What do you do when you have to fart in the middle of a hardcore cuddling session?
Now this is a topic you don't see talked about often enough!
My tactic is either:
I also avoid baked beans and other parptastic food on the day of a cuddle sesh.
PS. I've never heard 'cut the cheese' before - pretty sure that hasn't made it to England...
I’d excuse myself for sure lol
If I cant hold it and cant escape quick enough I say sorry I really gotta fart and move to a different side of the room lol. I always have candles on lol so it'll over power any smell. If people dont understand that that's normal then they can happily leave. We're not in elementary school anymore peeps. 😂😂😂
I think I am beginning to regret signing up for this site already.
😂 This is fantastic.
Sjb, I’m so glad you appreciate my discussion question. I just wanted a good laugh in the morning 😂 🧀
@KarmaCuddler Im glad you asked this not me lol ... But as we all know women don't do this so .....
@SoftPetals, I appreciate your contribution to this discussion.
DocTarry, it’s good to know your hard nos.
@hugonehugall you're so welcome.
@sjb1973 oh I adore visiting England. Cutting the cheese. 😂
Do you say, “Oh no, I’ve just trumped”?
It is not a hard no. I think the thread is sophomoric.
At least it's not another boner thread ...
@DocTarry I disagree. Gas happens and it can be embarrassing to talk about it so I appreciate the openness.
Like @sjb1973, I also avoid "gassy" foods the day before/of a cuddle session. I also keep GasX in my cuddle bag just in case. If it eeked out, I'd just apologize and hope we could laugh. If I felt an urge, I would excuse myself to go to the bathroom.
In a related, humorous antidote, I had a cuddle and, during the session, went to use the bathroom. When I came out, my cuddle buddy was gone (we were in a hotel). He was gone for like 5-10 minutes. I was like WTH? Then he came back and said he had to poop, so he went downstairs to use the bathroom in the lobby. Now THAT is thoughtful! lol
@2dogmom thank you for your story, it made me laugh. I love potty humor.
I ❤️ 💩 stories. Ones that are not too gross. Just funny.
Laughing at things that relate to the human condition is entertainment for me.
I can only imagine this question has crossed more than one person's mind but fear of being called silly or juvenile scared them away from posting about it.
@KarmaCuddler we do indeed use the word "trumped" in England! But next time I have such a declaration to make, I'm gonna say "sorry guys, I've just cut the cheese" and enjoy the confusion in their faces
Great thread. If I have to, I excuse myself. Yet I try to avoid foods that would cause it on the day of.
Everyone farts so it's understandable.
If theres music playing I try to stay in tune...
@sjb1973 let me educate you on some American Slang you can use to Fumigate the Queens English with while also answering the OP. We have more names for the Rump Roar than Eskimoes have names for snow. I'll put them in bold to point them out.
If you have problems with Blowing Kisses in public, I recommend hiring a private tutor like me for some advanced training. Of course, it has never happened to me because I have a Sphincter of Steel from which nothing ever escapes, which is why I’m so full of sheet.
I thought I was in luck when my first Cornhole Tremor came during a movie preview. Even though the music was exceptionally loud I decided to play it safe by trying to let out a Silent Slider. Just as I reached the Apex of my Back-end Blowout the movie went completely silent except for some weird buzzing. What was that noise? Is that semi-truck passing outside? OMG, that's my Butt Yodeling!
I instinctively clenched up my Chocolate Pocket hoping to mute that Anal Audio, but there was no stopping it. It did, however, change the frequency from a soothing B flat to a high pitched F sharp Cheek Squeak. In an instant, it went from motorcycle engine idling, to a chihuahua being stepped on. My cover was blown 5 minutes in, and there was no coming back from that.
Sneezing is natural and can't be controlled. And farts are just Butt Sneezes. But when they rear their smelly heads around at an inopportune time, there are a couple of tricks you can use to mitigate the damage of your Booty Bomb. Here are just a couple.
If in a seated position (like me in that theater), put all your weight on one cheek and then slide the opposite direction to open a gaping chasm in your Aladdin's Cave.
If you are laying down you may need to free up a hand to help out. Pretend to stretch, have an itch, or simply your arm is going to sleep. There are tons of excuses to mosey on down and part the seas.
The key to keeping it stealthy is separation. You’ve got to get those cheeks apart and provide a clear exit strategy. On a side note though, hair helps muffle your Trouser Trumpet. It's almost impossible to Steam-press your Calvins silently if you have a freshly waxed Clean Caboose.
For the Silent but Deadly type, children are a good scapegoat. However, if you have a Bazooka, you are better off pointing your Butt Tuba towards an elderly person with hearing aids. Babies are good for a full-on Crack Concert, but use the intermission to find another target when mom finally checks the diaper.
That's fine for public cuddles, but what about in private you ask? Here you can take advantage of Cuddle Comfort asking if you are a pet owner. If you suffer from Chronic Colon Clapping, try to find a dog owner that you don't mind cuddling with that you can blame it on. Forget Emotional Support, you need a Flatulence Support animal.
An advanced tip for those suffering CCC is to put some toilet paper or tissue up your Crack Splitter. This will turn even the biggest Human Hydrogen Bombs into Silent Cyanide. They even make Flatulence Filtering underwear that will soak up all that Floating Fallout.
In Conclusion: There are plenty of options when you get a Tushy Tickler. More techniques then I could write in one post. I have on occasion tried to blame others. The problem is my inner eight-year-old won’t stop giggling and gives me away every time. You can try to enact the age-old rule of, "He who smelt it, dealt it!" But sometimes you just need to admit to yourself that everyone Bakes Brownies and just own it.
I blame it on the dog. 👍
@2dogmom 😂😂😂😂😂 that's a true cuddler I don't often get gassy but thought that comment was great
@DonLonG what a masterpiece! My inner 8 year old won't stop giggling.
I would “SHAKE THE SHEETS AFTER” and make sure the full experience is received on both ends. Besides.... what’s a good cuddle without adventure.
Totally joking btw. Lol I would laugh for sure
I so wish there was a like button for some of these post!
@unclebuck Like button for your name...I love that movie!
@2dogmom You disagree?How did you getto adulthood and not know how to handle gas?
@DocTarry to clarify I meant I disagree that it is an inappropriate/sophomoric topic to be avoided.
😭🤣🤣 this topic is too funny, but if a pro cuddler lets one out in the middle of my session, I would like a refund. Non pro’s too.
(Just kidding)
Bathroom breaks please lol.
