Getting banned for asking a question

smoothest

I was warned because I asked a cuddler what she would be comfortable wearing for a cuddle session. Shorts, skirt, dress ? I've cuddled before and the cuddler wore a skirt, so because of that I didn't see any harm In asking. The cuddler said that I was rude for asking her that question.???

hugonehugall

I wouldn't say it was rude. And I wouldn't say asking what a cuddler normally wears during a session is a bad question either. But it did sort of seem like you were trying to lead her or making her choose between those options. As far as I know none of those are against TOS , but be careful about how you phrase the question to not make it feel like you're looking something that you're not supposed to. I normally just ask " What do you normally wear during a session ? " If I ask at all and just leave it at that. I've never had any negative responses from that question and never had any issues with what my cuddlers wore during our sessions.

snugbuddy

Really? I ask this all the time. No cuddler ever took issue with it. They are all accommadating. I only deal with pros though and I don't see how asking a question about her service would be rude, and like I said none so far has had a problem with it. Maybe it's different with non pros but I wouldn't know. Was she a pro?

pmvines

...

hugonehugall

@snugbuddy I deal with primarily pros as well. Again it's not what he asked on the surface. It's how he asked. If that's verbatim how he asked a female cuddler ( either pro or enthusiast ) would infer her only options were a skirt , shorts , or a dress. That may have raised some sort of flag with her. Without having the entire context of the conversation and without any dealings with this particular cuddler one cannot be sure. Again like I said there's a way to ask that question without painting the cuddler into a corner or without making it sound like you're pushing for something.

littermate

As a nonpro, I'd not like it if someone's focus for our first session was on what I was wearing. But I'm a nonpro. Maybe one would rather hire the pro that would allow the most skin contact within the rules of the site? Is that why you guys ask? I'm curious.

hugonehugall

@littermate it's one of the reasons , for me at least other reasons include comfort and making sure there's no type of material that could cause an allergic reaction or make me itch everytime I come in contact with it. Also if Im hosting I keep my apartment relatively warm ... Usually around 74° year round and the building Im in runs warm in general even when the heat is not on. I want to make sure my cuddler won't sweat through everything and that's comfortable.

snugbuddy

@hugonehugall I see what you mean about the wording. The advice you gave for how to ask the question is better. I'm not sure clumsily asking the question rises to level of being warned which is a step away from being banned

hugonehugall

I think banishment is a little extreme. Clearly this upset her to the point that she felt the need to report it ? I would just apologize and move on if this makes her not want to meet you.

BashfulLoner

As an inexperienced cuddler(only have cuddles once) I’d ask just to make sure we were on the same page and what to expect. I do think we have to be sensitive to how it’s asked. You don’t ask if they are going to wear panties or a silk teddy, right? I’d just ask what kind of attire do you expect or should i expect?

But if a person is looking for a high amount of skin contact, well I’m at a loss, i think that may be pushing it.

MaxCuddle

I've had a few show up in jeans. One wore jeans and a sweater. Sun was out, but
windy. 1 min into cuddleing, she said she was hot. Luckily I had an extra t-shirt. She was small so long shirt on her worked. I have said in the past, that I wear a t-shirt and shorts and ask what do they wear. I usually hosts ( Rent a room). and ask them to bring a change of clothes because some women do get hot during the cuddle.

Zaquia

As a pro cuddler, I wouldn't mind being asked what kind of clothes I normally wear for a session, but it does seem prying if you list out options like that. It changes the tone from just curious to potentially invasive.

The two clients I've seen so far are immigrants. I think it's important for cuddlers to keep in mind that a client may have difficulty with English and may have cultural differences in communication.

Lev136

As a male who has cuddled with many pros., I always ask that question. It's best just to ask it in a simple way and to tell the cuddlier what you normally wear. That way both parties can communicate with what they are comfortable with the other wearing.

littermate

Awesome, thanks.

I have never asked a cuddle partner what they wear. Some volunteer the information. Some don't. Some do refer to liking "skin on skin" contact which makes me wonder exactly what they mean and how much...

I have had men ask me what I wear. If remembering correctly, it's usually been guys who are new to cuddling and want to know what's up or if what they are planning is appropriate.

@hugonehugall 74? Goodness. Ladies of my age would melt. Or at least I would. lol

Sideon

As long as it's not latex, gingham, taffeta, armor, or body paint... I'm good.

littermate

Hahahaha @Sideon

hugonehugall

@2dogmom I've seen pros advertise skin on skin contact on their profiles and most seem to enjoy it from what I can tell. The term is all relative ... By the letter of the my rubbing my hand on your arm is skin on skin contact. But I understand what you mean does the contact they seek fall within the rules of the site. I see no issue with asking a cuddler what they wear for the various reasons I listed , there's even some that entertain requests as long as they fall within the guidelines. I've never myself made any and can only recall on one occasion 1 cuddler asking me if I had any preference in what she wore.
Lol sorry can't do anything about the temp like I said my place runs warm as it is so it's what Im used to. And our setup is such that the AC is not available during the Winter months.

