I've been looking at karma comments lately, and a phrase that comes up every so often is that someone is a real gem, a rare find, one of a kind or similar.
What kind of cuddler would you describe as a "gem"?
I find respect of boundaries number one. One that can solely focus on the amazing aspects of a platonic cuddle without thinking sexually and trying to get something sexual out of it.
Great question! Good communication, emotional presence, right mix of strong and gentle, and the X factor (thing that cannot be described).
Someone who is willing to guide and experiment. I am fairly new to cuddling so having someone who is confident and comfortable to make suggestions and maybe later even inbox and give tips or ways to practice at home or maybe suggest videos of different cuddle positions.
I have been called a “gem” and “unicorn” before. What the woman was referring to are a man they feel safe, respected and connected with in terms or cuddling. Sadly many women have told me horror stories of disrespectful men and greatly appreciate the positive energy felt from me.
When they come presenting gifts of tanzanite
For me, I think it's the trust factor and when I can feel that the person is enjoying the cuddle as much as I am. I feel when both can doze off together, I feel a great comfort in that and an inner peace that is hard to describe. When both are so much at ease and at a great comfortable level like a bonding of one's soul & body into one !!!!. And knowing that both are on the same thought path, or wave link as some would say. I have cuddled with Pro's and non Pro's from this site and other people I have met else where. I have cuddled with more Pro's then non Pro's and I have found very few pro's appear to really enjoy the time together, you can feel they are there with you in body, but not in there heart & soul. Maybe some will think, OH, he's getting in to deep. I think NOT, but I'm still new this, so I'm very open to comments. I have had the clock watchers and that is not a good feeling. I feel for the cuddle to work, it can not be a one sided meeting. I think it is great to meet up first, like for coffee, ice cream-etc. and talk and get to know the person first and go over boundaries and today you need to talk about how you are staying safe with this virus mess that we are all in.
@waynewv Very true and well said!!!
I think if you look up "gem" in the dictionary it says:
Definition of gem 1a: JEWEL b: a precious or sometimes semiprecious stone cut and polished for ornament 2a: something prized especially for great beauty or perfection b: a highly prized or well-beloved person c: @FishCuddles
For me, sweetness, sincerity, sense of humor, ability to ask for and to respond to needs in a relaxed way (Can you move your head? My arm's asleep. How about we try this? Would this be okay with you?).
I also occasionally like to pretend I'm a professional wrestler, like Hulk Hogan, and fake that I'm going to fall on someone with a body slam and then stop just short of it in a plank. So a gem would be someone who thinks that's funny.
And all the usual yay-this-guy-gets-women stuff about respect, boundaries, and ability to easily and relaxedly engage in platonic snuggling.
@littermate Awe!❤️Much love! I am all of that and cuddle wrestling is the best! I can’t wait to meet and cuddle you one day! 🤗Thank you!
Likewise.
Here's a pic of my last cuddle date.
Lately I think a gem would be someone who would take the time to respond to a message. Even if would be to say "No thanks"
A gem, huh? Hmm.
Well, I'm not a fan of cuddling with people who're hard to the touch and maybe have some sharper edges (though I say it who shouldn't, being a skinny bag of shrink-wrapped bones) so perhaps a literal gem's not the way to go.
More seriously, I tend to treat basic stuff like "respect for boundaries" and "not being deliberately insulting" and "willingness to accept correction and/or suggestions" as, you know, basic stuff. So a cuddler who's got that has, congratulations, achieved baseline Not Horrible status! With the fundamental groundwork for Just Being A Normal Cuddler established, then, I'd say a gem would be... hmm....
...Somebody who likes reading, can debate things not only without getting upset but also while really having fun, and not only fixes snacks now and then but cleans up after themselves so well you'd never know they'd touched the kitchen if you hadn't seen it.
A fondness for The Addams Family is only a piece of extra polish.
