@geoff1000 says, "Breasts are a female gender indicator ..."
This is untrue mainly because gender isn't physical. It's also untrue because the development of breasts isn't tied to the possession of female reproductive parts: that is, being assigned female at birth doesn't mean you'll definitely have those well-known shapes on your chest, and being assigned male doesn't mean you definitely won't.
Breasts are a "high estrogen levels" indicator.
Some people, it's true, have high estrogen levels because their gender is female and so they went out and got estrogen injections. In these cases, breasts are an indicator of high levels of estrogen resulting from what someone's gender made them want to do... so we could say they're a female gender indicator in these cases. Sort of.
But it's not a particularly reliable indicator of gender, not only because gender doesn't always motivate you to make sure your body "matches," but also because sometimes you just don't have the money.
@dharma1257 no response from him or his wife within my earshot other than the look of terror he gave me and the look of surprise from his wife. Do I regret saying that to him in front of his wife? Absolutely not. She is either ignoring it or unaware. If she was ignoring, she needed to know others were noticing his deplorable behavior. If she was unaware, she needed to be made aware so she could do something about it. Either way, that couple, I'm sure, had a much needed and very difficult heart to heart conversation. I was stopped by a waitress on the way out who thanked me because he was apparently a regular there who had been acting in such a way for a while and really creeped her out. When my wife and I got home, I explained what had happened, and she appreciated it. My daughter did not know what had happened until a couple years later. Could I have handled it differently? Of course. I could have pulled the guy aside and talked to him privately, but would how wife been aware it would he have played it off? My guess is nothing would have changed. I could have just walked over and slugged the guy, but that would not have changed anything. I could have ignored it and not defended my family's honor. Again-no change. Do I know things have changed? Not for sure. But I can't imagine there was not at least some meaningful conversation between him and his wife. I did not raise my voice to draw unnecessary attention. the waitress who stopped me was bussing the next table, so I'm pretty sure she is the only one who heard what I had said besides the couple.
In short, I have no regrets about how i handled the situation.
Creedhands, thanks for taking the time to share more about this incident. I find it very interesting and fascinating and totally get where you are coming from now, with this added context.
And yes, we never know if our actions have certain outcomes or not, maybe when we die, we might relieve our lives and see the effects of what we did or didnt do on others. But until then, we just try our best, as you did, in this situation, and hope some positive changes came from it.
Thanks again for your honesty and sharing, i was touched by this incident.
@creedhands is there any possible way you miss read what was happening? I ask because Personally i would hate to have made a mistake when confronting some like that.
@BashfulLoner: Same. But since he wasn't the only one who noticed that type of behavior from the guy ("I was stopped by a waitress on the way out who thanked me because he was apparently a regular there who had been acting in such a way for a while and really creeped her out"), I'd guess his odds of being wrong were pretty low.
I didn't say breasts were a 100% reliable indicator, but applied to a random sample of people, they would be a good working rough estimate of which are the post-puberty females. Some women enhance their clothed shape in a very cheap way.
I regret my action in a similar event to @creedhands.
I was following a blind man over a footbridge, when a 3rd man approaching us, but gazing down into his smartphone bumped into the blind man. The 3rd man looked back angrily, and I "apologised"" as I passed, saying "he's blind".
I could have said, "He's blind, what's your excuse ?" , but he was twice my size. Should I have said it anyway ?
We should take care that we don't do what is right, only because it is easy ; we should also do what is right, when it is very hard.
Many of us might intervene, if a small man were bullying a woman. How many would do so, if there was a gang of them, and we knew we would die ? Something we should perhaps consider, so we can react faster if the situation occurs.
@geoff1000: Some women (cis and trans) do indeed enhance the breasts given them by high levels of estrogen. Some (cis and trans) don't. Some (cis and trans) don't have anything to enhance. Doesn't change the fact that breasts indicate high estrogen levels, not private parts.
"He's blind; what's your excuse?" would have been a wonderfully rude thing to say to someone as rude as that. Would it have improved his future behavior? Well... maybe if enough people said it.
Also, if anyone were being bullied by someone (or a group of someones) both strong enough that the victim couldn't successfully fight back and strong enough that I'd die if I tried to help, you'd better believe I'd be hanging back and calling the cops, not risking my life.
@BashfulLoner there was no misreading this situation. Between the time I first noticed him and the time we left a good 45 minutes passed. Enough time for me to reconfirm, let my initial hot temper pass (thank goodness), assess the situation, and logically think through how to handle it. Plus, there is a difference between the guy who tries to steal a quick glance and the one who visually undresses a woman piece by piece, button by button. I could literally follow his eyes up and down my daughter like he was trying to figure out the best way to take apart a puzzle.