I wanna be held during quarantine. Is that bad

I really want to snuggle up be held and hold someone but it's quarantine time. I feel bad for wishing I had someone to be close with. Should I give up?


  • Some cuddlers are starting to see people. Give it a few more weeks. Also I would ask to your local cuddlers and see if anyone is open to meeting. You might not, but you never know unless you try. Maybe you can set a future time between you and that person. :shrugs:

  • @SnugbugGypsy

    This time will pass.
    Until then, try filling out your profile, to tell people more about you.

    One awkwardness of a quarantine, is that it prevents one of our natural coping mechanisms.

  • It depends on your area, what the social distancing laws are. In Canberra (Australia) people are now allowed (from 15 May) to have ten people over at a time, as the COVID cases have stopped spreading here. But in other areas the rules are more strict as they are still getting new cases. For anyone in Australia, this gives a helpful summary: https://www.theguardian.com/australia-news/2020/may/13/social-distancing-rules-australia-when-will-end-guidelines-coronavirus-laws-physical-covid-19-restrictions-signs-posters-nsw-victoria-qld-queensland-act-sa-wa-nt-tasmania

  • edited May 13

    @SnugbugGypsy Do NOT feel bad at all for wanting to snuggle during quarantine! (Feel bad if you knew you had it, and you knowingly snuggled with someone and didn't tell them. heh.)
    Far too many people are beating themselves up for feeling down / lonely / scared / anxious (and 1001 other feelings). All of our routines have been thrown out of whack. We're all trying to figure out our new normal right now.

    I had an amazing "socially distanced' cuddle session with someone not too long ago...

    We sat out by the fire, each with our own thick fuzzy blanket, and a nice big firm pillow (great for cuddling, kinda feels like a person). And we just had some really amazing conversation cuddled up to our pillows. (The pillow they had was apparently kinda lumpy, so I kept being told I was lumpy lol) We were each on the other side of the fire... (so 3m separating) and wearing masks...

    And while there wasn't cuddling each other.... 1) My blanket I have is SOOOO soft and fuzzy... and feels amazing laughs. But 2) Sharing in that weird / funny way of cuddling, and sharing the moment together was great for both of us.

    Just sometimes have to come up with some creative solutions. =)
    @ErickMN (Not sure if you're trying to be funny, but I'd suggest avoiding comments like that on here.) Feel free to invite someone to cuddle. But not to sleep with you.

  • In my town, my favourite Chinese takeaway restaurant was closed every Monday. I always knew when it was a Monday, because that was the one day of the week, when I really hankered after a Chinese meal.

    UK rules now allow households to meet, but : only 1 person from each at a time, in public, staying 6 feet apart. That is perhaps better than "virtual cuddling" over the phone.

    My feeling is that if a face-to-face meeting with someone, isn't emotionally satisfying, then it is because they are just wanted as a warm body, which doesn't seem very respectful.

    Many on here have suggested "getting to know" people before cuddling, and that taking several weeks ; so if you start that process now, it will progress at a similar rate to the lockdown lifting, and you won't notice the difference. Each closer step, will be available to you, as you are ready for it.

  • It's absolutely not bad to want to be held during a pandemic... however, it could be bad to actually do it. So really, be aware of medical professional recommendations, and then discuss with your partner the risks and what you're both comfortable with. It probably is possible to cuddle without being infected, but the issue is not really infection but the immune system getting overwhelmed. If there's an underlying health condition, I'd say no. Otherwise, be careful and you take a risk (it most affects those 65+ or with a physical compromise).

  • I would recommend not having a sense of urgency, but instead focus on the certainty of it happening in the next few months.

    I think a key life skill is the acceptance of "delayed gratification", instead of wanting always to immediately get what we want.

    Imagine you arranged an overnight cuddling session, with your next-door neighbour ; could you cope with the 30 second delay as you walk round to their front door ? What if you had to drive 10 minutes across town, or take a shower first ? What if it was arranged for Saturday night, and it was still only Monday ?

