Cuddling while being married

What are your thoughts on cuddling with people who are married?

Or how do you feel about cuddling while being married?

What happens if strong chemistry and a desire for a relationship arises with someone you are platonically cuddling while one or both parties is married?

Well I’m in this boat but I strictly don’t want anything more than the cuddle. Which is the only thing lacking in my marriage otherwise I’m very happy. In my case it was my wife’s idea that I seek something out because she knew how important it is to me and she’s 100% not into it. It took me a while to actually go for it & now I couldn’t be happier. I just wish I could find one regular rather than meeting with several people. Cuddling in itself is a connection & there’s no going around that. That’s the danger right, but if you’re doing this for the right reasons I think there’s nothing to worry about. As long as everyone is being honest with each other.

@arghdaddy will you tell me what the “right reasons” for cuddling mean to you.

CuddleDuncan

A professional cuddler once told me about a client of hers who is a married man. (She was completely discrete, there was no confidentiality breach.) His wife knows and approves. In fact, it has become abundantly clear that the wife is desperate to have a cuddle session with the professional, although she wasn't quite yet at the point of actually saying so. The professional was very comfortable with this and looking forward to having a session with the wife, with a view to doing herself out of a job eventually by re-introducing the couple to cuddling each other.

There are a number of people on this forum who are married and who cuddle, each with their own reasons. Some of the professionals I have cuddled with are in long term relationships.

The risk of over-attachment is a serious one in cuddling. I have had conversations with a number of cuddlers about whether that was happening (or likely to happen) to one or both of us, and what we should do about it. As usual, communication is the way.

Personally, I would be perfectly happy to cuddle somebody who was married providing the spouse knew. I'm not willing to participate in secrets.

ElleCuddleMi

I have several wonderful clients who are married. They all do this for their own reasons but typically it's because their wives are not very affectionate or there some issue with their hormones that they don't feel the necessary need for affection.
I personally don't see it a problem because there's nothing wrong in what we are doing it is a form of therapy and stress relief. I am not married so I don't know what it's like to be a cuddler and cuddling with someone other than your significant other.
I am so proud of what I do and I am so glad that I can make others less stressed in more comfortable and possibly help with the depression. Everyone's relationship is so different so it's great when they recognise they need some affection so they come to a professional or enthusiast cuddler with no strings and no illegal activity. Sometimes they go back feeling so much better and with a clearer mind.
Everyone needs affection 🤗🤗

Mike403

@Blue54 - I've never been married so I'm probably just talking out of my behind, but I believe there shouldn't be an issue if their spouse knows about it and is okay with it. If somebody is trying to be secretive about it, it may be a problem IMO.

I mean, if you’re doing the cuddling with either something else in mind or expecting more out of it. You’re either lying to yourself or your just trying to be sneaky. I personally just need the touch, the comfort and that’s all I’m looking for. I actually was a regular with a pro & she more and more seemed to be getting extremely more comfortable. Many times it seemed like I was the therapist. She’d go way beyond our agreed time and then she honestly said she was developing feelings. We both agreed we would no longer meet or contact each other.

sunnysideup

So you did start it! Okay, I'll try to be articulate here.

There are scenarios where I think it's okay for someone married to cuddle other people. These include, but are not limited to:
-the married person is unable to leave due to financial reasons, but is actively working on improving their financial status so as to become independent

-the married person has been abused to the point of losing their sense of identity (in this case call the police or refer them to a professional therapist, but it might be fine to have a cuddle friend but the cuddle friend is not equipped to fix their life, or if the police did nothing to help which sometimes happens)

-the married person's partner gives them consent to cuddle others (maybe their spouse is not a cuddly person, but they are, but other than that they get along great so it makes sense for them to stay together)

-the married person's partner has suffered a debilitating illness or accident which they may not recover from

When you marry someone, you acknowledge that you are there for them, through the good times AND the bad. If that no longer become true, it should be ended. I believe that contributes most to the long term happiness of both people as they can find someone that will truly appreciate them for them.

Personally, if I were married, and assuming my hypothetical wife were heterosexual, I would not give consent to my fictional wife to cuddle other men simply because the likelihood of developing non platonic feelings increases dramatically while cuddling. Married people that are cuddling without the permission of their spouses are likely aware of this and are doing it anyway, which is not nice at all.

