Sensual VS Sexual

CozyGuy75

Ok, so we all understand the rules and we all respect the rules. Now I'm sure there are many situations where someone needs a more healing touch, a more therapeutic session or just a shoulder to cry on or laugh with... but not everyone fall under that umbrella. Some people are just looking for a physical and to some extent emotional connection with boundaries but also without the complications and headaches of a relationship.
Now I would love to hear from the women how do they feel about, comfort level and enjoyment level when it comes to sensuality
Sensual is not the same as sexual nor does it always evolve from one to the other.
But if anyone says that they can always interlock their body with the opposite or same sex, whatever turns the motor and you have good cuddle chemistry that arousal will not sneak it's way in there LOL. I have never disrespected anyone's boundaries but I know what mutual arousal looks like. EMPHASIS on MUTUAL. I'm not asking any cuddler to reveal if they ever had sex on a session because as far as I'm concerned that's no one's business what 2 consenting adults do in their own private time. I'm more interested in the no sex but you know you were turned on and how did you handle it and how did you feel about. Do you think it's ok, acceptable, enjoyable to a certain extent? What's not ok to you and what is? All within the site rules because that's where discipline is needed.
I hope you all feel comfortable in sharing as this was built to be a safe space. Looking forward to your feedback

I get that you're trying to stay within the rules of the site, but saying much about this topic leads to a risk of banning.

Here's what I will say: obviously sometimes people, both men and women, get turned on while being physically close to another. I think most (but not all) people are capable of handling this situation intelligently and communicating about it if necessary. On the other hand, some people, especially some women, strongly contextualize their sexuality, and if they're in a situation that they've mentally designated as nonsexual, basically will never get turned on no matter what happens.

But answering your question in depth is risky; ie if someone were to say "Yes I like when I know we're both turned on and arousing each other even though we keep our clothes on," I suspect such a person would be banned.

CozyGuy75

Thank you for participating, hopefully others will as well as I really want to know how different people deal with that. And I don't think anyone has to be afraid to answer honestly, it is absurd for anyone including the mgmt of this site to think that human nature can be prevented by a couple of lines of text under the rules section, and again I'm not asking about giving in to animal instincts, I'm asking how different people handle arousal which cannot be prevented always and is not against the rules. Acting on it in an inappropriate or uninvited way is so you can discuss one while respecting the other.

pmvines

Sounds like you are wanting an excuse to hear women talk about being turned on. Just seems more voyeuristic than anything to be honest ...

CozyGuy75

I appreciate your level of participation as I've seen you pop up everywhere with a thought or 20 and it always comes across as condescending and negative but if it's all the same to you I want to keep this positive, non judgmental and educational which is why I want a female perspective as they are putting themselves out there at a much higher risk level than men so I'm interested to know how they navigate this potentially awkward situation... this is a conversation for grownups "to be honest..." thanks for trying

pmvines

Oh ok I'm not grown up enough for this conversation 😋 ha ha ha you are a funny one. Almost would have thought I sought your approval or something. But ok sure I'll stay out of your educ ational piece. By all means . Teach away .

ABrokenMan

I would add to SanFran's statement too that the type of women that are "attracted" to this site, for lack of a better term are the type of ladies that dont think about sexuality and sensuality as that part of life does not have to be involved in every area of life. Just as breasts CAN be for a mans pleasure, they are also and primarily for feeding children. Even though the same parts are used for both, each issue is separate and the same feelings dont take place when feeding a child as with what takes place in "the other issue." I think that the TYPE of ladies that are here, genuinely WANT to help men that are here because. she knows that they can not find help anywhere else due to those who are in relationships are are jealous of anyone else and are not allowed to help their "brothers." Also, just as when a lady says to a man, "My eyes are up here," she is expressing that her MIND needs to be stimulated, and / or that she is trying to communicate with the man on so many others levels! She too is also "turned on" for lack of a better term, through COMMUNICATION and not what is "down there." - Trust me! With me being one who never knew his sister, I have learned all of this the hard way...and not by making mistakes, but missing out of that type of love that the good Lord intended me to be raised with. I have had to learn ALL of this on my own through being accused of only wanting "one thing," when the reality was that I was and am trying to recapture that love that was stolen from me. Now yes, I have had "those feelings," but I have discussed this with certain individuals (outside this environment) to say how fustrating it is that "those feelings" are mixed into the equation of other forms of love that is not of the Eros nature. For me, it has actually been a relief (and yes, a MAN is saying this) that my body has not mixed in those sensual feelings and just to be held and accepted for being who I am EMPOWERS me to be a REAL MAN and show respect for a lady and I know that she appreciate that. Most women can read a man, so she knows when a man genuinely treats her the way I have described.

