Business and heart can co-exist! They don't always but they can.
There are no hard and fast rules for this. It depends from individual to individual. I've built a solid friendship with my current/primary cuddle buddy and have found that cuddling sessions have deepened our friendship outside of cuddling and our friendship outside of cuddling has deepend our cuddling sessions.
@Stillworkin247 Sorry to bump your thread which seems to have concluded, lol. I just feel like it's important to clarify myself in case it was my comment you were responding to in part with the following statement:
Spending quality time with someone and paying for that time should not warrant the person to be strictly business especially with such an intimate and emotional contact.
Where I get stuck in this line of reasoning is "should not warrant the person to be strictly business". Why not? Can you maybe elaborate on that, because it reads to me as: "because someone is paying for the service, professionals are (somewhat) obligated to begin a friendship with their client". To me, an obligation to be someone's friend is not the same as genuinely being their friend. Some of my clients are people I wouldn't want to be friends with, simply because there is nothing common to hold the friendship together. Even as an enthusiast, you aren't going to end up friends with many of the people you meet just because the activity is intimate. So I'm not quite understanding where you're coming from.
Yes, a professional should conduct themselves with friendliness, kindness and empathy during a session, and they should be ready in some capacity to care for someone in ways similar to what a friend might do. But this alone doesn't obligate us to start a personal friendship with you, and it doesn't mean we are your friends. I hope that's easier to take in than the last comment I made.
@CuddlyAce has made an awesome point as well.
Being a pro must be like being a taxi-driver. The nice customers make your day, and you might give them a discount ; but you have to take some quite bad ones as well, and not let them know it. That must be emotional hard work, like acting in a play. Geoff
I developed some friendships with a few cuddlers. I have to the chance to meet openminded ladies of other backgrounds that I would have never met otherwise with racism and all that. I understand these women who are the professionals are in business and I respect that and pay them for their services. Men and women can separate the two
I mean, whatever happens happens, I think, and if we 'click' with someone the fact that money is maybe exchanged isn't going to stop a connection from happening if that's what wants to happen and it totally depends on each person. We are all so different so it's hard to make blanket statements. I think the exchange of money can create a sort of boundary that may really decrease the odds of drama, getting used, hurt, etc. and though I may charge for cuddling or sacred intimate services if I really like someone or really click with someone and they generously offer themselves with no expectations it may just become a friendship. Asking for money for me just prevents my time and resources from being taken advantage of and reduces the odds of drama or confusion from the start and relaxes me so I can actually genuinely enjoy the experience more. My experience is when we're generous with others with no expectations they tend to be generous in return so I am delighted to pay people I'd like to cuddle with and I am delighted when others pay me. Getting paid allows me to take chances getting to know someone I might just be too drained or whatever to risk getting to know otherwise and I offer genuine affection in appreciation. I really think if we all just paid each other out of basic respect and appreciation when we wanted to get to know others online things would go a hell of a lot more smoothly. Every time you meet someone is an opportunity for networking and figuring out how two or more people can offer the most to each other. Money doesn't stop anyone from deciding they'd like to have a closer less transactional relationship no matter where you meet them and cuddling is no exception. Call me weird but pay me or I'll pay you, money just makes things so much easier sometimes in a world of online haters and trolls.
I also want to disagree with the first response to this question from my perspective. Of course friendship can happen when cuddling is the most important thing if you like me are just someone who lives go cuddle and finding others who like to cuddle as much as you is like finding kindred spirits. Friendships can evolve out of having anything in common, including a love of cuddling.
If I pay for a pro I'm paying to feel some comfort if I'm feeling down or whatever and part of that is for them to go home after, and assume that's the unspoken rule. I'd always assume it's correct to say a pro cuddler is friendly but doesn't want actually to be friends. If a pro cuddler want to be actual friends I guess they would let you know. The line can get blurry, I had a pro cuddler want to come back over once. Didn't ask if I wanted a session, just if she could come over. She just wanted to watch a movie, eat my food, and drink my wine. I kind of assumed she just wanted to hang out since there was no cuddling and wasn't sure she wanted to get paid until she asked. I wasn't too happy about that but at the same time knew I should have just assumed.
