@CuddleDuncan Discriminate and distinguish are synonyms. I think that the gendered component isn't as strong as it seems. There are other factors at work that make the complaints more common among the women in the forums. (For one forum users are people who have self-selected; they're users who feel strongly enough about something to complain. Most users don't use the forums. None of the people I've met here have) There isn't any type of video that would make it worth the wait.
@CuddleDuncan you also don't need to woo your therapist, with whom you talk about things that you might never speak about to anyone else. Massage therapists can refuse clients and I wonder if you have gotten a massage before. It is certainly very intimate, and my massage therapist was definitely talking to me.
@CuddleDuncan
Personally, I've never had to woo a professional, although some did not reply. In every case, I can now see that the not replying is associated with not logging in.
For the most part I wouldn't say I "woo" pros, but there have been many who didn't reply to me who do in fact log in regularly. I've never been able to figure out whether these pros are "fake pros", in the sense that they never actually take any clients, or whether they're just extraordinarily picky about who they cuddle with, and I didn't pass their bar for whatever reason. There has previously been a lot of discussion on the forum about pros who only cuddle men they find attractive; I don't know how common that is.
In contrast to @BotWithFeelings I do think there is a very strong and clear gendered component to these issues. For instance it seems blindingly obvious that men are much more likely to try to push a cuddle in a sexual direction. While I know from experience that sometimes women do that, I personally do not feel threatened or perturbed by that in the slightest, and I suspect most men would feel the same.
On the other hand, I would agree with @BotWithFeelings that we may be getting a nonrepresentative sample on the forum. If I were to judge by posts on the forum, I would think that women are constantly being bothered by men pushing for sex. But if I judge by cuddlers I've talked to in person, while it's definitely not rare to find men pushing for sex, only a minority of cuddlers find it to be a serious problem.
I agree the constant comparisons to massage therapists makes no sense to me. That is a purely physical thing (and frankly the type of people I prefer for massages would be horrible cuddle mates)
@CuddleDuncan ~ those were as of a few days ago...
@quixotic_life FWIW, those "Cuddle Rules" where you say "This is new" are not in fact new; I'm pretty sure I've gotten them since I first joined CuddleComfort a million years ago.
I absolutely agree that a lot of the initial messaging from CuddleComfort is weird and misleading. It should definitely be changed. That said, I question how much of a difference it would make in practice. Some of the problematic messages and behavior seem so dumb that it seems likely they are resistant to any kind of change in messaging.
I am happy to reveal - in fact I think I've already said it - that I have had dozens if not hundreds of massages, of many different types. It can be quite intimate, and you can strike up quite a close relationship.
I am also actutely aware that my experience with professionals is very good - I have been extremely fortunate. The UK is not the US, and that may be a factor. Also one city (London) is too small a sample to say anything general. I'm well aware that some professionals do need to be 'woo'd'.
It's obviously true that the forum is a non-representative sample. It's not impossible that I have forgotten that once or twice in moments of passion.
The gendered component is a statistical difference. The behaviours themselves can happen in any circumstance. For example, I have heard (not on the forum) distressing stories of men who came under sexual pressure from women and found that intensely disturbing. I agree with you @CuddleMeLater that proportionately more men would be ok with it, but it's not everybody. Also we have to remember that once is too many.
@quixotic_life thank you. I think we should keep an eye on that.
@BotWithFeelings
There isn't any type of video that would make it worth the wait.
That's simply not true. If it was true there would be no such thing as a movie: you watch 30s of the film while waiting for the next bit. In the heyday of TV adverts in the 1980s people were agog for the next installment of various sequences of advertising.
@CuddleDuncan I think you underestimate my hatred of being forced to watch things. There will always be instances of the poor behavior and no amount of videos will stop it. You will however push away well-intentioned users of this site.
@BotWithFeelings what if you make the video?
I would still be annoyed by having to watch it. Also, I can't make a professional quality video.
If and when we get to the stage of making videos - and remember, this is only one idea - then there is more than enough talent on this forum to do it. You get particularly annoyed by annoying videos, and so therefore your help on making it as un-annoying as possible would be particularly valuable.
Good job, Duncan ☝🏻On this post
@ChibiShema thanks mate.
Absolutely not to mandatory videos for this purpose. Video is hostile to people with certain disabilities or who have data-limited internet connections, and it is more expensive to host. And for many people, video is a less effective way of conveying a message than text. (This is one of the main reasons I read the news rather than watching TV news presentations.)
I appreciate the efforts to address a real and serious problem, but mandatory videos would not be an improvement.
Maybe make it so one could read it, listen to a wav file, or watch a video (with captioning)...
And have three quick follow-up q's at the end (with an, 'answer / because', pop-up bubble)...
