat all of them get banned for whatever reason. So the idea of finding someone who would cuddle for free in LA is as crazy as a unicorn.
↑ Found one.
Nah, I know what you mean, @socalcuddler: you mean the idea of finding a woman who would cuddle for free in LA is a fantasy.
I shared what happened with two women I know, one has cuddled as a non pro a few times and the other has never tried it and both got what I was saying and thought it was a shitty thing to do. So I deleted my posts (edited) because it was frustrating seeing you guys talk about irrelevant stuff like its a job and noone owes you free work etc....just please close this thread please
If someone gets that hurt over it I would say it's more an issue of keeping their own emotions in check.
I get what you are saying, and why it feels like a betrayal.
When I first began playing music, seriously, I was frequenting Open Mics, performing for free, and in fact spending money to do so in the form of gas money, buying the hot chocolate at the coffee shop that was hosting, and so on.
I was gaining performance experience, and was very enthusiastic.
As I started getting better and better friends started asking me to bring my drum to a party, a few local dancers asked me to play for dance classes, and I was thrilled to do it!
And then I started teaching free classes at the local music center, and leading drum gatherings. It was amazing to share my passion, and to help others learn new things.
Be the cool guy at a party?
Play for dancers?
Be the community builder?
Yes yes yes!
And yet, after about a year of that, I realized that I was good enough to charge for my art, performances, and teaching.
I started doing small showcases, teaching classes and workshops, playing at art openings, weddings, and private parties.
And getting paid for it.
It’s a common progression in the arts.
But, reading your post, I suddenly hope that all the people I used to play for free for don’t think I stopped because of them.
@melancholy , I certainly understand your point and I think some of the people who replied to you are being a little obtuse. In particular, the reply which says "It's a job like anything else isn't it?... No one is owed free work." is missing the point to a fairly stunning degree.
To restate the issue here, the problem is that cuddler A thought he was engaged in a mutual activity with cuddler B that they both contributed to and enjoyed equally. Cuddler A certainly didn't think he was getting "free work" out of cuddler B. It shouldn't be hard to understand why learning that cuddler B now wants to be paid to cuddle would be disconcerting to cuddler A.
Imagine if a friend you've spent a lot of time with suddenly expected to be paid to grab lunch with you.
Or imagine your girlfriend suddenly wanted you to pay her for sex.
The handyman analogy is deeply flawed, as there probably is no doubt in anyone's mind that when someone's doing work around the house they are doing free work for you as a favor.
As for my choice: although I do cuddle with pros, if someone I cuddled with for free suddenly wanted to charge me, I definitely wouldn't do it. And I would probably just stop talking with that person entirely. About the same reaction I'd have if a friend of mine wanted to start charging me to have lunch with him.
@melancholy I realize you may not like all of the replies you are getting . I don't understand why you are seemingly so upset about it . When you post a new thread , you are inviting various folks to contribute and express a variety of thoughts . It may not always align with how you think or feel . Not everyone will sympathize or agree with you . I am not trying to be insensitive , I can se this is a real issue that is upsetting to you . Not sure what you are expecting to be honest . Can't always ask that a thread be closed just cus you don't agree with how someone responds to the topic . Hope you get to feeling better .
@pmvines Well said, although I would not have been so nice. If they are an adult they should know that asking for opinions or advice does not entail hearing what you want to hear. If you had an expectation of a certain reaction, then why even pose a question that you already know the answer you want for?
Nothing. Move on. Keep searching. I was suppose to meet up with a non pro a couple days ago. She canceled on me the day of.. turns out that she is now pending approval to be a pro. Which is fine.
I've been down this road with alot of cuddlers. It's a bit precarious at times, it's all about communication. I usually have the conversation so it's clear about where we're at and where we go from here. I wouldnt cuddle with several because of it for not handling it properly, most are fair and understanding and it's totally cool. No one wants to feel they were lured in and then someone hit lights lights did a switcheroo and now something that was communicative and deep became transactional. There are costs to cuddle regardless.
@melancholy This is a public forum and everyone including myself can post. Grow up.
Its not uncommon to negotiate price for any number of things.I would certainly respect anyone who declared their prices are non negotiable but its silly to lose a great deal of business if your goal is to make money cuddling.
I can understand someone changing a fee to cuddle.Theres nothing shocking about that unless I went to an agreed upon free session and then was suddenly charged.Its only money but I would leave.
Cried...?
@mbo is the only person who understood.. thank you.
I saw the title and gave a smart-azz answer.
Now I see it's a serious question after skimming.
This happened to me in a different arena and I was a bit shocked and a wee bit disgusted. I scoffed, wished her luck and kicked her to the curb. I don't do one-sided relationships.
Some wouldn't mind a non-pro going pro and others would. There's no right answer. For myself it's about having positive relationships in my life. This wouldn't be one of them.
To each their own.