What are your thoughts about the term Virtual Cuddles?

DonLonG

I have been seeing a few comments in the forum regarding the general disdain of the term "Virtual Cuddles" since there is no physical contact. This is a new era, and a chance to coin a new term for the service offered by Pro's that have Video Discussions for the people who are suffering from Sensual Touch Deprivation.

This is not a discussion to debate if giving VD is helpful to alleviate the symptoms of STDs, there are already threads about that. VD is a thing, and this pandemic is making it spread all over. It's not going away, so we might as well have a better name for it. What creative ideas can you come up with that might become an industry defining standard?

MissAdventurous

Damn it @DonLonG . 😂😂

I just laughed into my coffee and its everywhere now. 💓💓 I'm looking forward to the responses.

geoff1000

I'm happy with the term, if only for the want of anything better.

hugonehugall

I’ve had VD a few times with a couple different cuddlers. And I’m sure I will again when I get the itch. As of right now I can’t come up with a better term.

Sideon

Just say no to VD and STDs, in all their incarnations! Thanks for the chuckle, @DonLonG !

Where to connect?

There are a ton of ways people can connect online, whether PC or mobile or tablet: Google Hangouts, Skype, Join.Me, GoToMeeting, Freeconferencecall.com, Blab, Teams, Zoom, Facetime, Messenger, Discord, etc.

What to call these connections?

Virtual Connection aka VC
Zooma-Zoom-Zoom (for the Zoom fans)
Cuddle Connection (cf Kermit's Rainbow Connection)
Team Up (for the Teams fans, though this will generate 10K threads on boners)
Team Me Up (more Teams, plus Star Trek reference, plus 10K boner threads)
Mind Meld (more Star Trek)
Cuddle Hangout (for the Google fans)

Starting a list of what NOT to call these virtual connections:

My Face or Yours (for the Facetime fans)

pmvines

@Sideon I am sure there will be threads asking what if I get a virtual boner

geoff1000

@pmvines
Good question ; I'd recommend you just keep hold of it for now.

BeyondCuddles

hahahahaha this gave me such a laugh!!

I call my sessions Beyond Cuddles, because they are so much more than just the physical intimacy you get in a face-to-face cuddle. While we can't give and receive touch, we can cultivate emotional connection, mental stimulation and a deeper form of platonic intimacy than sometimes a cuddle will allow.

I can see how Video Discussions could be a term used, but I don't resonate with it, because discussions are analytical whereas cuddles are sensory, feeling experiences. In my Beyond Cuddles sessions, we go into that feeling place and get out of the mind.

I would LOVE to hear other ideas on new terms!

geoff1000

How about, "The activity formerly known as virtual cuddling". It worked for Prince.

geoff1000

How about Cyber Cuddling ? As in cyber-bullying, which equally has an emotional effect without the usual physical contact ; though that term always evokes for me an image of silver robots attacking Dr Who.

quixotic_life

Online Connection Session

rob241

@geoff1000 @pmvines @DonLonG
Guys don't joke about this. This is serious, and only:

geoff1000

@rob241
This is a dog with night-vision goggles. Really 😊

geoff1000

First paragraph of the article :

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-54146614
.

Mike403

@geoff1000 - Virtual concert tickets are being sold. I can look up almost any concert on YouTube and it would be free. Are these virtual shows offering something that I'm missing?

geoff1000

@Mike403
One element is that many other people are watching exactly the same show at the same time, and I guess the new shows won't immediately be on YouTube, unless someone videos their TV . . .

I'm told that the best way to recreate a true live outdoor concert experience, is to stand outside one's toilet, in a bucket of mud.

timmy2018

Its stupid but then again probably would get closer to having a cuddle experience than I do right now

pmvines

My take is this and it by no means is meant to be disparaging to others , you do you and what makes you happy. I dont really know what would distinguish somebody saying they are virtually coddling from just chatting in the phone or Skype or what have you. There are some people on here who I speak with offsite, whether talk about cuddling or other topics , and sometimes while lying in bed , falling asleep, etc but I have never considered that to be cuddling really

As a descriptor for an activity between two persons, it's entirely nonsensical.

