When did you discover platonic cuddling?

CompanionCore

Cuddling romantically is the societal norm so for most people there must have been a moment where they realized it doesn't have to be romantic. When was that for you?

I was always a cuddler. As a child I would always be hugging everyone and cuddling my mom every chance I got. Of course though as a child the idea of romance wasn't even really there. I have a cousin who is two years younger than me and we are best friends, but she lives in wisconsin which is hundreds of miles away from PA. She is quite the hugger as well so whenever we were together I would usually put my arm around her, that much I never saw as romantic. But once, when I was about 16, we were at a family event with all the aunts uncles and cousins (my family has a lot of them) and after playing outside for hours on a hot summer day we were exhausted so we walked inside. I sat down on the couch and expected her to sit next to me and she did but she also laid her head on my chest. I was petrified at first, thinking that this kind of physical closeness between two people of opposite genders and similar age HAD to be romantic and we were cousins which just made it wrong and there were also plenty of family members watching that would likely harshly judge it, but then I realized how comforting it was. There wasn't anything wrong with it, we were just really good friends finding comfort in being close. So I put my arm around her, pulled her even closer, and we napped together. The next day my mom told me that several family members talked to her in quiet about us cuddling and warned me not to get romantic. I told her it wasn't and if anyone has a problem they can say it to my face, my mother smiled and said she was happy for the special relationship we had. We've been best friends ever since, sadly we usually only get to see each other once or twice a year but every time since we have found a time to cuddle together and we message each other on an at least weekly basis.

It's really special and I love being able to tell people the story of how it happened. Unfortunately it's difficult to find people that will understand it and not jump to wrong conclusions that I'm trying to justify my deep mad love for my cousin or that we're secretly having sex and just using this as a cover story. So I'm glad there's a place like this full of people who can understand and I'm curious to hear what stories you all might have.

beanice2

It was natural as a caregiver professionally and in my home life hugging,cuddling hand holding just comes natural

UKGuy

I wouldn't even say cuddling romantically is a societal norm. I think you are jumping to a conclusion there. When I was growing up (in the UK) I never saw my mother cuddle my father, there was no cuddling among relatives. I don't even recall much physical touching of any kind. I don't recall cuddling any girlfriends and there wasn't much if any cuddling in my marriage. From my experience, platonic physical touch is rare and platonic cuddling is virtually unheard of. As for when I discovered it, that would be when I found this site.

geoff1000

I think all cuddling is platonic until puberty, then we have to learn it again.
Conversely, cuddling can only be considered platonic, when we have a concept of non-platonic cuddling.

CompanionCore

This is not the response I expected lol. I suppose I grew up in a different culture and assumed things were pretty much the same for everyone. It seems very odd to me that this would be the case but I've never really discussed it with anyone before.

@geoff1000 That explains things very nicely.

littermate

I grew up in a part of the country that is quite conservative about such things. We kissed our parents goodnight and that was about it after a certain age. So when I first attended a workshop where people were snuggling as they listened to the workshop presenter, I thought they were all in sexual relationship with each other. It was only then, at the age of 24 or so, that I saw that people could be physically close to each other platonically. Once I saw that, it was easy for me to participate in it. I like remembering that as it puts the reactions of others into perspective. I'm so way out there in my thinking and perspectives from where I was then, and sometimes I call to mind how wacky I can look to those who haven't been down the roads I've been down.

I'd always been a very touchy-feely person. Give me all of the hugs, snuggles, back scratches, forehead smooches and head pats. I didn't realize that I'd grown touch deprived until a friend pulled me in for a big hug. I immediately melted into her and snuggled closer to her and she wrapped both of her arms around me and said, "AHA! I knew you were a cuddler!" That's when I knew that I craved a good cuddle.

Drop_the_Mike

When I was a young lad.

When you've got two parents, nine siblings, and only one couch, cuddling's going to happen every time the lot of you sit down to watch something. (Or else you're all going to be intensely uncomfortable the whole time—one or the other.)

