Lonely? Finding it hard to connect?

edited November 2019 in General

Who's lonely and finding it hard to connect? Even dudes are charging. I bet in a few years this will go the way of craigslist because people are not really doing this to bond and create .......but to profit. Ijs. Hope i am wrong.

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  • Please comment too

  • I think most people are friendly to a friendly and respectful person.

  • I've done a lot of messaging but not much cuddling yet. I had one wonderful cuddle and I'm finding other folks that seem so far to be on the same page as me. Proof is in the cuddle! But it seems there are plenty of good apples in the barrel from my experience so far.

    Only one approached me with a price tag. But it seems not a lot of men charge, at least not the ones approaching me. My concern is only that we are on the same page about the platonic nature of cuddling and that we're compatible. So I feel like right now I have some high hopes about some of my new contacts turning into happy snuggles for all involved.

  • Nice reply. I started reading other thread where people thought it was hard to match. Glad u r still optomistic.

  • Talk to me in a month! :)

  • A lot of the men charging for cuddling are trying to save money for veterinary assistant schooling. They should be applauded

  • It takes a lot of patience. Sometimes even trial and error to find what works and doesn't. Who is compatible with you and who isn't. Keep posting in the forums and expressing your thoughts from your heart. What you say will resonate with someone who might be thinking and feeling the same way as you do. And they will reach out to you . That's how I met some of my dearest friends on this site. That's how you get to meet some of the most sincere and honest people too.

    But you also have to be willing to be open and honest with yourself about what it is you truly want and need. Because as you meet different people those wants and needs may change. Different personalities bring different qualities in your life. So be prepared. But enjoy the search.

    Hang in there with your feelings. It's okay. Yes lots of folks want to profit but equally lots more care and just want to cuddle too.

    I like the lone sentence in your profile. Expand on that. You start by stating where you are. That's good. Build on that and create a sense of who you are by describing how you feel. Talk about what you're looking for and what you have to give. You would be surprised how many women would identify with you. Before long you'd have more cuddle potentials than you can handle.

  • edited November 2019

    @Bles that is the kindest message i have EVER received. Thank you! I cant even say anymore

  • There were literally only 3 women who were not charging in my city

  • @mundus1520 yeah in california they all are

  • Finding cuddle partners does take time and I've found many people who do not want to take that time--the time to get to know each other a little. See @littermate's comments above. Maybe that's a reflection of the instant gratification of our world or, for some people, I'm sure a pro is "easier" in that they just pay and get a service and move on--no muss, no fuss.

    There are quite a few nice women on this site who are not charging that have a hard time finding quality cuddle partners. But I echo @littermate in that they are out there but it can take some time to find them. I know for me it's been feast or famine. I either have no prospects or 12. In the past few weeks, I've had 10-12 guys reach out but right now, only about three are still messaging me. Out of those, I think only one is a solid prospect.

  • Yes, @2dogmom, totally - can take an investment of time and care to cuddle with a non pro. Convey to me you're safe, sensitive to boundaries and needs, a decent communicator, compatible with me and have some energy to offer as well as receive. When folks don't take care and time for that process, I don't bite.

    I notice a robust profile really helps me with that process, as well as the communication. A skinny profile makes someone feel hidden to me and therefore less safe. I can't tell anything about you from which to assess if I want to cuddle with you. How come you're not showing yourself to me? If you don't invest care in your involvement on the site, how do I tell that you're going to invest care in your process with me?

  • As the fairytale princess sad, "I had to kiss a lot of frogs".
    Geoff

  • This is a male-heavy site. Just looking at the Twin Cities and filtering for 'within 50 miles' and 'active in the last month':
    Women: 22 [10 are pro], all 22 cuddle with women and men
    Men: 192 [2 are pro], only 17 cuddle with men
    Other: 0

    We could cynically attribute this to supply and demand but I think it's more complex than that. Women tend to give/get more touch in their lives. I do not mean to gatekeep or discount the many women on this site who are seeking platonic cuddling, or the likely large #s would benefit if they knew of the site and felt comfortable joining, but these #s mirror what we see across U.S. society.

    Women are more comfortable sharing beds, cuddling with their besties, dancing together, and even in general just hugging (though that is finally changing for the better). That's still not the same as really cuddling but it's a factor.

    A huge factor is risk. As @littermate shared, women face more risks, not just in terms of physical safety but partner intent. I would imaging just a few experiences of having to reinforce boundaries or worse, fending off advances would sour the overall vibe for many women. There are men who have faced the same challenge (want to platonically cuddle but the partner wants or hints at more) but it's not near at the same ratio.

  • edited November 2019

    @WiseTraveler I agree.

    I will preface this by saying I love men. Not just theoretically or from a distance. I adore you guys.

    Warning: generalizations based on my experience ahead.

    The percentage of women who have been sexually abused as girls, sexually assaulted as women and/or had to fight off boundary crossing men as a regular part of the dating scene is high. Many of us are raised to fear rape and to expect it around every corner. Many of us experience that males want nothing to do with us until they reach the age to want to f*** us, and that that's all they want us for.

    Then add to that our relatively smaller stature and the way we are conditioned to please and to not be supported to develop the ability to set boundaries. Sadly, many women are just scared.

    I wouldn't have done this as a younger woman. I would have been too scared. I wouldn't have trusted my ability to screen out the boundary crossers or to deal with one if he got close to me. I wouldn't have even wanted to go there. I've done a ton of work to get where I am and I'm not one of the ones who was abused or assaulted--just experienced the typical rough handling by boys in adolescence as we fumbled to find each other.

