Responses to inappropriate cuddling requests

geoff1000geoff1000
in General

How do you like your eggs in the morning ?
Unfertilized.

I'd like you to wear lingerie. What would you like me to wear ?
Cement overshoes.

I'll die if I don't see you tonight.
OK, I'll be round in the morning with some flowers and a condolence card for your family.

Can I stay with you for the rest of my life ?
Sure, let me get my gun.

I've got a nine-inch love sausage, where can I put it that will make you happy ?
In this food blender.

Where would you like to cuddle ?
Anywhere that you aren't.

Can we do "Netflix and chill" ?
OK, I'll watch a movie, and you can stand outside my window.

Can you answer this math question, "You plus Me equals" ?
No, but I know "Six times three-fifty-seven equals nine-one-one".

Do you want a drink before we cuddle ?
Just a glass of water please, to wash down these cyanide pills.

You're mine for the night. What do you call yourself ?
Unlucky.

I'll be at home all night.
So will I.

I'd like a threesome, do you have any friends as clever and pretty as you ?
No. Do you have any friends as stupid and ugly as you ?

I've had cosmetic surgery, what do you think ?
You have a very good case for compensation.

I don't get much sex, can you help me ?
Sure, I'll call 911, and ask the judge to find you a nice cell-mate.

Comments

  • AceCuddlerMikeAceCuddlerMike

    @geoff1000 You're violent

  • SuperManCuddlesSuperManCuddles

    @geoff1000 I can’t get enough of your creative humor.

  • geoff1000geoff1000

    @AceCuddlerMike
    I blame Hollywood movies. 😀

  • AceCuddlerMikeAceCuddlerMike

    @geoff1000 I think you are a Liverpool fan

  • geoff1000geoff1000

    Can I have your phone number ?
    Sure, it's 1-800-EAT-S**T.

    I hope you're the kind of girl my mother warned me about.
    I think you're the kind of guy my karate instructor warned me about.

    Can you host ?
    No, I only have a one-bedroom apartment, and it isn't big enough for your ego.

    Do you agree that I'm God's gift to women ?
    Only as an organ donor.

  • pmvinespmvines

    I have got a major foot fungus and would love for you to see if you can peel it off with your teeth

  • cuddlerforu24cuddlerforu24
    edited October 2020

    How about we cuddle just like Adam and Eve are illustrated in various works of art ?

    Sure ! I’ll wear the fig leaves and you can wear the poison ivy !

  • UKGuyUKGuy
    edited October 2020

    I once put my hand on a woman's knee, she didn't complain. Then I moved my hand about one inch, she then said "be careful".

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