Virtual Cuddling in the midst of the pandemic

Aloha everyone!

With social distancing becoming more widespread, travel restrictions being put into place, and community events being cancelled (amongst so many other measures), were facing a time of isolation that’s pretty unprecedented for most of us.

Isolation mixed with easy access to social media and the news can add fear that leads to anxiety, depression, and a sense of hopelessness.

I’m curious in this thread to know what you all think about pros offering virtual cuddles?

For instance, I can envision a session where we meet virtually and spend the hour sharing about life (with an intention not to go into fear-based talk) and doing practices that would connect us to our own bodies and to each other. This could look like me guiding us in a meditation for stress relief or letting go of fear, focused breathwork (using specific patterns of breathing and doing it simultaneously), eye gazing (yeah it’s totally possible to look into each other’s eyes virtually), and other connection practices.

It might seem unusual to some people to do a virtual cuddle, but to me it seems like it’s a safe and comfortable way to feel known, supported and loved.

I can see how some might use it exploitatively, and yet I think it could still be of benefit when used to promote connection, healing and intimacy.

I’m curious what other people would like to experience during a virtual cuddle and how many would be open to it?

Comments

  • [Deleted User]BigHugsPA (deleted user)

    Interesting idea. Personally, I am looking for cuddles (pro or enthusiast) not because I am "conversation-starved" but because I am "touch-starved." Most of my cuddles have been centered on human contact / touch. For me, I'll just have to wait until this thing blows over, or make sure lots of hand-washing before and after the cuddle. For others, I can see where the virtual cuddle could be of benefit.

  • I'd like the eye gazing. I wish I could find someone to do that in a regular cuddle session. The ones I've been with aren't fond of eye contact. There was one exception but she's no longer around. I'm not sure about the virtual thing though. If I was lonely enough I might prefer just to talk on the phone.

  • I totally hear you @BigHugsPA! Touch is central to cuddling, yet a lot of guys also really just want someone to listen to them, so I can see how talking on the phone could also be a good option @snugbuddy. Thanks for your input!

  • [Deleted User]BigHugsPA (deleted user)

    I agree @RamanAngel . Just not for me, but I totally validate the value for others.

  • [Deleted User]Bles (deleted user)
    edited March 2020

    @RamanAngel Thank you so much for raising a topic I've been discussing privately with fellow cuddlers for months. I believe it's a useful tool not only to manage the social contact restrictions imposed by concerns about contracting and transmitting the covid 19 virus. But also in between physical cuddles.

    Virtual cuddle has become an important part of my cuddle routine in the past few months. I have personally done the eye gazing and cleansing breath work with fellow enthusiasts from as far as Australia and Mexico to as close as California and Alaska here in the US. It's been relaxing, nourishing and refreshing. But I believe only effective with others who share similar thinking and taste for it. Video chats have been my go to for this and I enjoy it. Plus it allows me to connect with men who are too far away geographically but who are like minded.

    I've also met men who have tried to exploit it for non platonic purposes. But as you said virtual cuddle is not for everyone. And some folks see the distance as a distraction to play out their fantasies and soothe their unmet needs.

    And by virtual I mean both video calls and email conversations. Maybe even SMS. I've had relative success with both media. One of my closest confidants is someone I have a weekly email conversation with about everything that's going on in both our lives. Our conversations have a somewhat cognitive and dialectical behavior therapeutic effect: I've addressed some of my negative attitudes and behaviors toward myself, my children and life in general by sharing my experiences in these back and forth emails with him. This is purely voluntary. I'm always self assessing and self evaluating. And so is he. So we have deeply probing conversations. Conversations that leaves me self reviewing to make adjustments.

    So absolutely. Virtual cuddling is a thing. Connection is the buzzword. Physical touch is just one of those modalities in cuddling. Emotional and mental connection is another. And often the first stage before one ever gets to physical touching someone

  • Virtual cuddling also saves the time and cost of commuting.

  • While the concept of virtual cuddling is intriguing, I must admit I would have no desire to pay someone to video chat with me. If it was gratis I wouldn't mind saying "hello" and having a brief conversation, but as @BigHugsPA wisely mentioned, the main reason I (and I presume most people) cuddle is due to touch deprivation. Unless I was looking for straight psychological assistance (which I'm sure I need but I digress) and the pro cuddler was a licensed psych therapist, I wouldn't pay just for video conversation.

    It would really feel like a "Boy in Bubble" scenario and be unfulfilling for the reasons I cuddle. Video chats (to me) are for friendly hellos or things that might make some folks in this forum go bug-eyed and spin around by its very mention.

  • Great topic @RamanAngel ! I have personally seen an increase in virtual cuddle requests, and I think it can absolutely help as we continue into the uncharted world. As it's already been mentioned in this thread, there is a lot of uncertainty and fear, and it can be so nice to just mentally distance yourself from it all, even just for a little while. And as I've said on other threads, cuddling is (as far as I have seen and practiced) about 50% physical and 50% emotional intimacy. While the touch portion may be out of the equation for many at this point, there is no need to also sacrifice your needs for emotional intimacy.

    Stay safe everyone!

  • I echo most people's sentiment in saying it wouldn't work for me. The main reason I cuddle is for the physical touch and closeness. There are times when I'm ok cuddling in complete silence as long as I have the touch and warmth I need. So a virtual cuddle through a computer screen probably wouldn't suit my needs.

