What are you hoping for in a cuddle?

respectful

From the Cuddling satisfaction survey, there seems to be a pretty even split between:

(1) People whose cuddles have all been great -- 8 men, 1 woman.
(2) People who have often experienced what they were hoping for in a cuddle -- 9 men, 2 women.
(3) People who have only sometimes experience that -- 10 men, 2 women, 1 other.

A few people answered:

(4) None of their cuddles have been what they were hoping for -- 0 men, 2 women, 1 other.

So what are people looking for in a cuddle? What enables or prevents that from happening?

hogboblin

I wonder how many people will admit to desiring things that break the terms of service? Not many, I imagine. I’m expecting people to be on their best behavior in this thread.

Edited: changed “his” to “this”. I’m a negligent moron.

CaliCuddlingGuy

@hogboblin Looking at other forum topics, I believe everyone on the website does not have desires outside of the terms of service. Am I naive in that thinking?

philpottcarl

Me... just someone to hold me as I sleep; it helps me sleep and calms me. I’d like to have overnights when I travel for work for a week at a time. A friend that is willing to have a platonic relationship, to have dinner with so that I’m not eating alone. So.. just a friend.

Catloaf

@CaliCuddlingGuy Usually the people who desire things outside the terms of service aren't even posting in the forum. They know better. A few have been outgoing and shortsighted enough to let us know they cuddled nude with someone or something similar, and were banned quick. Naive, maybe. Overly optimistic definitely. There's no way for us to know anybody's true intentions at the end of the day.

pmvines

@CaliCuddlingGuy yes it is naive unfortunately . Just talk to some of the women on here and ask how many times they have had to deal with it...

hogboblin

@CaliCuddlingGuy

@pmvines and @Catloaf have both done a better job of answering you than I could have. I thank them.

The main point I was going for with my previous post is that this thread is inherently flawed as a means of gathering worthwhile information. I’d warrant that most who contribute are going say the typical things: “I just want platonic physical affection”, “I’m lonely”, and so on.

To reiterate, people are going to be on their best behavior.

Perhaps what I'm hoping for is to satiate my cuddle buddy. If they're complete without us having to do anything more or less within each other's personal spaces, then it's a worthwhile experience to me.

TheFunCartel

@hogboblin is on point. This thread would be very interesting if this was an unmoderated forum. But it is not so those who respond will be few and the responses will be limited in scope.

CaliCuddlingGuy

@FunCartel @hogboblin

Since you think people are scared to speak their truth on this forum, I'll be the first to start.

I'm hoping to cuddle with a very wealthy woman who is mentally and physically attractive. She tells me it has always been her dream to find a fat, bald ugly black guy like me to take care of.

respectful

@FunCartel and others above, I'm interested in your answers too ... what are you looking for in a cuddle?

For me some things are: a genuine connection with the person (which means they need to feel free to be themselves); a certain kind of touch that gives me tingles; feeling cared for; and for the other person to be able to receive what I want to give them too (affection, caring and friendship). The friendship part isn't essential, but is lovely when it happens.

(Edit: the friendship part is in reference to professionals; with enthusiasts I would always expect that to be there).

hogboblin

Tp preface, I didn't take part in your previous poll, @respectful.

What am I looking for in a cuddle? Not much, when it comes to physical touch—warm flesh is warm flesh. However, I am extremely picky when it comes to ideologies, convictions, etc. If I can't take my cuddle partner seriously, then I'd rather not cuddle with them. It's a matter of respect, I guess; or a lack thereof.

CaliCuddlingGuy

@respectful @FunCartel Ohhh you want a real answers? Do you know how many people would get banned if real answers were given? I'm guessing quite a few.

respectful

@hobgoblin That's interesting. So does conversation play a big part when you cuddle someone, or is it just amatter of knowing they are on a similar page ideologically?

For me, it can be intersting hearing different points of view. Conversation while cuddling is pretty fun for me, in general, but I usually avoid topics that are too sad or negative since that can put me in a different place emotionally (but there are times when that's OK too, especially if it involves comforting either of us over a bad experience that just happened).

TheFunCartel

@CaliCuddlingGuy Show me where I said I wanted real answers. I was just saying @hogboblin was right....there is an inherent flaw in the question. The fact that there would be several people banned is obvious and the reason people would be banned.

TheFunCartel

@respectful what are you wanting hopes or expectations? Two very different things.

I hope for a connection that leads to an acquaintance or friendship. I expect I will be relaxed and peaceful after a session.

CaliCuddlingGuy

@FunCartel My response didn't come across as intended. I gave a "not so serious" response and then I read responses that were real and well though-out. My "ohhh" comment was in response to those real responses. I was not implying that you said something that you didn't. I apologize for coming across that way.

TheFunCartel

@CaliCuddlingGuy No problem. Just a simple miscommunication.

respectful

@FunCartel "Hopes or expectations?"

Just hopes -- what people are looking for when they cuddle someone.

It's possible to infer from things like karma comments and success stories what people really value and are seeking here, but I think it's interesting to hear from people directly.

