Cuddle-appropriate clothing

I wondered if we could have a discussion about cuddle-appropriate clothing. My motivation for starting this topic is this: Ideally I'd like the cuddle community to shift towards shorts and a t-shirt being considered standard cuddle clothing.

I've noticed the majority of the cuddlers I've seen (all pros) cuddle in leggings. Another significant portion wear shorts, and what is fortunately a small minority wear completely cuddle-inappropriate clothing like jeans or whatever they happened to wear to work that day.

I think leggings are second only to jeans as far as bad cuddle clothing goes. It's really unfortunate that they're so common. Cuddling is supposed to be about close physical contact. Full coverage, tight clothing inhibits that. Less coverage (within appropriate levels) is better than more coverage. Loose clothing is better than tight. If you really can't bring yourself to wear shorts, thin loose cotton sleep pants would be way, way better than leggings. Like this: https://www.gapfactory.com/browse/product.do?pid=519145001

Last year I had an unfortunate experience where before our session the cuddler (unrequested by me) offered to cuddle in shorts for extra money. This was a real negative in my mind. She was trying to charge me extra just for what should be the usual cuddle clothing in the first place.

CuddleStella

I believe based on the rules of the site, that’s the minimum required. I know shorts and shirt is the minimum I also follow and some folks ask if boxer shorts count (no they don’t lol) and I’ve been requested to wear leggings quite a couple of times. I think the idea is comfort and appropriate to where nothing inappropriate is being exposed.

Sheena123

I know some wear leggings because it feels safer. I personally prefer wearing shorts and a tank top but sometimes I have certain cuddlers that try to have their hands go inside the shorts. This is why I won’t wear skirts or dresses but some still ask me to wear those which I never will. Maybe some just feel more comfortable themselves wearing leggings because the tightness can feel more comfortable to them. I will always wear shorts but I guess to each his own. Just have to find a cuddler that agrees with you on clothing ☺️

Melancholy

Lots wear tank top and shorts, or tshirt and shorts. as long as its something you could wear to a picnic in public. its generally ok.

CrossFitNLattes

@SanFranResident I personally enjoy it when the cuddler wears a button down cardigan for our session. She can wear either a tank top and/or a cute top underneath but as @Sheena123 said, "to each their own". We all have our own level of touch comfort.

geoff1000

The site correctly mandates that certain areas must be covered, and by material that is suitably thick.

I'm worried that if the site starts also mandating that at least certain areas must be uncovered ( or covered with material which is so thin / loose as to have the same effect ) that will discourage people ( particularly non-pro females ) who are perhaps anxious enough already.

The next step would be to mandate that the cuddle must involve a specified time of contact with certain areas, so that the lack of clothing on those areas, is meaningful.

I would much rather have a cuddle with a partner who is wearing jeans and an outdoor coat ; than one who was made so nervous by the rules forcing "exposure", that they didn't turn up at all.

(edit added) P.S. One of my favourite movie cuddle scenes is from "The Terminator" with Kyle Reese and Sarah Connor in the tunnel under the road.

ShaneSchrute

Whatever you wear to cuddle I think it should always be clean, fresh clothes; never whatever you wore that day. I prefer having both parties just showered within an hour of cuddling.

If a lady feels safer in leggings by all means wear them. I’d rather be with someone who’s comfortable and relaxed rather than someone who I had to convinced to get into a certain outfit.

I used to cuddle with someone who had a rule that said you couldn’t request the outfit she wears. Totally understandable.

geoff1000

Requests for specific cuddle clothing :

From "Ice Station Zebra" :
David Jones - May I ask Captain, when we expect to reach the ice barrier ?
Commander Ferraday - Yes, you may ask.

Sign in a pub :
"Please do not ask for credit, as a refusal often offends."

pmvines

Everyone has a right to preferences for what the other person wears, just like the other person has a right to wear what they wish. Something like cuddling interweb strangers can be anxiety inducing enough as is , I can imagine particularly more so for the women due to statistics of men pushing boundaries and at time worse. I don't really feel it is my place to tell someone else what they should be wearing. That's best left to the individual to decide what feels right .

@geoff1000 "I'm worried that if the site starts also mandating that at least certain areas must be uncovered "

Nowhere did I suggest this be a site rule.

"The next step would be to mandate that the cuddle must involve a specified time of contact with certain areas, so that the lack of clothing on those areas, is meaningful."

This is a bizarre statement and completely unrelated to anything I said.

"I would much rather have a cuddle with a partner who is wearing jeans and an outdoor coat ; than one who was made so nervous by the rules forcing 'exposure', that they didn't turn up at all."

Well yeah, I want people to be comfortable cuddling with me. But this is a pretty plain example of a false dichotomy. Honestly, if someone is so uncomfortable being close to me that they prefer to wear bulky clothing like jeans and a coat, it would probably be best if we just didn't cuddle at all.