@hugonehugall I did not mean that judgy or defensive in any way. I guess I assume everyone will have on clothes and it seems "shorts and T-shirt" are standard for male cuddlers. There are more variables for women I feel esp. whether to wear, umm,... a bra or not... lol

hugonehugall

@2dogmom I guess that would depend on the top you wore or were asked to wear ? I don't know lol Im not the one to ask about women's fashion choices for sure. I guess ultimately something like that is up to your comfort level.

geoff1000

I don't know if it's a fetish on my part, but I'm more than happy to cuddle in outdoor clothing. I would much rather my partner feels comfortable psychologically, than for me to feel comfortable physically. It's like putting a safety chain on, before you open your front door to a stranger.

I'm also not sure about all this stroking and rubbing. I like the pressure of contact, and the warmth, and the rhythmic moment of breathing, and the contented purring of sleep. Maybe that's because I still cuddle with ( metaphorical ) training wheels.

sillysassy

@geoff1000 training wheels.... hahhahaha and outdoor clothes/safety chains. You create very interesting word pictures.

@hugonehugall thank you for your thoughtful response. The first thing that came to my mind was "OBJECTION!!! Leading!" but maybe that was because I just watched Matt Damon in Rainmaker. 😂😂😁👨‍⚖️

@Sideon do you really wonder why you are so adored???? I mean.... THIS!!!! As long as it's not latex, gingham, taffeta, armor, or body paint... I'm good. omgosh..... I am DYING here! I thought we were going to get some face painting done when you came to visit??? ---sigh.... I guess no means no---

pmvines

Is chain mail too much skin to skin?

littermate

Sounds a little too sexy to me for a platonic cuddle.

UKGuy

Maybe I'm unusual but I would never ask anyone what they normally wear, what they will wear, or suggest what they wear. Nor would I comment on what they wore. I would either like it or not like it. And if I didn't like it, I would factor that into whether to meet that person again. However, any form of wool or other scratchy clothing would be a definite negative for me.

pmvines

@littermate Is there even such thing as platonic chain mail though, really?

littermate

@pmvines I can't picture it.

luv2cudl2

@smoothest My guess is she saw a profile with no picture and a bio that only reads “I’m fun.” In my opinion, it’s probably difficult as a professional to reply to profiles like this. Maybe say a few words about yourself at the very minimum.

Sheena123

I would guess that considering most men that ask about clothing move the conversation towards:

Can you be braless?
Can you be naked?
Can I just wear my boxers?
Can you wear pantyhose?
Can you wear a bikini?

I have been asked all of these and I’m sure other pros have been asked to wear specific things. Some pros are fed up with the amount of men that have bad intentions with asking for clothing. I certainly don’t mind if you want to ask me what I would typically wear during a cuddle. It just means you didn’t read my profile which saddens me but I’ll answer nonetheless. But if the conversation about clothing turns to the perverted questions, I’ll tell you straight up that it’s inappropriate.

pmvines

Something to consider is that women on here get loads of men trying to test their boundaries and sending them all sorts of messages. I can see how that might translate to some women not wanting to take the time and energy to have to weed out and decipher the intent of people. It must get exhausting. That might account for why someone might be bothered by the question. I have asked people what they like to wear, however only if they are someone who i have spoken with for a while and we actually plan to get together. And only if i am certain they wont be put off by of take the question the wrong way. Otherwise i steer clear for not wanting to risk a misunderstanding, unless they happen to bring it up.

@littermate I think some guys ask because they are curious how far they can push. Other guys have other reasons:
1- allergic to certain fabrics (I know if she wears sweaters or wool I will be itching all the time)
2- clothing breathability (I 'glisten' dramatically. If you wear heavily insulated clothes, I may 'glisten' all over you)
3- skirt/dress question- lots of cuddlers, male and female, like to pretzel. Leg pretzeling is very awkward in skirt or dress.

I ask cuddlers what they wear and if there is a preference for what I wear. I ask about allergies. (I have a cat, and I am a painter so I frequently have latex paint on some part of my body I miss during shower time.) I also tell them about what scents i will use (shampoo, body wash, deodorant, cologne) to make sure they have no issues with those.

@Sideon how about burlap?

As for skin on skin, I came back from an African Safari with a hippo hide. I frequently dress in this as my only clothing during cuddles. Therefore I always get the skin on skin I need without offending my cuddler.