There is a wealth of information on this site but there are only so many hours in the day. I have always lived in rural places and I am relatively a beginner to this so please excuse me if I seem behind the times or backward. I intend no disrespect. We all understand the science behind the benefits of human touch/cuddling. Why has it not caught up to the medical field or some business franchise. It scares me to go to a stranger and have only their word that they are safe. I can understand it's off putting to have someone digging for info to ascertain your character but sometimes it is just a matter of safety (gauging with your gut). I would rather go to my doctor and have them write a refferal or go to a professional and have a clear written contract on paper. I applaud those of you who can navigate this with ease. I wish I could.
It has to a degree. I know in major cities like New York people host cuddle parties that are designed to make the person attending feel as safe and comfortable as possible. It really depends on your location and what people are offering.
I get it, @SallyBrown! I’m new to this and have had my reservations, too. It’s just a natural instinct. I just check in with myself and make sure I am staying within my comfort level. I do not meet up with people right away just because they sent a message. I even say so I’m my profile, if we can’t hold a connection and have a conversation on here and talk on the phone first, there’s no way I’m going to feel open or safe enough to touch. I’m not a prudish person by any means, but I am protective of my energy. Even with people I know in real life. Maybe professional cuddler is the way for you to go. They’re not going to step out of bounds. We can’t be 100% sure about anyone, but we can do our best to screen and assess. I’ve found the ones who are willing to be patient and mutually prioritize safety and comfort, they’re the ones who respect boundaries and whose company I feel I can enjoy. The ones who get pushy, I just don’t bother with. I send them on their way with and wish them well.
I think the site does quite well with its "karma" mechanism, giving people a way to earn and benefit from, the trust of a community.
People in highly-regulated positions of trust, abuse that trust every day. There is no way to absolutely guarantee that someone won't step out of their ( public ) character, and the first person they do that to, will suffer.
( It is similarly impossible to ensure that someone will not make a false accusation of misbehaviour, permanently destroying a person's hard-earned reputation ; or threaten to do so. )
The UK may be a bad example, but look up on Wikipedia :
Dr Harold Shipman
John Worboys - a taxi-driver
Further afield :
Indian Prime Minister Indira Gandhi was killed by her own bodyguards
Germanwings Flight 9525 was crashed into the Alps, by its own co-pilot
One argument against citizens wearing face coverings for pandemic, is that it risks people adhering less, to the social-distancing rules. Car seat belts are accused of making people drive in a less safe way, because they feel less vulnerable.
I'd say that the onus is on each person, to suitably assure their potential cuddle partner that they are safe, in whatever way works for that partner.
There are places across the country that have brick and mortar cuddle locations. Here in Jacksonville fla, they have a storefront that you can go to cuddle. Check it out around you.
Address: 554 US-1, Freeport, ME 04032
Phone: (207) 865-1713
@snuggleme123 The Cuddledown you referenced is an outlet store selling down comforters, pillows, and the like. Not a place to be cuddled by another person. Maybe they'd be amenable to the idea, though. ;-)
@SallyBrown , people in a few states have tried to set up storefront cuddle businesses. A few, like Cuddle Up to Me in Portland Oregon, have succeeded. Then there is the more typical story of the Snuggle House in Madison Wisconsin, which got shut down three weeks after opening, despite never having been accused of wrongdoing. Local officials just refused to believe the store's intentions were above board. Officials went on record saying male clients would never be seeking "just cuddles," so the store must have been about something else.
Before your doctor could write you a referral for a cuddle pro, cuddling would have to be recognized as medical treatment, on par with physical therapy, chiropractic, etc. We might not want to hold our breath for that.
As others have counseled, read people's profiles, read their karma reviews, trade messages, talk on the phone, meet at a coffee shop first, etc. Take all the time you need. Eventually, you'll feel comfortable enough to take the plunge and cuddle with them. Or you won't, and that's okay too. All personal interactions carry some risk. Only you can decide if the potential reward is worth it.
male clients would never be seeking "just cuddles"
It is probably true that many male clients in Hooters restaurants, aren't seeking "just food" ; but those establishments are judged by what happens. The local officials should have gone in undercover to check them out, as they do with lap-dancing clubs etc.
My feeling is that people in authority too often interpret rules to either meet their own agendas, or to be seen to have a moral position on something. ☹️
Maybe a cuddling business would have more success, in the few places where brothels are allowed. Local laws would allow them, and they could be clearly advertised as being different. Having established a base, and a reputation ( as not being a brothel ), they might have more success in other places. Pro-cuddlers could rent a room there, to establish a customer base back in their home town.
This forum has gotten weird lately. I can't figure out what half of the threads are even about. There are 7 comments to this thread and I feel like 15 different conversations.
Still I appreciate the effort. I'm sure I won't see it in my lifetime but I hope it becomes an acceptable thing to seek help for and accepted as a real deficiency.
HEY SALLY !
WANNA JOIN MY HAREM ?
"I can't figure out what half of the threads are even about."
So you've figured out the other half ?
There's one about cooking, and one about art ; all the rest are very confusing.
Most end up with pictures of cute animals.
I think that's the optimal way to end all threads.
How cuteeeee these animals are.
Anyway @SallyBrown, I think the issue with platonic cuddling is that it's so under recognized and perhaps many aren't even seeking it, at least not seriously. So there isn't as much demand to set it up in a way that a doctor could refer someone to it. I also don't know how massage therapists (non medical types, I guess) are set up. Perhaps some don't require a doctor's letter to see. Though still have some systems in place to help you feel safer. So if such can be allowed, then perhaps platonic cuddling could be set up in a similar fashion. Though might not be possible, because some businesses, etc. might not want to associate with that in case of high liability. Because massage therapy, especially when done by women is generally perceived as feeling less vulnerable than actually laying down in more isolated place to cuddle with someone.
Taking your time to gauge things, and letting others you trust know can help.
As well as trying some semi-public semi-cuddling could be a way to ease into it and get a better read for the person. Though like others said, you can never know for sure. Some people have been known to betray. Any type of relationship has its risks. All we can do is our best to be safe, and take calculated chances to reach our goal.
A useful psychological tool is the concept of "sunk cost" ; the amount of effort someone has invested in an endeavour, which motivates them to see it through, so as to not waste that investment.
If the "price" of platonic cuddling, is the establishment of a reputation, with a community or a specific person, they are less likely to waste that by behaving badly ; and even if they do, the number of times such people can misbehave, is much more limited.
I heard the analogy that a person who spends decades learning a martial art, is less likely to misuse it than a person who buys cheap handgun.
Another is the concept that "getting to know" someone, reduces the risk of misbehaving with them ; because it reinforces the idea that they are a person ( with whom one does things ) not an object ( to which one does things ).
All interesting and helpful conversations. I do love the cat pics. Love cats!
I think @LucyBlaze has it spot on... Message and chat for awhile, get to know them a little bit. (If they're just all "you, me, cuddle, now", move on to the next lol) A big thing with cuddling is being with someone you feel comfortable with.
@VeganAndSleepy - Finding a hosted cuddle party is an awesome thing. They go over the 'rules', and talk about boundaries... The first part you're not doing any cuddling at all. And for the rest of it, if you don't want to cuddle at all, but you just want to watch. That's ok too... or just hold hands... put your arm around someone. It's whatever you want (and feel comfortable with)
cuddleparty.com You can check those out here!