I think we need self examination and a realization that we are the problem here. This website gets women to sign up. There probably isn’t a need for more marketing.
Sure, there are many empty male profiles here. Even if we post a picture of not ourself and write some fluffy words about how we like to cuddle, our profiles are empty. Until we reveal ourselves as men, women will not stay.
@ChibiShema I do appreciate that you are trying to figure out a solution, but I am not convinced that requiring posted photos would fix the problem here.
There is a thread on here that shows that women register at a much lower rate than men do, so yes, it would help if more women signed up. Posting photos won't fix that problem.
It is also true women tend to leave faster based on the same data. Some of that might be due to men, it is true. Based on the complaints of women in the forums, it is primarily due to creepy messages or bad experiences with men, or just too many options. Posting photos won't fix the bad behavior of others, but it may make some women stay longer if it is easier for them to browse profiles -I'll give you that.
Based on my experience with websites or applications that do require photos, it does not fix the low level of engagement from women, so again it seems like posting photos will not fix this problem either.
The reasons above are why I think having photos posted will not help with the issues described. Additionally, men tend to initiate contact, and I share my photos when I message someone so I don't see why it would ultimately effect anything from this perspective.
Chibi, since you don't have a picture posted or a profile filled it, that makes me believe that you yourself do not think it is worth it to post a photo.
.
@CuddleMeLater do you not see how starting your statement off with the word yawn comes off as a whatever attitude and dismissive?
@pmvines Yeah... I'm extremely dismissive of the idea that men are inherently evil and "part of the problem" just because they are men. That doesn't mean I'm dismissive of the idea that some men behave badly and women have bad experiences with men. You can see that those are two distinct ideas... right?
@ChibiShema people are allowed to not have a pic on their profile people choose not to for various reasons . You dont have one so your statement doesn't make a lot of sense and honestly comes off a little trollish. It is not always for creepy reasons at all and it is not just men who choose to not have profile pics .
To me this is related to what I said on another thread. I think some of you guys see everything in complete black and white.
It seems that in your eyes, anyone who's not saying "Women are perfect goddesses and I deeply and humbly apologize for being a man" must be a chauvinist pig.
In reality, those aren't the only two camps. It's perfectly possible to say "Yes, some men are garbage, and I'll call that out when I see it, but that's not me and I'm not going to pretend like it's my fault."
So then you dont see how it is a whatever attitude and dismissive? Ok then .
@ChibiShema
I disagree with the sentiment that no profile pic= creep. I have maybe had 2 people in my 6 months here decline sending a photo in a message, in which case no session occurred. All those that have, matched their photos upon meeting.
Trying to enforce people to reveal their identity in order to maintain a profile here would just result in people leaving and/or using someone else's to appease the site rules if this was something that came into fruition.
@pmvines
This is what you said previously:
it would be dismissive to have a whatever attitude towards it as so many times on here women have stated there are significant issues with their behavior.
To me that implies that I'm dismissive of the idea that women encounter problems with men's behavior. Which I'm not. But I am dismissive of the idea that I'm responsible for other men's behavior. These are two distinct ideas about which I have two distinct opinions. I don't know how to make this any clearer.
I’m not saying that men are bad and women are good. I’m specifically wanting to change this website. This currently is a marketplace for men to purchase cuddles with women. I would like a lot more female enthusiasts here. That’s all.
@ChibiShema No one is ever going to take seriously someone with no profile picture demanding that everyone must have a profile picture.
Hi @Envie I really appreciate your perspective. And I appreciate that you are a professional here. I would like photos here in order to help female enthusiasts search for men they would like to cuddle. Some women come here for emotional support rather than financial support. There is nothing wrong with either imo. Thank you
@CuddleMeLater you are displaying the classic well I'm not a insert description here so why should I care ? Here is the thing though. You might not think you are a certain type of person. But the women who are experiencing issues with these certain type of people are telling you via their forum posts etc that it is an issue and a barrier when it comes to trust with men on this site . So if you spend less time defending why you dont care because you are one the the good ones , and more time empathizing with the issue and asking yourself if there is anything you can do as a man to either address the problem or being the change you would like to see , then perhaps you would have a better time connecting with people . Instead it is coming off as dismissive and frankly a little bit hostile.
