How do you feel about cuddling a married person or someone that is in a serious relationship?
I chose 6 my own ex wife and I had such an arrangement as she just wasn't a cuddler. (This had nothing to do with our separation in case the thought was crossing minds)
I picked 6 as well. I don't need to get beaten up or shot by somebody to whom I'm a surprise (assumptions are a thing people make). Otherwise I don't care what non-platonic attachments my buddy's got.
I don't want a permission note from someone's SO. Nor do I have to approve of the motivation someone has in their wish to cuddle.
Healthy people build relationships. We all need help being healthy.
Definitely pay attention to your spidey senses!! Not saying we shouldn't do that.
Otherwise... How about we love and be really good to people? And leave it at that.
Still... If the marital/committed relationship status of a cuddle concerns you then put a Terms of Service section in your profile saying you won't knowingly cuddle someone in specific situations or with certain backgrounds.
Will good come from that? Or will it be a bit self defeating?
In a non-violent world, I wouldn't care. But as a regular person, I'd need to say 6 purely for my own safety. People be crazy and I don't need someone's S.O. coming after me if they misunderstand the situation. If I was a professional in a professional setting, I'd say it's none of my business.
@EarthlyAngel003 @DarrenWalker
We have to consider how the SO would feel if they found out. They may be in a monogamous relationship and each couple has a slightly different take on what that means. It might break their hearts. So option 6.
I couldn't see an option that matched my thoughts exactly, so I picked 10. This is something I just don't want to get involved with. I don't want to feel like I'm just filling the gaps where somebody's relationship is lacking, and I would rather not have my cuddling affected by an intimate third party (ie. even if the person I cuddle is honest with their spouse, their spouse could suddenly realize after the first session that they're not okay with it after all, and poof, cuddle buddy gone - this isn't unheard of). I definitely prefer to cuddle single people.
@sunnysideup: Why do we have to consider the feelings of our cuddle buddy's significant other if those feelings don't harm us? Let the cuddle buddy take responsibility for that, I say. It's their SO.
I'll look out for me and mine; you look out for you and yours. Seems fair.
Personally, it doesn't matter to me. I'm coming out of a marriage where cuddles were nonexistent. My ex even went so far as to put a body pillow between us because she claimed she got too hot laying next to me. Apparently I put out a lot of heat? So I guess it all comes down to the individual. I know that a lot of women I chatted with weren't comfortable cuddling with me because I was married and I totally respect that. But, Every person on here is on here for the same reason... we all NEED to be cuddled. Our society has come to a place where very few people want to take responsibility for their actions. They're always looking to blame someone else. So, if a person is married, they need to take responsibility for their cuddling activity and dealing with their SO. I personally travel a good part of the year, so it makes it even harder for me to find someone to cuddle with, especially while married. I'm hoping that will change now that I'm not.
@cuddlestogive You're situation is one that I keep in my mind about this and other similar conversations.
We never know where people are and what they're going through.
Maybe I sound like I have no defenses. I have an appropriate amount - sometimes more than I need. But I don't want that to run people off/out of my life, either. Be peaceful. And love, and be good to people. (I say that a lot - I mean it).
.
Do Massage therapists require spousal approval?
How about psychologists?
Hairstylists?
Pedicure providers?
Brazilian waxers?
No.
So how is this different? Some of the above are far more personal, with less clothing.
I'd say 6. I feel better when everything is out on the table. My wife understands my needs for cuddling/connection, especially as it relates to my path as an energy healer.
@Mark2016 The difference is that a spouse would not feel jealous or hurt if their spouse procured these services without permission. But based on how dodgy some people are in relationships with cuddling, that tells me that they know that their spouse would be hurt. I do not want to be a part of that spreading of pain.
@DarrenWalker I suppose we don't have to, I would just rather not be a part of spreading pain, or be involved in an activity that could really hurt someone else if I can.
@Allerdale I understand that some people are stuck in marriages for whatever reason. If they are married to a mean person, I would prefer if they just divorced, because that seems healthiest for all parties. But it gets messy I suppose, with no easy way out. I think your position on it is respectable even though my stance is a bit different.
I agree with @squeakytoy , there’s another option that wasn't offered: “I don’t judge, but I don’t want to be involved”.
My issue is that I don’t get to hear the spouse’s side; the cuddler is saying their spouse is totally ok with it but how do I really know?
I’ve been in relationships where I claimed to be ok with something that was actually torture, just because I wanted my partner to be happy. I won’t contribute to another woman going through that pain.
Obviously there are lots of lovely people here on CC that don’t mind, so the married/involved can contact one of them I’m not pro, I choose my cuddles based on my needs. Touching someone else’s partner is not what I’m here for, no matter how innocent.
@cricket26 , yes, this is perfect: “I don’t judge, but I don’t want to be involved”.