Sheena123

I think because I have two motivators (professionalism and my faithfulness to my husband), I avoid feeling turned on when cuddling. I genuinely enjoy the cuddle and always keep in my mind that this is all about giving my cuddler absolute relaxation.

Now, Ive had plenty of cuddlers that get aroused, and it’s completely natural, but I just suggest a different position to ease that tension with bringing it up for fear of their embarrassment. It’s certainly nothing to be ashamed of. The only issue is when they try to act on it.

quixotic_life

@ABrokenMan - I appreciate the bulk of what you shared - you seem to be coming from a good and caring place overall / or are at least wanting to be perceived that way (either way a good effort).
But I find this portion in particular (copied below) to be a bit problematic, and couldn't let it pass without saying something.

"I think that the TYPE of ladies that are here, genuinely WANT to help men that are here because. she knows that they can not find help anywhere else due to those who are in relationships are are jealous of anyone else and are not allowed to help their "brothers.""

I had to hit the brakes right there, at [the ladies] "WANT to help men that are here because..." skreech-stop - In no way what so ever was I "attracted" to this site to "help men" in any way!

I'm here because someone in my family, listening between the lines, heard me expressing a need for touch and they recommended I come here. And although I believe I could separate platonic touch from sensuality and sexuality, in practice I never have - because I didn't know one could. I'm a person who has a past history of being unsuccessful in getting men to notice my boundaries let alone respect them (to be fair I was a lot younger and didn't have much respect for them myself). So I cut myself off and have spent many (too many) years in a touch desert.

Finding out there's a community of people who wish to co-create snuggle-bubbles without having to worry about some hidden agenda (ie. sex) sounds fantastic! For two of us to feel closeness, affection, tenderness, etc that's amazing! But to twist that into thinking I'm here to meet the needs of anyone other than my broken touch-deprived self would be a lie. Do I want physical and emotional reciprocity with balanced levels of give and take ~ Where both parties are mutually contented? Absolutely! - I feel I'd be doing us both a disservice if I didn't. But again, I'd be lying if I said my motivations behind being here weren't based in a selfishness to "help" myself.

And I'll leave the "Real Man" comment for someone better versed than I in the baggage that terminology carries - should they so choose.

@CozyGuy75 I recognize you stated wanting this to be a "safe space", and I realize I may have come across as harsh. But I feel like things said here needed to be addressed - because misogyny  (even when veiled) is the antithesis of "safe space".

@pmvines - I didn't think you came "across as condescending and negative", and honestly I kind of got the same vibe, but if people are willing to answer the question I'm down to be a voyeur on the subject...
I'm interested to hear how people (women and men) have dealt with issues in the moment or how they've been successful in setting up sucessful boundaries from the jump. If in doing that, I learn how to be a better self-advocate - respecting myself and my boundaries - and how to go about shutting down needy men, all the better!
It's really unfortunate, but I think men like you are incredibly rare and I worry that at some point I may be in a scenario that involves a "real man" who'll think I'm there just to "help" him and he'll actually have no interest in understanding or appreciating my part of the experience and I could end up getting hurt (or he could - because I'm pretty scrappy and pack a mean punch).

~
@ The broader CC community - Thank you for being a participant in space like this, where one's 'triggered' self can vent and process in what actually does feel like a "safe space" overall.
You're all very much appreciated! ♡

quixotic_life

Oops! Not sure what caused the white box and broken text to appear ~ but I'll try to remember to click "Preview" next time before "Post"

geoff1000

Imagine if a man spotted a woman on a train, on a plane, or in a supermarket, and found her attractive. Would he walk up to her, and suggest they go into the lavatory to make out ? I expect that does occasionally happen, though it rarely turns out well for the man.

My understanding of the CC site, is that it puts a "hard" boundary on any kind of sexual activity or discussion during a session ; which allows both parties to enjoy a behaviour, which in "normal" circumstances would often be a lead-up to sex. The party that wants sex, has to put that aside ; so that the party that doesn't, doesn't have to worry about it. Think of a paintball game, where one of the players wants to use a real gun with lead bullets.

Assuming the attraction is mutual, the parties can connect off the site, and meet up at another time.

Even in my 50s, my parents like me to contact them when I get home after visiting them. They don't worry about the many times I go out to other places, because they aren't responsible for those journeys.

