Some data: I have messaged nearly every enthusiast female cuddler within a hour drive of me on this website for over a year and have had zero results actually getting together. Most women I message don’t even respond; some do, but typically stop responding at some point. I don’t take this personally, this is just the way life is. Being on this website looking for cuddling is a way to practice patience.
@CharmingNtrovrt I can understand the annoyance for a non-pro to be treated like a pro.
My recommendation to help anyone who is struggling, would be to hire a pro, but ( apart from paying the money, of course ), treat them as if they were a non-pro.
As Mike Banning advises in "Angel Has Fallen" ; "If you don't train like it's real, you're dead when it is".
I am super late to this thread but I agree that some people like the idea, to live with the fantasy of meeting someone purely for hugs. I met a woman three times and we never hugged it was frustrating the time and effort I put into someone that approached me initially to just play some kind of game. But don’t dispare; If you both set your boundaries right and communicate with the other person prior it doesn't have to be awkward at all. Happy hugging (soon anyway)
Someone explained, perhaps on here, that the gender-difference selection process is rather like : a woman is looking to buy a car, a man is looking for a parking space for his car. A woman is looking for someone, whereas a man is looking for anyone.
Even with platonic cuddling ; it is probably true that a woman is more selective than a man, because there is more at stake ; like a customer reading the allergy information on a product, and the shopkeeper merely holding the twenty dollar bill up to the light. Both parties are therefore looking, but one party is generally looking rather more carefully than the other.
@geoff1000 - you're post about parachuting hit the nail on the head. Some people get excited about the thought of platonic cuddling, but when it's about actually doing it, some people just can't because they can't let go. We still live in an era where platonic cuddling is considered cheating - and for some people that's a struggle to deal with in and of itself.
Yes I agree that people don’t follow through in actions and are all talk. I sympathize. It can be frustrating. Females are more selective because we always have to worry about being raped.. at least I can say that about myself... safety first! Thankfully with all the cuddling experiences I had I never felt scared, even with the bad cuddling experiences. To avoid flakes it might be helpful to add on ur profile or in ur first email “ Not seeking a pen pal plz only respond if you have the intention of meeting; let’s meet publicly first and see if there is a human connection “ As a female I always meet publicly at least 1-2 x before actually cuddling... when you put that out there it makes a woman feel safe. Just my 2 cents!
I would love to cuddle. I have had men want to cuddle right away. I want to meet in person always. One Guy wanted to cuddle right away. I said I would like to meet you first. He said it was to much of a hassle to drive from New Jersey just to meet up. But if we were going to cuddle, than it was no problem. I need to feel safe always. I said no.
@whitehurst58 ". . . too much of a hassle . . ." Some men make me ashamed of my gender.
Some of the things that have been said here really resonate with me. I’m reminded most of this quote, about figs on a tree not flowers in a box, but still:
“ I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story. From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor, and another fig was Ee Gee, the amazing editor, and another fig was Europe and Africa and South America, and another fig was Constantin and Socrates and Attila and a pack of other lovers with queer names and offbeat professions, and another fig was an Olympic lady crew champion, and beyond and above these figs were many more figs I couldn't quite make out. I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn't make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and, as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and, one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet.”
I think we all from time to time are guilty of saying or thinking we want one thing, being torn between another, and not following up on either. The only practice towards others that are effecting our lives through their own indecision, is patience. It can be a bit frustrating to see when others are doing this, but i think to some degree we might have blind spots that prevent us from seeing when we too do this ourselves. That’s okay, and a little beautiful that so many humans share this condition despite our differences.
From my perspective, there are those who come on this site not always sure of what a platonic cuddle is or if they really want to be apart of this community. Remember, this is still not a acceptable activity. Others find it strange to want to go into bed, and become intimate with a stranger.
I have also come across a few who are using this as a dating site and when they learn that while it can be used as one that’s not what those of us who actually cuddle
Other factors go into it such as age, looks and other factors which many of us are not as concerned about on this site.
@Leonora That's a good illustration.
Part of the difficulty, is that we can't predict the future, or know everything. We are reluctant to go down a path, which might lead to a very good outcome ; if that closes off an option, with a less-good but more-certain outcome. Or the opposite.