As long as they didn’t seek me out as any kind of romantic or non platonic replacement. it’s not my business to know nor is it their business to know about my private personal life.
I’m interested in more feedback. I would love to hear from you. Even just more votes is most excellent! Thank you
Are you married? How do you feel?
I'm OK with it as long as they are not hiding it from there spouse. I once was asked to have a cuddle in a persons home, in there bedroom, in the bed, UNDER the sheets as the husband sit in the living room watching TV, I turned it down, seemed to weird for me, LOL
@waynewv omg. That story is crazy! it just highlights the extreme feelings that I have when someone Married wants to engage with me. I literally feel like I am taking them away from their spouse while the spouse is sitting in the other room (crying) and I am in their bed, between their sheets. I feel that way every time even if it is just someone that wants to communicate with me from a long distance or cuddle me in a hotel far from their home.
I also feel like the married person could never take care of my emotional needs properly. They won’t be able to text or call me when I’m having a bad day. Will probably never be willing to see me again. I will have to tiptoe around communication with them. It just feels like I’ve become a service provider to them for the few hours that they want to cuddle with me. I can’t do it.
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@Importance , thanks for the reply, glad I'm not the only one that feels that way, take care and be safe !!!!!
I am married in conservative middle America. My wife is disabled since 2012. Yes, she like when we cuddle and I enjoy it too. It would be nice to find a cuddle partner that can host on a regular basis. When I’m not at work, I’m her caregiver. Sometimes I need a break from everything. She knows this and even encourages me to take care of me too.
This question is very individual to all the people involved. A professional cuddler once told me a story.
Her regular client was an elderly married man. The couple loved each other but all affectionate touch had gone out of the relationship. The wife knew of the professional cuddler and grudgingly approved.
The man told the wife happy tales of cuddling. The wife watched the husband become a happier person. The wife started asking questions. The husband eventually reported that the wife was bursting to have a cuddle session but hadn't plucked up the courage to ask. The wife and the cuddler had general conversations. The cuddler was invited to the house for dinner and to stay over (not unusual in the country, where the couple lived), and that's where it was left when I heard the story. It was abundantly clear that the wife wanted to get a cuddle. The cuddler's plan was to go, and teach them to cuddle each other again so that she could be fired.
I don't know how it actually ended but I'm pretty sure they all lived happily every after.
I'm not legally married here yet, but I consider myself, for all intents and purposes, partnered for life. Is it okay if I answer, or should I come back after the official vows? ^^
Also @CuddleDuncan that's a beautiful story, with plenty to learn from!
Answer sweet Angel! @EarthlyAngel003 we all have different needs and needs that we can meet for other people.
I want to hear from all types of relationships. People that are polyamorous. People that are married. People that are seriously dating. People that are casually dating. You get it
@EarthlyAngel003 ~ Yes please share!!
IDK ~ I kind of like the idea of cuddling with the hubby, then sliding in next to the wife on the sofa afterwards to watch some bad tv, eat some goodies, and laugh about whatever, just to have a sort of triangle of connection (to include her in some way).
The real issue would probably come from my want for snuggle-fests that are 5 hours plus though. I don't see an SO being down to casually park themselves in the other room for that long. Especially while their spouse is getting loved on by someone else! But who knows, it might also work for some...?
@Importance Before the pandemic, I used to cuddle with a nice couple once in a while - that was fine to me. But I didn't want to cuddle either one of them in private. Different things work for different people, I guess.
Are you thinking only about yourselves in your responses? Is that all there is to it? Any selfless thoughts about the other person?
You're a cuddler, and you WOULD and probably gladly do fulfil your role of cuddler in your personal relationship. You and your partner are fortunate to have each other.
Life can be messy. People can be alienated from their relationships - from their partner. And people sometimes need alternate means of touch in their lives. Maybe an escape.
So you're saying they shouldn't contact you?
I'll cuddle them. Not a problem.
Okay! Lol
My thoughts are simply that it's unfair to expect every emotional need to be met by one person. It takes all kinds.
For example, my partner has friends that he likes to get into these long philosophical debates about. I'm happy to engage also, but I get tired after while. He and his friends will have these discussions for hours and he's energized by it.
I like to theorize about my favorite TV shows and characters, and I like expanding on this fictional worlds that other people have created. He does too, but only to a certain extent. So I'm in several discord groups, where I engage with other people who enjoy creating content for that sort of thing.
Similarly, my partner likes to cuddle, but to an extent. To do so for hours on end, potentially with no or minimal talking, would be very boring and energetically draining for him.
Being able to cuddle with a professional or enthusiast who has held that space just for me, though, that's energizing for me.
So he does his things, I do my things, and then when we come back together, we have the energy to put into our relationship. Having relationships outside of the one you have with your S.O. is what makes it sustainable.
Does that make sense?
@EarthlyAngel003 ~ Totally!!! 🤗🥰