The site organisers, and the site reputation, is at risk from any meet-up going bad ; and a sexual encounter has a significant risk of more severely going bad, either physically or emotionally. If it becomes commonplace for CC-arranged meetings to become sexual, those risks multiply. Too many such severe bad events would see the site either shut down ; or regarded as a hook-up site, and the male / non-pro-female ratio would skew even more.

quixotic_life

@geoff1000 ~ "Think of a paintball game, where one of the players wants to use a real gun with lead bullets." ~

Wow great analogy and visual! Yikes!

Oh, and the rest was really good too! 👏👏👏👍

geoff1000

@quixotic_life
😀 👍

ABrokenMan

@quixotic_life My comment was not directed at anyone in specific but I was being general. I guess I should have used the term, "MOST ladies..." and my term for "real man" is used to say that I have seen that men I have encountered (and their have been hundreds) think they are men just because they have that little thing (pun intended) between their legs that makes them think that they can assume people like me HAVE to fit into what THEY SAY I should be, when my personality type does not fit "The norm" in any way, shape or form.

I have been forced to life my entire life (I am pushing 50) and a loaner and when I have come out to explore life, I am shunned just because I look different than what has been seen in the world by those who have had the privilege of being able to have a life on Friday and Saturday nights. I am having to use this service in order to help myself keep my own sanity - to help my self since those I have met in life can not see that I hurt and am essentially a six year old stuck inside of the older body I have, and even psychologist do not understand and would take me telling them that me going to a place like this would be prostitution and they would call the authorities on me. - So I can not even be honest in seeking therapy and am forced to play a game of cat and mouse.

I have spend MANY nights CRYING uncontrollably with no one around to even see how I feel and truth be told, most men like me have succumbed to suicide. I am a survivor of that and MUST speak out.

I am currently writing a book about what I have had to endure in order to try and shed light to the world on what really exists to try and save the lives of men like me. Here is just a small part quoting something I wrote in rewriting the scene from a the movie "A Few Good Men" when Jack Nicholson said the line, "You cant handle the truth," as it applies to my own life:

Son, we live in a world guarded by walls, and those walls have to be guarded by men with the guns of a backbone of defiantly being true to ourselves! Who is going to do it? YOU, or others like you whom have had the PRIVILEGE to get some romantic action any time you wanted? I have a greater responsibility than you could possibly fathom for I have almost died TWICE all over having a woman tell me, “I, LOVE you!” I SHAKE almost any time a woman wraps her arms around me! You WEEP for over a break up and you CURSE ME for for being different than “the boys” when I am SCREAMING for the need of natural affection!

You have that luxury! You have that luxury of not knowing what I know about having a true broken heart that caused me to have a STROKE that some spiritual “mother” mocks me over! My near death experiences, though tragic, will probably one day, SAVE - LIVES…

• And my existence of being the guy that was “too nice” and does not follow your orders, though grotesque and incomprehensible, to you will EVENTUALLY, save - lives! You do not want the truth because you know DEEP DOWN that in places where you do not want to talk about at the Friday night parties you go to while I am at home listening to the radio to those dedicating songs to their girlfriends so I can get a sense of “real” human contact, you WANT me on that wall - you NEED me on that wall to deflect from the reality of you being oblivious and naive!
  “Nice guys” like me who get pushed away by ladies who eventually realize that the man they have wanted and have been searching for have been under their nose the entire time! She just could not see me because of my wearing of the sunglassed blinders of anger! - But if she were to have had a natural blood brother filled with this anger, she would have not given a second thought to show him compassion!
  …Once again, that is not directed at you personally, but this is a general statement to the world around us, the world that exists around men like me who were labeled as being “too nice,” and were told, “I just want to be friends.”

How many times have women IN GENERAL put ALL MEN into the same category and have accused a man that she has just met, “YOU MEN ALL do this and that,” when the reality is that this SPECIFIC MAN had to defend himself and say to her, “Have you seen ME particularly do that? If the answer is ‘No,” then please dont assume anything. Would you treat your own blood brother life this? I am different and if you would give me a chance, you would see that.”

Now, I must say that men LIKE ME that actually do respect a lady, are OFTEN accused of being gay. Regardless of todays age of so-called “tolerance” we are sill accused of this. I can not tell you how many time I have been accused of this just because, and I quote, “you actually LISTEN!”

Well, why would I not listen to a lady? That is what she WANTS a man to do, instead of “thinking with his ‘second brain!’” I actually LISTENED to my Father when he was raising me, as he was STILL trying to show RESPECT to my step mom, even though she was the most abuse women that had ever existed.