  • [Deleted User]junipersky (deleted user)

    @RamanAngel I love the “virtual cuddles” idea. So important to still feel connected with all the craziness.

  • Personally, I am someone that is a huge cuddle bug and I thrive on the human connection physical closeness offers. So the fact that we are being encouraged to practice "social distancing" for our collective well-being is very triggering for me. The additional fear of possibly being quarantined and all the unknowns around that only adds to the stress. Many of us turn to professional cuddlers for support during stressful and uncertain times in life like this. It's just ironic that the current pandemic is forcing many of us to disconnect physically from others at a time when many of us may feel we need that physical closeness the most. I'm not sure if anyone else resonates with me on this or feels something similar. I do like the idea of a virtual cuddle session in times like these when something is better than nothing. Though, during non-pandemic times I probably wouldn't go for virtual session. I feel like this is similar to tele-health (phone or video sessions) that many psychotherapists use in the mental health field to have sessions with clients virtually. Just like there seems to be varying preferences here regarding virtual cuddle sessions, there similarly are varying preferences and many pros and cons to tele-health talk therapy vs. in person talk therapy. @RamanAngel I am very touched that you have thought there might be a need for this at this time.

  • edited March 2020

    I know we aren't supposed to talk about prices on the forum but since this is a different service would the rates be lower? I recall reading profiles where phone sessions were offered at a lesser rate. I suppose virtual sessions are more involved than talking on the phone but just wondering if they are the priced differentlly than regular sessions.

  • This pandemic thing is unsettling at the least, so I'm essentially avoiding being within 3 or 4 feet of anyone, large gatherings, and public transportation. Unfortunately, I realize many don't have these options for a variety of reasons.

    While I enjoy the physical aspects of cuddling, I've also developed a level of emotional intimacy with a repeat cuddle partner that I haven't seen in awhile, so this thread has actually inspired me to broach the subject and see what happens. We always catch up and check out conversationally before and after our sessions, and I miss that as much as the physical.

    @snugbuddy I've seen professional profiles that offer virtual or video cuddles for about half of their physical cuddle rate. I've also seen pros barter for services (e.g, graphic arts, website help, photography, etc.) too. I'm guessing many pros will be amiable to a Skype, Zoom, or FaceTime session, particularly those that recognize the healing aspects of what we do.

    Everyone stay sane out there.

  • edited March 2020

    I think this is a very good idea. I will be offering virtual cuddles as well and of course they will cost much less than in-person cuddles. I may even offer ASMR stuff for virtual cuddles.

  • I appreciate all the thoughtful responses! I am glad to hear others have been talking about this and are also wanting to offer virtual sessions for those who would benefit from them.

    I’m curious what would make a really great virtual session for anyone who has had one or who would like one?

  • [Deleted User]SoftPetals (deleted user)

    @MattsWeather I totally agree. This is a very stressful lonesome time. I am too touch deprived and touch is important for me, I haven't be touched in weeks besides my wonderful cuddle party and I felt like I still needed more.

    Virtual cuddling would suffice in the area of needing someone to talk to I'm a regular basis but I'd still feel a bit unsatisfied overall because the lack of touch. I'd be up to try it though. Maybe I'll feel a tad different.

  • FWIW, the advice I've heard is that the main concern is being in large groups. One-on-one interactions with a limited number of people are less of a problem. A couple doctors specifically mentioned they think dating is still OK, and maybe that applies to cuddling too. See for instance this article: https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2020/03/coronavirus-what-does-social-distancing-mean/607927/

    I don't know anything though, so feel free to ignore me.

  • I would love to do virtual sessions if needed! I feel like many will need it more than we think. I will also keep doing one on one sessions as we take precautions to avoid contamination like washing hands right before holding each other and such. I think showering and taking care of hygiene like it should be done is also a way to help. I'll make sure to update my profile and put some info for the virtual sessions. Lets keep praying and hoping this goes away quickly!

  • [Deleted User]Bles (deleted user)
    edited March 2020

    Virtual cuddling requires a shift of mindset to truly accommodate different people with different orientation and styles of connection. It's cool to talk about offering it to clients. But offering it may require far more training in the modalities of human attachment and interaction for a pro as well as a deeper clearer discussion with a potential client about the logistics and goals of giving and receiving the service virtually.

    A number of folks are nervous and clueless what virtual cuddling entails. It might be useful for a group of professional cuddlers to try it on each other first before offering to more clients. And further to post short Demos on this thread describing how it works and is done.

    It's a lot more tricky than first appears. Some individuals are naturally engaging and connect very well with others regardless of the medium used. Others not so much. But with additional training and reconditioning could do very well.

    Still social closening as it is also called is a great alternative to physical cuddling as we know it.

  • edited April 2020

    MOD: Comment removed - inappropriate [SoulcuddlerZ]

  • @bondman45 just because it’s something that doesn’t work for you doesn’t mean it doesn’t help someone else. If it doesn’t affect you then move on. There’s no need to be aggressive and threatening. We all know cuddling is strictly physical. It’s just a simple word thrown in with the word “virtual” because it is, after all, it’s a cuddle site. A lot of people are benefiting from having these types of sessions during this difficult time especially if they don’t have any family or friends around.

  • I'm not sure you'll get the same oxytocin from talking to someone online that you get from physical touch.

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