Virtual concerts provide a means of listening to live music. Virtual debates provide a means of listening to people discuss a specific topic. In both cases, the core of the experience is still there.

Cuddling is a physical activity. It necessitates contact between two or more individuals. A video chat doesn't provide physical contact, it provides companionship—and there's nothing wrong with that.

The term is a hollow one. It's only real function is to appeal to those who are in need of companionship and who have an interest in cuddling. It's a kind of marketing ploy. Some have the stomach for that sort of thing. Whatever works for them.

Well, we all know a cuddle is a physical thing. You can't actually cuddle someone without touching them any more than you can actually read a book without looking at it!

Then again.

The main point of looking at a book and decoding the marks (i.e., reading it) is to get the written words into your head, right? If that's the core of reading, maybe you can say you've read a book when, in fact, you had it read to you. It's not the same thing, of course! But it might—possibly—be close enough. (Unless you're talking to somebody like me, 'cause I'd be awfully confused if you said you'd read a book without ever opening it.)

In the same way, if the main point of a cuddle (the core of the experience) is to feel accepted and cared for and get a nice friendly flow of oxytocin going... well, maybe you can cuddle without touching. It's obviously not cuddling in the normative sense, though: so different phrasing does seem to be called for.

Given that this is the cuddle community, it makes sense that it'd be called "virtual cuddling."

Seems good enough to me.

geoff1000

@DarrenWalker
Well put.

Torture and bullying historically required physical contact ; but the essence of the activity is to affect the victim's mind, to make the victim believe that the physical act is a realistic and imminent likelihood, in order to trigger the same psychological response that the physical act does. Technology has led to the terms "mental torture" and "cyber-bullying", for "remote" acts which victims find just as effective as the physical ones. Our bodies are just the sensory mats and end-effectors of our minds.

I bet that some people who say the emotional effect of "remote cuddling" doesn't exist, have never tried it. Others just can't manage the "suspension of disbelief" and psychological investment which are needed to enjoy it, as is required to properly enjoy a novel or movie. Others still just oppose the term on principle ; like only sparkling wine made in the Champagne region of France, can be legally described by that term. "Lab-grown" diamonds are indistinguishable from natural ones, but have that adjective for those who want to only buy natural ones. Most big "fossils" on display, are plaster casts of the original excavated rocks, but we don't care.

I think we all agree that physical cuddling requires more than the physical act, so it excludes some other situations of being squashed with people ; and excludes acts such as medical examinations and physiotherapy. Removing that element, makes it no longer cuddling.

Some of us have experienced a cuddling session where the other person was so emotionally disconnected, that the experience was negative ; that the other person "phoned it in", perhaps also spoiling the feeling of other sessions, by suggesting that they were and will be "fake".

Some of those non- and bad sessions, can be "promoted" to cuddling, by mental effort. The young woman squashed next to me on a bus, can ( with a little imagination ) become a cuddle partner ; while I choose to not make the same effort, when my fellow passenger is male. Some of us can substitute an inanimate object for a real person, and get the same effect ; just as Catholics believe that the Holy Communion bread and wine, become ( rather than as non-Catholic Christians believe, merely represent ) the body and blood of Christ.

Our bodies can't know that the physical sensations they report during cuddling, are being caused by an emotionally-engaged human being who fits our ideal profile choice ; our mind has to do that, and so it can also fool itself. We might imagine we are together in a nice location, instead of a small room in an urban apartment ; or imagine it is just one hour of an overnight session or long holiday, rather than a brief interlude in the middle of a busy working week. Imagination really is the key. If we can mentally transport ourselves to that nicer location, it is relatively easy to mentally transport our cuddle partner into our room.

@geoff1000: Thanks.

Your post reminds me of a time I was especially crammed into a train car in Japan—you're right, I didn't think of it as a cuddle, even though I was definitely in intimate physical contact with the people around me. Despite that, though, I did find it soothing. Physical contact and deep pressure in a nonsexual situation... it was nice. And yet I wouldn't call it an actual cuddle. Hmm.