It probably didn't hurt that one set of grandparents lived with us for a while.

There was so much affectionate touch in my life growing up that I actually got to hating it: turns out you really can have too much of a good thing! Takes an awful lot of cuddling to get to the "too much" point, though, and now that I'm out and living on my own... yeah, I'm not drowning in snuggles anymore.

What surprised me was the idea that it had to be romantic or sexual. Geez louise, that was a concept I'd never encountered before!

Kind of horrifying—so I was pleased to find this site.

Biblioromantic

I was raised in a very religious household. I remember being a small child and being told that it was time to grow up, that big girls didn't need cuddles. I was shamed as an older child for hugging friends of the opposite gender. As a teen, I was told that because I was a girl, even my mere presence was inciting boys and men to lustful thoughts, so I should never touch them. My first boyfriend would punish me by refusing to hold my hand or even acknowledge me. And I am asexual, so that left me confused about and obsessive about avoiding sex.

I heard about platonic cuddling when a good friend who is also asexual posted about this site on FB.

I had been taught to be ashamed of needing to be held and hugged. Cuddling has been a learning process. It's taught me it's okay to need things for myself. It's okay to seek what you need and what brings you happiness. It's okay to have healthy boundaries. It's okay to expect others to respect those boundaries. It's okay to hold safe spaces of acceptance.

Cuddling is not therapy, but for me it has been therapeutic.

TheFunCartel

The first time was with my babysitter who was very hands on. I was eight, she was 14 and she liked to hold me. There was nothing sexual there but I thought she had a strong maternal urge because she had her first kid at 16 and then had 5 more before the age of 30...She seemed to always be clutching her children as an adult. I ran into her last year when I was back in Virginia visiting and she told me those kids wore her out. We had coffee and I discovered her dad wound up in jail for molesting her, her two sisters and her brother. She said she resents her early life and how she tried to make her kids offset the bad she had experienced. She finally got help when she was 50 and came to terms with her guilt. We hugged and she thanked me for listening, but I felt like I should have followed up but I did not get her phone number. I still sensed immense sadness in her.

sillysassy

Oh man! @FunCartel what a sad thing to have found out.... That’s always tough for me when I don’t have the ability to reconnect and follow up after such a tragic bit of news.
I think one of the most interesting and sometimes heartbreaking things about this community is how many people have been harmed by the experience of/or lack of touch. A lot of people have expressed pain because of their past and being taken advantage of in one way or another. I feel like maybe we are all here to help make a difference for our future selves AND others!! There is a new truth emerging here!!! Yay for cuddles!! ♥️

Groucho

Platonic cuddling is a two minute affair at bedtime. I must initiate it and move away when my time is up. My S.O. can't sleep if I'm close. I only started this nightly ritual after about 10 months here.

StoryDoctor1138

I discovered platonic cuddling during all those dates that ended that way. I wasn't EXPECTING platonic cuddling, but I guess it's where I first learned that romantic and sexual attraction doesn't always end up in romantic and sexual activity.

pmvines

I didnt have a touchy childhood in fact i didnt like being touched really. My mother wasnt huggy and i never really felt that comfortable around my dad. I did later in my teen years really enjoy it, and as majority of my friends were girls i had a good deal of hugs etc . And because majority of them were platonic i came to associate touch as not always being about sex.

ReltvlyCanshes

I just wanted to add this

littermate

Awwww.

ReltvlyCanshes

That’s like me and my baby at nap time

TheFunCartel

I discovered platonic cuddling at 11 when the girl a year older than I, Cindy M., clocked me for trying to steal a kiss under our makeshift fort of Palmetto fronds in South Carolina. Platonic seemed like the path of least resistance after that.

ReltvlyCanshes

@FunCartel that wasn’t platonic, she just let you get as far as you could

TheFunCartel

@BashfulLoner I know it wasn’t platonic; it was the eureka moment that prompted me to take a platonic tack.

ReltvlyCanshes

Been there