@sillysassy thank you. You are another of the coterie I am happy to see and hear from. Thank you very much and the feeling is mutual.
Awwwwwww @FunCartel COTERIE You make MY neck slump!!!!
@littermate: Heh. I've got a similar fantasy "problem" (and I also don't know for sure whether the root of it's in nature or nurture). Just a feature of being me: it's tough for me to avoid fantasizing about a certain thing.
I've learned that other people find this particular desire of mine horribly disturbing... and also that somehow or other they seem able to tell when I'm fantasizing about them that way... so I've put a lot of effort into getting a handle on it. I think I've done well. I've also found someone who actually likes being fantasized about that way, which is excellent! (I did not find that person on this site.) But in general I try not to think about real people that way.
Shame isn't a problem for me, despite all of society telling me that the desire and attraction I experience is monstrously shameful. No, I just... find it easier to get on in life when I've got my attractions in hand. I can't make the desire go away. I wouldn't if I could—it's a part of who I am. But I can and I do set it aside when I think it's inappropriate.
And oh yeah: Welcome back, @FunCartel! I've missed seeing your happy plane on the forums.
@DarrenWalker People can perhaps read your state of mind, but not the cause. I had a long flight sitting beside an attractive young woman, who probably to this day, is sure that I am scared of flying. I think it's a form of OCD, when one is continually scared of doing something that one must not ; and years or even decades of not doing so, don't take away that fear.
Thanks @DarrenWalker. So interesting.
@geoff1000: Whatever they're reading, it's enough to make them uncomfortable. And that's an unfortunate feeling to have during a cuddle, so....
I mean, I'm off-putting enough, what with my basically expressionless face and near-total lack of body language! Why add to the problem? Folks are closer to comfortable with me when I'm not, eh... daydreaming. I think it's nice when they're more comfy. Makes for a better cuddle all around.
@DarrenWalker When my daughter was born, she was not into smiling for the goo-goo gaa-gaa tickly stuff adults wanted to do at her. She looked back at them like a fat Samurai warrior. They felt stupid. One gave her the nickname "serious girl" but she wasn't serious at all. She was just THERE. She still looks out like that, with a whole lot of embodied awareness. Those who are afraid of being seen feel uncomfortable in that gaze.
Peeps project on you I'll bet. Peeps are constantly referencing off of other people's faces to find their worth and safety--sweet babies frozen in early attachment issues walking around in adult bodies. Do you like me? Do you like me? Do you like me? I realize it's prolly easier for folks to relate to you if you play some of that normal niceness stuff but lovie, I'll bet it's not much about your off-puttingness and more about what lives in them.
littermate, laughing at all this talk about breasts and sexual stuff :-) Just noticing this, it is fascinating.
Haha @dharma1257! Touche'.
@DarrenWalker Could you try acting ? Put out an aura of something else, or even have a strong conscious thought to override the subconscious ones ? Make a mental image of how you would like to feel, and keep going over it. Some men use that technique for bedroom endurance, getting a thought of something else to delay the happy ending.
@littermate, you stated, " Very few men have the degrading experience of a man staring at one's breasts when one is trying to make contact as a real person with a real mind talking abut real things." I'm wondering how many people realize that the phenomenon of men being obsessed with women's breasts was artificially created by society. In societies where women routinely go around topless, that phenomenon does not exist. Because of this, I stand firmly behind the women in the Top Free movement. I think that getting rid of societal aberrations such as this one would make for a much better world. ♥ Jim
@I_am_Polylover right with you on the "created by society" piece -- but I think it's more than just women going topless that's going to address this one! And, behind you that it should not be against the law.
Wait, i do absolutely enjoy breasts and looking at them. I do however try not to focus on them. It’s not matter of size or shape but i think they are wonderful additions to the human form, but I’m not obsessed with staring at them but i can’t pretend i don’t notice them. Just a comment on the previous comments.
Righteous. I like them too.
As you should! How could anyone not. I think it should be universal, so it’s not a necessarily a sexual thing, it could be a inner child thing.
@littermate: Maybe people do project on me (I have all the in-person social presence of blank wallpaper), but I've also definitely noticed that folks are more likely to spend time with me if I don't privately fantasize about them. I can drive people away by doing that.
As far as acting goes, @geoff1000, I can do it but it takes a ton of energy. Run the fantasy, then run a masking program to hide it? Easier to just kill the fantasy by focusing on something else.
...Which may only work for me because I've got the type of brain that defaults to focusing all its power on precisely one thing at a time....
Anyway, I'm almost completely certain that setting aside my inappropriate attraction and not giving it the mental attention it'd need to grow into fantasy makes me less off-putting to be around. Tough to do sometimes, but I make a point of never, never agreeing to meet somebody from this site if I feel especially drawn to them that way!
@littermate and @BashfulLoner, re: boobs
I think they're okay on other people. Not really my jam in terms of personal style, though.
I am not convinced of the sexual appeal of breasts; simply because they’re there to feed children. As an anti-natalist who thinks that we as a species should stop breeding voluntarily and greet oblivion with open arms, anything to do with children is distasteful to me, and I find it difficult to separate the aesthetic draw of breasts from their intended purpose.
Breasts are a female gender identifier, looking at them tells a man that he is in the presence of a 3-D printer which can perpetuate his DNA. That triggers a hormonal release which is pleasant in itself ( to reinforce the behaviour ) and prepares them for the next step of procreation.
It takes a higher level of consciousness to overcome that, or maybe a world-weary cynicism to know it won't happen.
Think of drooling over a juicy steak. A waiter has to cope with delivering it to someone else, and may learn after many years that they are unlikely to actually get to eat it.
@geoff1000: There are so many things I wanna say to this that I'm not sure where to start.
Breasts are an indicator of estrogen having been present at some point, not of functional wombs? "A man" is a human being, while "a 3-D printer" is an object? And now women are juicy steaks which men deliver to other people?
...Aaaargh.
Edit: Also, just about anything can trigger that hormonal release. It all depends on what you're used to.
Cuddles with: juicy steaks.
@DarrenWalker I'm trying to explain why men like looking at them. If there was no sexual attraction, the human race would have died out before it started. That just my engineering analogy.
We don't have to be slaves to our base instincts, but nor should we be more respectful of those who have none, than those who keep them in check.
@geoff1000: I understand what you're trying to do, but all I can see is what you're doing.
People who're sexually attracted to women like looking at whatever parts of the female body the society they're in fetishizes.
And what parts of the male body does our society fetishize? What bits of that are so nice to look at it just makes sense that everyone would appreciate them? Societies have a bad habit of messing with natural sexual attraction by turning only the female body into (to borrow a metaphor) a juicy steak.
It even bleeds over into what people find visually attractive, leaving sex out of it entirely.
I think men like long-haired women, because that is a typical socially-constucted gender differentiator.
@geoff1000: That sort of thing, yes. Though I think Imperator Furiosa and Kate Libby and Jaqen H'ghar (and so on) might be shifting that particular differentiator....
When Sylvester Stallone was married to Bridget Neilson, he had bigger "boobs".
@geoff1000: Ha. I believe those are called "chesticles." Or is it "moobs"? Anyway, women definitely don't have a monopoly on large-chestedness. (Though most photo editors sure wouldn't like you to think there're any flat-chested women in the world.)
I enjoyed all that quite a bit.
@DarrenWalker with the projection thing, I was referring to the blank wallpaper part.
@littermate: Oh. Gotcha.
@DarrenWalker If you had a severe peanut allergy, you'd probably want to know about it. I'll bet there are people who only find they have something similar to you, when they are first being overwhelmed by it.