@creedhands, slightly off-topic:
I have a definite memory of reading a thread on this site in which multiple cuddlers—women mostly, I think—explained that when their answer to a cuddle request is "no, thanks" they've learned to keep that to themselves and just stay quiet, because more often than not a "no, thank you" is met with an endless avalanche of "WHYYYYYY????!?!?" But it's been too long, and I can't find the thread. Dangit.
@DarrenWalker I remember that thread as well. I feel that at least a "no thanks" means someone actually read my message, and the response turns it into a conversation, however abbreviated it may be. I have been on enough social media sites to be able to take the curt negative responses without offense, though I understand I may be in the minority in that way.
Someone who exceeds expections, whatever they are. If I lived in a country covered with diamonds, I'd just call them "stones".
@geoff1000: Regarding expectations—I think some things are always valuable. Like respect for boundaries, or air.
Personally I really hate being in places where there's no air. It's super uncomfortable. But I wouldn't call a room with air in an especially good room. It's just, you know... what all rooms ought to be, baseline. In order to not actively harm people. And even if most rooms have no air in them, I still think having air in a room just makes it a basic Room Humans Can Be In. Kind of like respect for boundaries just makes someone a basic Person People Can Cuddle With.
That's me, though.
@DarrenWalker In commerce, "givens" are called "hygiene factors", like a customer in a cafe expects the chef to have washed their hands.
Agreed that someone can't be a "gem" , by simply not doing bad stuff ; unless that is so endemic, that the one law-abiding citizen deserves "citizen of the year" award.
Looking some more at karma comments, I think the word "gem" is mostly used to mean someone with a combination of positive qualities and no real negatives, as well as being very rare or unique (the reviewer has hardly/never met anyone like that before).
Some of the qualities mentioned in karma for female professionals are: beauty, intelligence, sense of humor, being extremely caring / loving, positive energy / outlook on life, being engaged / present, connecting on a deep level and being concerned for the other person's comfort.
Since I'm fond of statistics: looking at the active female professionals who have any karma, about 1 in 6 are described as a gem, unique, one of a kind etc.
And fairly often: "there's no one else on CC like her", which seems unlikely considering the number of gems! But I understand where they're coming from.
Examples of "gem" karma comments:
@cuddlesfordays1 "Just when i had lost faith in people, i meet this gem, who re assures me that life is truly beautiful. I go in feeling sad, miserable and alone, but the moment i saw her smile it was like all that went away. For the brief hour i had booked her, i felt like the most important person in the world. "
@daniwalker "she shared her vast wisdom with me in an amazing cuddle session. And in addition to interjecting with her deep intellect, she shared her richly compassionate and empathetic heart in listening to and weighing in on my stories. I felt deeply seen, heard, and splendidly uplifted afterwards. Indeed she was just so easy to talk to. She is a true gem"
@MissAdventurous "gem of a lady. No one else on this site compares to how genuine and kind hearted she is" + "She's extremely communicative, understanding, intelligent, and so easy to talk to. I was pleasantly surprised on many fronts and highly recommend this gem"
@Scarxlett "She has a great sense of humor, conversation was easy, and her touch and cuddles are second to none. Don't miss your chance to cuddle with this gem"
What has me so intrigued about this thread is whether or not it is a trendy word or if it is a word that we have used sparingly in the past because it has been more difficult to find good people. Hence.... a gem. Something rare. A diamond among the riff-raff. Mr. Respectful asks us "what kind of cuddler would you describe as a gem?"
@littermate I WOULD think that was funny AF!!!!! hahahhahaha
@DarrenWalker with infinite wisdom speaks truth in a baseline... Making them NOT HORRIBLE!!! 😂🤣😁 Debating and discussing and Addams Family-ing without getting bent out of shape with differences of opinion..... Yes THIS!!!
More seriously, I tend to treat basic stuff like "respect for boundaries" and "not being deliberately insulting" and "willingness to accept correction and/or suggestions" as, you know, basic stuff. Kind of like respect for boundaries just makes someone a basic Person People Can Cuddle With.
