Sorry, I thought you were someone else

I have on occasion found myself looking too long and / or too often at a woman, because they genuinely reminded me of someone else, and it was hard not to.

I have twice felt the need to go over and explain, though I'm sure they just thought it was a line.

Any advice on if it was at the right thing to do ? In the more recent case, the doppelganger was a musical celebrity, so I could have quickly pulled up a photo of them on my phone.

Comments

  • So you couldn't stop yourself from looking... was she noticing you, noticing her?

    I've seen her type before.

  • I think it would just make things more weird by approaching her to explain why you were staring at her

  • I think she was sure that I was 'very' noticing her.

  • @pmvines
    I think you're probably right. I figure if I limit myself to once a decade, that's not too often.

  • Unless you thought you might see or interact with her again, I'm not sure I would tell her... that turns something just potentially creepy into the possibility that "that guy" (you) is trying to use the old "Oh, I thought I knew you" ploy. Maybe an across-the-room "sorry" gesture might suffice if you feel the need?

    Also... did no one get the lyrics?

  • @StoryDoctor1138
    Sorry, missed the lyrics. It's 10:30 pm over here, and my brain has slowed down for the weekend.

  • Why live with regret? Walk up and say: "Hello, what's your name?" If she asks why, say something like: "I felt compelled to meet you..." Just make sure whatever you say is sincere. If she asks for your name in return, it could be a sign she's interested.

  • There is actually someone on here that looks like this actress I like and just plain has a nice smile. I hope she's never noticed I've looked at her profile about 10 times. I'm not a stalker, I swear.

  • edited February 8

    I don't think anyone should have to apologize or explain why they were looking at someone else. If you get asked why, just make some excuse like she looks like someone you used to know.

  • @Deltron2000
    "I've looked at her profile about 10 times"
    Next time, take a screendshot ; end of stalking perception. 😀

  • @calineur i agree with your boldness

    often without hesitation, ive made it a point to ask many different people, strangers mostly, women and men, that if they’ve ever been told that they look like “someone”. of course, it usually a resemblance to a celebrity that im referring to. most recently, i was enamored by a young women that resembled Amy Lee from Evanescence. i couldn’t help but stare at her, because she looked so much like her...and it doesn’t help that im 😍🥰 over Amy Lee. so when the open opportunity was there for me, i asked her if she had ever been told that she looked like Amy Lee. she smiled and replied no, but thank you. the setting was at my workplace. and we held a long conversation, that was pretty much “work related”. she was very delightful, and im glad that i made it a point to have engaged her...

    life is too short to not engage someone that has peeked your interest, for whatever reason. circumstances may vary, where your situation doesn’t make it a good setting for you to engage her. obviously, it goes without saying, that your approach should be cautious and respectful. if “Amy Lee” had been with her SO, i wouldn’t have so boldly approached her...

  • edited February 8

    I disagree with much of the boldness. I think it adds to a level of creepiness that women already have to deal with. A quick look or glance is one thing, a stare and approach would have many women alarmed. Unless you are trying to lean into the creepy old guy approach.

    I am not saying the guys on here are creeps, but I do think many are showing a bit of ignorance and lack of empathy for what women endure constantly everyday.

  • @FunCartel I blame the rom coms

  • @pmvines @FunCartel @DarrenWalker If y'all are going to start blaming the rom coms for the demise of our relationships and the current status of our culture and society.... I think it needs to be taken OUTSIDE!!!!! 😁😁😁😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣😄😄😄ok.... I'm done. I just HAD TO!!! :3

  • I never said anything about rom coms.

  • @FunCartel
    No-one said you did.

  • edited February 9

    @geoff1000 uh @sillysassy did. I was just pointing out that I was lumped in. @sillysassy knows it’s no big deal, just clarifying.

  • @FunCartel
    My bad, and hers.

  • Yes it was my fault indeed!!!! My eyes were too blurry. I should not have posted. 😂😂😂
    I was being silly. Well and a bit sassy I suppose as well.

  • I do think it’s sad that we can’t just have a conversation about things. It makes me sad that you men feel like you have to monitor how many seconds you look at someone or how many times you glance their way before a “creepiness” factor kicks in. It’s so hard for me to relate sometimes because I love humans and the interactions that ensue.... what is interesting is I never think “that person is a stalker because they clicked on my profile a few times” I figure it’s just that they’re looking at my information again or something. In public, face to face, across the room or whatever, if I notice someone or they notice me it just means something in our being is connecting with another human.

    Is it because women are feeling so constantly objectified these days? (which of course is different than a glance at her engaging smile) It sounds like a really frustrating world where there isn’t enough honesty and authenticity so then all manner of attention is suspect....

    I appreciate @FunCartel for being mindful of what women have to go through with all the icky advances but is there a way we can back to something more enjoyable? It’s so challenging when every single action/reaction makes you feel guarded.

  • Again.... my apologies for the rom com lump in. 😊😊😊 didn’t mean to derail @geoff1000

  • @sillysassy Strike one! Lol

  • @FunCartel please don't turn me in!!! hahahahahha thank you for being gracious..... If @pmvines wasn't so dang funny I wouldn't be so distracted!!!

  • @sillysassy I would never turn you in. You are one of the few sweethearts on here!

  • Ok now that I have sufficiently derailed and then with help got back on topic..... I have to ask....

    @geoff1000 What were your actual intentions, I don't know that we ever got to that? You said

    I have on occasion found myself looking too long and / or too often at a woman, because they genuinely reminded me of someone else, and it was hard not to. I have twice felt the need to go over and explain...

    What is the actual reason that you would feel like you would need to "explain" looking at a woman? I am not hearing you say "staring" or "gawking" or "licentiously gazing".

    @UKGuy you were so cute and said "I don't think anyone should have to apologize or explain why they were looking at someone else." 😍😍😍 100% agree with this... YAY!
    but then you followed up with If you get asked why, just make some excuse like she looks like someone you used to know Why would you feel like you would need to make something up? Can men not say "You look just like Meg Ryan and I had to make sure it wasn't her!" or "You have a truly engaging smile and it kept drawing me in!" If they walk over and ask why you're looking? Or even "Your laugh permeated with such delight and it caught my attention"

    I just realized I'm the only woman commenting here (and getting myself into trouble).... Are these the same kind of women that complain when you try and open the door or hold the elevator for them?

  • @sillysassy
    It really was only so that they wouldn't think I was letching at them. In both cases, they said they hadn't noticed, which might mean my action was unnecessary ; but I made it clear that I wasn't trying to start a conversation.

  • If someone came up to me to tell me something about caught their eye, I certainly wouldn’t think it’s creepy. Unless of course they say something vulgar (your breasts are huge and couldn’t help but look). Thanks? I guess? But I always catch myself looking at someone out in a crowd and it’s most likely because they are doing something funny or interesting or they are wearing something quirky or beautiful. I see nothin fb wrong with going up to a stranger and just innocently mentioning “ sorry, I caught myself staring and I’m hoping I didn’t creep you out. I just have to say this specific thing caught my eye”.
    Maybe you’ll even make a friend. If someone gets butthurt over that, you wouldn’t want to waste any time with them after that 😖

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