@mdx71 I can see how that would get confusing. This is a new professional realm and so many other pro realms have codes for how to be a pro. I would want that clarity too. Having fuzzy boundaries and not communicating clearly I could see leading to the original pro relationship getting a bit spoiled by the vagueness. Seems like in any given cuddling session things need to be spelled out up front. What is this thing? How long does it last? What are the agreements? Thanks for sharing. This whole thing get can weird quick.
@mysticvalor I don't understand this sentence.
"Of course friendship can happen when cuddling is the most important thing if you like me are just someone who lives go cuddle and finding others who like to cuddle as much as you is like finding kindred spirits."
Everything else you said is in agreement with what I said.
Seems like for pros it’s a business and nothing wrong with that
Try to find a non pro if you want a friend
Non pros more likely will connect Pros are in it to make a living and often fail to pay taxes
chocolatetreat is exactly correct. In fact it should be a warning to clients that you should never allow yourself to think for one second that a professional cuddler and you are anything more than client and pro cuddler. It doesn't matter how many times you see them or how many hours you cuddle, or how much you share with them about your feelings and vice versa...they could also share their trials and tribulations with you as if you were their confidant...... the reason I say it should be a warning is that if a time comes where you are financially not as strong as you were, and you can't afford to pay for cuddle sessions for a while then you may experience the rather painful realization that they will have nothing more to do with you. So, as long as you never lose sight of that fact...have at it : )
I save money by paying myself.
Or 2 non-pros could make money by turning pro and each paying the other. 😀 Geoff
Chuckle @FunCartel.
I'm a pro, and I deal with my clients like I do with a good friend. I realize that it's paid work, but I think that it can feel very cold and transactional without building some degree of rapport. The cuddling feels more natural if I treat it as though I'm comforting a friend.
This is exactly correct and why if someone wants a friend go for a non pro. I had cuddled many times with a pro and thought I had a friendship as well only to be told after I lost my job that the pros rates went up. The pro decided it was not worth her time cuddling at the former rate. My situation was irrelevant to the pro so I have come to realize that even though I could afford the rate increase it is merely a business transaction for them. I can easily tap into my savings but my sense of dignity was hurt by a pro who I comforted during the sessions due to her personal issues. Yet when I had a personal issue it fell on deaf ears. I was simply told their expenses rose so the former price was no longer valid. I have therefore moved on from this pro even though she texts me telling me her availability. I liked this pro a lot but I have decided the level of respect and friendship was not mutual for me to continue.
@cuddletime111 Thank you for sharing and illustrating this important point. Saying you treat your clients like a friend and actually being there for you as a friend when you have struggles is the test of the friend concept that went about how I expected it to in your case. It is so easy for a pro to say they are friends with you because it is not immediately tangible, it is just words and it is marketing.
I suppose it also has to do with your definition and expectations when it comes to a friend. If someone provides a service, they might be a friend in other areas of your life but when it comes to that service, they are strictly business, as well most business people are. So if you are equating them being a friend to you with providing a free service or taking up a lot of space and time that they would ordinarily be focusing on business, I can see where it wont seem like they are a friend but that is the reality of why it is not a good idea to mix business and pleasure. I have several friends who are pros and we converse and hang out when able, however I realize that just because we are friends does not entitle me to cuddling with them unless this is truly something they are wanting to do outside of their work life, and also I realize business comes first. So if we are conversing or have plans to hang out and an opportunity comes for them to do some business, I totally understand that is a priority. So managing your expectations when being friends with a service provider can be a little tricky sometimes, but doesn't mean it doesn't happen .
