@quixotic_life No my terns are not accusatory. I have a lot of growing up to do. those terms are used in order to examine and have the other person give the answer.
@geoff1000 your respect about the ladies on here. is exactly my point for women in the "real word" for lack of a better term have a different frame of mind and are not grounded I reality.
@pmvines Believe me! I have not tried anything that is too personal. I am being very vague. My way of writting makes it appear that it is heavy, but believe me, it is not. If one could only listen to the conversations that I have had with women I have had over at my house from here, and they have come back to help! and YES this site IS thereapudic, hence why men like me hire a woman to hold us. Also I have not demanded anything and have only brought up an issue that is never talked about in society because men like me have been too afraid to speak up, so I am doing it for them.
@geoff1000 I know that the lades on here would not think I am gay, because those that do would never come onto a site like this, and I get accused of being such everyday just because I wear my heart on my sleeve.
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@ABrokenMan . Ok. You know yourself better than I do do I will take you at your word on that . Please keep in mind that though cuddling may be therapeutic for you , the forums are not cuddling, and this is what I am referring to as not being a therapeutic platform. People sometimes over share while in the moment and I don't want that to backfire and cause you harm
"Do you think it's ok, acceptable, enjoyable to a certain extent?"
If boundaries are being respected, then I think it is okay to be unintentionally turned on.
@ABrokenMan I advise you to take time for yourself to work through your emotions, reach out to others who might be of help to you. If you fail, keep trying. If you get tired, take a break and keep trying. I believe that you are bound to find the help that you need and have a lot of success. About the "nice guy" thing, it is possible for people to find someone to be "nice", though not be into* them like that. And while that can hurt, it is part of life. Not everyone finds romantic love and while that can be tough, there are ways to help ease the difficulties such as having supportive friends, volunteering or working, and focusing on our self care. All we can do is continue being and become a better version of ourselves by finding ways to help increase our chances of success in life.
To the original question ... Yes I believe there is a difference between sensual & sexual. Where that line is drawn is between the 2 people involved and what their personal boundaries are. Obviously this is best discussed before they decide to cuddle. Out of the thousands of female cuddlers on the site some of which who have had hundreds of cuddling encounters ... Logic would tell you @ some point that some % of them have experienced arousal during a cuddling session. They're human females lol why wouldn't some of them experience it at some point. But even they do become aroused ( if you are some how able to identify that they are ) it's not a green light to pounce if they're obviously there for a platonic encounter. If there is mutual interest in beyond cuddling I'm sure as mature consenting adults you can have a conversation about it at some point.
I have an internal switch. If the context is sexual, the switch goes that way. If the context is platonic, the switch goes that way.
For me, cuddling with a date or romantic partner feels sensual, because there's mutual attraction and a different kind of emotional connection. Cuddling with a client feels more platonic, whether they get aroused or not - as it's a therapeutic relationship. The intention and energy behind it is totally different for me, as it's about providing a safe haven for healing, relaxation and support.
Even when I was cuddling as an enthusiast, I kept platonic cuddle buddies and romantic relationships separate. I find when you get into the grey area and blur the boundaries people often get very confused and hurt. It's easy for people get catch feelings and develop attachments while cuddling, so strong and well-articulated boundaries help protect people emotionally and give them a feeling of clarity, security and safety.
Now I'm getting some of the feedback I was hoping for when I posted this question lol I agree, we are ALL human and yes we can keep it respectful and if there's no attraction then it's also easier to not feel anything more. But I'm sure it has happened where the cuddlers meet and there's an instant spark even if only superficially because you might be each other's type and if you're laying together and intertwining your bodies then there's no switch that can turn off the feeling, there's a switch that can keep you from acting on it and being respectful but that doesn't mean you don't feel it. And I personally have experienced that and I didn't cross any boundaries and based on the feedback from her the feeling was mutual but we both didn't act on the heat of the moment nor did we feel the need to pause the session. It felt like being stuck in the feeling you get prelude to a kiss but without kissing lol that nervous energy but excited at the same time. We talked about it after and we were on the same page as how it felt but we were both ok with it and it was fun and PG lol I think if a scenario like that happens organically it really does fall into whatever the mutual comfort level is should be the boundaries. Because you are not cuddling her and she is not cuddling you you're cuddling together, it has to be mutual, I don't want it to feel like a transaction lol
@ABrokenMan I truly empathize with your experiences. As a fellow loner myself I want to encourage you to continue to do what you need to in order to heal. Continue to write your book and tell your story. And tell it in a way that helps you to find your own inner peace. You deserve that. We all do.
@CozyGuy75 you have posed an interesting topic that as you have acknowledged is very difficult to engage thoughtful discussion on given it's content and the stated and understood restrictions on the site.
But as a female cuddle enthusiast I will thoughtfully address the topic in the context of what you asked and said. Or try to. Lol.
For me 'sensual' is defined as unprocessed feelings or physical sensations that arise from being touched or touching another. And 'sexual' is anything that involves the genitals: contact with, thoughts, penetration and so on. I give it such a broad definition because sexual arousal often begins in the thoughts and sensations that involve physical contact or mental ideation. So you can talk about physical touch or just physically touching somebody and generate sexual desires intentionally or not.
Does it mean it has to become sexual? Absolutely not!
Can it always or often be just sensual? Sure it can.
Now in a platonic cuddle situation with a total stranger, for me it all comes down to intention, experience and practice. What do I mean by this?
I totally hear you on the mutual vibes point. It does happen that both parties can feel a mutual vibe that includes strong sensual and sexual sensations between them that goes beyond the platonic but never ever crosses the boundary into the purely sexual. It can also happen where both parties feel strong shared sensual sensations between them that may cross into the broadly sexual category ( as I defined it) but never really gets there in a specific sense. And there are others when the interpersonal chemistry is just that strong that it does go to the sexual. The question I hear you ask is how do you keep the interaction platonic while acknowledging those sexual and sensual sensations?
