Valid point
What’s hard is if you send a message and see they have been on. I understand life is busy. But a little courtesy goes a long way.
Its part of the game sucks but it happens just know its a numbers game
@dharma1257 I have noticed that too--OPs disappearing as the discussion ensues.
I have privately communicated with some of these people and generally their experience is of coming on in an open and perhaps somewhat vulnerable way and getting so piled on by people who are talking down to them or who are downright aggressive that they feel like they wished they'd never shared in the first place. In my observations, instead of getting the company they wanted (like people actually answering the question they asked, offering warmth/kindness/understanding/commiseration, or people speaking from their experience and humility), they get used as a "straight man" for clever comedic snark, or get talked down to, lectured, corrected, or blamed for their feeling state, as though the presence of an emotion is evidence someone has done something wrong that need correcting.
They should change the name of this site to ghost town.
Thanks Littermate for sharing and you are correct in your observations. However, in my case, when i take the time to respond and share or ask questions, i am doing it thinking the Opening Poster will still have a interest and respond. I just find it disappointing and a waste of my time to share and question etc and not receive a response back. It has happened more than i would like and i have to re-think if i even want to use my time this way, by responding to posters i am not sure will even show a interest in the thread after they post it. But i hear you, sometimes the poster will be overwhelmed with some of the responses and lack of warmth/kindness.
I try to move on, but it always hurts for a bit. I’m not sure if it’s just me, but I get ghosted constantly in life, not just on here. Society seems to have an increasingly tough time with communicating. I understand having things that come up, rough days, hard weeks, etc., but going from talking steadily to weeks of nothing, while you see them all over social media, man, it’s hard.
I was recently having regular conversation with a cuddling prospect on here and not only did she initiate contact, but she was leading the conversation. I am usually quiet and let women lead the way, so I don’t seem pushy or anything.
Anyway, we’re having great conversation, she says she wants to meet up and cuddle. She’s “so excited” for it and then the next day she says she’s going out of town for a few days. Next thing I know, I’m blocked. I politely ask once via text if I did something wrong, even saying I don’t need a detailed explanation. It says “text read,” but she never responds.
Just weird. I get that women get inundated with creepy conversations and sometimes ghosting is the fastest, safest way out, but why lead someone on for so long? (Talking hours a day for like a whole week, then abruptly gone, despite no change in tone or nature of conversation)
In some cases it’s probably women (or men) who suddenly find themselves involved with another person, but can we at least get a courtesy message? Hey, sorry, I can’t talk anymore or things came up or something?
@dharma1257 Totally! I think many prolly still read the comments, they just feel too shat upon to continue participating.
@cuddlebubble66 This is not the only site this happens on. There are sites for a myriad of different things—hobbies, sports, etc—with forums and people ghost all the time. It is the internet and I approach it as reality regarding people being sincere. Not until someone becomes a long established friend face-to-face.
I think maybe we need to define ghosting. To send out a message without a response to someone you don't know doesn't seem like ghosting. Or even messaging back and forth a couple times over the course of a month and someone just stops the conversation. What @quincyq03 describes feels more like ghosting. Or agreeing to meet someone at a certain time and place, only to arrive waiting for hours with a no-show, no-explanation, no-communication. That's what I would call ghosting.
To answer the OP's question, I reevaluate why I am here. Is it really worth being crapped on time and again in hopes of finding the Pearl in a sea of oysters? How desperate am I to find a cuddle buddy?
And, to answer those questions- I'm still here. Not because I'm that desperate (ok ... Maybe) but because I'm hopeful that this community has more pearls to offer.
@creedhands agreed. I think there has to be some genuine connection first before it can be considered ghosting, rather than just never being engaged in the first place and moving on. If I exchange a couple of messages back and forth and they stop responding, I don’t consider that ghosting. Neither of us are invested. At that stage, we’re barely starting to get a feel for each other. After you’ve talked for a substantial amount of time and shared personal details back and forth, consensually, then the abrupt abandonment feels more like ghosting. That’s my $0.02.