It's obviously different than a sexual relationship, but there are parallels. If you google open relationships, there are quite a lot of horror stories of things going wrong - not saying that they can't work, but I have no desire for one, let alone invite the risk of ruining my relationship for one.

@ElleCuddleMi you stated that “there is nothing wrong with what we are doing” in regards to cuddling married people. I would argue that each individual, relationship, and culture has a variety of opinions as to the appropriateness of cuddling a married person, that is not your spouse. But I’m absolutely interested in how each individual feels on the topic.

When I was married my husband would not permit me to receive a massage from a male massage therapist. There are just a broad range of viewpoints.

@ElleCuddleMi , love it, exactly! I had no idea this world existed and since being exposed to it I can’t begin to describe how much I’ve benefited from it. Just that extraordinary sense of feeling is amazing!

ElleCuddleMi

I suppose I should have elaborated when I said there is nothing wrong with what we do. I meant that in the fact that we are not providing a sexual act. I truly believe that what we do is a therapy and should be treated as such.I treasure every one of my clients and respect their boundaries their anonymity.
@arghdaddy I completely understand about you wanting just one Cuddler to have some type of connection with and I know it's also scary to have that connection that it doesn't go any further or you don't feel like it should go further. The professional cuddler has that responsibility to make sure it doesn't.
Best of luck!

HUGGGGGG

What are your thoughts on cuddling with people who are married?
thought: no harm

Or how do you feel about cuddling while being married?
Feeling: why not! emotional respect and responsibility towards yourself, your partner, and platonic cuddle partners is essential. Balance is difficult, if you don’t have the capacity to keep this emotional balance then don’t.

What happens if strong chemistry and a desire for a relationship arises with someone you are platonically cuddling while one or both parties is married?
Perhaps:
stop cuddling ASAP. Give it ample time and space after telling your cuddle partner and chalk out a plan (without commitment). If you truly have found a new person in your life please please please do not cheat - it is horrible to say the least. Even if it hurts tell the truth to your partner - go through a divorce. Give yourself time again: then approach your cuddle partner not as a cuddler...

Where all the above is relative ... one thing is not, but is still subjective, one must try not to hurt another persons soul.

LyleLuvsHuggles

I have zero issues with cuddling married people so long as it's KNOWN AND ACCEPTED by their spouse. My own ex wife while a very passionate woman. She just had almost no interest in cuddling.
Even hugs were brief affairs occasionally we would hold hands while walking. She just wasn't at all touchy really lol.
(on very rare occasions she would feel cuddle-ish maybe 10 11 times in 20 years) she was fine with my having cuddle buddies so long as it all remained platonic. My ex sister in law and I had a lovely cuddleship for about a year till she moved out of state for her fiancee's job.

I HAVE had cuddle buddies say they were starting to have feelings but if either of us had an S.O. that connection in all but one case sadly had to be terminated. In the one exception once it was made clear that was not an option we took a break from cuddling for a while but resumed platonically until she met her now husband. (still in contact with a few of them but we no longer cuddle time flows life moves on) thus far I have been lucky enough to not have fallen for my cuddle buddies, but I'm great at compartmentalizing the hell out of my life lol.

@HUGGGGGG how do we not hurt someone else’s soul while sharing cuddling with multiple people?

HUGGGGGG

@Blue54 there are many examples on this site where married couples cuddle and do not hurt their partners by doing so ... there are a myriad of situations where it is the best solution even... have I answered your question? Perhaps DM...

TheFunCartel

This is one of those things that it depends on each individual person. If you do not feel comfortable because it is something you can’t get over, then don’t do it. If you don’t care a person is married that is cool too. The only ones that bother me are the posts where someone says here are the times that x is okay.... What they are really saying is “here are the times I approve of it” which again isn’t necessarily what you think. No one is the paragon of your morality, only you are.

I personally am opposed to this type cuddling with anyone other than your spouse. No exceptions. We all serve our own interests.