You do that with the following: intention, experience and practice.
In any cuddle experience, you begin with intention. And that applies even in the actual cuddle itself. You are always negotiating intention with your cuddle partner. Especially if the female is a non pro. Simply because there are some restrictions naturally in place with fee pay cuddling. My point is you both have to be clear on what it is you want. That starts at the messaging phase and continues through the actual cuddle and beyond.
When you find you and a cuddle partner feeling shared sensual sensations mixed with the very broadly sexual ones you have to decide mutually what you want. Do you just want to explore the body while acknowledging what you both feel without ever deciding to act on it or do you just ignore it and focus on the platonic desire to just hug and touch each other and move on? Or do you just end the cuddle interaction at that point where you both decide it not what either one or both of you want?
The choice of intention is always between you both. Especially if the feeling and intention is mutual.
Experience in platonic cuddling is also very helpful in dealing with those situations. When your only experience with cuddling to begin with is only in romantic situations: commitments or hook-ups,the go to default is often physical comfort. In that, your intention to cuddle is often driven by a desire and or need for physical contact that sometimes becomes sexual. So many of the sensual sensations you get when touched or touching very often triggers the brain to want or generate some kind of sexual contact or arousal. It's different for different people and to some extent for men and women.
With each new cuddle experience you build and grow your platonic muscle. That is (if you allow yourself to ) you learn what your different trigger points for sensations are on different areas of your body with different people in different cuddle positions. And as you do, you become more comfortable with them when you're with different people. But it takes time and the willingness to pay attention to and process what you feel from each cuddle experience with different people.
So experience teaches you how to focus on being platonic or nonsexual even when you feel it. It also teaches you how to acknowledge the sensations without needing to act on it. That is different with different people. That's why you both have to keep talking to each other and being clear on what both your intentions are. If the sensations are mutually desired and shared, what two people do in their very private and personal space is their business.
So it is very difficult to just flat out say what specific things I would do as a female non pro in the scenario you described. Because it is very different for each person I'm with. I can only say strongly that it always boils down to our intention and the kinds of cuddle experiences we both have had with other people.
Also what you practice as a cuddler is what you become over time. What you focus on when you cuddle define the kind of cuddle experience you have overtime.
Some of us are more sensual in our physical touch than others. And so we might tend to focus on just light touches of the arms and hands and back and legs depending on individual preferences while cycling through multiple cuddle positions. And depending on the vibes with one person or another, you may find the sensual sensations become more sexual. If the two people have that shared orientation then it is all down to what both of them want and what they negotiate. If it's not then the cuddle shifts gears and move to less touching and more or just pure hugging. We're all built very different.
Some people are more social. For them cuddling is about the connection as much as about the physical comfort of hugging somebody. So the sensations they feel is not sexual or even sensual. It's just a sensation.
Some people are asexual and many other orientations. So physical contact may never conjure up the sensual or sexual arousal in them as it does for others who are not so inclined. At least not in the same way.
So it's a lot of variables to consider around what is viewed and or felt as sexual or sensual when it comes to being touched or touching others. Assuming that one is not just hugging someone for hours on end. And that is okay too. To just hug someone for hours. If that's your practice that is great.
Many folks just enjoy hugging and being hugged. Hence the issue of sensations: sexual and sensual never really comes up for them.
Others enjoy the hand and back rubs and caresses of the physical extremities and back or head in addition to the hugs. For these folks the sensations conjure up all kinds of feelings and thoughts. And that's okay too.
The key to dealing with it I think is to acknowledge it with a partner who shares a similar interest or who is just open-minded. And be specific and clear about what you feel and want. What is your intention? What is her intention? What does she feel? In that moment.
Honestly there's no one size fits all manual to how each woman will react to how she feels or how open and flexible one woman will be over another. There's always the issue of trust and honest clear communication in these moments. Some times they can lead to great connections. Sometimes they lead to misunderstanding and loss of trust.
Intention and communication is so important when it comes to the sensations people feel when they're touched or hugged. Whether it is purely sensual or sexual or both depends entirely on the intention and interest of both. As well as how committed you are to your intention.
@CozyGuy75: I think arousal is natural when it so happens to happen in a cuddling session. Maybe your attracted, maybe the way the person touches you, whatever just should not be encouraged. So good on you for not following through👍🏽. For me sometimes I do things to stifle my arousal or ride it out (Lol, metaphorically speaking). The high level of oxytocin makes touch super sensitive and enjoyable.
Ivan Pavlov "trained" his dogs to salivate when they heard a bell ring ; because that was always followed by being fed, and salivating means they are ready to eat and enjoy the food as soon as it arrives.
Being aroused, similarly means a person is ready to enjoy sex, so it is sometimes useful to do that before the physical opportunity arises ; such as "sexting" on the cab journey to their home, or looking at each other over dinner in a restaurant.
People who have only ever experienced sensual touch, as a prelude to "romantic" behaviour ; may need some experience to uncouple that link.
It is like a chef preparing hundreds of meals a day, but only eating two or three of them. They have to somehow be less "emotionally involved", with the meals they will be eating by proxy.
And for platonic cuddling, wouldn't it make sense to just have a little "me time" before you get ready to leave for your session so there's not as much risk of arousal? Lol
@Frz2020 This idea is put forward in "There's Something About Mary" but there are two difficulties. The "reloading time" is so short, that it may not be effective, unless done just beforehand and the session is short. A female cuddler who doesn't want a platonic cuddle session to be JOI foreplay, probably also doesn't want it to be JOI afterglow.