What is the best way to make friends?

CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan Mod
edited January 2021 in General

How have you made your friends?

If you found yourself living alone in a new town where you don't know a soul, what would you do to make friends? Imagine you make a very modest living working online. Imagine further that covid restrictions are not a thing.

(Edit: For the avoidance of doubt, I am not in this situation. I have lived in London for the best part of 30 years. I have very few friends - it's a long story - but I do know how to make them here when times are good all round. However, I am always on the lookout for new ideas.

The 'big three' sources of friends in London, and I suspect most places, are: school/university friends; current and former flatmates/room-mates; and former work colleagues. The scenario outlined above explicitly excludes these.)

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Comments

  • sunnysideupsunnysideup
    edited January 2021

    I generally make friends through school or work, so I can imagine how this scenario could make it difficult to find friends.

    I go to bars (or pubs) by myself. I'd share my food with strangers or buy someone a drink - that breaks the ice very well. Sometimes strangers would buy me drinks and I'd return the favor with good conversation and another round, and we'd all have a great time.

    I have made several friends via clubs at university, so I'd imagine any club would be no different. Find out whatever it is you're into: book club, board game club, boxing, whatever, and join that local club. If you don't have many hobbies, try different things and you'll find something you like. There are some people I've been friendly with at the gym - if I didn't have so many friends and was very lonely I might be inclined to get to know them better, tell them I'm new to town, find out if we have common interests and maybe invite them to my favorite restaurant.

    Of course, some people are just not interested in making new friends, particularly if they have already established a social circle, but I've found that many people do want more friends and to get to know someone better but are afraid to make the first move.

  • FlyingToasterFlyingToaster
    edited January 2021

    I'd be apt to look for meetup groups online for things you're interested in. Meetup.com has scheduled meetup events for various things - Board games, photography, etc.. I haven't tried meetup.com yet but have thought about it - I imagine that would be one way to meet friends.

  • [Deleted User]DeadGirlWalking (deleted user)

    Well, one of the things I had planned to do last year, prior to the whole 'Rona hoo-ha was to set up and run a' speed friending' event. Like speed dating, people would rotate around the room and spend 5 minutes chatting before moving into the next 😊

  • cuddles_ndreamcuddles_ndream

    I really like this question - for me I rather have a small circle (or handful) of friends that I’m very sure of instead of having a large group of friends who I’m not so sure of (quality vs quantity) My friends today consist of certain people I grew up with / co-workers ive met in the last couple of years / & people who i have come across throughout my life that I immediately bonded with ...

    To answer your question , I don’t ever force it - & I have friends that don’t know the others friends , some of them I’ll meet up & we will have a delicious bite 🍔 🌮 🍖 drinks 🍻 ect at a favorite spot or new spots .... others I talk about our love for music -genres- I have other friends that have become like family & I am very vulnerable with .... they are all different what I would say is this - they are all the same when it comes to integrity / trustworthiness/ & people I know I can absolutely count on, jealousy or enviness does not exist between any of us & we do the most to uplift each other & share knowledge simply make us better...

    If I was in a completely new town by myself ... I wouldn’t necessarily seek out new ones, the ones I already have are gold ... now if I happen to meet people in my new line of work than that’s a possibility , or out & about doing a hobby where I meet people who share similar interest than that’s also a possibility...

    I know people who have found great success when actively seeking out friendship as you describe above by going to the the website / app “meetup” ... there you can find groups of people you share similar interest with, & there’s lots of different categories - groups ( movie lovers / comedy clubs / craft beer drinkers / ) & the list goes on ... best of luck in this journey

  • ryechipsryechips

    Outside of school and work, I made a lot of bartender friends by just being a regular lol. And then another regular might walk in and the bartender introduces you two and you become friends because you both have the same favorite bar 😂

  • quixotic_lifequixotic_life
    edited January 2021

    @BuggleBear ~ You're my kind of people! That sounds like so much fun!

    @CuddleDuncan ~ Just thinking about those I consider to be forever friends and where we met...

    • Here/CC 😊
    • School/Community college courses of interest
    • Workshops/Learn how to ___ weekends
    • Game night (multiple board game stores here host open game nights)
    • MeetUp type group (crafting & outdoors)
    • Large family function where everyone brings everyone (and their dogs)
    • Camping/Traveling
    • Pub Trivia Night/Bingo
    • Through kids ~ If one has kids or kids they can borrow to take out adventuring, that can be a great way to meet new people. Adults tend to circle up while the kids play ~ So if one is into "play date" hosting/cheperoning some great life long friends can be made that way.
  • LyleLuvsHugglesLyleLuvsHuggles

    Reddit they cover pretty much every way to make new contacts. Looking for local hang out buds? There's a / for that, some one into your current obsession? You KNOW there's a / for that, local foodies yep got you covered, people in your field of work? No problem what else ya need?, oh you like that one really weird completely obscure silent film from the 20s? Here's the other 5 people left alive who know what the feck your going on about lol