When I choose to request cuddle time with a pro, I know I am paying to be cared for in an intentional manner by someone who won’t at the same time be seeking something from me in return outside of money and my following the rules. In other words, it’s very similar to when I pay for a massage therapist or when getting a haircut. I don’t expect any of those professionals to become my friends, but over time a familiarity takes root. Subsequent communication and face time are made more comfortable, but, in the end, I am receiving the care I’m paying for, and that is totally cool with me. I am hoping to meet cuddle buddies (non pro) around the country who would make my work travel more fun, comforting, and healthy for us all. But even then, I would expect that any friendship that arises would be in keeping with the boundaries of our cuddle relationship.
Until a pro would want to hang out with me for the day without getting paid then it's strictly business. I have no delusions that it's anything else. In saying that, I can get a feel after meeting once or twice and then communicating online if a pro is merely cynically just there for the money and perhaps even feels contempt towards clients (or at least me) or is there for the money but also enjoys the job and enjoys making clients (or at least me) satisfied and happy, or at least is good at acting that way which is virtually the same thing in any pro/client interaction.
Short answer? No. If someone is paying a professional for services it is the provider's responsibility to set clear boundaries and expectations that are to be strictly followed by the client. It doesn't mean neither party can care for one another, but rather a level of professionalism is maintained. You can still have a deeply meaningful client/provider connection while following guidelines. I "like" my friend's Instagram posts, meet them for a drink after work or loan them money if they were ever in need. I would not "like" my therapist's Instagram posts, meet them for a drink outside of sessions, or loan them money because that crosses professional boundaries. Yet, we still have a strong bond and trusting relationship. Hope this helps!
i am very fortunate to have developed friendships with a couple of my clients. One has remained a client, the other has transitioned into just a friend. The one client who is also a friend is now one of my dearest friends. So, if we set up a 3 hour cuddle, i generally block out 4 hours because i know we are going to hang out for a while after the session. My posture changes, I will sit up on the bed with my legs crossed and we will chat. We also of course, hang out without sessions.
Much like anything else, open and honest communication is key here.
I enjoy (mild) scary movies, because I have the feeling of being scared, but only because I have chosen to suspend my disbelief, and know that nothing bad is actually going to happen to me. A pro session is probably the same but opposite ; it is enjoyable, if it is easy to suspend your disbelief for an hour or two, even though you know it is a commercial arrangement. Some people have the same feeling about holidays ; they live by the seaside and enjoy relaxing all day, but for a brief 51 week period each year, they have to do some work. After all, a dalmatian is basically a black dog, covered in very large and overlapping white spots.
@mysticvalor you articulated my exact thoughts and feelings on this. Thank you!
I love building a bond or friendship here at cuddle comfort. I get happy seeing someone texted me on my long day of work and that they thought about me. I text back and reach out whenever I can possible to show that I appreciate them so much. What keeps me going as a cuddler is hearing everyone's stories and who they are. I love getting to know people before and after the cuddle sessions and connection is vital when it comes to cuddling. My life has changed so tremendously and feeling happier after being a cuddler. I honestly didn't expect that to happen at all and that is why I am still here at the cuddle community today.
Hmm... given that I only cuddle with women who don't charge for cuddling, I suppose it's entirely about friendship and not about business at all.
I mean, unless we are counting hugs as transactions. ;D
My feeling is, like anything else...you can enjoy the farmer at the farmer's market or your dentist at the office or massage therapist every week...you all conjoin for a reason, and despite it being an exchange...it doesn't have to be cold and transactional...it can be friendly , cordial, and even pleasant for both parties - it doesn't mean they'll be your best friend or drinking buddies the next day , but you'll build rapport and familiarity with time, and build compatibility within the framework of your relationship.
Any of you small business owners? It's no different imo.
Yes to both, but not always at the same time and not always forever. Both, yes.
Probably more so with enthusiasts than professionals - but the chemistry between every two people is different