I think of a game of cards, trying to decide which cards to keep, and which to discard ; the best decision depends on what cards one will get in return. I guess that's why they call it "gambling".
XD
So we all recognize people are sometimes wary of cuddling or as Leonora said guilty of saying or thinking we want one thing, being torn between another, and not following up on either. I’m a practical person... perhaps we could all make suggestions on what to include in our profiles or how to initiate a first email to avoid situations like this .. or make people feel more at ease... some people don’t even know how to communicate they’re “ on the fence” about cuddling.. not everyone acknowledges or has the ability or maturity to even let others know they’re struggling with a decision.
People on this forum seem to be articulate, self aware and mindful so perhaps we have a responsibility to let others know “ just let me know you’re unsure “ ... what would be the best way of phrasing that? Suggestions?
I recognize you can’t “ change” people & sometimes these situations are unavoidable but if we dig deeper and continue to exercise mindfulness it can perhaps rub off on others. Just letting someone know “ it’s ok to let me know you’re unsure about cuddling” is a start. Again any suggestions would be great! Thank you all🤗
People have the capacity for going at different speeds and changing their minds and how they feel about things. Not that complicated
The difficulty is that people are nice, and don't want to offend or have conflict.
Even if someone is very keen to cuddle, there are probably some reasons why they might not want to cuddle with a particular person ; but probably don't want to admit ( or aren't aware of ) some of those filters.
If there is dialogue, or a meeting starts, and one of those filter characteristics becomes evident ; the person will seem to change their mind, but won't want to admit why.
For instance, wanting to know what someone looks like, can indicate that a cuddle partner's appearance is important ; even though this might seem shallow, and indicate non-platonic motivation.
I disagree. I always want to know what someone looks like first. I certainly don’t want non platonic cuddling. Appearance is important in terms of feeling comfortable...for example I would not feel comfortable cuddling with someone under 27 and plenty of guys under 27 have reached out to me. While I don’t judge, certain appearances of people make you feel more comfortable and safe than others... hygiene is also a factor which is why I meet publicly first. As a female I feel I need to take extra precautions ... “ anything goes” does not sit rt by me.
@zoeloveshugs ". . . certain appearances of people make you feel more comfortable and safe than others..." I agree, but some people might think this is shallow ; "Don't judge a book by its cover" etc.
You can choose whoever you want, but would you be so blunt as to say to someone, "I don't like the look of you ?" Profile photos mean that filtering can be done before any dialogue, but some people don't want that ( and hence their "hobby" ) to be public.
I've learned that if I am too upfront and honest about what I want, I tend to scare people away and I get ghosted, even if we had some baseline conversation where we introduced ourselves. Also, some women on here (not all by any means, and probably not most) seem to be here purely for the attention, and not actually intending on meeting up. But hey, if just conversing with strangers is giving them what they need, good for them; but that's not what this website should be about.
I get the need for women to feel safe, and it's a really important issue. But I don't understand how they can figure that out from talking online with a stranger. Some of the more dangerous types are great at concealing who they really are any way. Maybe websites like this should have a mandatory background check.
The male : female ratio on the site means the females can be very choosy, and they are not obliged to choose anybody. They might want cuddling, but not at any cost.
Fantastic post and some great answers to make you think
Wow, I can't believe this keeps popping back up 😆 Maybe it's a bigger issue than I thought. The post was just me calling something out that I found frustrating at the time, and now I'm just complacent about it. Maybe it's just that I'm not very experienced with online sites like this, but if somebody says something they want, they should at least consider whether that's what they really want (imagine doing those things with someone on here in person) or at least be willing to update their profile when it becomes out of date.
That means whenever you feel uncomfortable thinking about that thing, consider removing it from your profile or clarifying what is meant. It's frustrating talking with someone just to find out they're not actually interested in it but just are posting wishful fantasy basically (like saying you want to dive into a clear spring pool but when someone takes you up on it or you get there you discover you didn't actually want to in real life really...) And I don't mean conditionally by person or situation, I mean AT ALL.