It is reasonable to expect each person you message to respond to you. T / F? False. All CC site users are beholden only to themselves / may use their discretion with whether or not to reply to anyone who messages them. This is true at all times. If you feel you have been wronged, you may file a complaint/report them.
Touching someone in their 'swim suit area(s)' is okay as long as you do so over their clothing. T / F? False. All "privates" should be covered and touching someone, during a platonic cuddle, in an "off limits" area, is violating another's personal boundaries and is grounds for being reported/banned and may be punishable by law. Communication is key! Know and share your own boundaries and respect those of your partner.
People who violate site rules or community guidlines, may be reported &/or banned (ie: have their account deleted). T / F? True. The rules apply site wide, in private messages, and in cuddle booking requests too. Please be sure to read the CC TOS and Community Guidelines [would be linked] as you will be expected to adhere to them.
Thank you for doing your part to keep yourself, other users, and this community safe.
Those are just the first three that came to mind based on the issues that keep getting brought up... The idea is to keep it easy and informative.
Sure, some people may not read them/will just guess... but it might help to weed some people out too.
@CuddleDuncan ~ Just curious... Have you talked with Mark about any of this or know where he stands in this gathering of feedback/ideas for changes?
Video—no way no how. I send my pic that is it. There are so many reasons that is wrong.
Has anyone here heard of technological disparities? I like the fact that all races and classes can come to CC. You can go to the public library and access the internet. Now you are asking people to make a video. Wow. These ideas are coming from positions of privilege.
@FunCartel ~ Is the proposed video not one for the site? Did I miss a suggestion that one should 'send a video with, or as, their introduction'???
If so ~ I agree!! No thanks to that at all!!! Talk about an opportunity to cross a boundary or two! Pass!!! [shutters!]
Cheers
To summarise the video question, I suggested that the current monthly/occasional platonic reminder popup, posted above by @quixotic_life, should be replaced by a short video. Note that just because I suggest something does not mean I think it should happen: it's just an idea for conversation.
The video may be unskippable; may have a simple quiz at the end which you have to get right; may be one of a short sequence of videos to make it more interesting or amusing and therefore effective; may be more frequent for new or newly-messaging members; would be replaceable with other media by people with special needs; may be replaceable by text for everybody; may be audio rather than audiovisual; and would likely be made by the community to as professional a standard as we can achieve (which would be indistinguisably close to the casual observer).
Everybody dislikes unskippable videos, so objections based solely on that aren't useful. The conversation is about whether the tiny increase in annoyance (a whopping 30 seconds a month) is worth the effort and effect.
(For the avoidance of doubt, there has been no suggestion that individual members should upload videos.)
I have spoken to Mark and he is happy for us kick ideas about like this. Whenever we have something tangible and specific we will put it in the Feedback thread for his consideration.
New thought from me.
Professionals have a slot between their name and 'Send Message' which has a pink Professional tag and their rate. Enthusiasts have a blank space.
Many [predominently female] enthusiasts are sick to death of receiving messages from other cuddlers assuming that they are unresgistered professionals who have not quoted their rate.
Could we replace the empty space with an 'Enthusiast' tag, or perhaps 'Non-professional' or something. In a different colour, with some other way to differentiate it from the professional tag to make it hard to miss. Some of the idiots might be deterred a little.
Fairly easy to implement I would have thought - add it to all profiles except those of professionals, who's tag overwrites it.
@CuddleDuncan: An "enthusiast" tag, huh? Could work. Blue, maybe, to contrast with the pink "pro" tag. I like it. Sounds like something that'd be worth a shot.
The pro tag is a P in a pink box, right? Maybe an E in a blue circle.
Last call for comments and suggestions please everybody, post your comments here!
I'm bumping both of the forum improvements threads in a last call for comments in this round. In a day or two I'll start collating them all and move us on to the next stage. Both threads will remain open obviously, but in the fullness of time they will be superceded by a new one. Thank you to all have contributed.
I'm not exactly sure what the next stage will be, since I haven't done the collating exercise yet, but we are moving towards creating specific proposals that the site management can consider.
An idea from @ElleCuddleMi which has been mentioned before but gave me an idea
Eventually I'd love for the site to offer pros a calendar where we can put where we will be (city) in particular days to find clients in that area vs. Just having two location settings
As a relatively easy-to-code solution, allow professionals more location fields, maybe four or five. Bolt on a standard calendar field or free text field so they can say which dates. Integrate those location fields into the Search function so that they show up in results.
I don't really know anything about coding so if I'm wrong or there is an easier way please comment.
(Remember, this website has limited resources. A suggested change that is difficult to implement is much less likely to happen.)
Once we have something tangible I'll write it up into a white paper.