Return on Investment?

MonkeyNeedsAHug

When I first joined the site, I believed I might find a regular cuddle partner, here. This is the main piece missing from an otherwise respectable self-care regime. CoVid aside, I don’t think this site is getting me closer to finding such a person. I think the time I’ve spent here is actually undermining my chances. It’s like The Mirror of Erised. So I’m going to stop. Good luck!

xelda

Wishing you all the best @HoldenCaulfield!

While I don't have much hope that I will find my ideal cuddle buddies here on this site, I do feel that I've gotten a lot out of being here. I've found a community of people who believe in the same thing that I've yearned for but didn't know existed. I've learned a lot about platonic cuddling, the language with which to express what I'm looking for (and what I'm not looking for), and the confidence to talk about it with people in my natural circle of connections. Already I have found one other like-minded person in my circle of acquaintances who I'd try cuddling with if it weren't for COVID. They've also let me know about a local group of people who regularly get together for group cuddles and I have an invitation to those once COVID is no longer a restricting influence.

I'll probably also spend less time here once I'm able to foster local connections. In the meantime, I'll keep having great conversations, connecting with people for virtual cuddles, and reading through the immense library of knowledge. For me, that seems to be a more realistic expectation than "sign up and get a cuddle buddy today!" ideology.

seanmfcallahan

Ya same here. I’ve been here for over 3 years, but have NEVER been able to meet a female enthusiast. It’s no problem for me to book any pro, but what’s kept me around for so long is the prospect and hope that one day and with enough karmas to make myself seem trustworthy I’d finally meet an enthusiast. And it’s funny because I was talking about this exact same shit like 4 or 5 months ago. What’s also funny? CC advertises themselves saying right there on the signup page, it’s “completely free”, but so far I’ve done nothing but pay to cuddle. And they’ll also try to silence you if you speak out against them but it’s ok because karma is finally catching up to them. More and more people including good people I knew of that were part of this community are leaving everyday, both men and women because CC only cares about the business side (money they make off pros) and not enough about the actual community. Now all that’s left really is a bunch of goobers that live in these forums. It’s sad what CC has devolved into more and more everyday but it serves them right. They should’ve done more to bring in more female enthusiasts. I called it a few months ago. Like I said, it’s not that I enjoy watching CC go down in flames, but they had it coming 🤷‍♂️

Mark

@seanmfcallahan Please can you provide just one piece of evidence to backup any of those stark claims. It's a rhetorical question - there isn't any.

The irony about your 'silenced' comment is that your account only exists because one of the moderators wanted to give you a second chance. You have at least three previous accounts that have been banned. Yes, we were aware of them.

So feel free to troll a little longer before that moderator spots the lack of reformation.

pmvines

@seanmfcallahan CC doesnt have to do more to bring in more non pro women . There are plenty who join . The reason many of them do not stay is because of the way many men behave towards them and a feeling of a lack of respect, lack of safety , lack of empathy , and lack of understanding of their needs. That's not on the site management. That's on us as men .

LyleLuvsHuggles

I dunno if you don't know how to behave around/treat others with common courtesy and basic respect can you truly be called a man or a woman for that matter?
I'd say it's on the jerks for being jerks and not on any one gender as a whole.
That's just my opinion though.

hugonehugall

@seanmfcallahan I’m bewildered as to why no one would want to meet with you 🙄🙄

seanmfcallahan

@Mark you sound pretty desperate to defend a failing platform. Like I said, the evidence is out there, way more people leaving than joining. And “three previous accounts”? How would you know anything about me? I’ve only ever had one account that I deleted a few months back. Came back recently just to see how things have been going here. And “feel free to troll”? Please. I’m not one to get cute with. All I’ve done is speak my mind on something.

@pmvines the pro women sure don’t have a problem staying despite all those reasons listed 🤷‍♂️

seanmfcallahan

@hugonehugall i could give two shits less what you or anybody else’s negative opinion of me is. You don’t know me and your opinion doesn’t pay my bills. I have a great enough life outside of this website and plenty of people love me.