I have had to spend most of my life completely alone and no one believes most of what I say I have had the ONLY FRIEND I have had in my adult life recently betray me and told me that the entire 20 YEARS that he had been MENTORING ME, that he was lying to me about who he really was! - For ME to have to use this service is the ONLY outlet I have been able to find and it brings up many emotions I have to sort through that are not “normal,” but booking an appointment with someone is the only way I can find someone to listen to me in order for me to essentially be my own THERAPIST and find solutions within myself since “the real world,” for lack of a better term can not handle men like me. I suppose I could find that IF I could find a modern day “hippie,” but I have no idea of even where to look for that type of social soceity.

Please know once again, that my original comments were in general, not specifically directed at you personally.

quixotic_life

@ABrokenMan ~ You are clearly hurting, in pain and experiencing some incredibly strong emotions.
Note: Please jump to the last three paragraphs if you find any of this to be triggering.

To be honest, I'm a bit taken aback by your reply. My response was related to the content of your initial post. I lumped you into no category, I didn't assume your past or current circumstances and in no way did I think you were speaking to me.

I merely wanted to make it clear (which it sounds like you'd understand) that making generalized assumptions about people, to make your case, is a slippery slope - Especially when talking about a specific gender's motivations (of which you aren't).

My goal was not to cause harm. It was to call out how the words you chose were problematic and why. I don't know if you're nice or otherwise. I saw something so I said something.

But for you to then reply with actual assumptions about me or my lived experiences (when you know nothing about me other than what I've felt okay to share) and to say yours are so much greater is not only offensive, because it minimizes me as a person with a past, but it isn't a healthy approach to understanding or trying to better yourself either.

Take it as you will. I can only hope that eventually you might understand and appreciate the context and content of my original post and you will either choose to change something or you won't. It's up to you.

Vvv- last three paragraphs -vvV

I took some time and found this information for you. If you are feeling at all suicidal I encourage you to reach out and call one of the numbers listed for your county:
http://www.suicidehotlines.com/california.html

Additionally, from reading other's posts on the matter, relying on a Pro Cuddler to provide any sort of therapy isn't advised. As part of a care plan, sure maybe, but you're presenting as someone who needs more than just a cuddle to assist in your healing journey. So on the second page of this pdf, about half way down, are a number of different listings for mental health services in your area: https://www.csun.edu/sites/default/files/UCS-Referral-List.pdf

Finding a good therapist, who's a good fit, isn't easy. It may take a while to find the right person. But keep trying. Forward is forward, so just take it a step at a time and eventually you'll get there.

ABrokenMan

MANY people use this shrive as therapy. They just will not tell the general population. As far as a therapist, I have been to Over FIFTY of them ling back to when I was twelve ears old. The last one about 2 months ago, LIED to me just go bilk the insurance then could not handle me being a LATE BLOOMER who is JUST NOW going through having tithe Oedipus Complex since I never had a mom! Do I need to explain what that one is? And you should have seen the therapist RUN out of the room on that one. Sound to me like she chose the wrong profession since she can not handle reality! ...And then there is my psycology professor who REFUSED to let me talk about the realties of life, yet used class time for push HIS AGENDA just becase he is gay, instead of teaching the topic I PAID FOR and the chill refused to hold him accountable. You have A LOT to learn about life my friend. There is no point to discuss anything else with you as I have made it very clear in all of my post what my frame of mind is in being different than "the norm" and it seems that you are choosing to cherry pick and assume. You will learn one day. Please stope replying to me and leave room for those whom would want to consider my pint of view. Have a nice day.

quixotic_life

@CozyGuy75 ~ Just a heads up ~ You may want to reframe or restate the intent of your thread. It's gone a bit off the rails.....
💥🚂🚃🚃🚃🚃 🛤

CozyGuy75

Hello, thank you both for your participation but this conversation has taken a more personal tone and it would be best served in private messages.
2 notes

AbrokenMan - I'm so sorry about your hardship. But this site isn't what you need right now.

quixotic_life - I see you have good intentions but let us allow this man to find some peace. Also just a pet peeve of mine to ALL cuddlers lol the pictures area of the profile if for pictures of YOU! LOL if you have at least 2 pictures and you want to add a meme or pet or whatever else you feel paints a picture of your personality that's great but we all want to see YOU first.

For everyone else interested in participating in this conversation please stay on topic

quixotic_life

Um... that is a pic of me because I made her! She's my mini-me. Harumph! Also, I was already leaving him in peace and with resources. So...?

