@quixotic_life
And thank you to those I've cuddled with who became aroused with me and didn't try to turn things sexual. Your repositioning, and maintaining control of yourself through on our snuggly cuddles, is much appreciated!!!
I think it should be noted that even if a guy becomes aroused, it doesn't necessarily mean that the guy even wants things to become sexual. As @NightShift39 said, "..only I'm annoyed at his antics" - Sometimes the body responds by becoming aroused, and we still just want to cuddle and nothing sexual.
@BuggleBear
I didn't realise until about five minutes ago that men can get erections without actually wanting to have sex.
Yep. The body does its own thing sometimes. It's probably the body's response to certain stimuli, and it can happen even when a guy doesn't want (nor is in the mood for) sex. I imagined it could happen to a woman too, but maybe not all women? Even within this thread, @BellaSera said:
of course women can become aroused during cuddling. Evolution just gave us the option to hide the evidence. This is the real “feminine mystique.”
It also happens when we're not even conscious. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nocturnal_penile_tumescence
Bodies are weird.
Thank you. I've laughed out loud at least 5 times reading this thread and no one was mean.
No one who is interested in platonic cuddling cares if women get aroused. We women don't need to bring it up because we generally don't need help navigating it. You men don't bring it up because on a platonic site you're likely to get shamed off the thread.
If anyone wants further penis entertainment, there's a new Danish cartoon about a man with a very long member who does nice things with it, like saves cats from trees and stops baby buggies before they roll into traffic. Two thumbs up.
@littermate i’m pretty sure I’m going to need the link to that Danish cartoon!
Saving cats from trees with his...um...nevermind. I dont wanna know.
@littermate, OMG, you weren’t kidding! It’s apparently called “John Dillermand,” and it looks... amazing!
@FlyingToaster ~ "Sometimes the body responds by becoming aroused, and we still just want to cuddle and nothing sexual."
Absolutely! Thank you for adding that! I think it's good to know that both men and women, or otherwise, may have physiological/arousal like reactions, but that doesn't equate to sex being desired. I liken the distinction to that of sensual vs sexual - both can happen fully independent of one another.
It was only recently I learned sensual touch could, and does, happen without sex being thrown in the mix. Before knowing that, I avoided it all together. But now ~ just Yay! for being able to communicate, and participate with a cuddle buddy in ways that fall within my comfort zone/boundaries!!
🤗 An true perk to adulting and I Love it!! 🥰
@quixotic_life I am so glad you wrote about the idea that there is a distinction between sensual versus sexual. I was telling a friend here that I rather liked a very sensual cuddle. My impression of his response was that my platonic cuddling should not be sensual. But that is what I like. It doesn’t mean that I want sex. It doesn’t mean that I want to take off my clothes. It just means that I like that intense feeling of being extremely close to someone.
Would you be willing to elaborate more on these ideas or possibly even provide links to any resources on the subject?
I am so happy you brought this up. I didn’t have the language to describe what I wanted. This really resonates with me. Thank you
@Importance ~ My guess is that what one would consider to be sensual varies from person to person. But yes, I'll see if I can find links and will edit/add to this if I do.
Hopefully others will share their thoughts on this too...
edit/additions ~ here are a couple that may help... perhaps you could go through and cull what speaks to you/how you identify so you're better able to understand and articulate your desires and intentions...
*this one has all sorts of definitions and ideas ~ https://www.regain.us/advice/intimacy/all-about-emotional-sexual-physical-and-platonic-intimacy/
and this one is from Cuddle Sanctuary ~ http://cuddlesanctuary.com/why-platonic-touch/
Hope these help! 🤗
@quixotic_life thank you!!!
@Importance ~ 😊
Thanks @quixotic_life There is some great material on Cuddle Sanctuary, but this -
"Because our work is so unequivocally platonic, I get to tell my clients “I love you” freely and frequently. In this clearly delineated space, it is plain that this statement has no romantic or sexual intent. This love comes unconditionally. It is not an ask, nor is it a promise. It is simply a gift.
light-burst
Ultimately, my experience of the term “platonic” is not about the absence of something (in this case, sex), but the presence of something much more potent."
