@ChibiShema
Are we really men that want to cuddle or are we just relationshiply frustrated men?
I just went through a divorce a couple months ago. I felt like I wasn't in the right emotional state for a new relationship yet, and I'm still not sure if I'm ready for a relationship yet. But I feel like cuddles are always nice.
But that's not to say I haven't been frustrated with the dating scene either.
Threads like this seem to keep going back to the issue of the negative behaviors of some of the shady members of the male population. I think what's needed is change on the societal level. I agree with @quixotic_life that when there's a disparity (such as this case), it would help for men to help.
Also, it's possible that some men might not even realize how much of a problem it is. As we can't really see things from a female perspective, I think a lot of the good men out there might not realize how much of a problem it is for women because they don't experience it and might not see it with their female friends (women might not talk about it much, and some guys just might not have many female friends). It's good that there are threads like this to open peoples' eyes - and outside the site, it might help to raise awareness for those who might not realize how much of a problem it is. Then, I'd hope we might see more men speaking up and doing things to help fix the problem.
@quixotic_life , are you kidding ? Iām puzzled that you would like to suppress pmvines response to me . I donāt have anything against you , I am unaware of something about me you may dislike . Iāve never engaged you before in a discussion , until now . And his response would help the community I think . Myself and others are more informed now with things he does I didnāt know he makes himself availible privately for coaching he certainly shares a lot on the forum .
@cuddlerforu24 ~ Sorry, my bad. I overstepped and didn't pause to clarify if the tone and motivations I'd perceived were what you'd intended. Additionally, I shouldn't have encouraged another to not speak on their own behalf.
I don't have an issue with you either ~ I just happen to be one who's a little too quick to react sometimes. So again, my apologies and I'll try to be more mindful moving forward.š
@Envie your idea of allowing users to filter the people who are able to send them messages is interesting. It could certainly contribute to reducting the number of messages that some people receive.
@CuddleMeLater
When I said that we are all part of the problem I did not mean that we are responsible for the actions of others. Nor do I mean that men are part of the problem merely by being men. I meant that I as an individual am part of the problem because sometimes I say things inadvertently which makes things worse. (It happened yesterday in a Whatsapp message to a friend. I apologised, she forgave me, we moved on.) You are also part of the problem, for the same reason. The majority of your posts are excellent: I believe you do care, and I truly believe and hope that you are also part of the solution. But occasionally in the past you have made posts that have been unhelpful. I am not suggesting that this was deliberate - it happens to us all. Nonetheless it has happened, and I'm not sure that you really recognise that. ............................................................................................................................ In other words, you are not part of the problem because you are a man. You are part of the problem because some of your posts are not nice at all. While they may not appear too bad in themselves, and may not be meant to be unpleasant, they are part of a much bigger pattern in society and that magnifies their significance. ............................................................................................................................. I apologise if this comes across as a bit harsh, but as I've said before I think clarity is important. I am not having a go at you - in fact recently you have been one of the most important contributors to the solution. This is written in a spirit of honesty and friendship. ............................................................................................................................ @pmvines posted the following, and the whole post made you angry because you felt he was putting words into your mouth. However, I would really appreciate it if you would see past the anger and read just this bit again. I particularly like the part about "being the change". Rightly or wrongly, my impression of you is that you have not seriously thought to yourself, 'How can I develop my style and tone and contributions to the forum in a way which helps with this problem? How can I be better at recognising a potentially problematic comment before I post it, or be better at undoing any harm I do accidentally?' It's not enough to call out others: it is necessary to recognise that we all have unpleasantness in our unconscious and sometimes it seeps out. .....................................................................................,............................... Here is the thing though. You might not think you are a certain type of person. But the women who are experiencing issues with these certain type of people are telling you via their forum posts etc that it is an issue and a barrier when it comes to trust with men on this site . So if you spend less time defending why you dont care because you are one the the good ones , and more time empathizing with the issue and asking yourself if there is anything you can do as a man to either address the problem or being the change you would like to see , then perhaps you would have a better time connecting with people
> > @cuddlerforu24
What suggestion would you make for men on this site to do?