I think that, for me, a cuddle proper has to have 1) physical contact, 2) the label "cuddle" applied by all (or at least most) of the people involved, and 3) a pleasant oxytocin-inducing effect. Otherwise I don't think of it as a cuddle in the normal sense.

Ooh, I know.

I'd say 1+2+3 is a normal cuddle.
2+3 is a virtual cuddle.
1+3 is a devious cuddle.
And 1+2 is a disappointing cuddle.

---

Edit:
I don't know about the emotional stuff. What my cuddle buddy gets up to in the privacy of their own feelings isn't something that's ever really affected my experience of a cuddle, unless they start doing stuff I can see and feel.

pmvines

I agree with the fact that you are indeed getting a connection with someone but it is not necessarily cjddling . Maybe amore pointed term is virtual companion. I think people who call it virtual cuddling realize it is not cuddling, but for lack of a better term ,that is what it is referred to .

Destiny01

I believe it’s called cuddling just to keep it reference to the business expect of it. This is a cuddling business at the end of the day.... and in a world where texting is the biggest form of communication.... it is still necessary to connect through having actual verbal conversations and the visual just enhances the moment.... you never met anyone who stimulated your mind? It’s a beautiful feeling.... but not all can do it for everyone....because there is no physical contact, you have to have the best fit to reach your soul without touch

geoff1000

In former times, people managed to convey thoughts and emotions by written words ; without the sight of their face, or even the sound of their voice, and with a communication time lag of days. Maybe that's a skill we've lost.

Mike403

@geoff1000 - Nobody is claiming that there isn't an emotional benefit to a virtual session. It just isn't called cuddling because the definition of a cuddle is physically touching someone. The same way that you can't virtually eat a steak, but can look at a picture of one and think about it.

Mike403

Which reminds me... the Great American Beer Festival in Colorado is selling tickets to a virtual session due to COVID-19. How the heck do you virtually drink beer?

geoff1000

@Mike403
In "The Matrix" one of the characters enjoys the experience of eating a steak, even though he knows it isn't real.

People ( and certainly Pavlov's dogs ), salivate at the thought of eating, even if that isn't imminently likely ; and "looking at a picture of a steak" might prompt that response, or not.

Some people don't like the idea of pro-cuddling, even if the physical and emotional connection is temporarily there ; because they think cuddling must intrinsically be free. Maybe "virtual cuddling", with a pro, especially one whom one has never met, and is never likely to meet, loses one too many of the "key factors" of cuddling ; whereas a similar session with an established amateur cuddle-buddy, or even romantic partner, would be adequate.

Studies have shown that a person's pain threshold increases, when holding the hand of a "significant other" ; compared to a stranger's hand or a rubber ball. It is also increased when looking at a photo of that person, or even just thinking about them. However, I suspect it needs strong concentration, for them to remain in the forefront of the person's mind ; and physical contact with them, just makes it easier.

@Mike403: Well, from what I can tell the main point of the beer festival is getting a bunch of people who like beer together to nerd out about it. The "drinking beer" part is kind of a given when beer nerds get together—but people who like beer probably have plenty of beer they can drink while sitting at a computer anyway, and then I guess they're also thinking about doing remote beer deliveries for the special stuff. Looks like there's also going to be a beer-judging attendees can watch online.

"Virtual cuddle" is like "jumbo shrimp" or a giant named Tiny. Just an oxymoron. A cuddle is, in my opinion, at it's very core, a physical connection. Anything virtual is, essentially, an abstination of anything physical. To me, they can't co-exist.

geoff1000

How about the equally ridiculous :
Pocket battleship ( e.g. Graf Spee )
A handful of galaxies
A handful of ideas

So many terms we use, really don't make sense, but usefully impart the meaning anyway.

The sun doesn't rise in the morning, the horizon of the rotating Earth dips down to expose it. I don't consciously "grow a moustache", I selectively shave the hairs around it. Companies don't "make money", the banknote factory does that.

A young man was being grilled by his prospective father-in-law, "I understand you want my daughter's hand in marriage".
"Actually Sir, I was hoping for her whole body."