Respect is earned not given....

Muffin314

Good Morning Fellow Cuddlers!

I have a question. I’ve been a cuddler for over a year now and I’ve run into the issue of some cuddlers feeling “entitled”. Hence “entitled” that all of their needs, the way they want to cuddle should be only considered. Now I’m not a full time cuddler, nor am I a professional. This is considered mutually gaining for me. So the way I set it up is only on weekends. As my schedule is busy Monday through Friday.

But more times I can count that I have come across a “rude” cuddler. I’m sorry to say this, but has anyone else experienced this? When requesting a “cuddle” whether professional or not. I feel that there should be respect. Remember still, that that person is still indeed a stranger and DO NOT have to open their home or share their free time with you. Maybe it is me. But that is what I’ve come across lately. Please comment if you understand, this is not to be taken as rude, or harsh in anyway.

-Wishing you all the warm cuddles your heart desire.

Muffin314

When I mention mutually gaining, please understand that this is a emotional connection for me. Cuddling helps me center and unwind from what ever is clouding my train of thoughts. 😊

Needinghugs

Stick to your gut feelings. You are right it’s your rules and your house.

MrPaul

I have not personally experienced any rude cuddlers in person. However, based on the posts I have read on the forum, what you say is very true. I recommend spending time setting rules and expectations prior to meeting a person. The good news is that there are truly wonderful and kind cuddle partners in this community too.

AveryK84

Communication is key and boundaries are necessary in all areas of life. Based on what I’m learning about myself and others, I encourage you to talk freely and fully about your boundaries and expectations.

Establish mutual understanding before any attempts at mutually gained benefits because at the end of the day, what’s understood doesn’t/shouldn’t have to be explained.

Don’t accept violations of your trust, boundaries, well being, etc. You can’t always weed out the disrespectful / rude ones but you can make sure they don’t have an opportunity to try you again. Best of wishes.

sunnysideup

Make your wants and needs clear. The other party should do the same. If they refuse to acknowledge those boundaries, cut them out, end of story.

_marC

I apologize you have had this experience. I hope you are able to meet cuddlers that are patient with your schedule 🥲

Muffin314

Thank you all for the responses! I truly appreciate it 🥰🥰

TheFunCartel

@Muffin314 Your inquiry is not rude at all. I do have a suggestion though. You are saying that a few of your cuddlers are feeling entitled as to how the cuddle goes, yet in your profile you state that the way in which your cuddle goes is “your (the person you cuddle) choice.” Perhaps remove the choice phrase or add to it like “your choice as long as both of our needs are considered.” Just my two cents.

Mike403

I agree with everyone. It's better to be alone than to be with somebody who doesn't respect you as a person. Somebody who gets irritated if you set a certain boundary is a huge red flag.

Muffin314

Thank you @FunCartel I will definitely change that!

Muffin314

@Mike403 Exactly! I feel that this is a mutual thing to consider. We all are going through something! That’s why we are on cuddle comfort, to unwind, relax and help each other!

waynewv

As I'm still kind of new to this all, I can see it happening. The very 1st. cuddle I had was with a Pro, and she wanted to meet out at a public place and in todays world I can understand that. So we met at a local ice cream shop and chatted a while and she felt good about meeting at a later date for a cuddle. I think doing that is a very good idea. The 1st. none Pro lady I met wanted to also meet in public, so we met for breakfast and all went very well and after a long breakfast she agreed to cuddle with me. She later told me that she observed my manners and even how I placed my order and the way I talked to our waiter, as a male I would have never even thought to do that, but I can fully understand her, if I acted like a jerk to my waiter, then how would I act toward her. I will add that we did connect up thru one of the posts about being new to the site and we chatted a lot before we met. For a female I think it would be very wise to meet 1st. out in public.
Be safe and like others have said, go by your gut feelings !!!!