And... you're welcome for the heads-up btw 🤨

So.... again... trying to move on... and so people can bypass our over night hijacking...

Wanna remind us what you're looking for here???

Edit: adding @CozyGuy75

pmvines

@quixotic_life ignore the passive aggression don't worry about it . It's your profile , post what you like ! I like your mini me

geoff1000

@ABrokenMan
If the CC site were indeed a prostitution hook-up site, countries / States where that is illegal, would have closed it down long ago. Your therapists are wrong, which means you should probably distrust other things they say. Some people say that imagining having sex with someone other than one's spouse, is adultery ; each to their own.

Whether the CC site helps you or not, is a different question ; but to return ( slightly ) to the topic, the ladies on here won't think you are gay, for not trying it on with them. The saying "All cats are grey in the dark" can be applied to mean a female cuddler can't know ( and maybe doesn't much care ) WHY a male cuddler is respecting their boundaries and the site rules, only that they are. A bank teller doesn't care if a customer is law-abiding by nature, or actually a compulsive robber who is too nervous to ever go through with it. We are defined by our actions ; and it is relaxing to be in a situation, where our instinctive actions, are the society norm for that time and place.

pmvines

@ABrokenMan using an online forum I would caution against airing out too much personal baggage . It is the internet and this is not a therapeutic setting. I appreciate your sharing, just please exercise caution and discretion for your own sake . You seem to demand understanding and acceptance when you are sort of throwing a whole bunch of emotionally charged grenades out there that people are not going to agree or necessarily know what to do with. In a way you are playing a role in your own triggering.

CozyGuy75

Hey Q_life

Per your request to clarify what I'm looking for is the female perspective. There an individual on here accusing me of being passive aggressive yet his first contribution to this topic was accusing me of posting this to satisfy my own voyeuristic desires and he's topping that off by mansplaining what you and everyone else should do or be careful of what you share because this is our first time using the internet you see... LOL

Anyway... I'm not a woman so I wouldn't dare try to pretend to know the challenges a woman has to face that I don't as a man. So I wanted to know how women feel about sensuality and acceptance in this scenario and how it affects their comfort level and enjoyment of the session. Even if cuddling with a professional I never make it about me, I want it to be a shared and mutually enjoyable experience. So rather than assuming how a woman feels about things I figured I would ask. Thank you for your participation 🙂

pmvines

@CozyGuy75 it is ok to address me instead of talking around it . If that is not your intent then I have no issue admitting I'm wrong. No biggie . It is the interweb and contrary to how it may seem sometimes I really don't take things that personally. The topic has come up frequently and it is usually an attempt to hear about women being turned on by cuddling in a reverse boner thread kind of way, and is usually meant to gauge who is more permissive and has the more lax boundaries . In honesty I likely jumped the gun a little with this thread.
No issues admitting that! @quixotic_life and I are buds , she knows I'm not mansplaining . @ABrokenMan comment was made to him as a sincere gesture because of course he knows how to use the internet , however he seems to be at a place where he is sharing things in public that may be more hurtful than helpful and I don't want him to be caused harm from it . Anywho , have a great day! If you would like to unblock me I'm happy to have a private conversation with you about your Ideas ...

@CozyGuy75
"Some people are just looking for a physical and to some extent emotional connection with boundaries but also without the complications and headaches of a relationship."

Maybe they need a friend with benefits or a "girlfriend experience".

"I have never disrespected anyone's boundaries but I know what mutual arousal looks like."

I'd be interested to know - what does that look like to you? Because as a female if I were aroused, it would not be showing and granted, much easier to hide than a man's arousal. In either case, it's ignored/ adjustments made.

quixotic_life

Lol @pmvines ~
HE thinks YOU were mansplaining! Lmfao! And that using terms like "sounds" and "seems" are accusatory. I give up on this one. 🤪

Thanks for keeping things grounded... 🤗

pmvines

@quixotic_life sshhh I'm the bad guy in this remember 😋

CozyGuy75

This is why I'm not on Twitter or FB or anything LOL 🤣

pmvines

@CozyGuy75 I agree with that. People think I'm lying when I say this but I have never once had a social media account apart from a message board or two lik this one. See, we can actually agree on something ! 🤗🤗🤗

CozyGuy75

👍

geoff1000

@Frz2020
Agreed. The relative obviousness of male and female arousal, means a woman can easily deny it is happening, and almost never has to take any "corrective" action.