Establishing acceptable behaviors on CC

docgatorb

Since CC is a microcosm of the larger world, it provides an opportunity to observe human behaviors. From reading various posts and profiles, it would seem to me that this community is well represented by individuals who might be marginalized by the larger world or by local communities. As such, it might provide an opportunity for members to find others who they can identify with when they can't find these people locally. Likewise, it can open the eyes of those who belong to homogeneous groups who have never interacted with members of marginalized groups.

All of this is well and good and makes me wonder if we are establishing expected behaviors. To give an example, there have many posts about the behavior of not responding to a direct message. Although this is a common behavior on dating sites, this behavior has been picked out as a rude behavior in the forum discussions on CC. Now the question that I ask is whether this discussion has had an impact on behavior. I don't have enough personal experience to answer this as I don't really keep track of who I send messages to and wait for responses, when I get a response it's a pleasant surprise. I would say that responses are more common on CC than on OKC, but I have no numbers to support this. I have noticed that a number of new member profiles state that the members respond to messages, which means to me that new members read the forums and agree that this is a more appropriate behavior. So, in posting this, I don't want to reopen the general discussion of how everyone feels if they are ignored, please use the existing thread of comments. The question that I pose is whether you see a code of behavior developing. Have you changed in your own behavior of how you react to other members? Have you observed changes in other members? Do you feel less ignored?

docgatorb

And just what are the forums for?
I have followed CC for several years now, listening to people whine that they are desperately looking for cuddles in their area when a simple search reveals dozens of people in their area and all they have to do is contact people directly. And now you are telling me that I don't know what the forums are for. You'll have to better and propose something instead of just criticizing someone's contribution.

Crispin

First off I like Gaters thoughtful topics.  He does this role well and I can either participate or not.
As to the further development of behavior, I don't think any women are softened by the bleating or blaming.
Have you heard a single woman say, " I will start being more responsive to messages now that I've read these posts.
Sometimes I picture a turtle pulling its head into its shell while someone wags his finger or screams at it to come out.

lo @ Crispin; nice analogy! My analogy is more like this: a screaming, whining dwarf battering at the walls of the castle of the princess as she sits in her sunlit loft brushing here hair and thinking of all of the amazing men she knows.

Better the Doc Gator show than the whining contingent.

@DocGator, the answer is NO. I have always tried to respond to emails, even emails that definitely had a creepy feel about them if only to acknowledge and put a stop to them . Certainly the opinions of some others has not changed my behavior, and if I decided NOT to respond to someone,  these forums certainly would not change that.

bluestripes

Honestly, I don't think the goal of the "whining" post is to change anybody's behavior... I see the desire to speak of hurt feelings, I see some trolling, but would anybody honestly believe that you could shame women on that site into liking you? That would be too naive... then again, some people are very naive.

SsnnuugglleeCub, I see no harm done. Sometimes we are on the forum every day for a little bit, sometimes we are away and come back with many things to say at once. All is good; the time stamp on the first post doesn't matter as much since any topic can resurface at any moment later. And, the topics are nourishing to the community, so I'm all for them.

docgatorb

Although I used the word 'whining' with a negative connotation, whining is a legitimate expression.of feelings. In communications, one of the basic principals is to express things as how they effect you rather than to express things as a judgement of others. For example, one could say that they feel rejected when someone doesn't respond to their message or they could say all women are insensitive and should learn some proper manners. The first statement leads me to think about the behavior and it's potential impact and the second statement just annoys me. So, the manner in which the whining is done can make a difference in how people react.

There have been some very open, self-searching statements that could be considered 'whining' on the forums that have opened my eyes as to how and why people could feel the way that they do. I have also seen put-downs and criticisms of other that only remind of how far the human race has to go. I ws simply trying to get a feel of how the community is responding to all of these discussions.

Also note, that sometimes I make statements just to provoke conversations when things have been quiet for several days like they had been before my last set of comments. Please realize that the amount of activity that members show on a web site also effects how relevant a site is considered by a search engine such as Google. So, if people want more people to find and possibly join this website, keep it active. Or, alternatively, let it die. Making forum contributions is one way to boost a site that is having trouble getting started. Putting some thought into your contributions is better, but note that many ranting blogs also do well.

docgatorb

Bye-bye, again.

Bruin

"Yeah, I don't agree with your compulsion to become the forum's unsolicited custodian (which signals an 'entitlememt' and 'control' issue for me), so I'm out."

= Don't do what he says, do what I say?