AlexysDanyelle

I definitely understand where you're coming from. Most of my experiences have been pretty good however I did have one who approached me and went on this rant in my inbox because I did not respond to him fast enough for his liking. What he said even gave me vibes of him thinking this is a dating site... So I politely wished him well on his journey, stopped responding to him, and then I got blocked 😂
Anyone who cannot respect whatever the boundaries are that you have set are not worthy of your time. If a person cannot be a decent human being FIRST, that is definitely not someone I want in my personal space. Well wishes to them on their journey as I continue with those who vibe well with me 🤗

Muffin314

@waynewv thank you for that! That so true, how you treat others is a good way for observing someone. I was basing my experience on a text conversation. But yes, gut feeling was telling me that this person was not on the same page as I. Thank you for that input

Muffin314

@AlexysDanyelle thank you for that! That’s exactly what happened in my experience!! The response timing as well as just what that person expected! That’s what rubbed me the wrong way completely. Even though I’m not a professional they still felt the need to tell me that “I must to cuddle with them” in so many words. That truly threw the entire vibe for cuddling off with me. Thank you for your comment!!

Mike403

@Muffin314 - Guys who are that pushy in messages will likely push other boundaries. You want to stay clear of them and not even acknowledge their existence. Block them if they are persistent in their messaging. The internet is like the wild west and you'll get all kinds of people messaging you. You are in no way obligated to meet anyone you are not comfortable with. Go with your gut feeling.

Muffin314

@Mike403 exactly! Once I feel that way I kindly thank them for considering me and decline. I just don’t trust those that act in that manner.

quixotic_life

I've experienced that in a few messages, but only once IRL were my boundaries totally agreed to, then chucked to the side as he'd decided that his wants superceded my limits. Lesson learned ~ To always trust my instincts!

Other than that, I've been fortunate in my being patient and picky working out for me. The men who I'd already had warm, squishy, positive vibes about, through our messaging and phone calls, have each been perfectly respectful while we were together and made our encounters as much about me, as I did about them. Win:Win and Lesson reinforced ~ To always trust my instincts!! 🤗

Muffin314

Thank you @quixotic_life I’m so happy that I’m not the only one who has experienced such during our cuddle quest. I’m definitely trusting my first instinct as you and so many others have mentioned!

TheMidnightOwl

@Muffin314
Yeeeeeeeesssssssssss. I am so tired of this behavior that I’m about ready to limit my cuddle partners to only women.

Muffin314

@TheMidnightOwl that doesn’t sound too bad!! Some of the men on this site are true sweethearts. While some of them you have to remind them that this isn’t a dating site. 😅

Importance

@ all the ladies here!!!! I am so thankful to be hearing your voices. I am so grateful that you were speaking out. I’m so happy to hear your perspective. Keep going to my friends. Keep letting these guys know how we feel. Each time we speak up it will help expand these ideas. Thank you all again.

JasonCuddles

I am sorry you guys have issues like that I have had experiences with pushy people as well. Not in person (thankfully), but through messages.

Muffin314

@JasonCuddles its the same. Once it happens in the messages. The cuddle session is canceled. Sad we have to be this way but it brings up the awareness that some people just need to understand you can’t bully someone into cuddling with you. The bad personalities ruin the entire experience. 😅 @Importance exactly! I’m glad that I can discuss this with others and see how they handled it. I seriously was ready to quit it all together! Lol thank goodness I did not, knowing that I’m not alone with these experiences.

Mike403

@Muffin314 - They think if they get angry or pushy, it would make you want to cuddle them. A lot of men are one step from Neanderthals. Some of these men needs a therapist instead of a cuddle partner.

Importance

@Muffin314 We should be friends!. I sent way too many messages on this website and I am not allowed to send out any more messages today. I have that little red warning at the top saying that I have to wait 24 hours. I will try to remember to send you a message soon.

Mike403

@Importance - The website thinks you're spammer. That's the reason for the limit.

Muffin314

@Mike403 I think we need a topic on seeking therapists!!! That was sooo true!
@Importance got it! I’m definitely adding you when It allows!

CuddleDuncan

Some of these men needs a therapist instead of a cuddle partner.

Well yes, but some of them need a cattle prod up the jacksie.

@Muffin314 as you have probably gathered this is a serious and widespread problem in the cuddling world. This website is pretty good about banning accounts that do things like this, and we are working on some ideas about how to make things better in the GREEN PAPER and WHITE PAPER threads.

Mike403

@CuddleDuncan - Agreed for boundary pushers...but I was referring to guys who just get angry when they are rejected. The entitlement mentality is out of control