LyleLuvsHuggles

Morality doesn't really enter into it for me I just dislike the drama storms that come with certain things, awkward convos with upset spouses are never fun, and in the case of men have a tendency to get physical, though its actually a worse scenario for me as a guy if a female S.O. decides to get violent as even defending myself via restraining their hands can and in one case DID lead to a charge (thankfully dismissed, let's hear it for audio pick ups in your security system)
Needless to say I'm far pickier than I once was in long term cuddle buddies. One offs or travel meets I'm less concerned with as there's a much smaller chance for such things to arise (hasn't happened yet in fact thankfully)

TheFunCartel

@Blue54 And that is fine. No one is going to judge you unless you have too many unpaid traffic tickets.

@FunCartel wait, how many is too many?

TheFunCartel

@Blue54 Well in my experience when I was in college it’s around 12. I am proud to say none were while I was under the influence, just under the influence of having my head up my butt. I did drive up on the sidewalk once when I saw a girl I liked on campus and a tree hit me. Yes, the tree was stumped that I blamed it on it.

@Blue54
I am not in favor of married people cuddling other people either. But I do believe that is a decision to be made by the married people.

Rocket_Man

Everyone will have their own feelings about this. Personally I would rather not, just to avoid any possible issues and it would feel weird to me anyway hence ruining the whole point of cuddling. I tend to be a hypersensitive person when it comes to other peoples feelings.

Rezz

Many of my clients are married.

I don't judge why they come to me. It's not my place. I'm not the morality police.

Some use cuddling to pacify their addiction to strippers. They just want attention and to feel cared about, not all married men are using cuddling in hopes of finding a mistress.

I'd prefer my partner use a platonic service like cuddling over getting handjobs in an alley or wasting money on a strippers attention. 🤷‍♀️

dontremember

I'm technically still married, but she walked out on me and is living over 1300 miles away. I don't feel obliged to let her know I'm cuddling anyone. I mean, it's not like I could get a cuddle from her instead...

Muffintop_1

Something I am struggling with right now...I am a married man that does not want to cheat...however, my wife is sick and unable to show much affection at this time. I have not pulled the trigger on any sessions yet because I know I will feel horrible if I did. I do hope I work up the strength to at least meet someone in public. Great question!

@envie if I were a professional cuddler, I also would not worry one way or the other if my cuddle client was married. I would only expect cleanliness, respect, promptness, and payment.

Because I am seeking connection, chemistry, and affection... I see things differently.

pmvines

I hear people all the time say well it is just cuddling so why would it matter and why should a SO have an issue etc. Ok so imagine you are married . Your spouse comes home.and says hey sorry I'm late . I was in a hotel with a person I just met online in sleep clothes, petting and holding them with the lights out. And I might have paid them to do that, as well as the hotel and their travel fees ( or nor if they aren't a pro cuddler ). I hope that's ok I mean we weren't having sex or anything....
And I dont say any of this to judge. I have had plenty of platonic as well as non platonic interactions with folks otherwise involved with somebody. Hell my last somewhat serious relationship was with a married woman who happened to live with her husband and his girlfriend but then again I am not always prone to being in typical relationships. But I def can see how the omission of something like cuddling others can ruin a relationship.

@HUGGGGGG I would argue that even in the most open, secure, needs met relationships, cuddling someone other than our main squeeze can cause jealousy and hurt pop up. I think these are normal human reactions. I don’t know any way to avoid them. On every podcast or book I have read about any form of polyamory, to the level of basic friendship with someone other than your primary significant other, there are issues of insecurity and feelings of rejection at times. I don’t Believe that we can avoid this fully as human beings if we choose to be intimate and be intimate I mean cuddling another human being than our spouse.

@Envie ... so exactly where are these allies? I want to make sure to stay away from them. 😁 j/k.... but I do like your honest answer. 🤗

CuddleDuncan

@Muffintop_1 when I was in a long term relationship the question for me was always one of trust. My partner used to go clubbing with the girls occasionally, and would come home at 4am full of stories about bumping and grinding with handsome young men on a dance floor. It was never a problem because we were talking about it.

In your case the dilemma is, do you take the risk of talking to your wife first (if that's possible), or do you take the risk of cuddling anyway and feeling horrible/her finding out later?