Hey just call me Casper!! 👻 It’s all good, if I’m ghosted I just keep it moving
Ghost me and I will haunt you forever !!
I don’t deal with ghosting well, but i deal with it internally and push on. In here since i have never gotten to a personal connection it’s nothing, but i still feel away when I’m blocked for no reason, that sucks.
I just think it’s more of a symptom of someone’s courage to confront issues or willingness to be honest. But when it’s a connection I’ve made over years it a little harder and i might dwell on it for a long time. Sometimes it pops up and i reach out after a long time.
There isn’t anything specific that I do. But as another person posted, it not only happens here, but in all areas of life. I feel like something is wrong with me. Then I just need a hug even more, but I cannot find one.
@Cuddlebugulous1 "Then I just need a hug even more, but I cannot find one." So true.
I bought a pair of scissors, which had the handles cable-tied together. When I asked the shopkeeper how to remove the cable-tie, she unhelpfully suggested that I use a pair of scissors ; which my purchase must have strongly suggested, I didn't have. I went to buy a set of folding steps, and putting them on the roof of my SUV would have been much easier, with a set of folding steps. When I was ill, I didn't have the energy to make myself food, to give me energy.
Sometimes we leave the acquisition of something ( including hugs ) until the last minute, but if the plan fails, it is more serious. No one would drive across a desert, and wait for the red fuel warning light to come on, before looking for a gas-station.
Been ghosted often in my college years and then some recently - never a good feeling but I think when it does happen now and when I do feel bad about it, I think about how I can work on myself better to not feel as if I’m inadequate or disposable. I work on showing up for myself better and understanding that other people’s actions of ghosting me have nothing to do with me; unless I’m told I was the issue, I assume they weren’t ready to show up for me and I feel a sense of compassion for them because while yeah it would be better if they just said outright “I don’t think I want to continue a relationship and here’s why” I figure that they aren’t there yet themselves to be honest with others. Sometimes people are just dishonest and hurtful with it but I don’t see it as my problem to bear when I tried to be there for them to begin with. Therefore I rationalize that I cannot be inadequate - if I was for them, they’re not the ones for me anyway.
I watched one episode awhile back about ghosting on MTV. And it is similar to on here. People would like to know the reasons why they were ghosted. Many times, they had no clue, couldnt figure out why in the world these people would ghost them. The hosts tried to figure out why too, and most of the time the theories never matched the real reason. It is usually unknown what the person did to deserve this, this ghosting, and it is interesting to find out the real reasons why they were. Life is strange and ghosting is even stranger, it is a new phenomenon :-)
From MTV - Ghosted: Love Gone Missing helps distraught people track down former friends or lovers who suddenly cut off all contact with them. Hosts Rachel Lindsay and Travis Mills meet the haunted and come up with theories about the cause behind the ghosting. Then the hosts look for leads in order to track down the ghost. Finally, the truth is revealed during a confrontation between the two parties.
http://www.mtv.com/shows/ghosted-love-gone-missing
‘Hey, where’d you go?’ 5 reasons people ghost. https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.washingtonpost.com/news/soloish/wp/2016/04/11/hey-whered-you-go-5-reasons-people-ghost/?outputType=amp
I am on CC in an effort to create companionships. I am here to connect with fellow cuddlers in such a way that it not only affects me and the person I’m with, but the people around me as well. I view the people I cuddle as interchangeable. If I get ghosted I simply pick up the phone, txt or call until I find someone else to cuddle. Having been single for 35 plus years has enabled me to build a self-protective mechanism into my relationships that make companionships more fulfilling and less encumbered. I believe the cuddle partners I’ve had recognize this about me, appreciate it and don’t question whether they would want to return or not. Ghosting is not my style. But if someone wants to ghost me, they are welcome to do so. No one who cuddles me needs a reason to stay or to go, or to return for that matter. Ghost away.
Great article @StellaLiz