1) Contribute positively and helpfully to the conversations about how to make the site better. We are going to change it, but we need everybody to help. 2) Don't be horrible, ever. 3) If you do inadvertenly upset somebody, apologise and mean it. 4) When posting, always remember that gender issues are a big problem on this site. If you wouldn't say it in a conversation involving just you and a whole bunch of women you know and respect, don't say it here.
@quixotic_life seconded. (Your post To All The Men)
@ShutUpHeather there are some points about verification in the top posts of the GREEN PAPER thread. If you have any thoughts about how it might work effectively in practice I would appreciate them!
@FlyingToaster
I think what's needed is change on the societal level.
Well, yes of course, but we are part of this society. This site is part of society. Changing how things are here changes society. This is the bit we can change.
@ShutUpHeather This has been mentioned several times earlier in this thread and in other related threads. It has good potential but also has drawbacks, and can be circumvented to a degree despite our best efforts.
Perhaps forcing all new users to read a new user conduct guide with a quiz at the end, or perhaps a required intro video be watched. This is easily circumvented by those who don't care for the rules, they just click the right answer or play the video and do something else. But perhaps may result in fewer registrations from those looking for an easy registration. It may weed out the most impatient of the callous lot. Some may actually even learn something.
@quixotic_life A simple two-step verification would result in bans that are more permanent and is easy enough to implement. Requires cell phone number and an email address, and since most people don't have multiple numbers this should result in more perma bans. Some people do, though.
Requiring photo ID would be the next stage, though photo ID's can be faked. Perhaps photo ID with most recent paycheck stub verifying ID name?
I suppose that the top tier would be requiring all users to pass a background check with social security number. This would obviously create a lot of liability and overhead and may result in this being a pay to join only site.
itās ok
Most of you people are funny! I have never posted here before but this thread is so off target it's worth a moment to comment.
Unless your name is Mark, none of this is happening. He has to be laughing at this thread. If case you forgot, this is a privately owned web site and a successful run one as well. It is a business and has to make money to survive. I'm sure quite costly to run as well. Any change as some have suggest, would quickly kill this site. It is not a public domain group forum where any of us have any say in changes. Keep this in mind while you talk about what you are going to do next. If you don't like the way the site is run and think you can do better, please feel free to start your own cuddle site and see how far you get.
@on2wheels does Mark (Iām assuming heās the owner) even read the thread? š
By the way this thread is hypothetical / it isnāt demanding .... more of what someone would do or what they like to see .... Iām sure there are a few great ideas, & lots / lots & lots of not soo great ideas ... like Jeff besos once said, you donāt learn from your happy customers , focus on the ones that are not happy with your business & see why - Iām using this as an example but again unless Mark himself is saying that he finds this hilarious & we shouldnāt speak on this, why speak for him?
Most of us are oblivious on what it takes to successfully run this website so youāre absolutely right on the comment , āplease feel free to start your own cuddle site and see how far you getā ... but to try & be dismissive about peopleās ideas & suggestions especially when youāre not Mark cāmon bro ... same applies with advice / school ect ... we take what suits & fits us & the rest is discarded... weāre not expecting Mark to implement all the changes or ideas weāre stating ... not even one ... let alone read the thread, but thanks for the contribution.
I suggest an ice cream break. In case anyone is buying....butter pecan!
@on2wheels ššš Totally in agreement
I would be very surprised if Mark was reading this thread, and would recommend that he doesn't. However, he is well aware that there are efforts afoot in the forum to make this a better place. If those efforts produce something that he thinks is good, then he will implement it.
We have two major threads going at the moment on improving the site (this one and the GREEN PAPER thread) and they are full of good ideas. Few of these ideas, good as they are, will survive the process of being refined into practical proposals. But a handful will. At that point, they will be drawn to his attention and he will consider them.
Last call for comments and suggestions please everybody, post your comments here!
I'm bumping both of the forum improvements threads in a last call for comments in this round. In a day or two I'll start collating them all and move us on to the next stage. Both threads will remain open obviously, but in the fullness of time they will be superceded by a new one. Thank you to all have contributed.
I'm not exactly sure what the next stage will be, since I haven't done the collating exercise yet, but we are moving towards creating specific proposals that the site management can consider.