So, if you realize things change or you really wouldn't in real life, please just update your profile or be honest with people, rather than ghost for no apparent reason or say you're not interested in those things for real... yes I've heard that, many times. Maybe this kind of special interest makes it easier to do that, but seriously if you're just fantasizing in your head, get out of your head and get into real life. A hike trail isn't afraid of you, if you say you want to hike, don't be afraid of trails.
PS I'm not calling anyone out in particular, I just thought most at the time. If you're interested in something else, go somewhere else. If you're posting flights of fancy or just trying to gauge reactions or get attention, close your account and post on reddit. I'm calling out these kinds of people, because they're just dollar-danglers who want to play games or get an emotional boost I guess.
@davebutton When I was first offered liquorice allsorts, I said they were OK, except for the black bits ( of liquorice 😊 ). Quite right that people shouldn't say they are seeking, what they fundamentally aren't ; but I don't think it's always that easy to know.
so much great input on this subject! very helpful!
I guess that can be true. In fact, some people were saying on some other forum that some join thinking this is a dating site of some sort. What does suck is that most ignore. I think some join only wanting to cuddle with professional cuddlers, but there's no way to tell about it on the profile except on the About Me free write part, but it would be pretty helpful if there was a section to fill to say whether the user only cuddles professionals, non professionals, or both. Also, when looking for cuddlers, it lets you to filter to certain races if you wish to do so but there's no section in the profile to mention if there's racial preference, I guess because it is treated as racist, by which I have no racial preference, but the absence of that section makes it a tougher for people to see if they fit in to the user's preference, & its presence could bring a bit of tension & could result in a good amount of people leaving as a result. But I think the absence of this section in profile could be a reason why most ignore. In fact, twice have I been blocked right after messaging them, both times a white lady (even though I fitted in to the description of their preference in their profile). I am a hispanic, & so I suspect this could have been due to racism but I could be wrong. If my suspicion is inaccurate, I wonder what could the different reason be because virtually nobody ignores or blocks immediately for the heck/fun of it. Another thing is that a lot of people get banned or suspended soon or eventually. I almost cuddled once but realized last minute that my to be cuddle buddy wanted a hotel room, but I wasn't comfortable with getting a hotel room & didn't have much money for it, & she wanted me to pay it in full, & said she didn't want to cuddle in public or in a park when I asked. So I mean, on the section of cuddle place preferred, they should add hotel/motel as one of the options so that last minute surprise issues like this won't happen. Also, 2 other times that I was almost going to meet up to cuddle, they ignored my messages in the day before the supposed meet up day, so I mean this is bound to happen too. In another time, a user wanted me to pay her for gas like $60 to come to my city but didn't want us meeting up in her city, but I thought $60 was a bit too much for the distance & that around $25 would be more appropriate. Another issue is that some users are untagged professionals, as few said they charge but I have no doubt that out all untagged professionals, some could make it up to make some easy money, & chances are that a few of them know that professionals must be tagged but refuse to do so to avoid paying the registry fee to be pro or to attempt making easy money while not being an actual pro. One time, I almost deleted my account due to my frustration to most users I messaged just looking my profile but not replying either immediately or eventually (even those nearby, some of those nearby said that my place is a bit too far & then I said I don't mind commuting over there & they refused replying from there) but then I realized I could give it a try with booking a session with a professional after saving up money, so I reactivated my account.
There can be undeclared reasons.
http://specialneedsinmusic.com/folk_song_pages/soldier.html
I felt that way in the beginning. I dealt with a few cuddlers who were convinced I was fake and had a hard time booking a session. As I started meeting good, kind men on here, I started encouraging them to leave karma- I didnt want the pushers to leave any feedback. But over time, I've learned that the more good people you meet, the kinder they seem to get. Almost like you're attracting the kindness the more you postulate for it. So now before every session, I picture the sweetest most loveable guy on the other side. And that's what I've been experiencing. Maybe I pull it out of them? Maybe it's just luck. Either way, I couldn't ask for a better way to spend my day- wrapped in a strong mans arms, giving and experiencing love in its purest form. The money recieved goes towards my rent, and I'm able to continue spending all my free time doing what I love. Any extra money, goes towards my education so i can help more people one day. So everything I'm recieving is for the greater good. When you look at life that way, you begin to realize that good things gravitate toward you.