I can agree with the premise that a REASONABLE HUMAN is a basic trait that we are all hopeful to find. Basic human decency and kindness is not the thing that makes someone a "gem" but there is a little extra and there are not many people I run across that have the added bonuses that make them what a consider a "gem" of a human. I think it varies person to person, but when I find a human (male or female) who has a desire to connect in an authentic way, a hope for all that is in their highest and best interests, a person who believes we as part of humankind has intrinsic value, and also someone who can truly accept another exactly where they are. (Not what they DO for for another in achieving goals but just for who they are, whatever that looks like.) Those kind of people are my tribe. Within THAT tribe there are a few that just seem to be exemplary as HUMANS..... but @respectful asks what makes a gem of a cuddler and I suppose that would be slightly different.
I think it would be someone who looks for balance in the snuggle.... giving and receiving. Someone who is willing to communicate a LOT, specifically about hopes and desires with the cuddle before, during and after. I appreciate a cuddler who takes a minute to actually engage with me instead of just "hey.... wanna cuddle?" If they have a decent amount of experience being open to new connections as opposed to being extremely hesitant or fearful it makes for a snuggle that can a beautiful exchange of energy. Not everyone is open to accept people's differences and that sometimes makes it a more uncomfortable for both people involved.
Because Mr. Respectful is so amazing with the stats, I did a little bit of that myself. I had to double check his Karma to be certain of my accurate representation but I think based on these traits he would FAR AND AWAY be considered a GEM of a cuddler. In order of the number of times mentioned, (this is JUST from Karma... Not even all the FORUM posts! He is known to be... Gentle Comfortable Lovely Generous Safe Considerate He is Warm A Beautiful Soul Amazing Peaceful A huge contributor He puts people at ease and loves to give back. He is interesting, perfect, trustworthy, ideal and perfectly wonderful!!
@littermate says @FishCuddles is the picture in her dictionary but after looking at a few STATISTICS I say Mr. @respectful is in mine. So many people HIGHY RECCOMEND!!! We have NOT cuddled as of this writing but I am absolutely CERTAIN that I will connect with this GEM of a human.... In his world or in mine..... THIS WILL HAPPEN!
(Maybe this will be a @littermate @respectful @sillysassy @FishCuddles kind of sandwich..... I think that would be a serious cuddle sandwich!!!! A monte carlo? A club? A stacker???? HELP ME OUUUUUUUUUUT!!!)
@sillysassy maybe we should move to something that stacks, like pancakes.
Oooooooooooohhhhhhhhh pancakes..... it makes me think about the poor person on the BOTTOM!!!!! 😂🤣😂🤣😁
Sandwiches can be on their sides.... hmmmmmm with so many different FLAVORS!!!!!
WAIT A MINUTE!!!! I DON'T SEE ANY BACON!!!!!!! That's IT!!! A GEM of a cuddler brings bacon.
More precious metals!!!!!!
Yes. Just yes.
@sillysassy That's so kind of you. Thank you! Looking forward to when we can finally cuddle too.
Since you mentioned statistics: 1 in 6 of the recently active 632 female professionals here are described as either a gem, one of a kind or unique. You can find them on this list with a gem symbol 💎 after their names.
As for non-professionals ... I'm sure @happybear and @pmvines qualify as gems, since they have very positive karma too. Karma is fun to read!
@sillysassy ~ I think you're a gem! 💎💠
Also ~ I've been wanting a good crushing, so if that base layer position is still open, I'm down to fill it!
[and I'll bring bacon! 🥓😜]
Many of aforementioned individuals I can attest to being amazing gems 😀😀 @happybear @sillysassy
And others that we will eventually get to cuddle up 😀😀 you know who you are. 😊😊
@quixotic_life Oh to be crushed! One of my favorite things about my Bay Area cuddling pal - we were both into being crushed. Though I was worse at it than he because I was quite a bit smaller. Nevertheless, I called on my professional wrestling skills and did my best.
Lol ~ @littermate I'm so jealous! 🤼♂️💓🤗 = Fun!
May you be good and crushed before too long @quixotic_life.