    I love that this site exists. I think it has the potential to be so healing to so many. I'm sorry to all the sweet men who haven't ever harmed a fly who live in this men-fearing climate. I'm sorry for us because behind our fear we miss you guys. I'm sorry the culture conditions men to be soldiers instead of lovers, and women to be scared barbies or furious ballbusters instead of strong loving sisters. I'm sorry we women don't often have the skills to lovingly and firmly redirect and educate you as young men.

    And, I'm really happy to be here with you all, doing something so outside what the culture has on its menu. <3 <3 <3

  • I just read a news article about the Spanish version of Big Brother, when one housemate was filmed having sex with another who was passed-out drunk. He was apparently ejected for his "inappropriate behaviour". I bet if he was filmed stabbing her, they would have intervened ; because the law-makers can relate to that.

    The trouble for me, is that part of the enjoyment of female company, is the feeling that I am being trusted ; wherever the boundary is.

  • I'm a pro... but very open to friends ❤
    I do hope you find the connection you are looking for 🤗

  • @geoff1000 Yes, whoa. Thanks.

    I think it's challenging for some men to imagine our (females raised with women's conditioning) experience and hard for us to imagine yours (males raised with men's conditioning). I could imagine being inside a body that so needed and desired sex with conditioning that denied me access/practice/support for the finer subtleties of relating/emotionality/physicality and wanting to be close.

    Someone said a man can begin to imagine what it's like for us by imagining being in prison and being considered attractive flesh by the big boys. Imagine that as the context for snuggling!

    These are gross generalizations and the spectrum for woman-ness, man-ness and humanness is wider and way more varied, and the whole thing so multi-layered and complex, but I think I'm pointing to some things that are valid for a large number of us nevertheless.

  • @littermate ” Warning: generalizations based on my experience ahead.” 😂😂😂
    Thank you for your preface.... carry on folks. Such an intriguing thread.

  • Been on here 18 months. Only found a few non pros willing to meet. Most stop msg after I send a pic. Still feels like pros in it for the money, non pros in it as if a dating site.

  • @MaxCuddle you aren’t wrong when pros do it for the money but that isn’t my sole reason. I love that I get to do what I love while making money. I love making friends and talking with people, making connections and having a job that allows me to wake up in the morning happy. I definitely understand why some think that it feels forced, but there are some out there that legit want to be your friend but still want to keep that business/mutual connection. It definitely sucks that women are viewing this site for dating but don’t always think it’s your picture. Even though that’s not in your profile, everything else seems really good. ☺️ It’s well written, thought out with what you’re looking for and even what you can offer. There’s just so few women to all the men that for the enthusiast women, they probably get a heck of a lot of messages. Maybe try a few pros or just keep putting yourself out there. Don’t assume it’s because of you or women being picky. Be strong 🙏

  • In my sad case! Females are ok cuddling with me, as long I pay for it! But I have never hold or cuddle with anybody for free!😢 I did once went to a movie, but that person was afraid to let anyone touch her, if they were of color, because of what someone did to her in the past! When one like me, who has a broken soul & is very alone! The only way to receive comfort, is to pay for it! one can can go very broke looking for touch and comfort!
    As long as I pay for it, there where touching, there’s is no problem, but try to chat with someone for free, then I get blocked! It is the nature of the beast! Sad but true!

  • Awww @bigdlove, you look like a sweetie.

  • @littermate
    Good analogy about being in a ( by definition, all male ) prison.
    I think also of being invited to dinner by Hannibal Lecter's brother, you'd have to be very hungry to risk doing that. Or working on a skyscraper when your co-workers have parachutes, but you don't. Sharing a bowl of mixed nuts, when you alone have a peanut allergy.
    The law does recognise the male-female difference a little, taking a woman's clothes is regarded as kidnapping because they ( much more than a man ) would fear being out naked. I can't easily relate to a man having his turban forcibly being removed in public, so I just imagine someone taking my swimming trunks when I'm on a crowded beach.
    I'm told that it can be unwise to try keeping an addiction at bay, by avoiding the temptation, because if that temptation arises, you don't then have the mental strength to resist it. Would a female be happier to cuddle with someone who did not find them desirable ( gay male / straight female), or someone who did, but was able to not act on that ? I suppose I'm asking if cuddling is measured to be platonic, only by what happens, or also by what goes on in the minds of the participants.
    I enjoy a scary movie, knowing that I am actually safe ; do female cuddlers similarly enjoy "putting their head in the lion's mouth" ? The boundary being pushed on you, is a bad way to be shown you are desirable as a female ; but the act must be more than simply shared warmth, else you'd all be out buying hot water bottles.

  • @Sheena123
    I worked for a while as a part-time taxi-driver, and always said that I wouldn't wait on the rank all day for twice the money. The good customers were those who behaved as if they were getting a free lift, and they made the job worthwhile.
    I think the pro-client relationship should be similar ; as a client I would try to behave as if the pro is their out of choice, so I have to be decent and reasonable etc. etc.
    Another way I think of it, is like rock-climbing with a safety rope. If I make a mistake and fall, it isn't fatal ; but that doesn't make me want to be careless.
    I think that most men who use pros, would rather find a non-pro, so they should use the experience as a "training exercise".

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