I find the way you think, and your honesty, really interesting @geoff1000 .
I can only speak for myself and I'm still learning about the secret lives of men. I am guessing men may vary in how addicted and how sex-on-the-brain they are based on age and other factors. The warmth and energy of a body is different than a hot water bottle and it's not about sexuality for me. I suspect that some of us have a fuller range of sensual sexless capacity than others. For some it seems like they can't be close to an attractive person of their chosen gender without it feeling pretty strongly sexual. I feel neutral about whether someone is attracted to me because it seems beside the point, as long as they can snuggle me without their attraction turning into any action.
For whatever reason I find men's bodies, especially men who are in their bodies from sports or working, to have some kind of energetic vitamin my body likes. It's grounding, is the best way I can describe it. I would also tend toward that type if I were looking for a lover but I'm not. It's not the only sort of body I'd enjoy snuggling with though.
I would not want to cuddle with a man who didn't feel like he could easily hold me platonically or felt challenged to hold his sexual impulses back. I would feel distracted and unable to relax my vigilance, feeling like I had to watch where he was unable. I am getting more and more that many men don't have this easy range of contact without sexual urges and it explains some things for me.
I'm older guy, so during my teens and early twenties it wasn't all about technology as it is today, so it was much easier to have both male and female friends to hang-out, date, a generally socialize with, so fortunately, loneliness wasn't an issue for me. I'm glad I've had to opportunity to live in that era, and now in our tech centric society where you can connect with people locally, nationally, or worldwide where the opportunity simply didn't exist before.
I've been into holistic healing i.e., meditation, massage, and other natural cures for over twenty years now. I started cuddling 2 years ago after a long stint as a family caregiver, and have found it more healing than the other holistic avenues I've been down. In all cases, there has been a cost involved, so paying to cuddle is normal to my experience.
As I write this, I feel my sessions have been very positive, however, I think that comes largely from my expectation to pay as I did with both my mediation leader who was an LCSW, or my CMT for massage. Cuddling is fundamentally different in so far as there is no criteria for certification or training -- therefore you get a mixed bag of true healers, kind hearts, gentle souls, and mercenaries.
In all cases, I've met my potential cuddle partners in a public place first to discuss things and feel each other out. Or used technology like FaceTime, Skype, or Zoom to have a quasi face to face conversation beforehand.
What's key is understand each others boundaries and consent. It's all about communication and respect. I haven't had any bad cuddle experiences because I approach things in a manner where I essentially abide by my female cuddle partners sense of boundaries and consent. At the end of the day, we're all taking a risk with this in so far as being close and intimate with strangers.
Lastly, I'm not a wealthy guy by any means, so I don't get to cuddle as much as I would like. However, cuddling has helped me on a path to a new normal emotionally. Paying for sessions is a good thing in my mind because it keeps one (particularly males) from getting the wrong impression or thinking the intimacy is more than a transaction. I appreciate that this is NOT a dating site, but a place where like-minded folks can get together and check out of the madness for an hour or two, intimately, but platonically. It's truly a great thing from my perspective.
@herby357 "Check out of the madness for an hour or two" I like that description. 😀
☺️😎
I am having a hard time as a man finding men or trans people who will even respond to a message of mine saying I’d like to meet them. Kind of a bummer. I think I’d make a good cuddle partner for anyone. I remember reading a profile that described their ability to be in the moment and appreciate whatever presents itself. That’s me! Here’s my running hypothesis: we’re all balls of beautiful light encased within bodies of all shapes and sizes. I just want to connect with other balls of light!
@Crataegus CC does not want you talking about balls. It violates TOS.
@FunCartel snicker
@geoff1000 that’s neat. I’ve never thought to be considered as a training experience. I might put that in my profile if you don’t mind lol. I’m glad there are still so many men out there like you that are very respectful.
@FunCartel lol.
@Sheena123 Glad to help. 😀 A cuddle pro is perhaps like a driving instructor, ready to grab the steering wheel if the learner makes a mistake ; while a non-pro is like a passenger, who doesn't have good road sense, isn't paying attention, or just panics. Maybe the site should have a "Learner" symbol, on profiles of men who don't yet have Karma, like L-plates on cars.
@littermate once again you took the words out of my head and wrote them much more eloquently than I would have.
I will add one thing--a male cuddle friend from this site who is a frequent cuddler of pros and non-pros told me that no matter how respectful they are, all men are secretly hoping for "a little squeeze." I am not going to share my thoughts about his statement but it does support the notion that, as littermate puts it, "many men don't have this easy range of contact without sexual urges ."