Stay on topic. My inbox is blowing up from this bickering.
Overall reminder: if you have constructive feedback and suggestions, then share. If you can't follow forum protocols and resort to personal attacks and language, there's this cool thing called "forum timeout."
You are right @sideon I forgot what the topic was even about due to the arguing. I am done now .
To All the Men,
It's not so much being responsible for others. The fact is that those in the majority (in this case men) who have perpetrated behaviors ranging from those of misogyny to violation of/assault against a minority (in this case women) need those from within the perpetrator group (other men) to not just be allies for the minority (women), but to speak up, shout if they must, and help to reset the societal narrative of what is appropriate and right.
Examples: Women's right to vote, finally happened because men joined the ranks.
Wage disparities. Women will continue to make less than their male peers until the majority of males, who make more money, step up and start demanding fair pay. That or a relentless series of individual lawsuits or pressure for laws to be (re)written.
Rape Culture. It's taking men, aligning with women, to call BS on and tackle rape culture (which IMO is what we're dealing with a sub-set of here). That it doesn't matter what she is or isn't wearing, if she's sober or blackout drunk, out with friends or on her own, or has been making out with a man for hours... or has even had sex with him before, if she has not said, "Yes" to having his hands touching her "privates" over her clothes &/or under them, and hasn't said, "Yes" to intercourse, then it's a "No"! And until she tells him, "It's a Yes, until I say, No." Then they need to ask! Every. Single. Time! Because it's the right thing to do.
Until the majority of men, consistently adopt this way of thinking and behaving, while calling out those who don't (by putting a stop to "locker room"/"boys will be boys" talk/behavior & publicly admonishing others as reprehensible for participating in it) it will continue to be an issue.
Do you like women? Want us to trust you? Then prove it and start doing things to earn it. Fact is, if you're not actively fighting the issue and demanding change, then you're actively enabling it to continue.
@CuddleMeLater ~
"Yawn. I've always found it completely ridiculous for people to hold others accountable for the actions of third parties because they share the same genitalia or skin color or whatever. I'm not responsible for the actions of other men. Never was, never will be."
Startung off with, "Yawn" makes it appear you have a "dismissive"/"whatever" attitude in relation to the post referenced. Which is fine, except that his post was in reference to underlying current/issue at hand in society.
prompted by your recent post: "@pmvines I have no idea what a "whatever" attitude is, or how I've demonstrated one, or what this has to do with my comment." "I have no problem calling out men for bad behavior." "It's perfectly possible to say "Yes, some men are garbage, and I'll call that out when I see it, but that's not me and I'm not going to pretend like it's my fault."
prompted by your recent post:
"@pmvines I have no idea what a "whatever" attitude is, or how I've demonstrated one, or what this has to do with my comment."
"I have no problem calling out men for bad behavior."
"It's perfectly possible to say "Yes, some men are garbage, and I'll call that out when I see it, but that's not me and I'm not going to pretend like it's my fault."
Whoot ~ Yay! And Thank you!!! 🎉🤗 Moving forward, I don't feel that you or anyone else here are automatically lumped in with "all men". Typically, when people say "men" or "women" it's an in general collective, and isn't meant to single any one specific person out. However, until the majority of men are clearly not part of the problem, it's the way they'll continue to be defined. It's unfortunate but true. And I think @pmvines has made some solid points to consider!
@ChibiShema ~
WTH are you doing? Either follow your own suggestions or stop making them. It's not helpful to only talk the talk. If you want others to take you and your point of view seriously, if you truly want to bring about the positive changes you speak of, then do the things you say should be done!!
@sunnysideup ~
Whatever! To complaints of your user pic! At least you have something that distinguishes you from others ~ So good job! Though I do think a, "You're too close" when looking for cuddles, is an odd choice. Especially when you have an adorable praying mantis in your rotation! 😉
@hillbilly ~
"I genuinely have to wonder if this forum isn't choreographed to destroy any remaining shred of self-respect that men might have, so that they'll be more willing to pay ladies to cuddle with them-
Really? You wonder that?