MissX

I almost always wear shorts and a tank top or something short sleeved. I think I wore leggings one time but don't recall the reason...maybe slack on doing laundry, lol. Agreed that whatever you wear should be clean for both.

I'm not trying to mandate everyone wear shorts or other specific clothing items. I'm just trying to bring attention to the fact that certain clothing items aren't best for cuddling.

If someone's truly not comfortable in shorts, or really strongly prefers leggings, fine, wear what you want.

But I think in a lot of cases it's not an issue of particular comfort level, it's just that these are people who often wear leggings and it doesn't even really occur to them to wear something else. Sort of like the cuddler I mentioned who wore jeans. I don't think she wore jeans because she was thinking "I'm only comfortable cuddling in jeans." I think she wore jeans because that's what she was wearing anyway and it either didn't occur to her or she didn't care enough to wear something else.

TouchSanctuary

I generally wear a t-shirt/long sleeved shirt (depending on weather) and yoga pants in my pro cuddling sessions. I do think softer materials are ideal though not absolutely necessary. However, I haven't found what people wear to be a major issue, even when I cuddle with friends and partners on an unpaid basis. Jeans wouldn't bother me personally.

pmvines

If the clothing conversation comes up I usually suggest bringing a couple of different options just in case you get hot , cold ,etc, and also just to wear what you feel comfy and safe wearing

I think the suggestion to wear something you could be seen in at a family picnic is fairly reasonable. That easily includes shorts and tank or t-shirt. I happen to know that some women will wear something that could easily be considered as sexy or even lingerie. So loose fitting that it could easily allow inappropriate contact. They may still wear undies under it as an extra barrier, but even then it can be rather suggestive to their cuddle partner. But I also know that much of how you dress for a cuddle depends on your comfort level with the other person. If you have been buddies for a long time, then maybe you can both comfortably decide that more skin contact is preferred without anything coming from it. That poses another question for me. IF buddies have been cuddling for a long time, and IF they are very comfortable with it, is it still within community guidelines if they choose to wear nothing at all for the cuddle?

I've talked with several other people about the site. I've tried to find the guidelines for cuddling several times, but haven't been able to. So if someone would be willing to post a link to them here, I would REALLY appreciate it!

Ok, scratch the question about guidelines. I found them under terms of service.

I think some people feel uncomfortable with skin to skin contact so lose pants or leggings should be ok but obligating someone to wear something they are uncomfortable with like shorts isn’t fair. There are people on here that are trying to get over certain issues with cuddling and an exception should be made to help them in a therapeutic way. That being said jeans are kinda restrictive and can have things on them that honestly could cause injuries. Just keep communication open and if the person isn’t ok with skin to skin contact be excepting of their wishes or choose a different person to cuddle for your cuddle needs

Cuddle_sadies5

I normally cuddle in leggings or loose thin(not see through) jammies w a t shirt. i dont mind wearing shorts and a tank but only if requested by the client. im comfy in leggings i have found that when i have worn shorts and a tank that it becomes more of an invite for clients to caress places they arent suppose to so i stick to leggings and a t shirt for that reason. I can see why women pros or someone new with the profession, may stick to the basics of t shirts and leggings or something more covered up due to anxiety reasons.

Lucas_

I’ve had a lot of cuddles from many different cuddlers from this site and others. More often than not, my cuddle partner asks if I have a preference for what she should wear. Never underestimate the power of building rapport. Nuff said.

@Lucas_ Interesting. I've cuddled with plenty of people and generally think I have a decent amount of rapport with them. But nobody has ever asked me about clothing preferences.

geoff1000

@SanFranResident
The only reason for insisting on shorts for cuddling, would be to ensure skin-skin contact in the leg area, which will only happen if also the cuddling position includes contact with those legs. Mandating shorts would implying mandating that those bare legs can be touched, else what is worn on the legs is irrelevant.

You say, "Cuddling is supposed to be about close physical contact". I don't think that needs bare skin, or even thin soft clothing ; I have enjoyed cuddling in ski wear. Maybe I set my sights low, but if the site starts mandating what is expected to occur during a cuddle ( instead of only what isn't ) that will discourage those who aren't certain they can act that way.

If I arrange a cuddle session, I expect my partner to turn up, and stay for the arranged duration ; but any contact of clothed or unclothed skin, must be consensual at every step. If either party, at any time, feels they are doing or allowing something out of obligation rather than choice ; then the #MeToo movement has taught us nothing.

@geoff1000

Neither I nor anyone else here has advocated the site mandating certain clothing.

No one is saying that.

No one. Not a single person in this thread.

I don't think the site should dictate what clothes people wear. I'm not sure how I can state this in a way that will be clear to you, but no one here is advocating for any change to site rules. Not me. Not anyone else.