WOW!
Getting back to boners (don't we always!) @Importance "A man can get an erection because the sun is shining, because a bird chirped, because he doesn’t like wind. There is no rhyme or reason as to why they get them sometimes. If you ask me, and don’t tell anybody I said this, men are extremely weird. Extremely!" All true!
I feel fear of getting an erection and @UltimateChungus' dreaded "horde of slugs all over the cuddle spot" can be an inhibitor to experiencing a sensual cuddle. Maybe a detachable penis is the answer?!
@Plato33
@Plato33 I am so thankful that you highlighted some information from cuddle sanctuary. The idea of being able to tell someone that you love them without the intention of being romantic or sexual, it’s something that I strongly desire. Thank you for bringing this to light!!
@quixotic_life absolutely love it!! Must check out more of their stuff.
@pmvines “boner thread number 239” I am loving it but on a serious note I have seen many forum posts about arousal. For me personally it’s never been an issue with (male or female cuddle buddies). If arousal occurs, we just continue to cuddle and be mature about it. Different people, intentions and boundary levels could be factors as well. This is by no means a one size fits all answer but sharing of experiences. I heard some women tell me before that thier male cuddle buddy asked them to help stimulate to the point of orgasm or orgasms on them without warning. This is crossing the line of platonic cuddling and should not be expected or pressured toleration. Mentally I believe that anyone who cuddles should mentally prepare themselves for the possibility of arousal and possible/limits, to keep things healthy prior to cuddling.
Omg! @FishCuddles ~ ".... on them without warning"??!!! 🤬 That is so insanely disturbing!!!
I swear on all that is good and pure, if someone ejaculated on me without warning and without my consent he'd better hope he enjoyed it, because he wouldn't be doing it again for a while.
What the heck is wrong with some people??? 😳😠
Yeah that's a good way to end up fertilizing a garden corn and tomatoes make quick work of... organic matter, just one of the many bizarre factoids I picked up working at the morgue lol.
Edited for spelling.
More like pressing charges and too bad that jail/prison is what it is. From what I've heard you never know when one might "unexpectedly ejaculate" on you there! Seems fitting.
Asking for sexual services should ideally end the session on the stop (not always as easy as it sounds) and be Reported. It may also be an offence.
Ejaculating on somebody without permission is definitely a criminal offence and is a matter for the police.
How would he ejaculate on somebody if he has his pants on?
@Mike403 many people cuddle in thin basketball style shorts and it doesn't take much to soak through those in any one spot
I have so many inappropriate jokes to tell right now. And one in particular would definitely get me a warning. sigh
@Importance Lets hear it! We can all use a good laugh and that “particular” one in particular is exactly what we need this Sunday afternoon 😁
@Mike403 I don't know. But remember, this is a criminal with a plan, he would have figured out a way.
Some great responses here. There are similar threads in massage therapist forums (please don't call them masseuses/masseurs in the US). Arousal is normal and natural but context and length (pun not intended but I'm not changing it) matter. If the gallant reflex happens and you ignore it and don't escalate, it should be fine. If you start doing the doggy red rocket move, you're a dick so to speak. If it just won't go away, take a break, drink some water, switch to little spoon, watch C-Span, whatever. Just don't let it get weird and you should be fine.
@cuddleversed here's a wee story to cheer us all up ....
In 1942 in Cairo, a British army officer woke up an entire posh hotel by chasing two sex workers around the corriders at 3am. All three were naked and giggling.
In order to avoid salacious publicity, the army decided to court martial him for the mundane-sounding offence of being improperly dressed. Come the day, his defence counsel stood up and referred the court to army dress regulations paragraph this subsection whatever.
"While off-duty, officers are not required to wear uniform providing they are suitably garbed for the sport in which they are engaged."