@2dogmom Yes you are correct, not many men do. Many wont but would if permitted without hesitation
@2dogmom awwwww.
Yeah, wonder if any man can speak for all men, truly. But I'm betting it's prevalent.
@geoff1000 "Would a female be happier to cuddle with someone who did not find them desirable (gay male / straight female), or someone who did but was able to not act on that? I suppose I'm asking if cuddling is measured to be platonic only by what happens or also by what goes on in the minds of the participants."
Hmmm... this question really made me think. My first instinct was "yes, because then you could truly relax and enjoy the cuddle without having to worry about being on guard the whole time." That said, hot water bottles don't do it for me because they don't cuddle back. lol
I've had six cuddle partners since joining here. Being honest, one I was attracted to physically, the others I was not and, in my mind, thought of it like cuddling a platonic bestie. That said, if I remember correctly, I had some level of physical reaction to all of them because your body/hormones cannot differentiate between who you find desirable and who you do not based on a mental level of attraction. Your hormones act on basic instinct and just think "feels good, make baby" ... lol (j/k!)
I suppose it's inevitable that if you cuddle long enough /with enough people that you will come across someone who you are attracted to for more than a cuddle. Then, yes, the question is do you act or it or do you not.
Loneliness happens we all go through those times. When this site first started i found a lot of nonpros willing to cuddling but now most women try to charge. My success comes from going out every weekend and dating apps still love this site but just some advice to meet new people to build connections with.
I'm highly impressed with this thread, for the eloquence and great writing, particularly @littermate, @2dogmom, @herby357, and @geoff1000 .
These are the kinds of conversations and content that keep me coming back to the boards.
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Thanks to all of you for replying and posting some great stuff. I was nervous about posting and creating this but your responses have been incredibly authentic.
I was looking forward to my first cuddle this last weekend but they flaked after i gave them my info. That really sucked but i wouldnt change anything because i learned even in that like i am learning from your shares.
@hicuddler Flaked. That's bad. Seriously. Most of us can relate to that.
How about trying a pro first ? I think that's my plan. Get some practice, and Karma ; and meeting with a non-pro is then just better, rather than something instead of nothing. I'm hoping a non-pro would appreciate the effort that someone had put in, to get the hang of things rather than diving in at the deep end.
I can't quite imagine a Tinder date complimenting her male lover on his bedroom prowess, and being happy to hear that he had been busy in a similar way ; but that's just another way in which what we do here is different.
@geoff1000 thanks good call
@hicuddler Thanks. The way I see it, most of us have to travel, costing time as well as money ; so the hourly rate isn't really a big factor. It's probably also good for those who travel for business in odd places, and don't have time for the normal to-and-fro conversation before they arrive.
I know As a pro it may sound ironic to say this but I always encourage folks to keep looking and never give up looking for their platonic cuddle partner, whether they’re a pro or not. I know plenty who seek out services in between relationships bc it’s something completely normal and common to miss; the caring touch of another person. And it warms my heart when past cuddlers of mine tell me they have found their ideal cuddle partner. I couldn’t be more happier for them and happy with the work I do. Keep your hearts up!
@StellaLiz I agree. I had a few non-pro cuddles, had a bad stretch and decided to try a pro, and now have some more solid non-pro options. Pros for me can fill a downtime if you really need a cuddle. It's ebb and flow with non-pro cuddle buddies because of vetting and coordinating schedules.
I agree with @Sheena123. To me, this is a job. Now why, when I have a bachelor's degree and could absolutely spend my time making money doing something else, choose this job? Because I love cuddling, and I love connecting with people! Being a professional allows me to be an equal opportunity cuddler. By keeping it professional, I don't have to worry as much of there being expectation of more. As long as you are respectful and follow the CC rules, I will cuddle with anyone. I don't discriminate. You wouldn't accuse a therapist or a counselor or a psychiatrist of doing a service for you just for the money. And us cuddlers face a lot of risk. I have already dealt with plenty of people on here who push boundaries, cancel last-minute, refuse to send me their name and/or a photo of themselves for safety purposes, amongst other troublesome things. And don't forget that a portion of the price goes to the site fee. With a professional, you can get near-instant gratifying snuggles. That is not guaranteed with someone who doesn't charge. There's likely a lot more interviewing going on. It all depends on what you're looking for, but please don't judge the professionals. We enjoy doing what we do, but our time is precious.
Thanks
@bekah_cuddles A nurse said, "I don't do it for the money ; but if it wasn't for the money, I wouldn't be able to pay the bills".