LyleLuvsHuggles

I've been here less than a month and am setting up my first non pro meeting, have paid zero dollars to anyone and talked with several lovely people. Sorry but if your having that hard a time getting people to talk to you, the problem is probably you not the site.

seanmfcallahan

Making a lot of assumptions here. I never said I had a hard time getting anybody to talk to me. And “setting up your first non pro meeting”? Good for you and good luck actually crossing that bridge I guess 🤷‍♂️

Sheena123

@seanmfcallahan I see more join as opposed to leaving but to each his own for opinions on the site. I don’t understand why you would want to come back to see how everything is going when you clearly dislike this site a lot. Mark and the moderators (that aren’t getting paid) work their butts off to keep this place as safe as inviting as they can.

There is always room for improvement but as others have said, it’s not their fault that there aren’t a lot of female enthusiasts. They definitely get a lot of messages and have to deal with guys treating them like a piece of meat, so of course they’re going to leave. I’m a pro and I stay because gross piggish dudes are just one small part of my job. It’s easier for us to talk amongst other pros and get a feel for certain guys that message us. Easier to see if they are going to push boundaries. So it’s easier to be safe and avoid the pigs. Enthusiast women rarely ask others for opinions on guys, but I also know that some of them receive so many messages that they can’t keep up anyway. They just read message after message of gross guys, and they aren’t even getting paid. They want to be treated nicely and have attention, while with pros we’re prepared to have a session giving the cuddler 100% of the attention. The female enthusiasts leave because they don’t get that attention they wanted. Nothing to do with the site and Mark.

TheFunCartel

@seanmfcallahan Of course it’s not you that you fail repeatedly. I don’t understand your lack of success based off your warm reception of everyone responding to your posts.

LyleLuvsHuggles

Uh huh well if you're talking to plenty of enthusiasts and none of them wanted to meet you, I feel my point stands. That's not on the site.

hillbilly

Getting back to the OP, @HoldenCaulfield it's a shame to see you go. You were a much more reasonable voice in these forums and will be missed-

hugonehugall

Well .... my bad ladies & gentlemen 🤷🏾‍♂️🤷🏾‍♂️

@HoldenCaulfield I guess your account is deactivated, but maybe you'll still read this: Don't use this site to find enthusiasts. Just don't; it's definitely not worth it. Use it to find pros.

@NightShift39

Sorry but if your having that hard a time getting people to talk to you, the problem is probably you not the site.

No. Almost every man has trouble getting women to talk to them here.

@pmvines

There are plenty who join . The reason many of them do not stay is because of the way many men behave towards them and a feeling of a lack of respect, lack of safety , lack of empathy , and lack of understanding of their needs.

I'm curious whether you have any data at all to back up this assertion. This is a common assertion on the forum and as far as I can tell it's just made up out of thin air. I strongly doubt it's true, but who knows? We can see the numbers of men and women on the site near a given location using the search function, but I'd be really interested to see data we don't have access to - such as how many men and women join the site each week as non-pros.

pmvines

@CuddleMeLater not concrete data just based on conversations with folks who have either left , in process of leaving, or have thought about leaving but are still here . And not just non pros but pros as well have have expressed this as a large contributing factor for leaving.

OhioMike

I think that guys who have success meeting people kinda keep it to themselves. They don’t want to look like they are boasting. I don’t think I have ever seen a thread from a guy that starts by “hey look at me ! I can’t even keep up with all these women who want me to cuddle”. Lol

xelda

The site provides a platform for the cuddle community. It's not their responsibility to provide the cuddle buddies for you. You just can't commodify human beings like that. You can't come here and expect to order a cuddle buddy like you would a pizza. We all get a say in who we want to cuddle with, when, where and how.

What the site can do, and I think does pretty well, is give us the platform and tools for free! It's up to us to use the tools effectively and adjust our expectations accordingly.

It's just not possible to "click and collect" to get the kind of relationship you want with another human being. It always surprises me that people actually believe that that's even possible. And it's concerning to me when people get mad and blame "the site" or "the women" when they aren't getting what they want.

pmvines

@OhioMike I tried that once. It only added to the numbers of people who dislike me

cuddles_ndream

What @xelda said ^!