"How many more hoops will we jump thru whie they snicker, before we decide that it just" [incomplete sentence in your post] (perhaps) 'isn't worth it.'?
Look, I'm an enthusiast of cuddling! I do not charge anything but time and kindness. I feel I'm a part if this community. In no way do I think anyone is making anyone "jump through hoops" ~ If you feel that you're not getting what you hoped to here, then change your strategies (or at least how you come across/present yourself).
"- Ya'll are getting dangerously close to acknowledging the elephant in the room. Do you really need further education into the obvious fact that you're nothing but a festering boil on the universe simply for having a Y chromosome?"
Case in point!!
Hope this is helpful!
edited: typo/clarification.
@pmvines as you , a man, what are you , and I mean you ,doing to make the website safer for women? Perhaps you might give others an example . What suggestion would you make for men on this site to do?
My profile is a metaphor.
I'm not a insert description here so why should I care ?
Again you're putting words in my mouth. Stop lying about what I say. I never said I don't care about badly behaving men or women's bad experiences on this site. In fact I said the opposite. I do care. Quite a bit actually. I have a lot of sympathy for women on this issue; it's something I've talked to several pro cuddlers about in depth and been a shoulder to cry on in a couple cases. I would be willing to invest a lot if I thought there was a viable solution.
But this issue is not my fault, and I'm not going to pretend like it is, and I'm going to continue being completely dismissive of anyone who says otherwise.
I am completely convinced you are either unable or unwilling to discuss these issues in good faith. Please leave me alone.
@Envie ~ 🤜💥🤛 You're amazing!!! 🥰
@Sideon ~ Hope my last one came in as appropriate per your notice. I was coming from a place of trying to be helpful, and think it speaks to the thread topic of making CC better. But I'd been writing and posted after you, so... I may have missed the mark here and there...? Either way ~ Thank you for being an ever vigilant moderator!!! 💗 and if you'd like me to edit it, I will
@cuddlerforu24 ~ Really? I hope @pmvines doesn't give you a response. Have you not seen all he does to advocate for others here? And not just women? SMH!
Edit/Addition: to go with thread topic ~ I hope that no matter the changes that may come, we don't lose our ability to participate in this type of discourse with one another. We have frustrations and disagreements, but it's kind of nice to see some of the nuances that show where another is coming from. And sometimes getting to that kind of an understanding can be emotional and messy.
@quixotic_life im very good with everything you wrote that pertained to me. And I agree!
@CuddleMeLater I understood what you meant from the get go & I agree, it is hard to keep quiet in order to avoid conflict when I see someone catching flack for something they didn’t mean especially when I clearly see their point of view & how they mean it. (I am now opening myself to be targeted but I couldn’t leave you hanging there by yourself!)
@cuddlerforu24 well for one i speak up for issues that pertain to women on the site and am an ally and advocate for their voices, rights , and safety on the site even though people like to say I'm just a white knight or sucking up or betraying men by calling them out . I also treat them in a way that I feel they should be treated as is evidenced by the connections I have made on the site. I also make myself available to new members if they need help or have questions about the site , how to report, who admin are , etc., and I am always available and happy to speak and share with men on the site what is acceptable and not acceptable behavior when dealing with folks on the site as often they are not bad or have bad intentions, they may just not know the ropes or how to approach potential cuddle friends.
That is a good answer. I know your tired now good night
@quixotic_life
No, you are. (☞ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)☞ I always enjoy reading your perspectives and advice. 🥰
There should be a stricter verification process, as many individuals who've approached me do not fully understand that this is a platonic service -_-
Yeah... Given the nature of the site, there should be ways that, just by the way one signs up & creates an account, there could be info collected that could significantly help in deterring certain behaviors.
I don't know what kinds of verifiable steps (of one's identity) could be implemented though. A selfie with your ID? Close up of your finger print? Lol ~ I have no idea... ¯(°_o)/¯