  • I don’t think it’s bad at all. No one here can judge your wants or desires as good or bad. They are your feelings and you are allowed to feel them. :)

    I think many are starting to feel the way you are. My best advice is decide if this is the right time for you to seek what you are looking for and then make it happen. There are some cuddlers beginning to cuddle again. Start chatting and see where it takes you. I wish you success. :)

  • I think we all need to focus on staying positive, in these uncertain times. I suppose because of the circumstances with this pandemic, which has placed us at a "distance," a natural response is to crave physical contact; as it is not readily available. I took note of Dante's session here and chuckled at the lumpy pillow. What was great, is the idea behind their getting together. We need to be creative these days. I am meal planning now, eating better. Checking in with friends and family, if only from a distance. Dropping off supplies as needed. (Sent a box of toilet paper UPS, to a relative in DC.) There is no clear path to a resolution. Be mindful of the space you occupy, and use it wisely. I have dusted off my novel, and it has actually taken on a new life. In order to stay ahead of the curve, of this thing, seek out useful information; share it with your networks. The government doesn't have a clue. United States showed up late to the game. Eric here's a suggestion: The Kindness Pact, Domonique Bertolucci (8 promises to make you feel good about who you are and the life you live)

    I made a batch of toffee cookies, because I received a new recipe; that I had no use for. I had to chase down finding flour, because it is scarce on the shelves. The recipe yielded four dozen cookies, and didn't tell me that. My family suggested I freeze them. It was something new to do. One of my Sisters baked me a loaf of banana bread, and passed it to me from the window of her car. We both wore masks. Sending you all love. We could use more.

  • Don't feel bad at all. We're just in unfortunate times! Until we're out of these trying times feel free to reach out for virtual emotional/mental support.

  • I'm sure everyone is feeling particularly lonely right now who doesn't already have a significant other. (Myself included) but it's not worth it going out and risking your health or your families health just for a quick dopamine rush. Just wait till this quarantine is over.

  • @DreamSweet
    Toffee cookies ?

    Can you post a photo ?
    No more than half a dozen though, I have to watch my weight.

  • Here you go brother!

  • @DreamSweet
    I am literally drooling. 😀

  • It dont bad to want to cuddle!

    Believe me...I think of it daily!

    And I am in a place of no virus....and the people here dont "get it". They think it is sex.

    I miss cuddling! Considering going to a place with more people in hope I can get more touch...as I am in a tiny village right now. And the city has the virus but it has people and no one has died in 2 or 3 days and no new cases in a few days...and I am in a country that touch isnt important.

    So believe me...I have thought about it. I dont feel bad for it.

    If we choose to cuddle...we just need to be careful..take time to get to know the person first to make sure the have safe habits.

    Sending you virtual hugs! (If that is consensual! )

  • My state made massage therapists essential healthcare professionals while also ordering salons and spas closed. So, the ones who are independent and don't work at a spa have been having to choose whether or not to stay open. Some stayed open throughout the quarantine while also taking some precautions. Without them staying open, people who used massage therapy to deal with chronic pain may have been forced to either suffer with physical pain or go to the emergency room/urgent care/their doctor. With non-essential procedures being postponed, those alternatives aren't really great either.

    I think it's a very personal decision when to visit a massage therapist or cuddle. Nobody knows your health situation better than you do. There's something to be said about the fact that people who have been around someone who tested positive for COVID-19 aren't forced to quarantine for 12-18+ months until we get a vaccine. They only need to isolate for a little while to be socially responsible. So, if you want to cuddle right after the quarantine instead of waiting 12, 18, 24, 72, a gazillion months like some people would, then you just need to ask yourself if it works for your health situation and if it's wise to isolate from higher risk people or quarantine as much as possible for a little while afterwards.

  • @Grace_Anna I think your state made everything essential and wide open the other day.

  • Wanting is one thing, it's not bad to want that. Following through that desire is another thing which could be bad depending on the situation your country or city is dealing with regarding this issue.

    Like others said, try to find safe supplements to cuddling with someone if where you are is still on lock down. Or you potential are sick, which you might not even know until days have passed and the symptoms begin to show. Hence why social distancing is so important!

  • Heck no it isn't...yeah I said it what. :p That said as the masses rush from their cages be careful . Covid will have knock u on ass. Cousin down for a month with what felt like fever. I say it because going through life with no human contact can hurt even worse. Have a good week.

  • @Grace_Anna I think your state made everything essential and wide open the other day.

    They made MOST of the state essential and wide open but a few counties adopted their own measures. Some counties quickly rescinded those measures but not all of them. It will be interesting to see if those counties let their orders expire at the end of the month or if they try to extend them. I know the food & meat processing plants caused the virus to escalate for a little while but it seems like the percentages are going down, so we'll see...

  • @Grace_Anna You are in Wisconsin right? If someone wanted to challenge any locality on their adopted measures they would win because the Wisconsin Supreme Court ruled stay-at-home orders unconstitutional. Not saying I agree, but that is the reality.

  • They did choose to let the county order expire. The thing is it only looks like so much is changing in the recommendations. It's not like they said that everyone could just flood the stores or do whatever they want. There are capacity limits which were not even initially in place in March when we were locked down. Technically, its a "recommendation" rather than an "order" but the cops can only be in so many places at once. So, who is to say that an order was keeping people more compliant?