  • cuddles_ndreamcuddles_ndream

    @NightShift39 ” oh you like that one really weird completely obscure silent film from the 20s? Here's the other 5 people left alive who know what the feck your going on about lol” - lmao 😂 😂 😂

  • LyleLuvsHugglesLyleLuvsHuggles

    @introvme, Bows thank you thank you I'll be here till I'm not! Lol

    Uh except the 15th to 18th cuz I got plans that hopefully don't include being on my phone much so don't y'all go thinkin I've left ya hear ;)

  • cuddles_ndreamcuddles_ndream

    @NightShift39 I’ll be gone from the 22nd to the 31st for a cool nice road trip to Florida & I know I shouldn’t be on my phone but that’s just wishful thinking 😅

  • [Deleted User]verona (deleted user)

    wood and a chisel

  • LyleLuvsHugglesLyleLuvsHuggles

    @introvme oh if your in the St. Pete Tampa area hit me up my dude I totally need to buy you a beer or something lol

  • UKGuyUKGuy

    I don't think you can make friends I think you have to meet friends. In my experience, it's much easier to lose existing friends than to find new ones. Since I don't currently have any, I'm not qualified to answer the question.

  • cuddles_ndreamcuddles_ndream

    @NightShift39 thanks a lot my brother 🍻 😄

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan Mod

    Lots of fantastic ideas here, thank you everybody. I hadn't thought of Reddit, that's a good one. The winner though, I think we can all agree, is @verona! =) =) =)

    @UKGuy I'm afraid I don't agree. The last couple of friends I have acquired were absolutely made. In one case we both put conscious effort into making it happen. In another case the effort was mostly from me but again, it was deliberate and conscious and completely successful. There is another case where we aren't quite there yet, but the other person is probably putting in even more effort than me: I am trying to keep up. None of these people would be my friend if somebody hadn't tried to make it happen.

    It is true that friendship can just 'happen' but once you get to middle age and above, I believe that is the exception not the rule.

    You may not be qualified to answer the question, but you most certainly are qualified to use the answers given to find yourself a friend.

  • LyleLuvsHugglesLyleLuvsHuggles

    @introvme you're most welcome brohiem 🍻😁

  • ImportanceImportance

    I’m able to make the initial contact of making a friend. It’s my own head that gets in the way of keeping a friend. I am easily offended and frequently assign feelings of rejection to behaviors my new friend may demonstrate. I’m not sure how to help myself get past this knee jerk reaction of feeling unwanted whether it be true or imagined.

    I frequently experience the emotion of feeling rejection.

  • quixotic_lifequixotic_life

    @Importance
    This video is less than 10 minutes of hard truth, in an ultimately positive message, that challenges limiting ourselves due to [irrational] fears of rejection.

    This is an episode of the This Jungian Life podcast. On this one they talk about archetypes, complexes, and distortions of reality. It's a little long, but I found it helpful in rounding out my understanding of our whys and hows, and the idea of conscious damage control.


    Hope these help... on some level... 💓

  • [Deleted User]DarkLordChungus (deleted user)

    A net, cage, and whatever food your prospective friend enjoys. Eventually, Stockholm syndrome will set in.

  • FlyingToasterFlyingToaster

    @verona =)

  • [Deleted User]tjalex (deleted user)

    The fastest way to get new friends is Amazon prime...free shipping too! Just check the return policy before ordering.

  • parkwayvisualparkwayvisual

    Having a jacket made up entirely of $100 bills would go a long way in making friends.

  • Caringcuddler1Caringcuddler1

    There are many way to make friends... For me I have done it both online and virtually, for me good friendships come from having something strong in common or identifying that you want to keep in touch with that person, be that daily,monthly or a Christmas catch up.

    So really my answer is be yourself, even though at times many people won't accept or understand your humor or odd taste in food :P

  • [Deleted User]sage_wisdom (deleted user)

    flash them your belly button. kids love belly buttons.

  • [Deleted User]sage_wisdom (deleted user)

    and if that doesn’t work.... well then I’m confused as to what I’ve been doing with my life so far

  • [Deleted User]verona (deleted user)

    Thanks guys 🙃 @CuddleDuncan and @FlyingToaster

  • Mike403Mike403

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    The best way to make friends is write to inmates and say “I think you are innocent.”

  • TheMidnightOwlTheMidnightOwl

    Step 1: Be a mensch.
    Master that and the rest will follow.

    But really... with covid lockdowns I have no idea how to meet new people at this point.

  • [Deleted User]DarkLordChungus (deleted user)

    @sage_wisdom

    Back when I was a social person, I made many friends by way of flashing my navel. Then we'd all get together and play the belly button game. If you're unfamiliar with the activity, it works like this:

    One of your pals is blindfolded. They stand in between the other participants (there needs to be at least three people playing), spin around a bit, and then try to discern who is who by probing navels with their finger. Smelling one's finger isn't allowed.

    It was fun, and a decent reason to shave around your belly button—to make for a greater challenge.

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