TheFunCartel

But in the name of truthfulness, the targeted Hope changes from Cuddle to cuddle. Depends on my mood. Sometimes I am completely exhausted from travel and long 12plus hour workdays. Other times I am vocally exuberant and will talk up a storm. The variations are practically infinite because I can be an admittedly moody person. So I really go into each session with no preconceived notions at all and basically play the Cuddle where it lies. I do enough hoping and planning in my regular day to hope for anything in a cuddle session. It is a time to just be.

hogboblin

@respectful

I prefer stillness and silence while cuddling. It's enough to know that I'm on the same page as my cuddle partner. It can be fun to talk about various topics outside of cuddling (before or after), of course, but it's not necessary once certain things have been established. There are also times when I prefer not to speak at all. Texting helps with that: "I'm coming over to cuddle," they say, to which I reply "All right". Some time passes, there's a knock at my door, and I let the person in. We cuddle on the couch without a word.

Ideally, it's like being alone, but with another heated body present.

Catloaf

So I really go into each session with no preconceived notions at all and basically play the Cuddle where it lies. I do enough hoping and planning in my regular day to hope for anything in a cuddle session. It is a time to just be.

I like that. That's the premise I hold for my sessions rather than structuring stuff out each and every time. I think meeting people where they're at is best. Different people need different things so I always ask what they'd be more comfortable with, and I'm always aware that it's subject to change. A few people have talked with me on the phone and at first thought they'd prefer a structured session. We meet in person and sometimes the structure falls apart naturally so to speak. There's nothing bad about that unless structure really was the client's goal - everything just is where it needs to be.

As a professional, I hope for only one thing - for the other person to have felt cared for, and to walk away better than I found them.

As an enthusiast, I'd hope for - maybe some laughter, maybe some appreciation for dark/macabre humour, maybe to fall asleep or go into "cuddle coma", to make a new friend

My expectation in either scenario is that there is safety, honesty, mutual respect, honouring of boundaries, and communication on some level.

respectful

@FunCartel Good point about it changing depending on your mood.

In the survey people distinguished between cuddles that were or were not what they were hoping & looking for; I'm just curious about what kind of thing that is for different people.

To put it another way: if a cuddle wasn't so great, what was missing? If it was just right, what made it so good?

@hobgoblin Interesting! I've never had a completely silent cuddle, though some quite spaces can be nice sometimes.

TheFunCartel

@respectful What did or did not come to fruition changes as well, and maybe I expect too much. For example, recently I really wanted someone who would take the lead and direct me into different positions because I was feeling a little drained and fatigued by being in charge so much in my job—I wanted to lay there and just take orders and turn myself over to that person. That person who was a pro said they could do that but then they did not and actually slept for half the session. Other times that might be precisely what I want—just silence. It changes, so if you are hoping for a definitive answer, there isn’t one.

respectful

@FunCartel Not looking for a single definitive answer, just the thing(s) people have in mind when they say that a cuddle is or is not what they were hoping for. There are lots of answers, all of them interesting.

TheFunCartel

@respectful I meant a definitive answer for me on what is missing or wrong because it depends on the session. If everyone is perfectly honest, that would be the same answer—it depends. Every session is different, every cuddler is different and therefore every disappointment is different.

@respectful: I'm not generally much of a talker in person, so (in my best cuddle) it was a nice surprise to find a nerdy topic I actually felt like discussing at the time. I also really liked the way my buddy would suggest stuff, but let me take the lead in changing position or moving to a different spot. I'm not great at coming up with things sometimes, but I always like being in charge, so it was great to have an "idea buddy" who wasn't bothered if I didn't take a particular suggestion.

What was missing in my two not-so-great cuddles? Eh... well, in the one case, a bearable body odor. In the other, an ability to accept a nonverbal "no" (like moving a hand away). That one was also missing the ability to take a direct, verbal "no" for an answer without getting all huffy.

Like @FunCartel says, though, my ideas about what makes for a perfect cuddle do change depending on energy levels and what I've been thinking about lately (some stuff positively demands conversation, while other stuff is more fun to think over quietly), and so on. In general, I look for a cuddle in which I don't have to do much (if any) talking, so—reading, watching a movie, listening to music, listening to the other person talk—that kind of thing.

pmvines

I don't really have a version of my favorite cuddle or what not . It depends on my level of comfort with who I am with , context , mood , how I feel physically , and what the other person enjoys . No two people are the same .

Annichka

I mean I have had lots of different things that I really enjoyed. There was one where we fell asleep in eachother's arms it was so cozy, and another where we were laughing and arguing about Star Trek while cuddling and both were really nice in different ways.
My favorite regular from years ago liked to rest on my shoulder/chest while I read Harry Potter books to him. We had a weekly standing appointment and it was the best.

DonLonG

Looking for just someone to couple with but sex is ok to if it’s with a guy has to be protected

@alysha18
I think you may have posted that on the wrong website. This is strictly a platonic community.

TheFunCartel

I want total consciousness. Bill Murray got it. I want it.