  • I don't think it's bad and you are definitely not alone there. :)

  • edited May 22

    Wanting to be held in quarantine is a human desire and longing for some and an unmet need for others. Nothing bad about that.

    That is being physically held. Some also have a longing and unmet need to be heard. That is to have those who claim to care, who claim to want to be a listening ear to our thoughts and feelings in our moments of need to actually acknowledge those expressed thoughts and feelings. Sometimes that little acknowledgement is akin to a mental hug. It's so easy to pay lip service to being there for someone. But what does that really mean?

    Does it always mean to shower that person with feigned sympathy and complimentary platitudes that are meaningless and at times even feels insulting?

    Or does it mean to truly "hear" a person's sentiments as expressed and reflect it back to him or her?

    So what is bad is constantly feeling unheard, disregarded and or ignored by those who claim to care especially in a quarantine where many of us are truly physically alone!

    Is wanting to be mentally held such an alien concept in a quarantine?

    Does wanting to be mentally held mean I must subject myself to the cruellest human judgement of my life circumstances by some stranger who pretends to care?

    Does wanting to be mentally held mean that I don't know how to love myself?

    Does wanting to be mentally held means I'm depriving anyone of his or her strength, personal integrity or value system?

    Does wanting to be mentally held mean I'm mentally ill or emotionally imbalanced?

    Does wanting to be mentally held mean I'm damaged goods only useful for the landfill?

    Does wanting to be mentally held mean I'm a waste of another's time and energy?

    Does wanting to be mentally held mean I'm a poor excuse for a human being?

    Does wanting to be mentally held mean that I feel too deeply?

    Is it really such an alien inhuman concept to just want to be acknowledged, to be heard?

    Being mentally held means I also hold and acknowledge the kind gestures of others in the same way I want them to hold and acknowledge mine.

    The check in text or phone call to say "hey how are you doing? If you have time I'd love to chat with you". The caring follow up email that says " hey hope all went well with so and so. I hear you say such and it sounds like you feeling or seeming such when you say such, am I right? How is this such you were talking about the other day going?"

    That's what mentally holding or "hugging" someone is about. This is what you often do as ,before or while you physically hold or "hug" somebody. Often without thinking about it. Because it's with people we have invested a connection with. Even with acquaintances that's usually the foundation for building meaningful social connections.

    Why should we treat the strangers we meet on platforms such as this any differently? Why should we not apply some of the above mentioned principles in reaching out or back with a mental hug to those in quarantine? Especially those in quarantine by themselves?
    What does it cost us?

  • Why would it be bad? There is nothing wrong with wanting to be held during this quarantine. What is bad is stripping away rights. What is bad is the jobs lost, loneliness, depression and anxiety caused by this. The economy affected by this quarantine. That’s what is bad.

  • The Right to Life, puts a responsibility on governments to protect their citizens from pandemic illnesses. It is unfair, but when deaths can be so easily linked to a specific cause, that cause gets disproportionate focus.

    The death of one's partner from a pandemic illness, is likely to cause loneliness.

    The risk to oneself and close friends / family of catching a pandemic illness, is likely to cause anxiety.

    In the absence of a vaccine or cure, quarantine for a pandemic illness is rather like democracy ; it is the worst possible option, apart from all the others.

    USA and UK are among the countries which are relaxing their lockdowns ; Mexico and Brazil are high on a rising curve, and I wonder how those governments will be viewed by their citizens in the months to come.

  • @SnugbugGypsy Never give up! This will soon be over. I have been needing loads of snuggles too as well as those I have cuddled with in the past. I cuddle with my close friends, those that have been staying in and protecting themselves as I have. But God knows I need more. But hang in there, it'll get better. 🤗🤗

  • @SnugbugGypsy I've still been cuddling. I just take the necessary precautions. No, I'm not saying I'm invincible. My immune system is pretty good (I hardly ever get sick, and I have no underlying medical issues). I care more abt those I meet up with because it may not be the same and what's the point of cuddling if you can't ve put at ease. Even if u want to be covered from head to toe and shower afterwards, that's ok with me.

    I do it still because some of us need to just be held during these trying times. Some of us dont have pets, spouses, etc to help us through. Some of us still have to deal with anxiety, depression, being alone with our thoughts and not much to busy them with, etc. I know how if it feels to be in that place and the worst part of this, is that we don't know when it'll end. So until then, I'm still supplying cuddles.

Sign In or Register to comment.