@blue54 I’m sorry you misconstrued so I’m deleting it. I dont mean anything negative and want to avoid any such thing. I’m sorry if you felt it was negative - individuality is paramount.
@HUGGGGGG no, I don’t have to accept that my primary partner is being intimate with somebody else. We all have our preferences. I’m not interested in somehow making feelings of jealousy beautiful. Jealousy and rejection are two of the most powerful negative emotions we experience as human beings. I’m actually disgusted that you would even suggest that.
@Blue54 there is no way to avoid insecurity and rejection period. You can only communicate and set boundaries. Those boundaries are different for every person. Some people don't care how much you talk to someone or how deep of an emotional connection you make so long as it never become physical. Some people don't really care how physical you are with others so long as you are not going to them for your emotional needs. And everyone has a different level of comfort with touch. Some friend groups hug and touch all the time. Others seem like they were social distancing before the pandemic. (In general U.S. culture is touch averse). If your SO goes to the store you may feel a ting of loneliness but, not much (hopefully) because you know it necessary and you know they're coming back. The same can apply to anything else. In the end, the boundaries are solely the responsibility of the couple to set. Dishonestly with themselves or their partner is the cause of damaged relationships not being to open in certain aspects. Remember people cuddle with their mother or their children, it isn't that much of a stretch to do so with a friend.
@lonelybutmaybe You’re absolutely correct. We cannot avoid negative emotions. But why would I place myself in front of a truck steam rolling towards filled with jealousy that will pierce my heart? And everyone is different. I’m only expressing my desires. With all this being said I am still single On this cuddle website and am looking for a singular cuddle partner. I know that it will be difficult for me to find someone because I have a lot of boundaries, as you’d like to call them.
And you are right. Every child has been held by a parent or a parent figure. And even going a step further we have probably all cuddled a pet or a loved one when the time was right. We are not talking about familial touching and cuddling at this point. We are talking about the intimacy between a man and a woman. It is platonic cuddling until it isn’t. This is different.
@Blue54 oh, I am certainly not saying that you have to allow your partner to do so. I am just saying that for many, cuddling is just not a big deal. The biggest boundary I have seen from you is the one from your other thread: less than 15miles. Many people on this site will only cuddle single people, that is why it's listed as an option. I just want to provide perspective.
For me personally, it's a who cares thing. However, I say as long as the person has the ok (without basically forcing it upon them) from their SO it's moral and ethical. That's just me though.
@lonelybutmaybe you are right. I do not want to travel far for a cuddle or have someone need to travel far to get to me. I would rather set my radius to 2 miles. I want someone right here in town that it only takes me five minutes to get to. Honestly, I’m just looking for an affectionate friend that lives close by. But I’m sure that everyone else here is looking for the same thing. Happy hunting
Iam personally not going to go into a situation where im being kept on the down low , thats just as bad as cheating imo, if they hideing absolutely not. Id only consider it for marriages that are non tradditional, communication and honesty is important to me and sneaking around just is not that. Not my cup of tea.
Oh no, closeness is like at the bottom of my list. I consider 30 mins nothing (takes about that long to get to Sam's Club) and less than hour the jackpot. I have definitely driven 3hrs before. I just want someone to cuddle. I have a car for a reason.
Edi: But I am glad that you see my view. good luck to you as well.
I heard from a professional cuddler that its very normal to get feelings for your cuddle therapist because they are entering to a intimate space and endorphins, its just generally the rule of thumb is to not act on it when and if you guys are exchanging money cuase they not sex workers and if i did pro cuddling i definitely would do non paid cuddles as well for my personal cuase i am not into wanting to get paid for my sex.
If a spouse knows about it and is okay with it, then I don't think there's a problem. I think there are situations where it's okay - for instance, if a spouse knows they don't provide much physical affection and are okay with their spouse cuddling other people.
I typically see a marriage as a monogamous relationship, and if I were married, I'm used to the idea that part of the commitment of marriage is for the spouses to be there for each other to provide emotional support. And of course, one should still be able to have emotional support from friends & family - though I think cuddling can create an emotional connection that is different than just hanging out with someone, as it creates feelings of caring and happiness.
I think communication is important, and it should be agreed upon that platonic cuddling stay platonic, and any feelings should be discussed. If I was married and my spouse was a cuddler, I'd probably mainly just want to cuddle with my spouse, and I'd feel weird cuddling with other people. I tend to think one of the reasons for being married is to be in a committed partnership to support each other, so it would feel weird to me to think of cuddling with other people while married. I also wouldn't want to cuddle with someone who is going behind their spouse's back and cuddling without their spouse knowing at all.