OhioMike

@pmvines it would be interesting to have a dislike contest. I’d be a close second maybe even first 😂. I will defer to you though. You have seniority! 😆

Here's what I've deduced are the keys to being successful on this site as a man meeting female non-pros:

1. be mostly sane, be willing and able to communicate reasonably well, don't be too pushy in opening messages, take an interest in people;
2. invest a ton of time into the site generally, in messaging people and optionally in being active on the forum;
3. be prepared to invest a lot of time into a given relationship before meeting up, where "a lot of time" may mean multiple months;
4. message people all over the country and be willing to travel to them;
5. don't be choosy in cuddle partners at all.

Item 1 should go without saying, although apparently it doesn't. As far as items 2-5 though... I think they're pretty much show-stoppers for me, and maybe for a lot of men.

@xelda

It's just not possible to "click and collect" to get the kind of relationship you want with another human being

I don't think that's what anyone is asking for or expecting. But I could at least imagine, hypothetically, this experience on a cuddle site:

I join the site. There are a few hundred profiles each of men and women in my area. I regularly send messages to women's whose profiles appeal to me, and I regularly receive messages from women too. Most messages receive replies. I don't click with everyone, but on a pretty regular basis I find someone I get along with, and we meet and cuddle. Before long I've found one or several regular cuddle buddies with whom I've got a great connection.

But the reality is more like this:

I join the site. There are many hundreds more men than women in my area. I regularly send messages to women whose profiles appeal to me, but they never ever reply under any circumstances. The end.

I don't think bemoaning the second scenario is asking for a "click and collect" approach, whatever that means.

OhioMike

@CuddleMeLater : pretty good observation. I could add that numbers 2 , 3, and 4 are even more challenging if the guy is married or in a relationship. All that time it seems to me if you are going to stay married or in a relationship should be with your SO. Just my opinion every relationship is different. I know we have dozens of threads on people in relationship cuddling others

Mike403

Why people need to troll is beyond me. If this site doesn't suit you, the internet is a big place. Find another site that'll suit your needs. I've never cuddled with a non-pro, but still enjoy participating in the forums.

cuddlerforu24

I don’t quite agree that the main reason women join and quickly leave the site because of , the lack of empathy , too many messages , etc . Sure , perhaps a few . I would think the main reason is they join , look around , oh this is a website with rules I can’t even kiss the guy , then delete it or just abandon their profile . As far as the more men vs women , for a given area there are simply more men looking for platonic cuddling then women looking for platonic cuddling

Moderator commentary: kissing is against the TOS and not included within platonic behaviors. Accounts here are made expressly with this understanding when they agree to sign up and access this site.[-Sid]

pmvines

@CuddleMeLater you have stated multiple times in other posts that you don't see a reason to bother. That's your prerogative. But if you dont want to do anything that might help increase your chances on this site , then why bother spending so much time and energy on why it doesn't work and why you shouldn't bother? You have post after post from women giving insight into what would make them more likely to connect with men on here as well as from men who have a decent amount of success connecting with women but you keep going back to your same points and dont seem open to hearing anything different? @xelda , for example, gives solid advice from the perspective of a non pro wonsn , but instead if really hearing her and taking it to heart you tell her how incorrect she is ? Nobody on this site will have success meeting and connecting with folks if they are not open to challenging their own behaviors and open to changing their approach to things .

pmvines

The reason so many women go AWOL is because they aren't looking for platonic cuddles so they are put off by the TOS about not being a hook up.or dating site? Really ? That's a new one 🙄

@pmvines I’m here because I like to cuddle and want to talk about my perspective, as I assume everyone else is.

I’ve received multiple messages from men telling me that they appreciate my posts. They say that before they read my point of view they thought something was wrong with them, that they were completely unlikeable, and couldn’t understand why no matter what they did women wouldn’t talk to them. My posts helped them understand how the deck is stacked against them on this site.

I’ve also received a few messages from women saying they appreciate my contribution to the forum.

I think advice that consists of telling men to send non-idiotic opening messages and having a decent profile is perfectly reasonable but will not make a substantial difference for most men.

I think for many men trying to implement that advice will just lead to more grief.

I think realistically talking about the dynamics between men and women on this site is better than trying to pretend.