So you don't need to argue against it. Because no one is saying it. OK?

Also, the fact that I'd like my cuddle partner to wear shorts does not mean I need to have my hands all over her thighs for a certain amount of time. It's just that when I do make incidental contact with her legs (in most cuddling positions our legs will be touching), I'd rather feel a human being instead of thick fabric.

It's no different than the fact that I prefer she not wear socks. That doesn't mean I have a foot fetish or a strong desire to spend the session massaging her feet. It's just that, when I do happen to make contact with her feet, I'd rather be touching a person rather than a thick mass of cotton.

Lucas_

@MissX , I just found another reason to visit SoCal😉

MissX

@Lucas_ Happy to do my part to help the tourism/travel industry

geoff1000

@SanFranResident
You said, "I'd like the cuddle community to shift towards shorts and a t-shirt being considered standard cuddle clothing." That sounds like you want an expectation, a requirement, a rule.

If you have a preference for your cuddle partner's clothing, you can discuss that with them. I by contrast, would like any potential cuddle partner I reach out to, to feel there is no expectation or "standard" they will have to meet. The male : non-pro female ratio is already far too high, and men are generally unsuccessful at finding a non-pro female. My feeling is that any expectation / standard / mandate for exposed skin, will only make that worse. Let us not look our gift horses in the mouth.

I also don't want to feel I must wear only shorts and a t-shirt ; when I am with a pro, who is helping me with my body dysmorphic disorder and touch issues. A person with a phobia of spiders or snakes, might like to work on that by first touching them wearing thick canvas gloves.

Perhaps there could be a standard, that pro-cuddlers must state on their profile what their normal cuddling attire is. Clients who want shorts and a t-shirt, can pick those who so advertise.

@geoff1000 "That sounds like you want an expectation, a requirement, a rule."

It certainly wasn't intended to be about a rule, but I suppose I can see how it could be a little bit ambiguous. But in any case, after I followed up and said that I wasn't suggesting there be a site rule... it seems like at that point it would be completely clear that, indeed, I wasn't proposing a site rule.

ElleCuddleMi

@SanFranResident great topic! I typically wear more firm fitting clothing because It is more comfortable for me when I'm changing possessions while cuddling then I don't have to worry about if my clothing as shifting. Not just that but like @Sheena123 said they like to try and feel you up in a way and it just makes that less likely if he have a little bit more form fitting clothing. I typically wear shorts and a tank top so that should be sufficient and comfortable for the both of us. I take clothing requests but it must be in compliance with the rules!

As many of us know, sessions are to be fully clothed and undergarments alone are unacceptable. However, the minimum clothing required is otherwise undefined.

At this time, the recommended minimum is a t-shirt and shorts (knee length). Other clothing types below this minimum would be considered on a case-by-case basis. Clothing carrying non-platonic connotations is prohibited.

If I'm getting messages from prospective cuddlers for lingerie and even nude sessions...I know most ladies on her are too here and there. The times I've worn shorts is because the temperature has been really hot, now I only wear them with repeat trusted clients, one too many times I've had to physically take their wandering hands off or away from my off limits areas.

If it's truly such a concern for you, then I suggest you ask them right off the bat what the cuddler likes to wear, then move on if not what you're looking for.

I think you've gotten your answer 😉

geoff1000

@ElleCuddleMi
@SoulcuddlerZ
@JazzyJ325
Thanks for your input. 👍

quixotic_life

Of all the clothing changes I went through... I feel like the tank top and light shorts were the most comfy and allowed for the most skin to skin contact. That said, I was with someone who I felt fully comfortable with and had already been cuddling with them for hours before I changed.

For sure building rapport goes a long way in the level of comfort and the ability to just let yourself go and be in the moment ~ And honestly for me, that right there is most important to the overall cuddle experience (rather than what either of us is or isn't wearing). Of course skin to skin is really really nice, but being tangled up with someone you trust and can lose yourself with is even better (IMO).

Note: Had I been with someone that I didn't know well enough yet, my choice of attire would have been items with far less easier access to bare skin, for sure.

Also, this was written by a non-pro "enthusiast" female.

Assumptions...

My guess is that pros need to take more precautions because there are just too many dudes out there who are fine with pushing boundaries and crossing lines.

So I'd recommend building rapport with them as well (they are people after all) ~ and sharing any clothing preferences you have and your reasoning for why.

Maybe even ask if they'd be willing to bring those items along to change into one they know you're not a handsy creeper...?

Like I said, I'm not a pro - so maybe for some the topic of clothing choice isn't up for discussion.

But having an open conversation rather than a base expectation seems like a good why to go towards getting what you'd like from a cuddle partner (pro or otherwise) and if nothing else will help weed out those that aren't a match whatever the reason(s).