Some people like being in poly relationships though - and for such people, I think communication is key, and if all parties know and are okay with it, then there should be no problem. I'd just think it's still important to communicate about any feelings that might arise.
I think of it like this....
As professionals, we’re offering a “service”. Wives don’t get mad if their husbands go get a massage from a professional masseuse (at least I wouldn’t think so?)...,and they’re naked for Peet’s sake!
So- same thing. At least that’s how I view it
@Envie & @mikki1200 exactly and I consider or feel this is more like therapy than anything else. I get that similar sensation of relaxation & bliss from a great massage as I do from cuddling, but they're obviously different things.
I'm quite happy to cuddle with married and partnered clients, as my services are not romantic, sexual or erotic in nature. That said, I can see how it could be more of an issue for enthusiasts, unless the married person is openly practicing ethical non-monogamy.
In my experience it depends on the people. I live-work-travel-relate in a kind of micro-culture where platonic cuddling is just seen as that - platonic cuddling. Friends do it, all manner of gender combos do it, and it's not seen as a sexual thing or a competitive thing, nor a polyamorous thing. This is more in the setting of a group though than hey, come over and let's cuddle, though I had a cuddle buddy at a workplace where we'd spend the lunch hour snuggling in one of our cars and we both had partners and they knew about it.
I think most all the men I've been with would have been two thumbs up to me cuddling. I think sometimes I might have had feelings back then if they were cuddling with someone that was particularly attractive and loving it, and perhaps they had feelings now and then too, but I tend to be friends and lovers with people who are like "hey, you do you and I'll feel my feelings."
I think it's easy to think that our group is the norm, but seriously, there are so many kinds of people and we can only speak for ourselves and the people we've known. My daughter's generation is doing all kinds of wild stuff in this department, at least in the circles she's in.
I wouldn't dare to say what anyone else should do. That would be arrogant. However, I tend to feel fine cuddling a married person, especially when their partner knows about their cuddling. I have mixed feelings about cuddling someone whose partner doesn't know about it, but I'd do it. I don't so much feel like I'm violating anything because I'm so platonic and I know people are human. It can be super hard to leave a relationship, super hard to risk talking about it with a partner, and there are so many reasons people stay married when all their needs aren't being met. I've been there. Sometimes a snuggly friend can be the catalyst that helps you leave a relationship, and sometimes they can be a catalyst that helps you decide to stay because all that's missing is the snuggling. Some people have anxiety that's helped with cuddling, and their partner has an illness that keeps them from providing it, but they love each other and elsewise, it works.
The older I get, the more mercy I have for all the flavors of us. We're all just trying to find a way to feel good being human here on this funky spinning ball of dirt.
If I have a connection with someone who happens to be married that's on them, to deal with whatever repercussions may come, should we choose to snuggle with each other. The reasons he may not tell her are so varied and who am I to judge anyway?
I just know, I'd much rather cuddle with someone who's being honest with me about their situation, rather than lying (like someone saying their spouse is okay with it when they aren't/don't even know, or that they're single when they aren't, etc.) ~ If you're lying to someone about something that shouldn't impact their life either way, then you probably have bigger issues to sort than just keeping your cuddling from your spouse.
And I'm good with mine...
I told my person, who generally doesn't care what I do, because I didn't want to have to reside in a home where I'd be trying to harbor secrets, go around being all sneaky, or full-on lying about things (no thanks)! And on the plus side, telling him gave me a mostly unimpeded/liberated green-light to follow my bliss, and helped set the stage for us having [occasional] conversations to work together on what's going to be a lengthy separation process too.
So yay for honesty, getting needs met and some healthy adulting too!
@TouchSanctuary and @quixotic_life
We all want the people we cuddle with to be honest with us... but if they aren’t being honest with their other relationships... 😏 @quixotic_life And I do want to offer you this. I do appreciate you and the honesty you give forth in this forum. I like your style is what I’m trying to say. We may not always see things the same way, but I’m so grateful you are here. We need more women to use this place. I believe it will encourage men to behave better. If we can give them our honest feedback, instead of what they want to hear from a professional cuddler, maybe we can inspire better interaction between the sexes.
@Blue54 Right - If they aren't being honest with their other relationships, then we are enabling them if we look past this behavior.
I'm not saying it's exactly like cheating, but I think the cheater and the person they are cheating with are equally immoral if the the person they are cheating with has full knowledge of the situation (I get that some people lie).
@sunnysideup i can appreciate that perspective.
Thanks @quixotic_life. You said what was dancing just out of sight... the lying thing.
I thought that lying was the foundation of cheating
@Blue54 Yup. And deception would be the false doors inside.